I’ve often asked myself why we buy more than we need. I mean, when you really think about it, what would cause us to buy unnecessary things in the first place?
I think there are a number of reasons this is the case—some internally motived and some externally motivated. But one reason we should never overlook is our felt need for security.
Ask yourself, Am I buying too much stuff because deep down I think it will insulate me from the harms of a chancy world? And if so, what is that costing me?
In our society, too many of us believe security can be adequately found in the personal ownership of possessions. Of course there is a grain of truth in that belief. Certainly, food and water, clothing and shelter are essential for survival. But the list of possessions we truly need for life is quite short, and most of us already have these things.
The reality is, we have too quickly confused needs with wants and security with comfort. As a result, many of us collect large stockpiles of possessions in the name of security when we are actually accumulating comfort (or desired pleasure). We work long hours to purchase these things. And we construct bigger and bigger houses to store them.
We dream of a future that includes larger paychecks and sizable savings accounts. We plot and plan to acquire them because we think lasting security can be found there. If that costs us in other areas of life, such as our family and friendships, then that’s the way it goes. The cause of security seems so important that we can’t give up our pursuit of more.
One day I received an email that was gut wrenching to me. A woman wrote:
I’m a working mom of three young boys. I ran across your website while researching ways in which people have made a one-income household work for a family of five.
My husband and I have worked our tails off over the last fifteen years to advance in our careers. In doing so, we have accumulated a lot of material possessions. We didn’t start out materialistic, really. Over the years, though, we have engorged our lifestyle, including a large home and even a modest lake retreat.
Two weeks ago we overheard my eight-year-old son tell a friend, “Mommy and Daddy aren’t home a lot. We don’t see them very much.”
My husband and I stopped dead in our tracks. Our hearts broke. Is all of our stuff really worth it? Of course not.
We are trying to figure out the “how.” We are looking over our budget, trying to find a renter for our log cabin by the lake, and working to have my husband quit his job to be a stay-at-home dad. I am wondering if you have any pointers to help us along this path.
This woman and her husband felt that they needed to work. They felt that they needed more money and more things. They believed that their family wouldn’t be safe and secure and well provided for without the fruits of many long days on the job.
Until they realized that they were providing something very different from what their family really needed.
Sandy says
I usually buy things because of social motivation. Sometimes the advertisements are so effective that you can hardly ignore. But after purchasing, I too asked the same question as I hardly use those things.
Angela says
Wonderful post as usual Joshua.
On a different subject, is the picture at the top of the article
St. Michaels Mount, Marazion?i thought it was, then wondered as perhaps you wouldn’t post a picture from so far away from where you live.
Hope you will tell us.
If it is St. michaels Mount, I have to tell you, it’s one of my favourite places.
For the last few years we have taken a holiday in that area. It’s really lovely, largely unspoilt, also for us only about an hour and a half drive away.
Varvara says
I`m thinking a lot about work/life balance today, because I`m a freelancer and often work late and my husband leaves home early, so we don`t see each other that much. But for me it`s (hopefully) not true that work gives us money to buy things. Over the last year I`ve invested a lot in myself – better food, trips, entertainment, new experiences. When I don`t have a lot in the end of the month I remind myself that the money was spent on our quality life, not on buying stuff. Thank you for focusing my attention on topics like that. I suppose we should track our expenditures all the time and reevaluate our expenses to focus on what makes us happier and better. Hope to learn more about this:)
t says
I think it is nice to be able to have one parent home with children if possible, but parents needs to realize that things don’t always go according to plan – people divorce and die younger than expected. Simplifying and living within your means are important, but also being able to support a family in the event of tragedy is just as important.
Mel says
As a single mom on welfare, working 3 days a week and studying from home I have a lot of anxiety about probably never being able to afford a home. I don’t even want a big home. The people I rent from would sell me this home if I could afford it. But I can’t. And probably never will. UNLESS I do go to work full time.
It’s great for couples that can share the financial responsibility and time with the kids but what about people like me?
I feel like I have to make a choice between working to get off welfare or my child.
Even if I went to full time at the job I have now I would probably still need assistance from the government to pay my basic bills because its a low income job. Hence why I decided to start studying.
Anyway, I guess you just see a lot of advice for families with two parents. But what about families with one.
