“Twenty-five years ago, Christmas was not the burden that it is now. There was less haggling and weighing, less quid pro quo, less fatigue of body, less wearing of soul; and, most of all, there was less loading up with trash.” —Meredith Deland in Harper’s Bazaar, 1904
Giving gifts is an expression of love, and it has been for thousands of years. Well before our consumer-driven society, people offered gifts as a sign of respect and admiration. Kings, peasants, and everyone in-between.
This is not an argument for no longer giving gifts to people we love. I think giving gifts is great. But I do think it would be wise for us to rethink how we give them.
And the sooner, the better:
28% of shoppers are entering the holiday season still paying off debt from last year’s gift shopping!
Over 50% of holiday shoppers either overspend their holiday budget or do not set one at all.
Consumers who went into debt over the holiday season racked up an average of $1,054 in new debt over the timeframe.
I suppose this might be okay if our gifts were legitimately enriching the lives of other people. But the statistics say otherwise:
53.1% of people report to receiving unwanted gifts during Christmas.
$16 billion is wasted on unwanted gifts every year.
Some reports indicate up to 18% of gifts are never used by the person who receives them. 4% are immediately thrown into the trash.
Whenever I speak on minimalism and take questions afterward, the two most common questions are 1) How do I implement minimalism in a family? And 2) How do I handle and/or tell loved ones to stop giving me so many gifts?
And none of this even begins to mention the amount of stress and worry piled on to the holiday season with our attitudes toward gift-giving.
As someone recently said to me, “Thanksgiving may be my favorite holiday season. It’s got family and food and tradition. It’s just like Christmas, but without the gift-giving expectations and stress.”
I think it’s time we rethought how we approached the act of gifting gifts during the holiday season. Our current approach is not benefiting the people we love, nor is it adding to the joy of the season.
Times have changed.
For one, material goods exist in far greater excess than ever before. Consider this, human beings own more “things” today than at any point in human history. In America, the average home has tripled in size in the last 50 years. And still 10% of Americans rent offsite storage to house their stuff… and an even higher percentage can’t park their car in the garage because it’s too full. We’ve reached peak-stuff. People don’t want more, they want less (the growth of this blog and the minimalist movement over the years since it began stand as proof).
Additionally, and probably more important, very few people wait for the holidays to receive what they want anymore. Because goods have become so accessible and inexpensive, a high percentage of people just go buy whatever they want, whenever they want. This leads to countless moments of saying, “I don’t know what to get __________, he already has everything.” I can remember that phrase being said 30 years ago. But nowadays, it’s true about far more people than ever before.
I honestly think it’s time for us as a society to start rethinking our holiday gift-giving attitudes.
This has happened before. Most historians trace our current attitude toward Christmas shopping back to the 1850’s. This may seem like a long time ago. But 150 years, compared to the timeline of human history, is not all that long.
Our thinking as a society toward gift giving has changed in the past, and it can do so again.
How do we bring about this change?
1. We keep the conversation alive. Share this article. Or share others that are similar. Start the conversation among your friends and family members.
2. Control what you can. Request a change in what you personally receive. Ask for no gifts this year or ask that the money be donated to a charity rather than spent on clutter.
3. Look for buy-in among like-minded people.
Before buying a whole bunch of stuff for your loved ones this holiday season, ask if your loved ones even want a whole bunch of stuff this holiday season. (tweet that)
Or look for new traditions in your family. Maybe you only buy gifts for people under the age of 18. Or decide to limit the amount of gift-giving stress by drawing names, rather than everyone buying gifts for everyone else.
Approach the conversation with your family. Many families have changed how they give gifts, and most people are thankful for the change. It usually just takes one person to approach the others with a new idea. But now is the time to have that conversation.
4. Find new ways to give gifts. Look to consumables, experiences, or pooling money for one significant gift rather than piles under the tree.
5. Find new ways to make the season memorable. Holidays are important. They establish tradition, stability, and shared experiences among family members. Look for new ways to promote memories (time together, meals together, religious experiences together) that do not center around stuffing used wrapping paper into a trash bag.
It will take effort to change societal expectations around our current gift-giving habits—especially with the amount of money being spent to encourage it. But we can start with our families, and allow them to enjoy the freedom of new expectations first.
Jackie Overland says
My husband and I stopped giving each other gifts several years ago for all occasions; birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. We save the money we would spend on gifts for each other and use it to travel. So far we have been to England, Scotland, Spain, Iceland, Wales and the Netherlands. The memories and friendships we have made last longer than any material item.
William W. Gouk says
Stopped buying Xmas gifts many years ago. For the grand kids we had Papa day instead. The weekend before Christmas I would take both grandkids for 2-4 days and do whatever they wanted .. a weekend in Niagara Falls, a weekend in Toronto including the Aquarium and CN Tower, indoor sky diving, go-kart racing whatever they wanted. Some of my very best memories.
Bill says
We decided a while back to pick a charity. We have asked our family to donate to it instead of giving us gifts. This year we will support a women’s shelter in Victoria
Marcia Weber says
For the first time, this year I am donating to my favorite charity in my children’s names. I’m happy with this decision, and I think they are too.
