Our world loves to compare and compete and measure success based on the accomplishments of others.
We compare the clothes we wear, the neighborhood we live in, the car we drive, even the handbag we carry. We compare our job titles, our salary, our savings account, even our retirement age.
Unfortunately, these comparisons rarely bring any joy into our lives. Instead, they make us miserable.
One reason is because comparisons by their very nature are unfair. We know ourselves better than we know others. As a result, we compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we assume in others.
But there’s another reason these comparisons result in lower life satisfaction: the trinkets we are competing for don’t bring fulfillment. Job titles, square footage, and brand names on handbags are not the things that matter in life.
Consider again the things that do: to be a faithful spouse, a loving parent, an example to others, a contributing member of society, or to have lived a life of significance and meaning. These are the most noble pursuits—these are the desires that actually matter.
This is important to recognize.
Equally important, please notice that with each of these pursuits, your competition is not against others. In life’s most important pursuits, your only competition is yourself.
To be a faithful spouse, we war against the selfish desires that undermine a relationship built on trust and selfless motivation.
To be a loving parent, we war against any and every harmful tendency or action that would not seek to build up our children.
To be a positive example to others, we pursue character and integrity in both public and private.
To be the best version of ourselves, we remove foolish distractions and temptations that rob us of time and energy and focus. We become self-aware and self-equipped to recognize the unhealthy motivations within ourselves. And we make the difficult sacrifices necessary to bring about a better world for others.
The crusade is not against others—the skirmish is within our own heart, our own mind, and our soul.
This is the competition that matters: Are we fighting for the things that matter? Are we becoming better people than we were yesterday?
And if so, why would we concern our minds with the temporal success of others when we have so much growth left to accomplish in ourselves?
Muntaha says
My mantra: “you do you, as long as you’re not depriving others of their fundamental rights.” It’s not my concern what people have, I have way more things to focus on about myself.
Sophie says
What about those not married and without children? People tend to belittle me based on these things…
Maryam says
I’m sorry anyone has ever done that to you. Children and spouses do not determine anyone’s worth. You can be a great friend, a loving daughter, a loving sibling, a wonderful mentor or volunteer and most of all you can love yourself and project that back into the world a million different ways.
Allison says
I think by removing the feeling that we must compare ourselves to others also helps us remove the need or tendency to judge them.
Jessica Barrett Halcom says
Love this. I saw something earlier today that mentioned how we psychologically lose our attraction toward new “things” almost immediately, and need to continue to get more new “things”, but when we pursue experiences or a better quality of life or state of being, it just continues to provide satisfaction and joy.
Michael says
Strangely, I have been thinking about the same topic for the past week. I have made it my goal to be a better version of myself than yesterday. Your post was a strong encouragement in my pursuit.
Marie says
It is so true what you say. There is a lot of room for improvement in oneself. Thank you so much for this.
The Green Swan says
Great post and this serves as a reminder of what is important in life. It’s being the best I can be for myself and for my family…irrelevant as to what my neighbors have been up to lately…
John says
As Theodore Roosevelt noted, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Betsy says
Great quote John! I would like to needlepoint this and hang it on the wall.
Lucas says
Great post I totally agree with the message and I hope this becomes part of common sense in the future!
sarah says
Oh so very true. I am very new at the living more simply and living with less lifestyle and at times have trouble with decluttering. This post has been a boost I needed.