It seems to me there are two forces that come together during the holiday season to influence our behavior around gift-giving (or better said: over gift-giving).
Those two powerful forces are 1) social pressure and 2) love.
The holiday season has become entirely over commercialized and you don’t need me to tell you that.
Now, there is nothing wrong or unusual about showing love by giving gifts.
But when 40% of us express an increase in stress during the holidays, 45% of us feel pressured to spend more money than we have, and almost 60% of us receive gifts we don’t want, the season has become over commercialized. Even worse, we are missing out on both the spirit and the joy of our year-end celebrations because of it.
On one hand, we feel social pressure from marketing campaigns and stores to purchase things for ourselves and others during this season. Every store proudly displays items for sale pressuring you to buy more and more at every turn. That is to be expected.
But there is another social pressure that pervades during this season—one that may not be displayed so boldly on billboards or store windows.
The subconscious pressure is this: Everybody is giving gifts AND everybody is talking about gifts! We talk about what we are giving, what we want, what we wish we could afford, and eventually, what we got.
Even during a doctor’s appointment last January, a doctor I had never met prior to the procedure, made small talk by asking “So what did you get for Christmas?”
The conversation comes up frequently for us as adults. But even more for our kids. I can remember every year, back in school after the Christmas break, the conversation among us kids was always centered on what we got for Christmas. But not just among the kids, even the teachers would ask.
And it doesn’t happen just at school. Take note every time this holiday season you hear someone (or yourself) ask a child about what gifts they want, or what they think they’re going to get, or “what did you get for Christmas” type conversations.
The social pressure—both loudly and quietly—to conform and make this holiday season primarily about giving gifts is a strong one.
To compound this social pressure, we love our kids and naturally want to make the holiday season magical and memorable for them. Most of us have fond memories that we cherish—and desperately desire for our kids to have the same.
Again, this is good. There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting our kids to love Christmas or whichever holiday you celebrate this season.
The problems arise when we allow these two conversations to converge and overlap.
When society (both consciously and subconsciously) begins measuring Christmas joy in the number of gifts under a tree, and we desperately want our kids to have fond memories of the holiday season, we conflate the two and end up buying more than we need.
We think the physical possessions are going to bring the joy and the memories. And if more gifts makes Christmas morning more fun and brings about better memories, then why would we stop? We don’t. There’s always just one more to add…
So how do we begin to overcome these pressures?
With an important reminder: Your neighbor is going to give more gifts this Christmas.
When we fall into the thinking that more is better (especially in reference to gift-giving), we fall into a cycle with no escape.
Because if we believe the lie that more stuff makes the holiday better for our kids, we will always buy more and more. We want our children to be able to list off all the things they got for Christmas to their friends at school and the adults that will inevitably ask them what they got for Christmas.
But if we’re measuring our child’s happiness in the number of gifts they receive, we’ll never succeed in our metric. There is always going to be somebody who got more.
Oh sure, there is one child in your town who will get the most toys, but that child is probably not yours. So how we measure joy and success during the holiday season for our kids needs to change.
And often times, the most important step in helping our children fully enjoy the holidays is to reject the over commercialization of the season.
Rather than taking time away from your child during this season to do more shopping, be more present.
Rather than adding stress and anxiety worrying that your child won’t get enough stuff this Christmas, be more calm and joyful.
Rather than spending your family into a financial hole this Christmas, provide more margin in your finances for the rest of the year.
Rather than opening your computer to order more things, get down on the floor to play or read a book.
Rather than defining joy in the number of gifts this year, find it in the reason for the season.
And rather than searching for memories on a department store shelf, make them within your four walls.
Social pressure to buy gifts will continue to surround us. But the path to providing a joyful season for your family is not found there. If it were, you’d never find it anyway.
Birdie says
Great article! Instead of exchanging gifts, my husband and I, take money and adopt a senior through our local senior center, a family from my church, give to our local food bank, and choose an animal sanctuary to make a donation to. So much more satisfying than buying gifts for each other.
Rhonda says
Wonderful!!
Mon says
This was the best post. Everyone is talking about buying gifts this year and asking about them. I’m overwhelmed. Thanks for your post. It’s so gratifying to know there are some out there without the need to overspend. You’re right 60 percent of the gifts are unwanted and never used. Let’s create memories !!!
