Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families.
I wrapped up a work trip to Los Angeles and found myself wandering the Santa Monica Pier. As I soaked up the warmth of the day, I found myself missing my kids. The ocean, the sun, the sand… I wanted to share it all with them.
I wanted to bottle it all up and take it home with me.
But alas, the TSA wasn’t going to endorse a jug of salt water and sand in my carry on. Eventually, I found myself standing squarely in front of a kiosk of inexpensive toys. My eye quickly went to a plastic, battery-powered, light-up unicorn headband.
The only thing lighting up brighter than that unicorn horn would be my three-year-old daughter when I put it on her head. She would love that toy.
The joy it would bring to her life would be immeasurable—for at least 18 seconds until she lost interest or it broke. Even though it would have been an extra special treat to surprise her with when I got home, it was a hard pass for me.
Where does it go?
After that 18-second-window-of-elation, the unicorn will live on. For her early life, she may live on crammed in the bottom of a toy box, then she may meet her demise accidentally dropped in a parking lot never to be seen again. But don’t be fooled, the mythical creature is nearly immortal.
Once it leaves your home it is not gone.
This unicorn will live out a long life at the local landfill with her fellow trinkets (i.e. The Birthday Party Favor Bag and the Dentist Office Treasure Chest). Those plastic trinkets will take more than 500 years to degrade.
Toys are notoriously hard to recycle. That means nearly every plastic toy ever manufactured now lives in a landfill somewhere. Take a moment to visualize that.
Who’s the boss?
Children cannot be expected to self-regulate the accumulation of stuff. Sure, we can (and should) teach them about the lifespan of a product and where it will go after it leaves our home. We can practice thoughtful decision-making practices when it comes to purchasing goods.
But just like us, they are a work in progress and will struggle to resist the urge to keep.it.all.
Ultimately, as the adults with the fully-developed brains and credit cards, we have to be the ones steering the ship. We need to set boundaries around the stuff we bring into our homes. Children learn through modeling. We must learn how to say no so that our children can see us and learn better ways themselves.
Why does this happen?
I admit it: I get an internal feeling of excitement when the UPS truck pulls into my driveway unexpectedly. “Oh, what could it be?”, I find myself excitedly wondering as I tear into the box like a wild banshee only to find the gummy vitamins I have on bi-monthly auto-shipment.
“New stuff” can act as horse blinders. Our children become laser-focused on the acquisition of new trinkets and unable to see what falls on the periphery: the real gifts. The relationships in our lives are the real gifts.
Our kids cannot see past the stuff. And yes, adults struggle with this too.
What lights them up?
The strong surge of dopamine associated with new stuff and wrapped gifts will nearly always trump the gentler oxytocin spikes enveloped in a long embrace from Grandma. The Laughter. The Cuddling. The Eye Contact. The Human Touch. If we want our children to focus on the real gifts, we must take off the horse blinders.
Occasional, thoughtful gifts are one thing, but we have to cut back on the constant onslaught of junk.
When I returned home from this trip, my daughter was running to me for a hug and kiss because she loves me and looked forward to my return. I am the gift. Our relationship is the gift. The minute I start stuffing my suitcase full of trinkets is the minute she starts running to my suitcase instead of my arms.
Call me selfish, but I’m not willing to share my affection with a plastic unicorn headband.
If we want children to value relationships over stuff, we have to be intentional about the way we bring it into their lives. The way we buy will teach. I beg you, for the good of your children and this planet, please stop buying plastic crap.
***
Denaye’s new book Simple Happy Parenting is now available. She is the voice behind Simple Families, a podcast, blog and community for parents. She has a Ph.D. in Child Development and has spent her career supporting families to more harmonious lives with young children.
A big mistake in this article. It mentions that it takes the plastic trinkets more than 500 years to degrade. That makes it sound like problem solved then. But once plastic degrades, the problem gets bigger. Those microplastics can now make their way into the food chain. People need to learn that the problem isn’t solved in 500 years.
