Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Jeff Goins of goinswriter.com.
My son had been born a few weeks before, and I was already struggling to focus. All these responsibilities, all these expectations.
So much to manage and so little time.
Born four and a half weeks early, our little Aiden wasn’t sleeping but a few hours per night before needing to nurse. It was a daily ritual to Google “signs of colic” and wonder if there was anything we could do to make all this a tiny bit easier.
Though I had taken a couple weeks off of work, the iPhone kept buzzing uncontrollably, and the sleeplessness was starting to wear on me. The house was a mess. The laundry pile a small mountain. My email inbox completely out of control.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That night, my wife was at the stove, cooking something for dinner, and I was in charge of baby-watching. Setting the phone facedown on the kitchen table, I hoisted my son up in the air and stepped outside to enjoy the mid-summer evening air.
As soon as I sat down with him on our back porch, I noticed a beautiful cumulus cloud formation in the sky. Instantly, I wanted to capture it, but my phone wasn’t with me.
Looking back through the glass window inside the messy house, I saw a reflection of myself holding my son. That was on one side of the glass. On the other was my smart phone, my busy life that was messy and complicated and sometimes too stressful to take.
Did I really want to go back there?
I knew I had to make a choice: maintain the busyness while sacrificing my sanity and ability to hold onto those I loved the most — or learn to let go.
Holding my son tightly against my chest, I gazed up at the beautiful blue sky and thought to myself, “Letting go of things helps us hold on to what we love most.”
Phone-less and feeling strangely free, I’d made my choice.
My Own Experiments with Minimalism
“The things you own in life end up owning you.” —Tyler Durden
I have a lot of stuff, more than I need. And some of it I really like. But I’m learning that some things in life, some stuff, isn’t good to hold onto.
Slowly, I’m getting rid of what I’ve held on to for years: outfits I’ll never wear, movies I’ll never watch, even old birthday cards. And as I do, something unusual happens to me. I feel freer than I’ve felt in years. Because somehow, the things I’ve been holding onto have actually been holding on to me.
As my family grows and responsibilities increase, I realize I can only grasp so many things at once. Only so many technology trinkets. Only so many messages to manage. Only so many relationships to enjoy.
And frankly, I’d rather hold on to people than things.
It’s taken some rude awakenings to get to this conclusion. I’ve had to learn these lessons the way most of us learn hard things in life: the hard way. Through countless interruptions and distractions. Through the inconveniences that come when we try to get what we want — and don’t.
My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.
Making More Room for What Matters Most
Recently, we cleaned out our “bonus room” above the garage. This room has been full of junk for two years, boxes of stuff we hadn’t used since moving from the apartment we outgrew.
The other day, we cleared it all out, throwing away several garbage bags, donating a couple closets’ worth of clothes to Goodwill, and relocating some things we wanted to keep.
When it was all over, the room was left virtually empty.
The next day, I brought my son, who was now 14 months old, into this room. Because it was so cluttered, he had never been able to really play in it. For hours, he crawled and rolled around in the open space.
And I realized that every area in our life that is full of stuff is crowding out relationships. As we get rid of the things that consume our time and stress, we make room for those we love the most.
How many other spaces, I wondered, are too cluttered to let others in?
Sadly, I am far from leading a clutter-free life. But I get it now, this whole “learning to live with less” thing. The truth is when you learn to let go, you don’t live with less at all. You make room for the things that matter the most, the things that aren’t even “things” at all.
I think we all do. The hard part, though, is letting go. Giving up. But I’m finding this is also the really good part, the part that releases you to live the life you were made to live. The life you dream of.
Many of us are living over-crowded, busy lives that rob us of what really matters. We wait and bide our time, holding out for the “big things” in life, not realizing that the good stuff is happening right now.
If we will just let go.
***
Jeff Goins is a writer who lives in Nashville. You can follow him on Twitter @jeffgoins or connect with him on his blog.
In 2007 our house caught fire and everything burned to the ground except my purse, keys, the clothes on my back and my computer tower ( I had business stuff on it or I would have grabbed other things). The one lesson I learned was I had way too much stuff and had saved stuff for decades thinking I would someday be able to wear it, use it, or be in need of it. In the hospital looking for things to sarcastically laugh about I said ” You know all those clothes in the closet I was hoping to someday get back into, Not a problem anymore.” I miss some of my inherited keepsakes, my oil paintings and my pictures of family but all the other stuff is just that STUFF. I walked out with my life and that is all that matters. I find myself surrounded by “STUFF” again now, and your writing just reminded me, I don’t need this stuff so I guess I will have a garage sale and get rid of what I can and donate the rest. I need my freedom from the “stuff”.
Thanks for writing this article it was written from the heart. I am becoming a minimalist and also still in the process of decluttering. It is so freeing. I agree people are most important thing to keep hold of, loved ones, sharing laughs with friends and experiences. Too much stuff add stress and just simplifying my life has given me so much inner peace. Keep up the excellent posts.
I find your message very very personal, when I lived alone before getting married I had a little stuff that I needed. My apartment was spotless everything neat tidy. Then I got married and I did not see the clutter I was shocked but for years I tried to keep control but the hoarder in my life found the boomerang I would pick up stuff put it out for the garbage and it founds it way back. I tried to sneak it in our neighbors garbage with their permission, boom he saw it said that’s mine it’s back, now I have no garbage pickup he’s takes the one bag to his dad’s house he pays the garbage there I had 100 ink pens personalized wrong phone number but the worse part is after a month they dried up I threw them away I thought but no it so happens they are at his dad’s I was furious I walked him and the dead pens to the garbage and told him I do not want to see them again I am certain that as we sell the house those pens will be their housewarming gift.
I enjoyed reading this message. Minimalism for me had grown into my soul as well. Beyond decluttering physical things I have sorted and made more space in my life my soul and my heart. My patience has grown my forgiveness and my ability to see some things through other people’s eyes. As
I let go of things that have been owning me -I gain so much more in space for goodness . That space seems endless and can never be filled . The positivity is endless and well received by myself and others. It’s like losing weight! It snowballs into all aspects of my life .