Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish something big, we fail to recognize the little moments, that truly give life its magic.
Today, beloved friends moved out of our neighborhood. There is sadness in our home because of it.
We have lived in our little, suburban neighborhood northwest of Phoenix for the last four years. And our friends have been a part of it from the very beginning. In many ways, we have not known life in Arizona without them.
The similarities between our family and theirs are almost too many to count. They have two kids: a son and a daughter—just like us. Their son is the same age as ours and their daughter is only one year older than our daughter. The boys enjoyed sports and video games and riding their bikes to the neighborhood grocery store. The girls enjoyed arts and crafts, swimming, and hours of conversation.
We attended the same school, the same church, and the same community events. We enjoyed the same activities. We were together for birthday parties, trick-or-treating, Super Bowls, and fireworks on the 4th of July.
More than once, a knock on our door in the evening meant warm cookies from our friends just four houses away. They were generous and hospitable, thoughtful and loving.
We knew the move was coming for months and to be honest, I thought very little of it. I mean, people move, that’s just how it works these days.
But things changed yesterday evening. After saying one final good-bye to his best friend of four years, my 12-year old son’s eyes were tear-filled. And mine quickly became so as well.
Later into the night, I ran by their home like I had a hundred times before on my usual route. But this time, it was empty. And my mind began to reminisce about the time we first met.
It was actually quite unassuming. His 8-year old son was on the play set at a small, local park. My son ran over to play with his “friend from school.” And I sat down on a bench next to his father. We talked about sports, work, and moving into the neighborhood. And the rest, I suppose, is history.
I am thankful today, that in that moment, I chose to let David into my life. It was a small, simple occurrence to engage in a conversation with a stranger. But in the end, it had a profound impact on my life.
I wonder, if at its very heart, minimalism is about questioning what pieces we allow into our life. Our lives are finite and we are met with choices every day about what to allow in. And by definition, allowing in one piece necessitates missing another.
Minimalism seeks desperately to evaluate each and every piece. Does it bring joy, value, purpose, and fulfillment? Or does it distract us from it? The evaluation tends to extend much further than physical possessions.
When we invest all of our energy into pursuing financial gain, we miss opportunity for selfless love.
When we clutter our schedules with purely selfish pursuits, we end up neglecting the family that lives right next door.
When we spend a majority of our finances on material excess, we find little space for generosity.
And when we waste countless hours in the mindless consumption of television or smartphone apps, we may miss the new, life-giving relationship sitting on the bench across the park from us.
Our lives become the sum total of the pieces we allow in. May we be intentional and thoughtful about each. (tweet that)
And all the best to you David and Doreen and family in San Antonio.
Brian Gardner says
July 9, 2015 at 12:25 PMI relate to this on so many levels.
This weekend while visiting our family in Indianapolis, they shared that they were going to be moving to San Francisco next month. We’ve had the pleasure of being near(ish) to them for 15 years, and this is going to be a big change for us all.
We love them dearly, and completely understand the reason they are moving. Since then I’ve been able to look back fondly at the memories we’ve had — but more importantly look forward to the new ones. (even though they’ll look different)
It all boils down to perspective, and making all of the moments you have with those you care about count.
Jo-Anne says
July 9, 2015 at 12:34 PM“Our lives become the sum total of the pieces we allow in”. A beautiful and thought-provoking post. Thank you.
Wally says
July 9, 2015 at 1:02 PMGood article. I believe that when friends move way you will certainly miss them but then you have the opportunity to make new friends and experience life in a new way.
Kariane says
July 9, 2015 at 2:06 PMGood friends are truly one of the things that make life beautiful. I’ve also mourned the changes that come when a dear friend moves away. I always come back to feeling thankful for the time that we spent together. I also find myself glad that I have space in my life and in the life of my family, to pursue such wonderful friendships.
Alyssa says
July 9, 2015 at 6:28 PMThanks for the great reminder! Beautifully said.
http://www.sweetlytattered.com
Danie Botha says
July 9, 2015 at 8:29 PMHaving a meaningful and impactful friendship is precious, especially as one family with another family.
We emigrated sixteen years ago from Africa with two young daughters and a 20-foot container with our furniture – said goodbye to family and old and dear friends. New friendships were woven here in Canada.