Nicely written, and spot on.
I wish all the parents could see this.
I am applauding. Excellent message. I have four children and seven grandchildren, and I confess that in prior years I sometimes gave them too much at holidays and birthdays. We don’t live near the children, and with their parents’ busy schedules, building deep individual relationships with each of them is difficult. My peers buy many gifts for their grandchildren, and I also fell into choosing or making what I believed were special gifts, hoping they would each feel my love that way. In my enthusiasm, there were piles of packages and too many treats. When I became interested in minimalism and now the plastic problem, I saw the error of my ways and we stopped buying toys and tried to work out special experiences with each individual child instead of gifts. That became fraught with scheduling problems with their busy lives, and seemed in the end to be more about us than about them. Kids today already have and do so much that very little seems to make an impression on them. Currently, I am back to focusing on gifts such as art supplies and books, and trying to make the visits we do have together as memorable as we can. We want to have close relationships with our grandchildren, but it is difficult when their lives and their parents’ lives are so full already.
You know what?? Negative, get a life people who slam down other people, should look at comments more positively.
We/us/them, are not saying, ‘Right no more plastic toys’
We are saying…. that if in any little, one can lessen the amount of plastic/pollution/rubbish/fumes etc etc that we use today, the planet would be eternally thankful….. that’s all I have to say!!???
When I was a kid, my grandmother would spend a good chunk of the year in her homeland, Portugal. When she returned, she would always bring us a bag of shells she had collected on the beach in her hometown (and underwear. I don’t know what it is about grandmothers and underwear). We would add the new shells to our collection, and spend hours sorting them, admiring them, and just generally loving them. This was so much better then any other cheap plastic toy she could have brought.
I agree I do a clean up club for a school and encourage you to do it as well and I get given a lot of it but really don’t need it
I agree I do a clean up club for a school and encourage you to do it as well
All very worthy but don’t you jump on a plane to go home to your daughter? It seems everyone on this feed is congratulating themselves on their godly plastic awareness but flying everywhere…just saying.
I got the idea this was a business trip as many of us can’t avoid, especially when working for government or military, so the “ just fly home” comment may not be practical. I think it comes down to kids , including my own, got too much stuff. We got little gifts on birthdays and major holidays, not for being gold, report card etc. agree occasionally like small trips, play time, etc are better than junk
Flying becomes a necessary evil when working for companies that require a lot of travel. There’s not too much one can do about that when trying to pay the bills and “sustain” the burden of health insurance.
Great point , but we all have to start somewhere .
I love this. I want everyone to read and think about what you have written. Will kids ultimately prefer 18 seconds of joy or a beautiful, clean, safe world to live in as they grow? They will thank us later!
Agree!! There are mountains of plastic flooding the world. The shops are full of plastic stuff, and food wrapped in it. Our oceans are infested, and it is killing our animals. Let our kids be saved from anymore plastic than that of what we need to expect and accept.
Yes absolutely. Thank you for you post!
This is a really informative post. I don`t have kids. But I bought a lot of toys to my nieces and I just realised now how bad those plastic toys are for environment. Most of then are made of non-recyclable material and it is not right. :(
4ocean is a website you can visit. It shows the tons of garbage that end up in our oceans. Also the website offers bracelets you can purchase that are made from the recycled trash. I bought one for a gift… and also to support their great work.
Many volunteers starting off the coast of Florida help to pick up trash off beaches and out of oceans.
Also— when I walk my dog, I bring an extra bag and pick up trash I find along my walk… such as a water bottle that someone rudely pitched. If you can, please do the same. Every little bit helps— if everyone did this.
Right on! I will do this when I take kids out!
I just found out that when we recycle, if a jar or can for example, is not rinsed out completely, the workers at the recycle plant toss it in for landfill :(
I had no idea. In my perfect dream world… everything we recycled got sterilized and melted down to make new things. Not the case!
So I will be rinsing out my containers very well.
