Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Jeff Goins of goinswriter.com.
My son had been born a few weeks before, and I was already struggling to focus. All these responsibilities, all these expectations.
So much to manage and so little time.
Born four and a half weeks early, our little Aiden wasn’t sleeping but a few hours per night before needing to nurse. It was a daily ritual to Google “signs of colic” and wonder if there was anything we could do to make all this a tiny bit easier.
Though I had taken a couple weeks off of work, the iPhone kept buzzing uncontrollably, and the sleeplessness was starting to wear on me. The house was a mess. The laundry pile a small mountain. My email inbox completely out of control.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That night, my wife was at the stove, cooking something for dinner, and I was in charge of baby-watching. Setting the phone facedown on the kitchen table, I hoisted my son up in the air and stepped outside to enjoy the mid-summer evening air.
As soon as I sat down with him on our back porch, I noticed a beautiful cumulus cloud formation in the sky. Instantly, I wanted to capture it, but my phone wasn’t with me.
Looking back through the glass window inside the messy house, I saw a reflection of myself holding my son. That was on one side of the glass. On the other was my smart phone, my busy life that was messy and complicated and sometimes too stressful to take.
Did I really want to go back there?
I knew I had to make a choice: maintain the busyness while sacrificing my sanity and ability to hold onto those I loved the most — or learn to let go.
Holding my son tightly against my chest, I gazed up at the beautiful blue sky and thought to myself, “Letting go of things helps us hold on to what we love most.”
Phone-less and feeling strangely free, I’d made my choice.
My Own Experiments with Minimalism
“The things you own in life end up owning you.” —Tyler Durden
I have a lot of stuff, more than I need. And some of it I really like. But I’m learning that some things in life, some stuff, isn’t good to hold onto.
Slowly, I’m getting rid of what I’ve held on to for years: outfits I’ll never wear, movies I’ll never watch, even old birthday cards. And as I do, something unusual happens to me. I feel freer than I’ve felt in years. Because somehow, the things I’ve been holding onto have actually been holding on to me.
As my family grows and responsibilities increase, I realize I can only grasp so many things at once. Only so many technology trinkets. Only so many messages to manage. Only so many relationships to enjoy.
And frankly, I’d rather hold on to people than things.
It’s taken some rude awakenings to get to this conclusion. I’ve had to learn these lessons the way most of us learn hard things in life: the hard way. Through countless interruptions and distractions. Through the inconveniences that come when we try to get what we want — and don’t.
My wife and I are in the process of de-cluttering our home. It’s taking longer than we wanted, but the process is good. It feels healthy, like a cleanse of sorts.
Making More Room for What Matters Most
Recently, we cleaned out our “bonus room” above the garage. This room has been full of junk for two years, boxes of stuff we hadn’t used since moving from the apartment we outgrew.
The other day, we cleared it all out, throwing away several garbage bags, donating a couple closets’ worth of clothes to Goodwill, and relocating some things we wanted to keep.
When it was all over, the room was left virtually empty.
The next day, I brought my son, who was now 14 months old, into this room. Because it was so cluttered, he had never been able to really play in it. For hours, he crawled and rolled around in the open space.
And I realized that every area in our life that is full of stuff is crowding out relationships. As we get rid of the things that consume our time and stress, we make room for those we love the most.
How many other spaces, I wondered, are too cluttered to let others in?
Sadly, I am far from leading a clutter-free life. But I get it now, this whole “learning to live with less” thing. The truth is when you learn to let go, you don’t live with less at all. You make room for the things that matter the most, the things that aren’t even “things” at all.
I think we all do. The hard part, though, is letting go. Giving up. But I’m finding this is also the really good part, the part that releases you to live the life you were made to live. The life you dream of.
Many of us are living over-crowded, busy lives that rob us of what really matters. We wait and bide our time, holding out for the “big things” in life, not realizing that the good stuff is happening right now.
If we will just let go.
***
Jeff Goins is a writer who lives in Nashville. You can follow him on Twitter @jeffgoins or connect with him on his blog.
Rahul Banyal says
Great post! I like to read your post. Your posts are mostly related to life matter.