The kids grew up, started their own families – recently moved out. It’s a similar feeling of loss one experiences.
The crucial issue remains – we so easily get caught up in the accruing of things, that we neglect the people nearest and dearest to us.
Danie Botha
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
July 9, 2015 at 10:55 PMThis is such a beautiful reminder of why minimalism matters. Our choices have long-lasting effects on our families and our communities. We’re making space for what we want to see grow.
Best wishes to your friends, and to your family as you adjust to your new normal.
Naomi Alexander says
July 10, 2015 at 1:56 AMOur neighbours (a couple, no kids, like us) have also just moved house and although they only lived near us for a few years it was lovely to have friends just around the corner.
When they were having building work done on their house they were able to pop in and use our loo… and more than once house-keys were dropped through each other’s letterboxes when someone had lost or forgotten their key.
It’s so sad when friends move away, but fortunately they are only a short train ride and we don’t live too far from the rail station so I’m trying to view it as an opportunity to visit a neighbouring town that I otherwise wouldn’t have any reason to go to. Still get a bit sad when I walk past their old house though :o(
Judy says
July 10, 2015 at 5:32 AMNice to see you back, Joshua. Missed ya! :) —Thank you for this post…it really hit home on so many levels. I’m sorry your friends moved away, but they can still be a big part of your lives if you make the effort to keep in touch. Life is rough sometimes…fragile and always changing. It’s so very important to truly love our family and friends. None of us are promised tomorrow…so why fill our lives up with junk and greed. When I’m gone, I’d hope people would remember me as someone who was loving and generous. Have a great weekend Joshua. God bless :)
Elaine Farrah says
October 9, 2015 at 8:10 PMI to
Elaine Farrah says
October 9, 2015 at 8:13 PMI too hope to be remembered as loving and generous , and I choose my actions to reflect these values … Great post …
BrownVagabonder says
July 10, 2015 at 6:37 AMThe title of this post reminded me of the book about ‘Tidying up’ that is taking America by storm.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering/dp/1607747308
One of the main things I took away from the book is to only keep or let in pieces of clothing into your life (or anything else) that you absolutely love! I mean, each piece in your life, each item of clothing, or shoes, or furniture, or person, or activity, should make your heart sing with joy. It should make you so joyous to have that piece in your life, that you cry with it (a bit of an exaggeration). But, most of us spend our lives with hundreds of pieces that aren’t special to us in anyway. Most of the time, these pieces actually rob us of our joy – they make us feel fat, or ugly, or lazy, or whatever.
But we are too afraid to let them go as they remind us of ourselves when we were different or someone we think of as better.
Now, every time, I bring a new item into my lovely condo, I think to myself, will I adore this piece and use it to death? If yes, I am happy to let it add to the other lovely items in my life.
Kate says
July 10, 2015 at 6:39 AMThank you for such a beautiful post. It reminded me of some dear “pieces” in my life that need nurturing; time to reprioritize my weekend activities.
Christina @ Embracing Simple says
July 10, 2015 at 6:49 AMThis had me in tears just reading it! Beautiful written reminder to us all, Joshua! I’m sorry to hear your good friends are moving away, but I see it as a great excuse and opportunity to visit San Antonio! :)
Jeanne says
July 10, 2015 at 6:58 AMBeautifully written and so true. Since I’ve been on my minimalism journey, I’ve been very picky about the pieces I choose to let into my life. Still trying to find the right balance especially when it come to relationships.
Helena says
July 10, 2015 at 7:06 AMI am sorry you are losing the closeness and the fun of having such good friends near you, Joshua.
As a Brazilian transplant and Navy wife I relate so much to your story and the sadness of saying goodbye to friends we love. Fourteen years ago I married my husband and moved to the US. Since then we have moved 7 times, around the globe and back. I come from a culture where we “don’t move” and I enjoy
a history of life-long friendships, so it was tough to be “back on the playground”, trying to connect with new people, make new friends. Still, we have been blessed with wonderful friendships with other families, and yes, it’s hard to see them go after so many moments of laughs, shared experiences, mutual support and the little simple things of daily life. And while we will never replace them we will always cherish their friendship and love wherever we go.
Angela Muller says
July 10, 2015 at 8:22 AM“The pieces we allow into our lives.” This is one of the most important realizations to living a peaceful life. Unfortunately, it often comes with age, and the wisdom to reflect on what is truly meaningful. Beautiful, beautiful post!