I wish that people were aware about how dirty glass, plastics, etc. does not get recycled.
Also, wet paper cannot be recycled.
So true! I read an article that said that 91% of plastic waste in the United States actually ends up in a landfill. I have reduced a lot of plastic waste in my life and plan to continue this journey. I avoid anything disposable these days. I am trying to teach my kids to do the same. My husband told me that recycling is pointless, so my response was “Well, then I guess we will learn to live without plastic.”
Dirty glass? Don’t they wash all glass and plastic in machines before they recycle?
It depends on where you live
This is where I don’t quite understand so please advise -is it better to waste precious water to rinse out those items you recycle or better to throw away so you don’t waste water? Both are precious.
When our kids were wee. My partner, would walk them to the local car boot sale with a couple of pounds to spend they then bought second hand toys amazing as I’d hand toys and their old toys they would either give to the local charity shop or occasionally we would set up a stall in our street for them to sell their most prized toys that had now fallen out of favour, the money used to but new second hand toys or occasionally a new toy to join the recycle game. It’s all a out teaching spending habits not about the end end environment which benefits as a by product rather then suffers. You may note I did not go too many people to much stuff for my delicate sense, :)
My daughter collected Lego sets for a few years. Purchasing those sets seemed so harmless at the time. Birthdays. Holidays. All of those Lego pieces ended up in one massive bin that stayed under her bed for months.
Having outgrown her toys, we realize now just how much work such innocent purchases are. We wanted to donate the Lego, and we spent hours, if not a few days, sorting through the lot to assembe the kits. Of course, the charitable organisation was happy to receive the Lego all sorted, but I regret buying so much in the first place.
At least plastic like Lego is unlikely to end up in a landfill. My kids have lego in their collection that is 30+ years old and still being played with.
My son-in-law’s mother saved all of his Lego’s (and other classic toys) with hopes of passing it down to her grandkids. She/We had 2 young grandson’s who love to play with the Lego’s and the other toys she saved.
You can sell Legos, even random pieces. There is always someone who will want them! (Find a Facebook group dedicated to Legos or just put it on Craigslist.)
My son had a TON of Legos. He gave them away to a boy who had no Legos that was a few years younger than him. The boy lives in extreme poverty and his parents couldn’t afford to buy him Legos. So Cole took the whole tote of Legos over and gave them to him. That boy was sooooooooooo excited to get all those Legos! I was happy my son gave them to someone in need rather than throwing them away.
I read the book “Plastic Free” and have tried to come more to terms with all the plastic in our lives. We already recycle everything we can, plastic or otherwise, but that is only a band-aid on a massive wound. Stopping the proliferation of plastic is the only viable solution, and that starts with consumers. The plastic doesn’t get bought, it doesn’t get made eventually.
We are destroying this earth with plastic junk!
This is a great article… we have all got to stop buying plastic junk and start making better decisions.
The thought of how the plastics destroy our planet makes me sick.
In addition to imploring us not to purchase plastic junk, implore plastic junk manufacturers not to create and market such crap which is polluting the earth.
I agree, but we also need to show there is no demand for plastic tat. If people stopped buying it, businesses would stop making it because there would be no profit.
We can make better choices whilst writing stern letters to CEOs, signing petitions and lobbying politicians.
It all has to start somewhere and if every individual on the planet started rejecting plastic, that would send a pretty strong message and things would start to change.
I have no solution for all the plastic currently in circulation. Just desperate for production to end!
Highly needed article and advice for these days.
I so agree with this article. Thank you for the reminder. We, grandma and grandpa, never bring plastic trinkets or for that sake “stuff”. We are the gift and we like to spend time with all our grandkids. For birthday/Christmas we give the parents an amount of money to decide on something useful/ an experience/ or maybe some for saving.
How do we get fast food toys out of our communities. I recall a time when our son’s class was collecting items for children for people going to third world countries for health mission.
I was distressed to see that the number one donation was not anything worthwhile but a huge number of “happy meal toys”.