Mary says
No there isn’t much in the blogosphere for single families, but neither does one size fit all. Having a rewarding career & prioritising education are also valuable examples for your family.
As a single mom I have found minimising clothes, toys, decor etc have given me more time to be present. Likely you can access free financial advice for your situation from government or women’s organisations. Meanwhile, look at your leaks (phone, cable, take out?) & divert to savings to either debt or an emergency fund.
And, rather than lamenting or resenting the family time you don’t have, remember to savour the time you have…
Judy says
Mel—you and your baby are so beautiful! It is very, very hard being a single mom, but hang in there…because life will truly get easier. Take all the love, support and assistance you can. If someone (who’s trusted) offers to babysit..let them. Accept the clothing that someone else’s baby has outgrown—etc. If you have faith—know that God is with you and your lil one. You are not in this alone…and that beautiful baby is His gift to you. Find a way to keep your cup filled as well so you can have the emotional and physical energy to care for your lil one with enthusiasm. Mel—just focus on the here and now and keep God entwined in every aspect of your life. One day when you least expect it— a miracle will happen. You will look back and know that the hardest struggle is behind you and life just got better! God bless you and your precious baby. Be well :)
Carol R Bowles says
I was a stay at home Mom until, my youngest was eleven. We did not have a lot of stuff. We did have family. No one life style can make you happy. You make you happy. Never things.
Regrets in my life,thinking I needed skills ,to be able to support my children. I returned to school and Graduated with my Nursing degree.
Grateful that my children are healthy,whole and not materialistic.Grandchildren that understand family is everything.
NanaNinja.
Cyd says
I love what this says and I want so much to have LESS STUFF! I am just having hard time sorting through all that I have and actually letting it go. Does anyone have any suggestions to help with this??
Daisy Chain says
I recommend Marie Kondo’s Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
Or the Joy of Less by Francine Jay.
But Marie Kondo’s book worked best for me.
Her idea is to hold each item and if it doesn’t ‘spark joy’, then you let it go. I kinda did it backwards, and held each item and said, if it makes me feel bad, let it go. For example, a pair of shoes that were expensive but I never wear. Doing it this way gets you over the fact that a lot of possessions are just neutral, e.g. pots and pans.
Do whatever works for you :)
Maria says
What about heath care/ health insurance expenses? Or dental work? Car maintenance and insurance? Roof repair? Or rent? Retirement savings? Or just savings, in case you lose the job? How can one do this on one salary? I don’t buy new clothes, don’t do vacations, no cable TV, no fancy cell phone, no eating out–living really frugal, and I just make it from a month to another.
Mark Stucky says
I don’t know the details of your situation, but I think I have at least a small idea of how you feel.
In 2007 I was living in a tiny studio apartment and working as package handler at FedEx. Not my first choice of job, but it since it was so early in the morning it gave me flexibility in attending classes at the nearby community college.
Like you, I had no TV, no fancy cell phone, and my meals consisted of things like ramen noodles and bean burritos. Nonetheless, my income from FedEx barely covered my monthly expenses, and anything extra had to come out of my dwindling savings account. I worried that I would run out of money before finishing school, or that I would finish school and not be able to find a good job.
Thankfully, God unexpectedly provided a job for me in my field of study even before my classes were completed.
If you have opportunity to take classes to get a better-paying (and possibly more enjoyable?) job, I highly recommend it! For me at that time, I was studying engineering graphics and got a job as a drafting technician for an engineering firm.
I wish you the best.
Mark
Paula says
So thankful for minimalism and the answers it has brought to me finally. After realizing enough is too much in my home, I’ve begun the journey to less is more and have been able to mindfully make changes. One simple one is to connect with a friend that is on a similar journey. That meant taking a day to just go visit and spend time at her home with her family. We came home thoroughly tired yet refreshed! Laughs, and seeing her world through eyes that are learning to see, oh it was such a blessing. If I hadn’t learned how important to have and be a friend also takes time, what I would have missed.
Mark Stucky says
Thought provoking article. I’ve found that this is true for me in terms of professional development and career advancement. It’s easy to look around and see all the tools and gadgets that some in my field have at their disposal, and then to begin thinking that I will “lose my competitive edge” if I don’t get all those same tools or resources. In some cases that could be true, but most of the time it’s just the allure of something new.