“If your love is only a will to possess, it’s not love.” ―Thích Nhất Hạnh
Selflessness is an important key to marriage, friendships, and relationships. It is also an essential key to happiness and fulfillment. But unfortunately, often overlooked.
Selflessness is often overlooked as a key to happiness because, on the surface, it appears to run contrary to the very notion. I mean, isn’t the pursuit of happiness by its very nature selfish?
No, it is not. Or at least, it doesn’t need to be.
Our lives can be lived for any number of purposes. They can be used to advance a personal kingdom for selfish reasons (money, possessions, fame, prestige, reputation). But our lives can also be lived for the pursuit of justice, happiness, or growth for another person or people group. We can live to solve the problems we encounter in this world. We can dedicate ourselves to advancing certain ideals. But only when we embrace service and selflessness will we find lasting significance in our world.
Many will try to define success in terms of winning out over others, having power over others, or the ability to dominate others. The lust for power is common and widespread in humans—the power to order others around, the power to make decisions that will impact others, and the power to own when others cannot.
But this type of happiness and influence is short-lived. It will always fade. Nobody is intimately drawn to selfishness. Nobody seeks the wise counsel of a selfish person. Nobody is willing to give themselves up for one who desires his own kingdom above all things.
However, we are uniquely drawn to those who selflessly give of themselves. Those who love and give generously find a type of fulfillment that extends beyond position, title, or structure. They find an authority that reaches into our heart and soul. Their example is studied. Their counsel is sought. Their stories are told in positive ways. And their happiness is truly lasting.
May we refuse to overlook the importance of selflessness. Instead, may we choose to pursue selflessness as the very means to achieve happiness—not just for our own sake, but for the sake of those we choose to love.
yes minimalism at it finest. ?
Putting another’s happiness above your own
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remember to don your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs….
I absolutely concur.. that’s actually something Americans may have culturally absorbed from the movie Fight Club, the plane scene where they dialogue about oxygen getting passengers high and such; and from there, possibly it could have even ricocheted from mind to mind slowly at different points until permeating with significance the extent of affecting voter trends & mores, until at long last–Americans are this nationalistic inclined organism.. championing a more self-interested evolutionary bend in on trolling and regulating various vital entertainment and financial organelles.
Thank you for posting this, Josh!
I created https://selfless.io in the spirit of wanting to own less stuff and help my community more. We’re a network of people sharing (giving / lending) things we own to help out the world around us.
I think you and your readers would like it!
I live in Tamil Nadu.,India
Our Ancient Tamil poet Thiruvalluvar has a wonderful way out for all the problems you dwell with
Selflessness is a state of being
God is selfless and if you want to be selfless and hang without any attachments which is highly impossible physically
Valluvar recommends hanging on to the selfless God in order to give up all your other hangings and attachments.
Selflessness has been a trait of mine for the majority of my life, as well as a potentially causing my depression and psychological downfalls. I believe this mostly for this reason: not everyone you try to put before you will take it the way you intend it. Also, a lot of people in this world are very good at manipulating others into thinking that they are a real friend/truly care about your well-being; however, they are self-serving. I am not saying that this scenario is happening 100% of the time. Assess the situation before immediately assuming any false pretenses.
My point is this: selflessness can be very beneficial in most cases, but don’t continue to put others before you over and over again if it begins to affect you negatively. Follow your intuition. If someone brings you down emotionally after you’ve bent over backwards so many times to help make their lives easier, help yourself. That way you can be there for the next person who will benefit from your selflessness in a positive light and pay it forward.
That’s my take on selflessness :-)
i think, when people hear selflessness, they think, ‘aw… i have to be nice!?!??!”
and thats understandable, but in a way, unacceptable. it goes to show how misunderstood selflessness is.
You Must be Born Again Spiritually
There’s more happiness in giving then in receiving. Doing volenteer work helping the poor and needy I have found to be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. During times of my greatest giving of myself were when I have experienced happiness that is more clean, good and right then any short term happiness I’ve ever recieved from something I recieved, like a gift.
Phycopaths and Sociopaths are the most selfish of all people and the most unhappy. Living only for yourself brings only pain, suffering and death.
On the other hand purely selfless people, and they are rare, have historically found this lifestyle to be one of perfect peace, joy and amazing inner happiness. In my jouney towards selflessness, I first had to overcome the fear of being taken advantage of. It has only been as I’ve begun to love others regardless of what they do, that real selflessness is finally in sight.
M. Gandhi found the greatest happiness in selfless service with no attachment to the fruit. By fruit, he ment pay, praise, honor, credit. I personally have found the full realization of God through the selfless service of the poor.
Roger
Love to you!