Kristen says
July 10, 2015 at 8:26 AMI absolutely loved this post. Thank you for writing it and for sharing your heart!
Cheryl Smith says
July 10, 2015 at 11:30 AMWhat a beautiful tribute to such wonderful friends! The only thing consistent in this life is change, and it is always hard to close a chapter and say good-bye. Though your friendship will be different, I trust God will keep you all close in spirit. Thanks for sharing this…I think every one of us can relate to it on some level.
John P. Weiss says
July 10, 2015 at 11:03 PMSplendid post. Much like Marie Kondo’s advice about asking “does this bring me joy?” we must make daily choices. I’m finding more and more that less is more, and that sometimes limiting options can actually free us. I’m sorry your friends moved away but glad you shared your insights!
Fiona says
July 11, 2015 at 4:07 AMGreat post. We too lost good friends like that from two blocks away, some 12 years ago, and sadly, that gap has not been filled. But how much of that is my fault? How many weekends have I spent sorting my stuff and cocooning inside, instead of getting out and meeting the neighbours and making new friends? Last Christmas we hosted a street party and I realised that almost all our neighbours want to be known, and to connect with others nearby. It just takes someone to make the first move.
Mark Tong says
July 11, 2015 at 12:06 PMHi Joshua – I remember Dr Seuss in these circumstances – to paraphrase don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it was. And great relationships should be the biggest pieces we let in – thanks for the post.
[email protected] says
July 12, 2015 at 6:06 AMYour article, so beautifully written from the heart, brought tears to my eyes as I thought about similar goodbye’s. I remember when my good friend and old lover moved to Hawaii. We had created so many wonderful memories “back in the day.” Years later, I was able to visit him in Hawaii to say a final goodbye before he passed away from cancer. I think of him often and miss his friendship.
Craig says
July 12, 2015 at 6:51 PMThey will be well cared for in San Antonio. We are a very welcoming and hospitable city.
Joy @ Jumbled Up Joy says
July 12, 2015 at 6:51 PMI can so relate to this post! Usually it’s my family moving, though, because of my husband’s job. I love how you point out how simply this friendship started, with just a few words exchanged at the park. One of my treasured friendships with a dear, older friend started because we walked the same route for exercise every morning. I always think about how easy it would have been to miss the friendship if I had been caught up with what I was listening to (because I do listen to music when I exercise) and just done the usual-for-these-days ignoring other people on the trail. Thanks for posting his, and I hope people realize what a treasure they might miss if they don’t make some room in their lives for what truly matters.
Joe says
July 16, 2015 at 7:08 AMJoshua, thanks for sharing. Great words that remind me that influence happens in the little things. I shared your post on my blog. Joe
LadyRhinoa says
July 16, 2015 at 7:09 AMWow !!!“Our lives become the sum total of the pieces we allow in”. These are true words of wisdom. Thank you.
Barb says
July 16, 2015 at 9:23 AMOne of the best “pieces” I ever allowed in to my life died nearly a year ago.
My husband and I had dinner with her once a week for ten years. She was witty, wise and compassionate.
Although there is a huge emptiness in my life right now, I’m being careful about filling that space.
Thank you for the reminder that meaningful friendships start from very simple moments.
Anne says
July 21, 2015 at 6:39 AMI was scanning through this months posts for anything I may have missed. Two years ago, we lost close homeschooling friends. It’s hard to lose folks that share many ties, at the adult and children’s level. For homeschoolers, I find these friendships to be hard to replace . . . which might be why they are so precious.
Margaret says
August 10, 2015 at 11:50 AMI totally agree. Every object has its story of how it got into your life and most of the time, it’s not even something that brings you joy. Resonates with Marie Kondo’s book, which I enjoyed a lot!
margecake.wordpress.com
Tina says
September 26, 2015 at 9:38 AMWhen friends moved to Atlanta many years ago, I said we’d keep in touch and we have. We call each other and talk for a long time. I’ve been to Atlanta a few times and they’ve come up here a few times. We’ve gone to each other’s family events. Don’t let the friendship drop.
sue craig says
October 10, 2015 at 6:21 AMlove this and your blog…share it everyday. thank you.