“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Whenever I have opportunity to speak on the benefits of minimalism, I allow time at the end for some question and answer with the participants. I believe strongly the journey of minimalism is a personal journey. And as a result, I always expect there to be unique, specific circumstances in the audience which could not possibly have been addressed from upfront.
And while each setting, venue, and audience vary from presentation to presentation, the first few questions from any audience are nearly identical. Depending on who I call on first, I will receive one of these questions: What about my sentimental items and family heirlooms? What about my books? What about my kids’ toys? My husband/wife will never go along with this idea, what should I do with their clutter?
Interestingly enough, each of these questions sound unique. And in some ways they are, they do represent different personalities and/or family dynamics. But there is one great similarity in each of these questions. And it is this similarity that causes too many people to get stuck in their journey towards a clutter-free home.
Notice, each of these questions represent the apparent “toughest” thing in their homes to declutter: books, heirlooms, or clutter from someone else in the family. Each of their minds has quickly raced to the most difficult area in their home to declutter. And the thought of removing those items from their home seems daunting.
My response to their question is always the same: Take heart. You don’t need to start with the hard stuff. Instead, start at the easiest place possible in your home. Build up little victories and momentum by clearing the clutter from your automobile, a drawer, your living room, or maybe your bathroom cupboard. You’ll quickly begin to experience the benefits of living with less… and you’ll know what to do when you finally arrive at the seemingly impossible areas in your home.
A few years back, I ran a marathon. It was the fulfillment of a life dream. I had always wanted to run one as an exercise in self-discipline and focus, but the challenge always seemed to difficult. How would I ever run 26.2 miles? What about that stretch of mile 20 to mile 26? Where would I find the mental strength to run through the “wall” as I neared the end?
The fear of running 26.2 miles kept me from even trying.
That was, until I picked up a book titled, Run Your First Marathon. While I ultimately found conversations with other marathon runners to be a bit more helpful in my training, this book by Grete Waitz provided me with all the motivation to get started. Specifically, it was the training guide that motivated me the most. It read:
- Day 1: Run 1 mile.
- Day 2: Rest.
- Day 3: Run 1.5 miles.
- Day 4: Rest.
I found great motivation in this training plan. You see, I knew I could run one mile – that was an easy step. I even knew I could probably run two miles… and that would get me all the way through almost the whole first week. Suddenly, I stopped worrying about miles 20-26.2 and I just stayed focused on accomplishing what I knew I could accomplish. Ultimately, the lessons I learned while running 1, 2, and 5 miles prepared me to run 10, 12, 14. And the lessons I learned running 10, 12, and 14 miles prepared me to run 18, 20, and eventually 26.2.
So go ahead. Start your decluttering journey with the easiest step – just pick one drawer. And leave your toughest questions for mile 20. You’ll get there when you are ready.
* Breaking things down into tiny tasks – Excellent Idea.
* Bigger Problems :
Divide Bigger Problems into parts and plan actions with the
target date and Periodic Review.
*Success becomes easy and results are better, if the problems are handled by the team collectively.
My husband won’t part with anything! I’m afraid of the mess I’ll be in not knowing value of his collection. Cars for example!?!
Perspective is important. Buying less and owning less is wonderful – up to a point. Someone who owns 348 items is almost certainly living a more fulfilling life than someone who owns 2385 items (assuming they’re using the same metric to count said items).
However, someone who owns 17 items is almost certainly living a less fulfilling life than someone who owns 348 items. What’s more, what those items are, and their quality, makes a huge difference, too.
To lose sight of the purpose (living better) in mindlessly pursuing a goal of fewer and fewer possessions is as destructive as mindlessly pursuing more and more possessions.
Minimalism is, in fact, a terrible name for this movement, if one’s intention is to be mindful about possessions. Mindful ownership, while more of a mouthful, better conveys a healthy relationship with one’s possessions.
I’m glad that this movement, this philosophy, has progressed to the point where comments like David’s are meaningful. I think our society had reached such a crazy stage of TOO MUCH that the counter concept of minimalism was a necessary antidote. Now we are ready to ease into the stage where David’s insights may be wisely applied.
I have been finding that breaking things down into tiny tasks ahs really helped me.
Starting small and working my way up helped me a lot, it made things easier for me. Thank you, thus post is exactly what I needed.
My turning point was when I stopped looking at the clutter in the room and started to imagine what I wanted the room to look like. Then I had a plan, and the rest went fast. It also worked for all the drawers in my house. I needed a first aid drawer, so I emptied out one and only put first aid supplies in it. And I make sure to keep it that way. No way will I ever put anything else in there.
no comment yet !
Do you have anything on decluttering two garages, an attic and room in the basement full of car parts and tools? I follow your process but I can’t get my husband to part with way too many car parts and tools.