Carolyn says
Last year for Christmas we took my parents to dinner and also a dear friend, rather than buying them gifts. They’ve asked to do it again this year, which we will, reservations are already made! We give our grown children checks and fill stockings for them with small gifts (not always inexpensive, but things we know they will enjoy) and if they would like a gift rather than a check, we let them choose and order it for themselves. We still get gifts for a few family members, but they are tokens. Even our new granddaughter, our first grandchild will only get a few gifts, along with a check for her college account which we have set up for her. We also either buy one small gift that we’ll enjoy together or none at all…we just enjoy each other’s company and that of our family on Christmas. That is gift enough!
Mary says
This year our neighborhood started a Buy Nothing Facebook group. You simply post things you do not want and people respond if they want it. Likewise you can post a request for items you’re searching for and if someone has it they can offer it up. Someone seeking a rice cooker made me realize I had one I wasn’t using and was happy to give away! There is no trading or exchanging, simply gifter or giftee.
It has been shocking to see how much STUFF people are giving away – me included – most of which has been sitting around our homes unused. It’s also made me recognize the importance of donating on a person-to-person basis. Several people in our neighborhood have fallen on hard times and through this holiday season collectively our neighborhood has been able to help by providing Thanksgiving and Christmas items – from holiday meals and decorations, to items they can use as gifts for their children, etc. It’s so rewarding, and it also makes it easier for me to part with ‘nice’ items knowing they are going to someone who will appreciate and use them, rather than an anonymous Goodwill. I generally hang on to stuff I don’t need or use anymore because I hate the idea of it just going to waste among the hoards of other items in thrift stores, and this way I know that these items are getting a second life.
Anyway I would highly suggest starting a group like this in your neighborhood if you don’t have one, or joining if you do! It’s helped me connect with neighbors, become more involved, and de-clutter! YAY.
Yolanda says
At my workplace we have a giving column in our company’s newspaper where an employee can ask for or donate an item. Even if they don’t use the item they might know someone who could use it. You help someone and keep useful things out of the landfill. Thank you for sharing.
Gwen Hansen says
I just love this idea. I will suggest this to our neighborhood page. Thank you.
Nicole says
I love this idea. How did you start the group on Facebook? I imagine posting some items you wanted to give away for free and then inviting neighborhood fb friends?
My neighborhood is active on Nextdoor and there’s a lot for sale/sometimes give away too.
The challenging part is people are picky and can be flaky, so free stuff is usually left at the curb instead of a hand-off. I get the feeling your group does more of the hand-off. Any advice is helpful. Thanks!
Deb O. says
You can look up “Buy Nothing Project” online for all the info.
Nicole says
Trying to leave a comment since I’m not sure my last one went through?
Connie says
Love this idea!
choose simple says
I realized that giving doesn’t always equate to helping. There are times when the thing we give adds burden to the person who received it. Personal experience: my mother-in-law is an amazing woman. She loves to give me things—bag, sandals, lipstick, among others. As much as I love the idea that she is generous towards me, I am burdened by most of the things she gives to me. I don’t want to seem ungrateful and hurt her feelings, so I don’t tell her to stop giving me anything. (When she visits another country, she always asks me what I want and I always tell her that I don’t want anything. She’ll end up giving me something nonetheless!) She is a lovely woman, that’s why I don’t have the heart to tell her that gifts aren’t welcome anymore. But this experience made me rethink every time I want to give something to someone. Will it help them or burden them? If it’s the former, I’ll push through. If it’s the latter, I’ll back off. Backing off, most of the time, is the best gift we can ever give to our loved ones. No, we don’t turn our backs from them, but we take a step back and savor the moment because we saved them from drowning in material things.
Cheri says
I like to make things for Christmas. One year I crocheted blankets for my sisters and children. I give my nieces and friends handmade jewelry in their favorite colors, one year necklaces and another year bracelets with a dangle that says “love you to the moon and back”. Last year I crocheted hand towels and face clothes out of the softest chenille yarn and scrubbies for the grandchildren I put each person’s gift in a basket I bought at goodwill and some soap or shower gel. This way the get to use it all year rather than something thrown out after they get bored with it.
Candy says
I’m retired. I make all my gifts. Teaching my grandchildren to do the same.
It might be jam, homemade bread, bath soaps, a quilt, knitted mittens, or numerous other things. Gives me something to do all year and come Christmas I’m not in debt ??
J. Marie Weldon says
A big hit for us borrows from an article Amanda Soule wrote last Christmas. We have made my parents happy with home sewn flannel napkin sets with red and green flannels this year. :)
Susan says
Loved reading all these comments and ideas for a less stressful and materialistic Christmas. This year it’s cash for everyone, from the adults down to the 5 year old. The parents of the younger ones can go buy what they know their child will like and it can be from Grandma and Grandpa. The adults can always use cash… the teens like saving for a large purchase. The checks are going in the mail, and I don’t have to shop, wrap, and then mail the gifts which ends up costing me twice as much. Christmas shopping is done in a matter of moments! Hooray! I get to watch everyone else running to and fro! Merry Christmas everyone!
Andrea Lilli says
I remember last Christmas morning the feeling of anxiety staring at the PILES of toys me and my wife bought to our children. Now I know : it’ll never happen again. I’m gonna buy just one thing with which we can play TOGETHER, this is the very gift to them.
Cynthia Brow says
My family always askes for their favorite cookies or candy from me. I am happy to send them a little piece of home.