“Twenty-five years ago, Christmas was not the burden that it is now. There was less haggling and weighing, less quid pro quo, less fatigue of body, less wearing of soul; and, most of all, there was less loading up with trash.” —Meredith Deland in Harper’s Bazaar, 1904
Giving gifts is an expression of love, and it has been for thousands of years. Well before our consumer-driven society, people offered gifts as a sign of respect and admiration. Kings, peasants, and everyone in-between.
This is not an argument for no longer giving gifts to people we love. I think giving gifts is great. But I do think it would be wise for us to rethink how we give them.
And the sooner, the better:
28% of shoppers are entering the holiday season still paying off debt from last year’s gift shopping!
Over 50% of holiday shoppers either overspend their holiday budget or do not set one at all.
Consumers who went into debt over the holiday season racked up an average of $1,054 in new debt over the timeframe.
I suppose this might be okay if our gifts were legitimately enriching the lives of other people. But the statistics say otherwise:
53.1% of people report to receiving unwanted gifts during Christmas.
$16 billion is wasted on unwanted gifts every year.
Some reports indicate up to 18% of gifts are never used by the person who receives them. 4% are immediately thrown into the trash.
Whenever I speak on minimalism and take questions afterward, the two most common questions are 1) How do I implement minimalism in a family? And 2) How do I handle and/or tell loved ones to stop giving me so many gifts?
And none of this even begins to mention the amount of stress and worry piled on to the holiday season with our attitudes toward gift-giving.
As someone recently said to me, “Thanksgiving may be my favorite holiday season. It’s got family and food and tradition. It’s just like Christmas, but without the gift-giving expectations and stress.”
I think it’s time we rethought how we approached the act of gifting gifts during the holiday season. Our current approach is not benefiting the people we love, nor is it adding to the joy of the season.
Times have changed.
For one, material goods exist in far greater excess than ever before. Consider this, human beings own more “things” today than at any point in human history. In America, the average home has tripled in size in the last 50 years. And still 10% of Americans rent offsite storage to house their stuff… and an even higher percentage can’t park their car in the garage because it’s too full. We’ve reached peak-stuff. People don’t want more, they want less (the growth of this blog and the minimalist movement over the years since it began stand as proof).
Additionally, and probably more important, very few people wait for the holidays to receive what they want anymore. Because goods have become so accessible and inexpensive, a high percentage of people just go buy whatever they want, whenever they want. This leads to countless moments of saying, “I don’t know what to get __________, he already has everything.” I can remember that phrase being said 30 years ago. But nowadays, it’s true about far more people than ever before.
I honestly think it’s time for us as a society to start rethinking our holiday gift-giving attitudes.
This has happened before. Most historians trace our current attitude toward Christmas shopping back to the 1850’s. This may seem like a long time ago. But 150 years, compared to the timeline of human history, is not all that long.
Our thinking as a society toward gift giving has changed in the past, and it can do so again.
How do we bring about this change?
1. We keep the conversation alive. Share this article. Or share others that are similar. Start the conversation among your friends and family members.
2. Control what you can. Request a change in what you personally receive. Ask for no gifts this year or ask that the money be donated to a charity rather than spent on clutter.
3. Look for buy-in among like-minded people.
Before buying a whole bunch of stuff for your loved ones this holiday season, ask if your loved ones even want a whole bunch of stuff this holiday season. (tweet that)
Or look for new traditions in your family. Maybe you only buy gifts for people under the age of 18. Or decide to limit the amount of gift-giving stress by drawing names, rather than everyone buying gifts for everyone else.
Approach the conversation with your family. Many families have changed how they give gifts, and most people are thankful for the change. It usually just takes one person to approach the others with a new idea. But now is the time to have that conversation.
4. Find new ways to give gifts. Look to consumables, experiences, or pooling money for one significant gift rather than piles under the tree.
5. Find new ways to make the season memorable. Holidays are important. They establish tradition, stability, and shared experiences among family members. Look for new ways to promote memories (time together, meals together, religious experiences together) that do not center around stuffing used wrapping paper into a trash bag.
It will take effort to change societal expectations around our current gift-giving habits—especially with the amount of money being spent to encourage it. But we can start with our families, and allow them to enjoy the freedom of new expectations first.
Dee says
When buying physical gifts for anyone, even myself I think about where that item will be in 1-5 years. Will the recipient still want it in their life? I also like to think about what that person actually wants, not what I want to give them.
Etta says
My son has long been a minimalist. His present to me every year is a big box of persimmon from the tree in his yard ( can’t grow them where I live ) and my gift to him is home made biscotti. We’re both happy !
erika says
I agree wholeheartedly… we only really buy for our 3 kids. But. Since we live in a tiny house, and live a very simple life both liberally and financially, Christmas is the one time we embrace abundance of ‘things’ (relatively). It is the one time of year when the kids get ‘new’ toys and clothes… and we do spend at least a couple hundred bucks on each of them. It’s a time for us to be extravagant with our favourite people and we enjoy it. We are mindful… we buy what they really want and need, and that costs more than the throwaway plastic junk. But the kids make gifts for both us and their grandparents… and when I buy for my folks it is books I find second hand, or artwork/photos we frame. Balance is important, and for us, Christmas balances out our frugal lifestyle. :)
Caroline says
I try and give the adults on my list something that they can either eat or drink. Gifts like a bottle of wine, ground/whole bean coffee (depending on how they brew it), gourmet candies (great locally owned candy shop nearby that makes everything on site), baked goods, etc. That way the gift is enjoyed and won’t collect dust.