So after my brother died, I inherited all of his records, same after my father died and when my sister died I became the primary caregiver to my mother who has Parkinson’s. I’ve gone through depression and am now getting through the boxes of paper, furniture and household goods that I boxed up because I couldn’t deal with everything at the time.
I started with setting the timer on my iPhone for 1 hour. In the evenings after dinner I would do an hour. Not everyday. Like the marathon I took rest days. My office is back and organized and now I’m working on my basement.
I can go longer than an hour now because paring everything down to four memory boxes has made me realize. This stuff won’t bring these people back and hoarding their belongings didn’t make me feel good. Take baby steps and it will happen.
“Hoarding their belongings did not make me feel better” is the most powerful thing I’ve read. Thank you for that.
HI Cindy, So why you are concerned with his stuff? his stuff is his. If his stuff is interfering with your life, then you have something to discuss. If his stuff is filling up the front yard, is a problem for the neighbors, is taking over the living spaces, then there is something to discuss. If you want to turn the garage into a den or workshop, you have something to discuss. thank you for your time.
If his stuff is filling the front yard, it Is a problem for Cindy and not just the neighbors. Nobody should live in a trashy property that is embarrassing and alienates the neighbors. When Cindy’s husband passes away, I hope she calls a dumpster company first, then the funeral home. That’s my plan anyway.
Thanks for the encouragement! I am seeing results! Wide open space in my rooms, space in my cupboards and closets. Saving only what I really appreciate , purging everything else. This started out in a semi-panic, preparation for a major move & downsizing. Now it is becoming freeing and enjoyable. Soon I will actually know exactly what I own, the daily posts fire me up to haul more OUT the door. The Impending move is shrinking in scale. Feeling great, thank you-thank you!
Your story is very much the same…and two grown up kids and now my grand daughter who asks me to keep things here as they have no room in an apartment!
Which i am working on that and giving them time lines.
You also inspire me!
Sue
We are struggling at home to get our 9 & 11 year old children (mostly our youngest…our strong-willed child) on board with helping to pick up their things and with small household chores. We’ve tried charts, reward systems, etc… They just don’t seem to work. Anyhow, I’ve told our kids if they don’t want to do their share then we would need to part with things (which we really needed to anyhow…not just their stuff, but ours, too) to make our lives easier…especially mom’s (mine). I have purged our home many times before in the past, but this time was different with the lack of help from our kids. I recently began purging multiple rooms and literally started piling stuff into our guest room to purposely create a disaster area. I haven’t finished purging yet, but it was enough mess to, hopefully, teach our kids a lesson. Just a couple of days ago, I showed them the room and calmly said, “This is what our home would look like if we never parted with anything or picked up after ourselves. Is this how you guys really want to live?” They both responded with a no. I’m hoping their eyes are opened a bit. I plan to go through our house again in March to see what else can go. I’m tired of the extra work and I’m hoping our kids will learn to respect their things more (mostly our 9 yr old) and that we all can be more mindful of what we bring into our home.
P.S. I’m a marathoner, too. Running helps to keep me sane. :)
As of January 26, and after a clutterbug roommate moved out of my house, I can finally enjoy my wide open spaces and beautiful hardwood floors! I am a true minimalist, and living amongst someone else’s stuff was extremely stressful to say the least! Best of luck to everyone on their journey to a clean & clutterfree home – let the beauty of your home shine through! My thanks to Joshua for your continued articles of inspiration! Signed, Happy Again????
Your “disaster” room is a brilliant way to demonstrate how chaos can take over your home. Well done! ?
I inherited vintage pieces of clothing from my mother when she entered the nursing home and she asked that I ‘do something’ with them. My solution was a memory quilt wall hanging placed in a shadowbox with additional pieces of jewelry, baby shoe, pictures, etc. added as well. The vintage clothing covered from my 2 great-grandmothers thru my 2 wedding dresses. Also asked for pieces of clothing from my children and their children. Love the results. Tried to add a photo but could not.
What has helped me enormously was finally coming to the conclusion that my grown children don’t want my used, outdated stuff. They want to buy new things from Ikea and Target for their apartments and homes. Back in the day, we started adulthood with the stuff from our parents basements and closets. It doesn’t seem to happen like that much anymore, so I no longer need to save old dishes, towels, etc. Lots of trips to the donation center! It’s been very exhilarating to pare down to only what I need and love!
Thanks Jan, glad I am not alone.
I have the same problem. My kids really don’t care about the stuff I’ve kept for them over the years in order (in my mind) to make getting started in life easier. Their in a whole other mind set then me.
I come from parents that were influenced by the Great Depression Era so it’s hard for me to see that we don’t need half of this stuff (just in case). I had a counselor once say; “… it’s not like your on the great prairie and the supply train won’t be coming around for another 2 years…” you can let go of this stuff, you usually don’t need it or there’s usually a store close enough near by.
