Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Jeff Goins of goinswriter.com.
My son had been born a few weeks before, and I was already struggling to focus. All these responsibilities, all these expectations.
So much to manage and so little time.
Born four and a half weeks early, our little Aiden wasn’t sleeping but a few hours per night before needing to nurse. It was a daily ritual to Google “signs of colic” and wonder if there was anything we could do to make all this a tiny bit easier.
Though I had taken a couple weeks off of work, the iPhone kept buzzing uncontrollably, and the sleeplessness was starting to wear on me. The house was a mess. The laundry pile a small mountain. My email inbox completely out of control.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That night, my wife was at the stove, cooking something for dinner, and I was in charge of baby-watching. Setting the phone facedown on the kitchen table, I hoisted my son up in the air and stepped outside to enjoy the mid-summer evening air.
As soon as I sat down with him on our back porch, I noticed a beautiful cumulus cloud formation in the sky. Instantly, I wanted to capture it, but my phone wasn’t with me.
Looking back through the glass window inside the messy house, I saw a reflection of myself holding my son. That was on one side of the glass. On the other was my smart phone, my busy life that was messy and complicated and sometimes too stressful to take.
Did I really want to go back there?
I knew I had to make a choice: maintain the busyness while sacrificing my sanity and ability to hold onto those I loved the most — or learn to let go.
Holding my son tightly against my chest, I gazed up at the beautiful blue sky and thought to myself, “Letting go of things helps us hold on to what we love most.”
Phone-less and feeling strangely free, I’d made my choice.
My Own Experiments with Minimalism
“The things you own in life end up owning you.” —Tyler Durden
I have a lot of stuff, more than I need. And some of it I really like. But I’m learning that some things in life, some stuff, isn’t good to hold onto.
Slowly, I’m getting rid of what I’ve held on to for years: outfits I’ll never wear, movies I’ll never watch, even old birthday cards. And as I do, something unusual happens to me. I feel freer than I’ve felt in years. Because somehow, the things I’ve been holding onto have actually been holding on to me.
As my family grows and responsibilities increase, I realize I can only grasp so many things at once. Only so many technology trinkets. Only so many messages to manage. Only so many relationships to enjoy.
And frankly, I’d rather hold on to people than things.
It’s taken some rude awakenings to get to this conclusion. I’ve had to learn these lessons the way most of us learn hard things in life: the hard way. Through countless interruptions and distractions. Through the inconveniences that come when we try to get what we want — and don’t.
My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.
Making More Room for What Matters Most
Recently, we cleaned out our “bonus room” above the garage. This room has been full of junk for two years, boxes of stuff we hadn’t used since moving from the apartment we outgrew.
The other day, we cleared it all out, throwing away several garbage bags, donating a couple closets’ worth of clothes to Goodwill, and relocating some things we wanted to keep.
When it was all over, the room was left virtually empty.
The next day, I brought my son, who was now 14 months old, into this room. Because it was so cluttered, he had never been able to really play in it. For hours, he crawled and rolled around in the open space.
And I realized that every area in our life that is full of stuff is crowding out relationships. As we get rid of the things that consume our time and stress, we make room for those we love the most.
How many other spaces, I wondered, are too cluttered to let others in?
Sadly, I am far from leading a clutter-free life. But I get it now, this whole “learning to live with less” thing. The truth is when you learn to let go, you don’t live with less at all. You make room for the things that matter the most, the things that aren’t even “things” at all.
I think we all do. The hard part, though, is letting go. Giving up. But I’m finding this is also the really good part, the part that releases you to live the life you were made to live. The life you dream of.
Many of us are living over-crowded, busy lives that rob us of what really matters. We wait and bide our time, holding out for the “big things” in life, not realizing that the good stuff is happening right now.
If we will just let go.
***
Jeff Goins is a writer who lives in Nashville. You can follow him on Twitter @jeffgoins or connect with him on his blog.
I enjoyed reading this message. Minimalism for me had grown into my soul as well. Beyond decluttering physical things I have sorted and made more space in my life my soul and my heart. My patience has grown my forgiveness and my ability to see some things through other people’s eyes. As
I let go of things that have been owning me -I gain so much more in space for goodness . That space seems endless and can never be filled . The positivity is endless and well received by myself and others. It’s like losing weight! It snowballs into all aspects of my life .