Anonymous Please says
That has backfired with me… people get too much sweets during the holiday season, and it goes to waste. Or they have allergies to (eggs, nuts, soy, dairy). Or their health requires a diet change of no (added sugar, saturated fat, alcohol).
Tom Clark says
Black Friday: a day when people don’t hesitate to trample others for stuff they don’t need mere hours after giving thanks for what they already have.
Carrie says
A few years ago my daughter shared how they wished they could afford to take the kids to Disney. They do okay, but Disney was out of their budget. We decided to start gifting them Disney gift cards for every gift-giving occasion & asked other family members to do the same. We also gave them one small Disney-themed gift to open with their cards. ie: ornaments, t-shirts, jewelry, cookies, etc. They are now on their week-long Disney trip, completely paid for in advance (no debt!) with the cards they have received from the whole family. Disney applied all of the gift cards to an account for them to choose a nice package. They even had enough to cover their hotel inside the park, food plans, and some extras. Every few hours they text me a picture of them having a blast. It’s the best gift EVER! (for me too!)
Anonymous Please says
Be careful with holding onto gift cards. I bought a $100 Kroger gift card at Kroger in late September. When the recipient tried to use it the other day, it only had $5.54 left on it. I still had the receipt. I called and after a long wait, found out the card was compromised on October 14. Someone copied the numbers and waited for it to be activated. They can do this with their phones. They didn’t need to have the actual card to drain it. I reported the problem to the store manager and am waiting for a refund.
Kelly says
Wow..good to know..We have many restaurant gift cards..must do some take-out or pickup orders soon!
Andy says
This was a very excellent and truthful post. For Christmas I usually start my shopping four months in advance. I make sure it’s something that the person can use, and likes. Instead of buying a lot, I buy what’s useful. More thought, less gifts.
Also I’ve gotten rid of lots of stuff the last few years. I like living with led stuff because I only keep what I use. Now I have less stuff to worry about and more room, and I love it.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Valerie R. says
It just goes to show the power of marketing and social conditioning. It’s hard to introduce new concepts to a material-entrenched society. Part of the problem is organized religions still promoting 25 Dec and those patent untruths. Sigh… I have these same conversations every year…
I recognize the season for what it is – winter solstice.
Anonymous Please says
I agree with you 100%. My inlaws give us guilt trips in the name of religion. We’re not religious, and they are fanatics.
Connie R. says
If everyone would realize what Christmas is truly about, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. We are celebrating Jesus’ birth. Have you heard the saying “Jesus if the Reason for the Season”? Too bad most people forget.
Connie R. says
Sorry for the typo. Jesus is the Reason for the Season.
Andrea says
He is for some people yes. But others have read the research that the church commandeered that particular date so that more pagens who were already celebrating winter solstice on that date could be more easily converted to Christianity and still have a celebration on their usual date. Haven’t you ever wondered where the tradition of bringing a tree indoors and decorating it, came from? Jesus was born most likely early spring, when the shepards stayed in the fields at night for lambing, and the census was taken ready for the good spring and summer weather better suited to go to war.
Barb Harnly says
When our children were very small we began a 12 Days of Christmas tradition. I wanted them to focus on others, so we would choose someone in our neighborhood who was alone, suffering illness or loss, a single mom, you get the idea, someone in need of blessing. We always chose to be anonymous and delivered one bag each day or night before. Count backwards from Christmas eve so you’re not delivering the last bag on Christmas day. We would use brown paper lunch bags and write with red or green marker- On the 1st Day of Christmas, On the 2nd day of…., etc., and tied them with bows or ribbons. Each bag held as many items as the numbered day.
Fill them backwards to save money, examples-
12- cookies or a calendar
11- gift tags
10- bows
9- candycanes (from my banking trips)
8-Christmas cards
7-ornaments
6-tealights
5-gold bells strung on ribbon (this was our signature bag)
4- Cup-a-soup
3- clemintines. (3 matchbox cars)
2- teabags or hot cocoa
1- Christmas mug
One year we decided to bless an elderly couple we knew only from waving as we walked past their home, we did a dry run to find they had a motion sensor light, so their bags were boxed with instructions to open one bag a day and we delivered all at once.
My children have countless stories of our ‘missions’ and the people who blessed us without even knowing.
Christmas is about the heart, I guess that’s why the Little Drummer Boy is my favorite carol.
God bless
Heather says
What a wonderful tradition- thank you for the ideas!
Patti says
wonderful idea; I’m already making plans to do similar this holiday season~thanks for a great new tradition!
Tammy U says
Several years ago, ou little tow never had a factory shut down. Many families were hurt, right at Christmas. We were also drowning in stuff. So, we talked with our children, told them that we were going to spend our Christmas money on others, secretly. We all loved it! We printed off a pretty paper, telling them how much they were cared for, by us and by God, and filled bigger stockings with useful presents. A few years later my husband’s lifelong neighbor, who helped raise him, was dying of cancer. She fell down, and I was called to help her. After we got her up, resting, she asked for a cup of coffee. On her refrigerator was that piece of paper we had made for her stocking. We had never told anyone it was us, but she asked me that day, and with tears in her eyes, said she read it daily. Best present ever. She was the most gracious and sweetest person I have met.
Toni says
Amen! I wholeheartedly agree. I No longer allow anyone to give me gifts. If someone does I donate it!
Thank you