I also looked at “saving” things as “saving a dime” it’ll be around when I “might” need it some day. I’ve learned that someday, often never comes around, and that “dime” I thought I might be saving ends up costing me in the long run, mentally, physically (cluttered spaces) and time, of course costing $$ too as I’ve had to pay for removal of stuff (especially from my yard).
I’ve been learning a lot over the past few years. Stuff detreats over time and becomes unusable and if I haven’t done a project in over 20+ years, likely now I’m still not going to do it. I’m really learning to let go.
We recently moved and downsized which involved tons of books being donated to friends, church, and Goodwill. While I love my Kindle I totally love the touch and feel of the printed page. I have had some books since elementary school and own some really old books, some printed in German. The 3 bookcases of them that fill our house is part of the décor that I love and though I don’t plan on ever owning more than what they will hold I enjoy them because of the way they look and feel and because being surrounded by books is something that makes me feel good. The Kindle provides a way to keep from adding more clutter to the house and still reading great new books. To each his own in the battle to declutter but to some books are décor, comfort and style.
Thank you! I have pared down to one bookcase, which is so full! it is so hard. I keep thinking I’m not dead yet and I love them. I use the reasoning of something I saw and kept: Get Rid of Everything that is Not Useful, Beautiful or Joyful.
I may be moving into a tiny place and it will be impossible to justify my bookcase atop a 2 drawer full, filing cabinet. This is real industrial office furniture and is not really appropriate for the space I intend to move to. I’m at a loss. Occasionally, I will remove one book to give away, but I’ve also “saved” said book before giving it away. Help!
“No furniture is so charming as books, even if you never open them or read a single word.”
― Sydney Smith
“Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house.”
― Henry Ward Beecher
“A room without books is like a body without a sole”
– Cicero
I have the same problem, I solved it by having a bookcase built. Was it worth it? Maybe not for some, but for me, yes, cost $13,000 to build (not exaggerating), complete with 8′ rolling ladder (18′ long x 12′ high and goes over a doorway). Plus 4 other bookcases in the room (yes, I do have that many books & in Dewy decimal order too, LOL, no I’m not OCD, but it does help organize them, only took a week to do).
Clutter can also come from an addiction, and this is one I have a real hard time controlling, but now that I have a life long dream fulfilled in my bookcase. It’s time to get this under control. It almost pangs me to pass up on buying a book both old or new. But I have my books under control now and yes, it does feel good.
Great article! I love a clutter-free home, but my boyfriend is a total pack rat and his home is cluttered beyond my wildest imagination. I am having a very difficult time with it because, well, imagining “life” in a cluttered home makes me feel tense and just yucky. We have had talks about it already and he is on board to make an attempt to declutter, and I have volunteered to dive in with him. This aricle gives me hope and practical steps to help him feel less intimidated. One box/drawer/inch at a time!
I uncluttered all the easy and obvious stuff first. Then I prayed to God to reveal what else needs to leave my home. It is amazing how stuff that was difficult a couple months ago is easy when He decides the time is ripe. This cycle keeps repeating itself and I live in a serene environment. I would never go back to other way…
Everyone’s comments are so Inspiring. I started this process with a “small thing”. Our daily dishes. I’m the only person who drinks coffee in our family so why did I have 10 coffee mugs?!. Now we have 5 (number of people in our family) of everything: plates, forks etc and 1 coffee mug. I used to hate doing dishes because we kept using all of the dishes we had, now we quickly wash and reuse. The impact is huge. My second step was a book shelf that held books that were meaningless. Since the shelf looked nice I kept everything. Now I emptied it and it has backyard items (sun block, lanterns, paints/toys for the kids etc) so much more functional! My third was towels. The biggest thing will be clothes. I agree with so many who wrote that they don’t want their children having to deal with their stuff when they pass. I decided to re purpose my wedding dress. I used the material to make a communion veil for my daughter and am also going to make chriatmas ornaments with it. One step at a time is key and try to do a complete step because you will fell the difference and its freeing!!!
When I read a great book I send it to my sister who lives interstate or lend/give it to one of my friends. She sometimes sends me ones of hers. I still know that my books are out there somewhere and I am sharing the enjoyment. I write my name and phone number and sometimes a quote. My books travel all over.
Thank you for your inspiring blog! I have recently started decluttering, and just by decluttering the entrance, the kitchen and the dining area, I feel I have more time with my kids after work, because I don’t have to clean up all the time. The living room is next, and this weekend, I will be starting the 333 project. I was married to a hoarder, and although I was very sad when he ended the marriage, I am glad to get rid of so many things I never wanted or needed in the first place.
Best wishes from Germany!
Every time I walk by my china cabinet I tell it “your day is coming”!!!! Feels so good! Twelve coats went out of my house today! Why on earth would anyone ever need twelve coats? The majority of them had not seen the light of day in years!
Love reading the opposing views, no where does it say to throw precious items, but what may be precious to you Maybe a burden to others.
Love the idea about taking a picture of the item that is important to your memories. It was so much easier parting with them.