’Tis the season for unreasonable expectations.
Over the next several weeks, televisions, magazines, and websites will offer us countless images of the “perfect” holiday season.
Beaming faces, sparkling eyes, glistening gifts, and bountiful tables of food will be shown on media platforms of every sort. Many of these images will stand side-by-side with corporate logos and retail stores.
The turkey is from Butterball. The necklace from Kay’s. The soda is Coca-Cola. The toys were purchased at Walmart. The coffee is Folger’s. The slippers are from Kohl’s. And the new vehicle with the red bow in the driveway is a Lexus.
It would seem, from the image on the screen, these items are essential for a perfect holiday. Because obviously, the smiles are bigger, the family is happier, and the lights shine brighter—if, and only if, we buy the consumer product to make it so.
This is not a new strategy from marketers. All year long they communicate the subtle (and not-so-subtle) message that our lives will be better, happier, and more fulfilled if we buy whatever they’re selling.
But their message reaches a fever-pitch during the Holiday Season and nobody is immune to their meticulously crafted persuasion.
I assume one reason for the effectiveness of these ad campaigns is because we all desire a joyful and merry holiday season. We cherish our time with family and want it to be picture perfect. We love our kids and want them to be happy. And we all enjoy times of celebration and desire them to be memorable.
But let’s remember one important truth today: You don’t need any of those things for a perfect holiday season.
You don’t need a new car in the driveway for a perfect holiday season. You don’t need new jewelry for a perfect holiday season. You don’t need slippers. You don’t need a perfectly-decorated 10-foot tree. And you certainly don’t need a large pile of glistening presents underneath it.
You don’t need any of those things for a perfect holiday season.
The holiday season is about family, and thankfulness, and faith and love and peace. It’s about reflecting on the year that was, and looking forward to the year that can be. It’s about counting blessings. It’s about slowing down long enough to appreciate the things in life that matter most.
And too often, the consumeristic promises and fake-photos keep us from enjoying the season. Instead of slowing down, we speed up. We rush from store-to-store (or website-to-website) filling our shopping carts with all the things we think we need. We fill our schedules with increased commitments and responsibilities. We max out our credit cards.
We get so frustrated and weary chasing the perfect holiday season that we never take time to enjoy the one right in front of us.
But Melody Beattie once said, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”
Once we slow down enough to notice our blessings, we begin to see that we already have everything we need for a perfect holiday season.
And maybe that is what worries marketers the most… that we would begin to recognize all the things we don’t need for a perfect holiday season.
Esther says
Thanks for the post. I thought I was going crazy over the Black Friday frenzy just yesterday. I live in Spain and up to this year, it was never this big. Anyway, luckily for me my family never bothered much about the gifts and buying stuff for Christmas, they did so when my sister and I were little girls but we never got many presents, which is a good thing because we got exactly what we wanted and we enjoyed it to the max. Today we don’t buy each other presents, we get together, enjoy nice food and share the spirit of this festivity without the need for overconsumption. Last year I insisted on giving presents, and we did secret santa. It was a disaster, so this holiday I’ll keep my mouth shut and simply enjoy being with my family.
Handcrafted Travellers says
Remember to spend your extra time with people, not things, and the holidays will once again bring light and life. And if you must buy, then go handmade, supporting local artists and craftspeople, because their future is dependent on how we spend our money. Individual or big box thinking, it isn’t hard to make the right choice.
Cally says
This is a great reminder and much needed! But, how can I as a grandparent explain these ideas to the grandchildren… 6 & 8, when their parents are all into lots of toys and stuff!
They can’t seem to ever be satisfied! Always want more. They have too much in my view, and never seem happy and content! I’m so frustrated!
Anita says
You can give them movie-tickets and go see a film together, and maybe go to a restaurant. I know my kids would like a gift like that.
Judith says
Oh I feel that I am in the same situation…
My biggest problem is with my daughter, she is 6. Me and her dad are not together and she is greatly influenced by his family, and they are BIG TIME shoppers and give her all kinds of things all the time, even things that are expensive or not proper for her age. (She got a make-up kit when she was 5 from his aunt. A tablet from his parents for her 6th birthday – something they never consulted us on.)