Mary B says
Your article led me to recall Christmas when I was a child. I couldn’t remember most of the presents I received. But the best memories were sitting around the Christmas dinner table with all of my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. Being with all of them made the day perfect. Oh, there were a few presents that stood out in my mind, but the most memorable one wasn’t one that you would think. They were Barbie doll clothes that my mother handmade for me and my cousins.
LookUp says
Yes! You can’t remember the gifts but you can recall who was there! We are placing importance on the wrong thing.
Katelyn says
This article hit the nail on the head for me! I am definitely going to be actively trying to spend more time with my kids on the floor being present(pun intended!) with them instead of shopping endlessly for the perfect presents this year. I want my kids to look back on this season and remember the real reason for it, Christ! Not the stuff they did or didn’t get. Thank you for the reminder!
Halie Ruppe says
Thank you for posting this! I am a parent of a 9 year boy and I do feel exhausted and stressed and financially depleted and pulled in 100 different directions at Christmas and I’ve been sick of it for years now. I always feel like its “me” that feels this way and none of my other family or friends. Whew!
Debbie says
Jesus hates manmade traditions, and did not ask or command us to engage in Pagan traditions, I quit partaking in this Pagan tradition because I do love Jesus, just like any other addiction it took many year’s to overcome the brainwashing, and except stopping this tradition was the right thing to do.
andrea black says
YES- THIS. Thank you for speaking up. I did the same and for the same reason. God doesn’t want us mixing pagan traditions or anything unGodly with something as holy as the birth of our savior. Well said, Debbie. In fact, the old Testament calls out the offense to God of bringing in trees and decorating them because it is a pagan practice. Before I knew better, I used to love decorating for Christmas, doing the house up, shopping for everyone and wrapping the gifts but it’s all an affront to the God who made us. Christians are called to be in the world, but not OF it (“learn not the way of the heathens…..”) I’d rather please God than grieve him by participating in the world’s Christmas.
Sibylle says
@Andrea
Jesus is NOT part of the Old Testament! Jesus was sent specifically to teach of God‘s love instead of God‘s anger.
I read anger and contempt in your comments, and I truly hope that you will be healed soon and will find the power to love people, too, as you love yourself.
andrea black says
Jesus said if you love God then you will keep His commandments. One thing God hates very much is idolatry. Christmas is little more than that. That you choose to read anger and contempt in a comment that expresses an opinion says more about you than me, dear. The comment section is designed for just that purpose-to express opinions. Loving people doesn’t mean antagonizing them, dear. You might want to search for some healing yourself. Take the log out of your own eye…
Sibylle says
Debbie – Jesus didn‘t hate anything. His message was one of love.
I wish you a graceful, peaceful holiday season.
andrea black says
Perhaps you should reread the old Testament. If you did you would see that Jesus hated many things.
andrea black says
edit- I meant New Testament.
Julia Kasdorf says
I’m a piano teacher and I do ask my kids “what’d u get for Christmas (or birthday)?” I like them to talk and share and get bright eyed at the question.
After reading your article, I’m going to change my question to “how was Christmas?” And they can answer as they like.
I also ask my adult students, but more as a joke, a nostalgic throw back.
Terri says
Julia, I too am a piano teacher and appreciated your thoughts! Years ago at a Christmas group lesson I posed a question while we were having refreshments. I asked a group of grade school and middle school students if they would rather have an event gift or a wrapped up gift. I was so surprised that almost all of them immediately agreed on an event and then followed up by sharing memories of previous event gifts! My question in January has now become “What was your favorite part of Christmas!”
Vaida says
Some husband family members send us 3 full bags of Christmas presents, now my husband says we need to buy something for them. I am annoyed. They clearly know that we dont need anything or at least not this much or could just send presents for my son. Now I feel stressed of thinking that i have to buy something for them. I am tempting in not buying anything or buying just one think.
Linda Sand says
One of the most powerful things you can do is bake a birthday cake for Jesus and have the presents be gifts to charities. Let the kids help pick the gifts.
Julie says
Perfect💕
Edward says
I’m not sure how baking a cake for a deity is “powerful”, can you explain?
Jen says
What a needlessly unkind and trolling comment for such an uplifting and thoughtful post and subsequent comments. Be at peace, Jesus loves you very much and you are of immense value to Him, regardless of how you feel about Him.
Judy says
I’ve baked bday cakes for Jesus.
Kathy says
That’s a beautiful idea and what an opportunity for your children to experience helping those less fortunate.
Angie says
this article is SO NEEDED ! well done you for writing this. sharing far and wide