I’m sitting down to write these words on a Monday morning after a great workout at my local Planet Fitness. A great workout that I will credit almost fully to a conversation from yesterday. More on that in a moment.
I’ve just completed the manuscript for a new book, The Minimalist Home: A Room-by-Room Guide to a Decluttered, Refocused Life.
I share this next fact with friends, but haven’t really shared it publicly. Writing books is difficult for me. Granted, the books turn out great because of fantastic editors and collaborators. But personally, it’s really hard. In fact, every time I’ve written a book, I’ve gained 15 lbs. during the process. I sit too much, snack too often, and eat too unhealthily (the stress isn’t helpful either).
Since finishing the book a month ago (it releases in December), I’ve been concentrating on my physical health—eating better and exercising more.
Yesterday (Sunday morning), I spoke at a church here in Phoenix, AZ on the connection between minimalism and self-control. You can watch it here. I spoke several times and the day was long. As a result, I didn’t necessarily want to get up early on Monday to hit the gym… except something that a friend said to me at church kept ringing in my mind.
“Wow, you’re looking fit,” was his comment to me almost in passing.
It was a short sentence. And I quickly changed the subject. But still, he said it. He noticed that I’ve been working on my physical health. And I noticed that he noticed. A bit later he added more context to his statement, “I just saw you like three weeks ago—whatever you’re doing must be working.”
I didn’t think too much of his compliment at the time.
In fact, it wasn’t until the next morning that I began to feel its full impact.
You see, this morning when I arrived at the gym for my usual workout, I felt physically tired from the weekend. But I was mentally motivated by my friend’s kind words. In fact, every time I wanted to cheat on an exercise or cut a corner, the words of my friend came back to mind.
“You’re looking fit. Whatever you’re doing must be working.”
His words motivated me—almost 24 hours after he first uttered them. I kept thinking, “This is worth it. My hard work is paying off… don’t quit now. Keep pushing (and pulling and lifting and stretching). Don’t cut this corner. Work hard. You can do it.”
And I did. Because of four words from a friend.
Please don’t forget today that a kind word can speak power into someone’s life. It can inspire. It can motivate. And it can provide strength to someone who can’t find it within themselves.
Susannah says
I’m a long-time fan of the blog, and just want to say that first off!
And I agree with the fundamental values being laid out here — working out and staying healthy is incredibly important, and both giving and receiving words of encouragement to friends and strangers can be extremely powerful — we don’t do it enough.
Where I think this gets more complicated, however, is when these words include comments on others’ bodies. I have been in a similar situation to the one you describe: during college, I lost around 20 pounds from what started out as simply more frequent exercise and eating “healthier” (I put this in quotes, because this included eating a lot of low-fat foods and sugar replacements which I no longer consider necessarily healthy). When people started to comment on this weight loss, I suddenly received outward validation from the people I loved that appearing to be skinnier (and thus more “fit”) made me more attractive, made me better in a way. The work I had already done suddenly wasn’t enough; I could be fitter, I could be skinnier, I could be “healthier.” These comments, along with a variety of other factors, fed into a growing struggle with an eating disorder that plagued me for the next few years. While I am better now, body image is something I still struggle with today, as many women do.
Women in particular (but men as well, certainly) are already under such incredible societal / media pressure to conform to certain body standards, these types of comments, while well-intentioned, also have the potential to do harm.
So, I am not saying that these comments were in the wrong or should not have been said. In fact, I think saying “you’re looking fit” is so much better that “you look great — have you lost weight?” I’ve been doing a lot of strength training lately, and comments on my physical appearance do make me feel good — I have worked hard to get stronger and fitter! But I am also in a much healthier mental place about why I work out and why I look the way that I do. After playing roller derby two years ago with a group of women who placed importance on fitness as a way to achieve athletic goals, and on working out to be strong rather than to be thin, I was finally able to reframe my workouts to be more about my health and athletic goals (running a Tough Mudder!), rather than weight, though it is an ongoing process.
I feel strongly that it is important for people to be conscious about the comments they make on other’s bodies, and the effect (good or bad) that they can have.
Last two cents — there is a very good podcast from Dear Sugars with Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond called “The Weight of Love” which discusses the various ways in which people (especially those we love) comment on and talk about our bodies — highly recommended listen.
Greg says
The opposite is also true. I expressed to a co-worker that I was a runner (struggling, but a runner) – he simply said, “you don’t look like a runner.” After following a healthy plant based diet for over a year and lost 60+ lbs, I faltered. Gained some weight back. A fellow church member felt it necessary to point that out – shessh. Recently my boss, facing me and putting both hands on my shoulders and said, wow, you have gained your weight back.
Real ego builders. If nothing else, it has made me very aware of what I say to others and look for positive things to say. Words can be very powerful.
Rhonda says
Thank you for your well-timed post this morning! It inspired me to get off the couch and exercise :)
Holly says
Can’t wait for your book!! I’ve decluttered a lot the past 5 years but I know there is more to do & learn!
Elfrieda Guenther says
Exciting news Josh.Put me on pre-order for the book.Since I’ve been following you ,I’ve been given the energy to turn my life around.Our bible study met for 2 years ,guided by your book.We called ourselves the DeCrappers.Blessings.
Cathy Oliver says
Congratulations on your new level of fitness being recognized. I imagine that feels amazing and I’m really happy for you!
Sunny says
Yes! So happy to read this! Our words do impact others!
When I’m running errands, I’ll compliment people as I pass them – with just a few simple words. (“I love your scarf!” / “Beautiful hair!”, etc.)
What I haven’t had the courage to do yet is when I see a woman who I think is beautiful – for many reasons (bone structure, a pretty smile, a cute hairstyle) and tell her how pretty she is. I should have said it as I believe the Holy Spirit prompts us with words for others and those women probably needed to hear some encouraging words in the moment.
It also works on ourselves. I once made a workout goal and when I made it, thought, “Great job, Sunny!” and felt my face light up as if someone else had said the words. Words are powerful.
PS: Thank you for telling us about your book. I cannot wait to read it!!
Sunny says
PPS: At church, the pastor once talked about how we can know if it’s the Holy Spirit prompting us or not. Let’s say you can’t figure out if it’s the Holy Spirit nudging you to pay for the person’s beverage behind you. It’s a win-win whether it’s your idea or God’s idea!
jbennett102 says
This made me smile, It was such a great email to read first thing this morning, so thank you, i loved it!
Laura says
Since being a member of your group (4 times thru it I believe), I finally at age 64 have de cluttered my ‘home’ to the extent that it has spilled over and has influenced de cluttering my ‘life’ too. Just one of those benefits to my ‘life’ restructuring as a result is that I’ve been working out at my local gym for 6 months now. It’s never too late to start! It is work and take discipline, but I’m spending less time sorting and cleaning etc etc etc and more time ‘living’!
I really appreciate all the encouraging email reads. They really help keep me lifted up!
Myra Slankard says
Simple reminder that my kind words every day can make the difference in someone else’s world, even if I don’t know it.