We can’t go out of a store without her arguing for something totally unnecessary and being a single mom, there’s no way I could afford all the things even if I wanted to – and I definitely don’t.
I am struggling to make her understand and accept our limitations and that having lots of toys (that she hardly plays with) just for the sake of “having” is unnecessary. We have gotten to the point of daily arguments where she is never satisfied with anything I can provide with and it breaks my heart. :(
Betsy Lou says
Consider buying or making her a tickle-trunk (dress up box of old clothes) or a craft kit or board game. That way she still gets a gift, but it will become a gift of experience and time spent with you. Those memories will outshine any plastic mass-produced gizmos that the other side of the family will give her. I always try to give gifts that people really need (a gift card for new shoes, some pretty tea towels – usually picked up from the thrift shop, etc.) services to them (washing their car, babysitting, etc.) or experiences for them (movie passes, gift card for dinner, a picnic set, etc) I find people are very appreciative of things that lighten their load or give them a happy memory. I’ve always done this with my children and they have always expressed how much they enjoyed our very modest Christmases.
Fairy grandmother says
If grandchildren have too much because their parents overdo it, give them the gift of your time. A special place to take a walk, followed by hot cocoa somewhere, a visit to a museum or zoo (preferably a “free” one) maybe a movie at your home, snuggled under a blanket and just your time. Ask them simple questions, and listen – really listen to their answers. Kids who are inundated with toys are usually so wired up that the best gift you can give is time to just relax and use their imagination. My 3 1/3 yr. old granddaughter’s favorite game is “Flower Fairy”. She invented it. She takes a bunch of artificial flowers and “hides” them in my tiny home and then I search for them. When I’ve collected them all, we talk about them and then it’s my turn to be the fairy and hide them. This keeps her occupied for at least an hour.
Lisa Tozer says
I don’t think you necessarily have to explain it to them. You might just be able to lead by example instead. When I was a child, my parents would max out the credit cards for Christmas presents for me and my five siblings. My grandparents lived through the depression and have very few possessions. They would visit on Christmas Day with not a single present for any of us, yet we loved to have their company because they spent quality time with us, expressed sincere interest in our lives, and always told us how much they love us and how proud they are of us. I never once remember having an expectation of getting lots of presents. I was truly grateful my parents tried so hard to make it a magical day and that they spent so much in order to make it “picture perfect,” but my grandparents’ example taught me that all I really wanted for Christmas was to know I was loved. And I did.
Dee says
This is perfect! We now live within site of our local mall. It’s a beautiful place with many lovely shops and restaurants. Last night we went to a movie nearby then walked the streets enjoying the Christmas lights. The mall was packed…at 10pm last night! This morning, we walked another 2.5mi around the area and played in the park. The mall was still packed! I wouldn’t trade those family walks for whatever kept that mall packed for the last 24hrs straight. Life > stuff.
Linda says
Thank you! I needed this today. Our family is currently dealing with my husband’s serious illness and my daughter’s latest gymnastics related injury. My “perfect” holiday will be a few simple decorations, a few gifts and some simple meals. Time with my family will be my main focus.
Lorrie Benzing says
This is so incredibly true. For years my mother sought to have the perfect tree, perfect house decorations, perfect dinner, etc., etc. Holidays there were always almost picture perfect, but the things I remember and cherish most are not the things, but what we did… singing Christmas carols with my father, going for a drive around town to see the pretty lights of others, laughing till our bellies ached watching the dogs open their presents, the laughter, the smiles, the hugs… these are what I remember with love in my heart.
Angela says
Yep, so true. My Christmas will be wonderful this year – my best gift ever… my daughter will be coming home from a 3 month stay in a psych hospital to fight anorexia. All the “things” mean nothing.
Lois brady says
Just lovely. I’m always inspired by your blog. Thanks.
Marilyn Echelbarger says
AMEN!!!!
Sherry Campbell says
I stopped buying for my adult children, and other adults, 3 years ago. At first it was strange, now I am used to it. So much better on the bank account! We enjoy our time together. No more stress of worrying if it’s the “right” gift.