Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Ally of AllisonFallon.com.
“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things – not the great occasions – give off the greatest glow of happiness.” —Bob Hope
I believe it is possible to do less, buy less, cook less, work less and even decorate less and still have a full, happy, satisfying, beautiful holiday season. But in order to get there, and stay there, we’re going to have to focus on a few changes of mindset.
Or, at least I am.
The other day my husband and I were driving to an event together and, out of nowhere, he asked, “Hey, do you realize we’ve never bought each other Christmas presents?”
Honestly, when he asked that question, my heart leapt a little. I knew it was true, but it sounded so harsh to say it outright like that. In fact, I found myself feeling a little embarrassed, thinking of a million excuses for why this was the case…
“We’ve only been married for two Christmases…”
“We’ve been trying to get out of debt…”
“The first Christmas we were together, we were busy planning a wedding…”
But just as I started to let my thoughts get away from me, my husband spoke up again. “Honestly, it doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you.”
The truth is it doesn’t really bother me. But I find myself thinking it does. I find myself worrying what people will think, or what they’ll say if they find out. I find myself thinking about what others are doing for the holidays that I’m not doing; and feeling pressure to make my holiday season look and feel a certain way.
But our decision to forgo Christmas presents (which was mostly out of necessity at the time we made it) has actually opened space for us to have a lighter, simpler, more beautiful Christmas. I’m not against celebrating, or against buying presents. In fact, my husband and I may buy each other presents one day.
But I do believe the common maxim “less is more” applies to the holidays more than it does to just about anything else. And I think each of us will discover a more satisfying holiday if we’ll focus on the following changes in mindset.
1. Don’t get too stuck on “the way you’ve done it before.”
If you grew up in a family or neighborhood (like I did) that went all out for Christmas, maybe scaling back for your own holiday celebration makes you feel a little bit like I felt when my husband reminded me we have never bought each other presents—like a failure. Or, like you’re doing it wrong.
I have good news. There is no wrong way to do it!
Try not to get too stuck on the way you’ve always done it before. Instead, focus on the values you want to cultivate in your family or community or home this year, and experiment with creative ways to promote those values. Also, if you’re entering a new season of life (newly independent, newly married, have young children, or have a newly empty nest), what better time to start fresh with a brand new “way?”
If you’ve always been extravagant in the past, you don’t have to “live up” to that version of yourself, or to anyone else. Take a deep breath. You’re not a failure.
2. Focus on experiences over possessions.
One of the reasons my husband and I have never bought Christmas presents for each other is that we are always traveling for the holidays. We live far from all of our extended family, and in order to spend time with family (without breaking the bank) we have had to choose between plane tickets and Christmas presents.
We’ve agreed together that, when it comes buying habits, we will always (not just at Christmas) value experiences over possessions. Possessions are nice, but they rust, rot, get stolen and burn in fires. Experiences can’t be taken from us. They have eternal value.
Consider how you cultivate experiences this year, rather than just buying gifts which will likely end up in the Goodwill pile in a few months or years.
3. Do the best you can with what you have.
This is advice a mentor of mine once gave me about a totally different subject, but I think it applies here, as well. When I was getting ready to go on a date, she would advise me not to go buy brand new clothes, or to feel like I needed to lose 10 pounds before the date, but simply to, “Do the best you can with what you have.”
In other words: be the best version of yourself.
I would give really similar advice when it comes to Christmas. Do the best you can with what you have. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy presents, or that having a Christmas tree is a waste. It simply means don’t go into debt over presents or trees. It means decide what you’re going to spend on Christmas—and it doesn’t have to be extravagant—and then do the best you can with what you have.
4. Turn off the TV (or find other ways to avoid being swayed by advertisements).
You’d be surprised how influenced you are by advertisements. Suddenly you begin thinking that everyone has a better Christmas planned than you do. Everyone’s Christmas tree belongs in a department store, and everyone’s husband is buying them diamond earrings, and everyone else is buying their kids new computers.
That’s simply not true, no matter how convincing the ads make it look.
The other thing that’s not true is that families who have these things are automatically happier (like they are in the commercials) than your family, or other families who go without. Presents are nice. But they can’t make you happy.
If you want a truly happy holiday season, you’ll have to find ways to cultivate happiness from the inside.
What tips do you have for creating a lighter, more beautiful life?
