A few months ago, my wife and I took our kids on a short weekend trip to the mountains. As we pulled out of our neighborhood and merged onto the four lane highway, we suddenly realized an important detail for the trip had been left undone.
Kim and I both assumed the other person was going to make the necessary arrangements. As a result, neither of us had accomplished the task. And now, the trip had already begun.
The problem would ultimately be fixed with a little extra time and money. But in the moment, our conversation abruptly ended. Tenseness ensued. And both of us stared silently out the windshield in disgust.
After a few short minutes, one little voice called out from the backseat, “Umm, are you guys ever going to talk again?” The silence had become unbearable.
I was reminded again how silence has become a difficult atmosphere in our society.
In our homes, we turn on our televisions. In our cars, we turn on the radio. When we exercise, we put on our headphones. Even when waiting in elevators or on hold with customer service, sound fills the void.
It seems we have become uncomfortable with the very presence of silence in our lives. We speak of “awkward silences” in a room full of people. We fear that brief moment when we meet someone new and aren’t quite sure what to say. And I remember being on countless dates growing up where any lapse in the conversation meant the entire relationship was doomed forever.
My family even pokes fun at me when I mute the television during commercials—as if the idea of sitting in quiet for 2 minutes is too long.
But in a world filled with noise, silence becomes even more important.
It is no secret we are bombarded everyday with countless messages.
Advertisements from every flat surface and frequency tell us what to watch, where to go, and what to purchase. Countless artists fill canvases, screens, and printed paper hoping to convince us of their worldview and beliefs. Political pundits from every aisle and experts from every imaginable field speak boldly about how we should proceed on the most important issues of our time.
Meanwhile, silence quietly calls for our attention. Because only in extended periods of solitude, can we rediscover our hearts and the voice of timeless wisdom in our lives.
The benefits of silence and solitude in a noisy world are significant and life-giving. In quiet moments of reflection:
- We remove the expectation and influence of others.
- We hear our heart speak clearly.
- We reflect on our past and chart our future.
- We find rest and refreshment.
- We break the cycle of busyness in our lives.
- We become better equipped to show patience and love to others.
While anyone can experience silence at any time by finding a quiet place to sit for an extended period of time, I have found solitude does not occur naturally in our noise-centered world. It must be intentionally pursued by each of us.
But for it to be pursued, it must first be valued and desired.
Be reminded of the importance of silence and solitude. Make its presence a habit in your life—both in small ways and in big ways. You’ve got nothing to lose. And your whole life to gain back.
I am finding that silence requires a lot of intentionality. It also requires an untangling of oneself from all that would distract. There was something that I needed to focus on that was very important the other day. It required a great amount of effort to stop doing all the things I was doing and sit down and be still and focus and think. But, when I finally did that I found that what I was trying to focus on became much clearer and deeper than it would have been with all of the noise still going on. And my study time, even though brief, was very productive.
Great post! I was recently reflecting on how, when I found out I as pregnant with my 5th child last fall, I didn’t tell anyone for 24 hours. With previous ones, at least my husband and mom knew within minutes. But I wanted that time — and am so thankful I took it — for exactly the reasons you noted. As soon as I told people, there were opinions voiced and requests being made. That silent time was all mine, and I’m grateful for it.
I want to offer just a slightly different viewpoint, as coincidentally, I was thinking about this very thing on the weekend. When my wife and I got together, we had almost everything in common–except music. She likes things I don’t, and vice-versa. We weren’t ever able to figure this one out, so we simply enjoyed what we liked whenever we were away from one another. One thing we had in common was a desire to remove ourselves from commercialism as much, and one of the steps was to never have cable, and to not listen to commercial radio. This resulted in a *lot* of quiet time. For the most part, it’s lovely, and as you say, has many benefits. This weekend I was alone for the first time in a while though, and I realized that I’d gone two days without anything on at all out of sheer habit. Seems most of my world is now silence. I thought that was a bit weird, so I put on my music and realized that I wasn’t able to sing as well anymore. A few years of not lifting up my voice or simply dancing around my house had taken a small toll. It made me think, there’s a balance to everything. Too much of anything has its bad side. So seek silence if you need to, yes. But don’t forget to also sing sometimes. :)
Beautifully said, Joshua: “Because only in extended periods of solitude, can we rediscover our hearts and the voice of timeless wisdom in our lives.” I wonder if that silence gave you both the power and wisdom to reach out to each other in love.
Sometimes what you hear in the silence says more than when there are words.
From the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I always loved quiet. We never felt the need for filling our lives with noise. Of course, we loved music and movies, just not every waking hour. We would take car rides and just enjoy the scenery and the lovely “sounds of silence”. We joked that if anyone rode with us, they needed to be quiet. Our friends and family never understood this concept. My husband of 51 years recently passed away and I am comfortable in my silence – I enjoy my peaceful time.
My heart went out to you, Nancy. I am sorry for your loss. Mostly I wanted to tell you that I am happy you had 51 beautiful years together. :) God bless you…
I always thought only young people followed this blog. I find the topics so relevant to us who are retired and trying to live a minimalist life. Nice to see someone else who is “older” reading Joshua’s words.
Why would you think that, hmmmmmm. My parents survived the Great Depression and were of very humble means, we learned to do without many material things and never felt deprived. Minimalism is not a new thing in my opinion. It helps us all to refocus on what truly matters in the scheme of what is important in life. I need refocusing big time on decluttering, it is amazing how much stuff we accumulate on life’s journey! And to the point of the post, silence is truly golden.
Just this weekend, our family experienced a period of silence – I found myself wondering how many other folks would get antsy if put in the same situation…
We were driving home from an out-of-state trip for a funeral. Both of our small children had fallen asleep, after a fair bit of convincing. We were bound and determined to maintain the sleeping, so we didn’t say a word. We didn’t turn on the radio. We sat there, driving down the country backroads, and held hands. It was delightful!
I don’t remember if it was Denmark, Norway or another country in that region. I read a travelers blog that stated silence is normal in culture. The traveler stated that is was normal for there to be complete silence during eating. He also stated that is was normal for there to be long pauses of silence during normal conversation. It seems that in that culture silence is cherished and understood.
We mute the commercials, too! I love silence.
So very true! I find myself feeling uncomfortable with silence at times as well (it makes me feel lazy at first, to be honest) but have been making a solid effort lately at trying to embrace it more. I feel as though I have much more clarity after even just 5 minutes of complete silence.
I love going for long walks (without headphones/music) for this very reason. I tend to soak up more of my surroundings and bask in the “now” a bit more.