Terry Hadaway says
Mental minimalism (thinking about things that matter and avoiding things that clutter my mind) gives me the margin I need to invest in people who want more out of life than they are getting. Writing is my passion. Helping others write is my process. Encouraging others through writing is my product. None of that would be possible without clear thinking and God-inspired creativity. Thanks for sharing, Jeff and congrats on the book!
Jeff Goins says
Really interesting, Terry. I hadn’t thought of that before. Mental minimalism sounds fascinating.
Lyle @ The Joy of Simple says
Good to see you here Jeff :) I’m also a reader of your blog and enjoyed this post. I am glad you found those moments with your son and that they allowed you to reflect more on what truly matters in your world and the world at large. I’m sure you feel better off for it!
I have been living simply for more than twenty years and while nowhere near being a minimalist, I live my life freely and unencumbered by how I SHOULD be living according to the societal norm. There’s contentment, satisfaction and peace in my life and while it is sometimes a bit of a struggle, conscious living has allowed me to be me :)
Take care and thanks again for sharing. All the best with your new book.
Lyle
catladymarsha says
I read this somewhere and have adopted it as my mantra as I work my way through the house ‘one more time’. “Eliminate anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.” It gives me permission to let go of many things.
Another tip I read was to take pictures of the mementos/baby shoes/scrapbooks that you have been dragging around, or storing in the attic or under the bed, that you look at once a year or so, get all misty eyed, and then put them back under the bed. Excellent tip and one that I’m working on now that I’m retired. I don’t want to leave a house full of ‘stuff’ for my kids to go through that means nothing to them.
Thanks for the article, it’s given me new impetus to get busy again.
Jodi Woody says
We have been trying to do the same thing. Thirty years together accumulates a lot of stuff. We have moved so much that it could have been worse, but with every move we whittled some away. Now our desire is to move out of our 2000 sq ft home into a motorhome and travel, so needless to say much more needs to go. I am even reading a book about the upside of downsizing. We also want more time with family, God and with each other. Thanks for sharing, Jeff.
Jeff Goins says
Interesting, Jodi! What a cool story you’re living.
C. L. Kamm says
As an aspiring writer (aspiring published writer…I’m already a writer 80 hours a week!) I can relate to a lot of your posts and this one strikes me in a different way. At the moment, I don’t have a lot of people I’m trying to hold onto, but sanity, that’s one thing I can’t get enough of. Lately I’ve been considering decluttering by actually writing less–less of what I don’t want to write, like web copy and social media posts for other people, things that are paying me–so that I can step back and remember why my writing is the child I’ve never had.
But that’s quite an icy plunge at times and one finds oneself clinging desperate for the ledge. It’s not a happy ledge at times, but it’s a strange kind of security.
Jeff Goins says
Interesting take on de-cluttering, C.L. I do think there’s something freeing about focusing on just a few things, especially when it comes down to following what we’re most passionate about.
I can relate to your feeling of stress with trying to keep up with all the writing commitments. I think you’re on the right track. Good luck!
C. L. Kamm says
Thanks!
By the way, your book You Are a Writer was very instrumental in this decision. Thanks for the inspiration!
Jeff Goins says
Hi Queen Mary. For several months, our son slept in a bassinet by our bed. He only slept in our bed a few nights, and that was usually on my chest when he couldn’t get back to sleep on his own. Those were rough months, but I’m happy to say he now puts himself asleep every night in his crib. :)
Queen Mary says
Um, I’m still laughing from this poor MAN’S experience with a preemie who wanted to nurse every couple of hours — did he say anything after that? My wonderful husband, with whom I celebrate 33 years of bliss tomorrow, swore no family bed and he’d get up every time our first born wanted to nurse; it didn’t take too long of those every 2 hour feedings before the family bed looked extremely attractive. And I’m pretty sure there wasn’t Google, and even if there had been, we didn’t have a computer. or a car.
Raymund Tamayo says
Remarkable post, Jeff! As always!
Jeff Goins says
Thanks, Raymund!
Jannine Myers says
I agree with all the above comments; what a great post and just what I needed to read right before we start day one of our attempt to declutter our home. I know it’s going to take a lot of time and effort, but I also know that the end result will be well worth it.