Why does our government not impose a tax on plastic items that are nonessentials? Then businesses would have more incentive and consumers might think twice. Maybe it could apply also to mass mailings as well as other freebies. Even political candidate mailings are often over the top as in do you really think that sending me weekly mailings will cause me to vote for you? I only then think they are not environmentally friendly…
I understand how you feel, Arlene.
What we can do right now is stop going to fast food joints. And tell everyone to do so.
When I traveled for work, I would seek out used bookstores. It was such a treat for me to browse the shelves and find special children’s books that might be out of print or something I knew my son would like but might not ever see at new book store. Easy to slip into my suitcase and usually just a few dollars. My son let me/begged me to read to him at night long after he could read and I loved doing it. He just graduated 8th grade and loves books, and his reading level is off the chart!
We’re on the same page!
Martha Miller, I also love finding used bookstores in foreign countries that I visit.
We still want/have to give gifts on birthdays, holidays or as thank-yous and travel souvenirs.
I totally switched to the edibles or consumables for such occasions. Grab-and-go nutritious snacks for an always on-the-go friend, a bag of good quality coffee for a coffee lover, a nice tube of hand cream for a hard working support member, with a handwritten message.
And I’m more sensible for the product’s packaging thanks to the today’s post.
I love this. It’s so easy to acquire all kinds of plastic junk! Anything to stop the avalanche.
Amen, sister!!
Wonderful article. Thank you so much. The incongruity grows as the consumption of needless crap grows so do the numbers of hungry and homeless to say nothing of the misuse of limited and valuable resources. I am glad the numbers of folks who are removing themselves from the problem (accumulation) is growing keep on minimizing all.
What an excellent article. Thank you. The story, and the urge to obtain an object to extend or represent a feeling are so relatable. I love the concept that we are the gifts to one another – so simple, so true and so good for us, our children and the impacted world in which we live.
I’ve always hated those plastic goody bags full of really cheap junk. When my children have had birthday parties, I’ve tried to send home a few higher quality, more useful, or consumable things. At one party we had themed cups that were used for the party itself and then they were sent home with each child filled with a small amount of candy. We’re still using that cup years later. When my daughter wanted an emoji themed party, I got yellow cloth, stuffing, and black felt. The party activity was a craft where each girl made an emoji pillow. That was 3 years ago and my daughter and several of her friends still have the pillow in their rooms. Another time, when all the guests were dancers/gymnasts, they each used stencils of a dancer/gymnast and their name to paint on a small tote bag. We’re still using resources, but at least the items are used as both and activity and something to take home that may last more than one hour after the party.
My son’s last birthday, all I did was buy a whole bunch of full-sized candy bars, and I taped 3 of them together with a thank you for coming note on top. Kids LOVED just getting big candy bars, parents loved not having crap, and it was easy for me to do as the party host!
Thank you for writing this. I’m not a parent but I die at all the baby showers and kid parties looking at all the crap that’s headed to the landfill most likely by next week or in 6 months. Let’s keep this conversation going!
Excellent article. Most of it is just junk.
It’s that momentary rush the kid gets from opening the package of a bright, new trinket that sets up an addiction. The giver also gets a thrill in seeing that – however fleeting – reaction. Neither of it is true joy. We have an overwhelming trash problem folks.
I’m reminded of traveling with my family. My mom wrapped almost averything the kids would touch. Books to read, snacks, clothes for the beach, etc. It does use some paper, but it made every transition exciting, and even with our own toys and books, it was always fun to find out what Mom had packed.
As I raised my kids, I followed the same tradition for plane trips. Every snack, book, magazine (puzzle books rock) and other diversionary item was wrapped, usually in old Sunday funnies.
Wonderful memories.