I find your message very very personal, when I lived alone before getting married I had a little stuff that I needed. My apartment was spotless everything neat tidy. Then I got married and I did not see the clutter I was shocked but for years I tried to keep control but the hoarder in my life found the boomerang I would pick up stuff put it out for the garbage and it founds it way back. I tried to sneak it in our neighbors garbage with their permission, boom he saw it said that’s mine it’s back, now I have no garbage pickup he’s takes the one bag to his dad’s house he pays the garbage there I had 100 ink pens personalized wrong phone number but the worse part is after a month they dried up I threw them away I thought but no it so happens they are at his dad’s I was furious I walked him and the dead pens to the garbage and told him I do not want to see them again I am certain that as we sell the house those pens will be their housewarming gift.
Thanks for writing this article it was written from the heart. I am becoming a minimalist and also still in the process of decluttering. It is so freeing. I agree people are most important thing to keep hold of, loved ones, sharing laughs with friends and experiences. Too much stuff add stress and just simplifying my life has given me so much inner peace. Keep up the excellent posts.
In 2007 our house caught fire and everything burned to the ground except my purse, keys, the clothes on my back and my computer tower ( I had business stuff on it or I would have grabbed other things). The one lesson I learned was I had way too much stuff and had saved stuff for decades thinking I would someday be able to wear it, use it, or be in need of it. In the hospital looking for things to sarcastically laugh about I said ” You know all those clothes in the closet I was hoping to someday get back into, Not a problem anymore.” I miss some of my inherited keepsakes, my oil paintings and my pictures of family but all the other stuff is just that STUFF. I walked out with my life and that is all that matters. I find myself surrounded by “STUFF” again now, and your writing just reminded me, I don’t need this stuff so I guess I will have a garage sale and get rid of what I can and donate the rest. I need my freedom from the “stuff”.
this is what got me started initially, somebody said to me, “if your house caught on fire and you lost all of your possessions, would you survive”. Not only did I decide I’d survive, I’d probably be better off in the long run.
This is a fantastic article Jeff, thank you. As a mama to be, at 28 weeks pregnant, my husband and I are thinking carefully about the family we want to create and how we will make time for the important things. This so summarised how I feel right now.
Beautifully written. I needed this today.
I learned to let go when my oldest daughter moved out on her own at 19. I had accumulated from my mother what she thought I would consider “valuable” (furniture, photos, knick knacks and whatnots) I held on to them for years, storing them, finding places for them to admire, hoping someday, to pass on to my daughter. When she was ready for her own place, I asked her if she wanted any of the antique furniture or photos for her walls she said, “no thank you”. That’s when I started to do my research and found your website. I realized my own lack of desire of clutter and started the purge. Do my mother’s dismay, she got back a bunch of stuff and after a huge garage sale, everything went to donations. It was a liberating journey and I have learned to say “no” to any thing free.
Living in a 2378 sq ft uncluttered and peacefilled home
I am not sure if having more than one child in today’s world is a responsible thing to do. I love your message and i totally agree with it, but we need to start looking at having many kids as burden rather as a good thing. Planet earth and all other species are dying because of too many humans a messed up economic system that requires jobs for those humans. Thank you for a beautiful article otherwise.
I’m not sure I understand. Did I suggest that you should have a bunch of kids, Dina? I think that’s a personal decision left to each person to decide.
Thank you for this article Jeff an Joshua. This reminds me to make time for what’s truly important, often not the things, but people, memories.
Hi Jeff, thanks for sharing your experiences with us, it’s something that I have just started to do since finding the becoming minimalist page, I’m loving the feeling of letting go of stuff and either throwing it away or giving it away, great, I now realize that I don’t have to keep buying more drawers and cabinets to store stuff I don’t need……saving money too!!
we’re doing the same thing- my husband is in recovery from hoarding disorder and with each bit of clutter we remove, the freer we feel. a long way to go, but we’re on the right path. we have a stronger relationship, stronger than ever because he’s learning to part with things x
Jeff,
I love that you are on the same mission as Major Mom. We help people downsize their stuff to free up their time for hanging out with their families. We have a team of 14 Liberators in the Denver area and we are decluttering houses left and right. I have shared your site and quoted you on the Major Mom Facebook page. We publish a “No Clutter Gift Christmas Idea List” and we help people do the Pre-Christmas Purge and Pre-Move Purge. We do not work with hoarders because they are unwilling to make changes. However, we do work with people that have accumulated lots of stuff and the end result is they are overwhelmed and frustrated.