***coming minimalist@gmail.com
Heidi says
My husband and I, together with our two young children, built an Advent Tree – full of “experiences” to commemorate the holiday season. And the only tag on that tree that has to do with buying gifts is a tag that reads “purchase and deliver a gift from an Angel Tree”. Our children are so excited to do these things together – much more than spending days and days at the mall shopping for gifts that friends and family don’t need. Here’s a link to our advent tree:
http://www.krusesworkshop.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-family-advent-tree.html
Allison Vesterfelt says
Thanks for sharing, HeidI! I love the idea of collecting experiences rather than gifts.
Bonnie says
Great idea!! Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, because it’s all about family and friends gathering to enjoy each others’ company. It’s not about presents or decorating! This year my family is all gathering in Maine to enjoy a white Christmas at one member’s home. That is present enough for me!! It will cost all of us to make this happen. We have agreed to stick to small gifts. We will have a WONDERFUL holiday!
Allison Vesterfelt says
Thank you for sharing, Bonnie!
Karla McEvoy says
If you aren’t celebrating your holidays with ease and joy, give yourself permission to experiment with making some changes. You don’t have to make your changes permanent. Just keep experimenting until you find what works for you and your family. This can help take some of the fear out of getting away from the status quo.
Allison Vesterfelt says
I love that, Karla. Keep experimenting. We’ll take you up on that challenge!
Bob says
We flip a switch and the lights come on. We turn a knob and there is hot water for a shower. A dial on the stove gives us fire to cook with and there is food in the fridge. My wife and I have what we need and Chirstmas presents cannot improve on that. Better the money that we would spend on presents goes to the local food bank for those who are not minimalist by choice.
Allison Vesterfelt says
Great point, Bob. Thank you.
Michael says
In the five and a half years my wife and I have been married we have not exchanged gifts for any occasion. We did exchange gifts the year we dated because we thought it was expected. But we soon agreed that gifts don’t add much to the celebration of Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. We realize that such a practice is not right for every couple, but it works for us.
Allison Vesterfelt says
Glad we’re not alone in that. For now, it works really well for us, too.
Cheryl Magyar says
We are crafting a lighter, more beautiful life for ourselves by choosing that when we need something (not on any calendar holiday) we make it ourselves. If it is outside our realm of expertise and if it is truly important we will find someone to make it by hand for us. This comes in well when living a simple life, it makes every item an item to consider. Long ago we stopped buying gifts for “the holidays”, we celebrate seasons instead.
Heather says
It’s been nearly 20 years since our family made the decision to sponsor children & give to charity instead of buying presents for each other at Christmas. We came to the realization that we have so much, and that gifts were being exchanged out of obligation to the season, which often caused financial stress to our loved ones. We also asked our extended family to support their favorite charity in lieu of giving us gifts. We have to say that that was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made!! It amazes me how ‘giving’ our children have become, and I have never once heard them say that they wished we did things differently.
Lea says
What a well written post. Thank you! I’m so glad I found your blog a short while back. I was beginning to think that I was the only one who thought this way – like the odd man out so to speak. For me I would like to spend Christmas Day “with” my loved ones enjoying each other and then volunteering at a soup kitchen or animal shelter. I believe serving others in whatever way I can at this time of the year, and all year long is what it’s all about.
Allison Vesterfelt says
Here’s to being the odd “men” out together. :)
Christy King says
My husband and I started off giving each other gifts for holidays in the usual way, but now, for most, we just go on a date instead. Less stuff, and we have a great time together.
Allison Vesterfelt says
That’s a great idea, Christy.
Debbie says
This was perfect for me today. My family has always had a simple Christmas. My parents focused on tradition and experience over gifts – which was hard as a tween and teen seeing friends with trees overflowing with gifts – but now as an adult it is easier to focus on how we celebrate, rather than what we buy. We look forward to traditions of viewing the lights, hitting a local holiday concert and baking cookies with friends.
I do have to admit that last night I found myself in a home decor shop drooling over all the lovely holiday decorations. But the part of me that is determined to “become minimalist” clicked on just in time – phew! Instead of buying any new decorations I went home and searched the house for anything we owned that was green, red, silver or blue – candles, bowls, frames, books, a plant, balls of yarn, etc. I created a table centerpiece inspired by the displays I saw at the store all from items around the house. The best part is that a couple of the items were passed down to me from grandparents so I have a beautiful reminder of them throughout the holidays. AND I don’t have to find a place to store new *stuff*.
Laurie J. says
Good for you for “shopping” in your own home!
Alayne says
That is so cool that the shopping inspired you to use what you had already. I found myself debating on getting a wine rack and saw one listed as a towel/wine rack. I unburied a similar rack neglected in my laundry room, removed the feet and hung it on the wall gigging it new life holding wine. It been three days since I did that and I am still energized!