Denaye (and Joshua), What a “priceless” blog entry. I’ve been thinking and blogging about simple lifestyle, and especially consumerism with kids for 40 years (since our first child was born) and this is a worthy sequel for folks who are currently in the active parenting stage of life. I wonder how relevant my 2002 book (Raising Kids Who Will Make a Difference) or my 2013 book (Blessed By Less) would be to this generation. I think the concepts are universal and timeless, but the need has grown greater. Thank you for your excellent contribution to this body of work.
~TSA will allow sand, but it takes a few extra minutes (5-10) as they test it. I bring home sand from every beach I touch.
Great article, Denaye! Congrats on all your recent success.
So true. I’d rather give children an experience of reading a book together, or enjoying a nature walk, and just collecting a shell from a beach or a special stone.
In addition to not wanting to buy plastic stuff for my grandchildren, I also send the following prayer to the retail outlets; ” Please stop selling this rubbish”, and to the manufacturers; “Please stop wasting our precious resources and spoiling our planet by making this plastic stuff”.
Lets spread the word
I’ve been struggling with this for years. I quit doing goody bags for my kids’ birthday parties in recent years, not to be stingy, but because I didn’t want to send home any unnecessary junk (plastic or candy) to anyone’s homes. On my last trip to my favorite theme park, I had to really restrain myself from buying the cute decorated stuff or other specialty items (and tshirts) that I’ve purchased in the past. I did make purchases, but it was the photo frame to add to my theme bathroom commemorating our trip, the photo album to keep pics, and some tastefully decorated kitchen items that we will use (including dishes that I’ve wanted for years and we were needing to replace dishes from when we got married 26 years ago due to breakage over the years).
Now if I can stay off of Amazon……
Amen! I love this. I feel guilty for all the years I didn’t abide by this rule but now I bring always bring my girls home a small piece of art. It typically slides right into the book I’m reading and supports a local artist.
Amen! Something for all of us to remember. Thank you!
Thank you so much for writing this! It is something that I’ve been trying to focus on with our 5 year old son. When we see plastic toys that he wants I ask him what will happen to that toy when he’s done with it. We talk a lot about what happens to things when they “go away”. His last birthday party was a “no gift” party with 60 people and was waste-free(ish)! We had the best time and didn’t miss any of the “stuff”!
Great idea!
This was such a great article! So
Much Plastic – it drives me crazy. The image of all the plastic toys ever created all in landfills is terrifying
When my husband is traveling, my kids just love the photos and short videos he sends them while he’s gone. They get to share some of the cool stuff about the place he’s traveled to, and they stay a little more connected while he’s away. If he’s been out of the country, he’ll usually bring them back some of the foreign coins for their coin collection. About the only “souvenir” item we ever spring for is a magnet for our fridge at home from every new place that one of us visits. That particular tradition started on our honeymoon nearly 20 years ago! I think a small, purposeful tradition like that is more meaningful than buying a bunch of items that will just end up being tossed.
We do the magnet thing too! I have also done pretty postcards that I can display. My kids also like to do the souvenir pennies. They are much better and cheaper souvenirs than the junky stuff!
I laughed out loud at this – “only to find the gummy vitamins I have on bi-monthly auto-shipment.” Baha, I know the feeling all too well!
But YES, I loved this reminder that our relationships are the best gift. Thanks, Denaye!
I find it a bit weird, and im definitely not laughing. Cut on plastic toys, but its ok to have gummivitamins delivered to u all packed up and with a car, intead of just picking it up yourself in the pharmacy when u r around??? I can see there is still a lot to improve on in there….
When my out of state parents would visit, they would bring bags of plastic junk. It got to where the kids only cared about the junk and not the visit. Due to other problems, including threats, them leaving open beer cans/pill bottles/cigs, I have not been in contact with them for over three years. I do not miss dealing with the physical or mental aftermath of their visits.
Dear Anonymous Please, I totally support your decision!
I noticed that majority of things I had to eliminate from my house were brought by relatives. And it’s extremely hard to get rid of them, since they’ll come back and notice the missing gift.