We would love your message and we hope you let people know there are professional organizers here on the earth standing by to help them. We work side by side with people. It is our gift and our mission to restore order to the world, one household at a time.
Keep the movement going!
Have a Majorly Organized Day,
Major Mom & The Liberators
That’s great, I’d love to work for a company who helped people declutter.
I’m about 85% done with my mission, I have 2 large cabinets with old paperwork and craft supplies. There’s also picture albums, but I’ve sat down and sent many of the pictures to the people in them, keeping 1-2 for myself.
This emptied about 4 albums.
This is awesome. I have kept this in mind as I shop for Christmas. I am only purchasing what we need- making mindful purchases that will improve our lives. It is so easy to get caught in the hype and I am just not doing it this year. Simplification keeps you present and makes room for everything you truly need- love, happiness, family, friends, etc…
Bravo!
NICE! Very nice! :)
Said perfectly…I to feel the weight of stuff..and feel the intense freedom when I get rid of it. Still have some work to do but it’s getting better every month….what a weight lifted
Wonderful read and so very true! I too have been working slowly at getting rid of stuff, either to the Salvation Army or to mothers in need. My motto is and always will be…if I haven’t used it OR worn it in a year, it’s GONE!
See the book “the wastemakers” written early 1960s about plans to make Americans want and buy lots if stuff…..it worked!
I enjoyed your post. I have one of those rooms… I think I’ll start working on it today. Thank you. Shared your blog on pinterest.
Just over a year ago we got acquainted with a local family whose son started the same school as my two boys. The wife also turned up in my choir. We got on famously, and vaguely planned to get together as families for a bring and share meal. I remember saying to her how hassled I was and putting said meal off for, say 6 weeks in total, (no doubt harried and worried about messy house etc etc etc..).before I issued a firm invitation. They did not respond, and we were disappointed, until my husband bumped into hers, and he told us that her breast cancer had returned. We never had the tea, and we had not set enough of a foundation of friendship to be there for them much. I went to her funeral yesterday and wept. I would like to have become her good friend, but the short time allotted for that friendship was sucked away in some part by stuff and its maintenance. Thank you so much for the continued reminders, and inspiration, to live a better way…
Jeff—-thoroughly enjoyed & related to your post. I’m finding that I can’t de-clutter fast enough and related to your statements:
“My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.”
I’m trying to be more patient & kind with myself & perhaps give a few more pats on the back regarding my/our progress thus far…….since I WANT IT ALL GONE, NOW isn’t working. :o)
Had a garage sale this weekend. Lots of stuff sold & car loaded for drops to Goodwill. There are a few things I want to sell on Ebay or Craigslist and a few others to donate to specific places—–woman’s shelter, preschool/books, library, kids grade school (once school starts), etc.. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much about the environment—–but I do. It would be easier to throw some unwanted thing in the garbage, or drop it all off at goodwill…..or if I didn’t care to get some $$ for the nicer things.
I’ve realized the things I’ve pegged for specific sale or donation need a place that’s OUT OF SIGHT, out of mind. When I’ve decided they must go but they don’t go immediately, it drags me down. GREAT to have had the garage sale as SO MUCH left.
Today, I’m clearing a space in storage for the items to sell and a space in my garage (which I deem as “close” to leaving the house) for the items to donate to specific places.
We moved a little under 2 years ago. We purged MUCH before we moved. I told myself I was going to “deal with” each and every box as I unpacked it—i.e. purge as I went. Great idea, but I wish I had a better system for elimination set up 2 years ago. As it turned out, many things that were in my recent garage sale sat around my house in various places……basically little piles in/around each room that were just “waiting” to leave the house, as I moved on to the next closet, shelf or piece of furniture to clean-out
Just feels good to read & learn from others’ process.
Thanks for sharing!
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I relate to that tension, Amy. Stay encouraged.
Yes, the good stuff is happening right now. It is the coffee water boiling on the wood fired stove, it is the pure maple syrup on homemade oat flour pancakes with a couple slices of locally produced bacon… it is something different for each and every one of us. Slowing down opens up your world to the senses of life.
Beautiful… and mouth-watering.
Less is more, except when it comes to margins in life, and then more means less. I could write an entire post on that. Oh wait, you just did. I love what you do. Thank you for writing well and teaching us how to also.