This is so true and a real struggle. Even when you request the family members and friends not purchase this crap because they don’t need it and it’s not good for the enviro…they don’t seem to care or respect your wishes. They just want to see that 90 seconds of pure joy on the kids face.
YES! Two thoughts:
1- Late stage capitalism gives us a unique opportunity to reframe the roles and responsibilities in/re: gift giving to include the full life-cycle responsibility for those gifts (and packaging): Is the giver going to come back and reclaim it when it breaks? Pack out the plastic wrap and wiry twist ties upon departure? Leave No Trace is a travel ethic that can be applied to more than just camping…
2- After several years of running a vintage shop where people would drop off unwanted ‘gifts’ of broken furniture while the business was closed, I’ve developed some pretty strong feelings about the concept of ‘consent’ as it relates to material goods: in order to avoid abusing others, it’s our responsibility to seek consent – make sure they will be valued/appreciated/helpful/useful before making our things (unwanted items, gifts, hands, responsibilities, future repairs, future waste, etc.) someone else’s to accommodate or resent. #ParadigmShift
As the father of a six year old boy and eight year old girl, this hits home.
It is less a struggle with my daughter than my son. But man, it’s a struggle going anywhere trying to redirect his attention from any toy, big or small.
The marketing and placement of these products aimed at kids is infuriating.
My daughter had the accumulate crap mindset until I took her on a long backpack for trip. We hiked 800km on the French Camino when she was nine, and she turned 10 the day after we made it the ocean at the end. She lived out of a tiny backpack that summer with only an extra chance of clothes, toiletries, a swimsuit, and an MP3 player. When we came back home, she quietly threw boxes of her her items away and donated some of the better stuff.
I love this so much!!!!
That is awesome.
You hiked 497 miles?? Please tell me you meant 800m and not 800km or I am going to feel really terrible about myself.
You read it correctly: 800km “The Camino Frances is the most popular of all the Camino routes to Santiago de Compostela in Northwest Spain, in English, it is known as the French Way. This Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route starts in St Jean Pied de Port on the French side of the Pyrenees and finishes about 780km later in Santiago.
Not to dampen your point, but wouldn’t disposable straws (of any material) be more typically packaged in boxes of 100? Just saying.
Straws aren’t always packaged in boxes of 100. Notice the previous poster said “gift shop”. I’m sure they had some kind of decorated “boutique” looking design or licensed design for a party. Those shops like to get you but making stuff look “special”. I have seen disposable straws for special occasions sold in small quantity packs for higher-than-what-they’re-worth prices. Boutique type shops seem to think that the extra decoration and/or saying items are eco-friendly means charging exorbitant prices.
Paper straws are typically packaged in smaller amounts as until recently they were usually only purchased for personal use. Being popular at parties and weddings I have had the unenjoyable task of opening enough for hundreds of people when doing catering work.
Great article. When I travel somewhere I may bring back a book on the country/city I’ve visited for my grandchildren. My husband and I had a discussion about straws the other day. We were in a gift shop and saw a box of paper straws 10 for $8.00. At the risk of sounding really old we remembered when the only straw you could get was made of paper and cost very little. We are drowning in a sea of plastic literally.
I wish I had been reminded of this years ago when my kids were little. Now, I’ll bring home a post card or fudge for my friends and family, maybe a key chain, but only if its something made locally. I’m trying very hard to leave the plastic, no matter what it is–straws, shopping bags, cups, lids, toys, etc.
Betsy: You can buy silicone straws (ebay) also stainless steel straws. Some are sold in outlet home goods type stores. Comment on plastics: Many were glad when tupperware, then later Rubber maid plastic food containers were sold eons ago. Bins with lids are convienent in all sizes for home and garage storage, but now it’s out of control with plastic water bottles sold in 6, 18 and 24 paks and tossed later in landfills. Few recycle because they see it as useless. I used to recy but no more as more layers of packaging on items gets worse every year. It is time consuming and had to haul a separate trash container to the curb in 100 degree heat then drag it back later, so I quit.