Have you ever stood in your attic or basement, decluttering box in hand, motivated to finally make progress decluttering your stuff, but then begin hesitating over actually making decisions?
Maybe it’s a certain category of items (books, hobby supplies, sentimental items). Maybe it’s items that just carry a heavier emotional weight than others. Or maybe you find yourself unsure about decluttering anything and everything.
Well, your situation and response are not unique. The process of removing clutter can be both physically and emotionally draining. But that doesn’t mean you should stay there—stuck.
There may be some items that are more difficult than others to minimize, but that doesn’t mean we should give up on the process—especially if there is a better life available to us after the work is done.
So, to get you started, here are five questions to ask yourself when decluttering feels tough:
1. Does this item align with my present, or am I holding onto it because it was part of my past?
Marie Kondo says it this way, “The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.”
Life is a journey, and the seasons of our lives change continually.
An item that once held great significance or brought great joy might not hold the same value now. Whether it’s a hobby-related item from a pastime you no longer pursue, or mementos from a chapter of your life that has closed, it’s important to evaluate whether these items still have a place in your current and future life.
Holding onto too much of our past can sometimes prevent us from making the most of our present and future. I’m thankful for my past, I’m just not moving in that direction—and neither are you.
If the item no longer aligns with who you are and where you’re heading, perhaps it’s time to let it go.
2. How often do I use or enjoy this item?
The true value of an item lies not in its cost, its rarity, or its ‘potential’ use, but in the enjoyment and value it brings into our life.
If an item sits unused and unappreciated, it’s not contributing value. Even worse, it is taking away from our potential.
So, whether it’s clothes we never wear, gadgets we never use, or books we never read, unused items can take up space and energy. There’s nothing wrong with holding onto a few items that aren’t used regularly, but boxes and boxes of unused things become a drag on our potential.
So, if the item isn’t used or enjoyed regularly, it might not be as valuable to keep as you think.
3. If I were shopping now, would I buy this?
This question can provide a fresh perspective and help us make new, objective decisions.
Imagine you’re at a store, looking at the item for the first time. Would you buy it? If not, why?
This can help us realize that we might be holding onto items due to a sense of obligation, guilt, or the endowment effect, rather than their actual value to us.
If you wouldn’t choose to bring this item into your life today, it might not be worth keeping.
4. Would allowing someone else the opportunity to use this item breathe more life into it?
Think about the book you’ve read and loved, the dress you wore once, or the tool you rarely use. These are all items that could be life-enhancing to someone else.
In fact, the very thing you are struggling to declutter and allowing to collect dust on your shelf may be the very thing someone in your community is praying for—especially when you think of items that can be used by young families with young children struggling to make ends meet.
If you’re not fully utilizing or cherishing something, consider gifting it a new life with someone else. This thought can make letting go easier and more fulfilling.
In this way, decluttering stuff can be about more than just discarding, it’s redistributing for better use of resources.
5. Is the emotional or financial cost of keeping this item worth it?
Every item we own comes with a cost. It could be a financial cost, like maintenance or storage fees, or an emotional cost, like stress or guilt.
It might be a photo album that brings up painful memories, or an expensive item you never use but feel guilty getting rid of.
We often underestimate the mental and emotional burden of clutter—it can drain our energy, distract our attention, and weigh on our minds.
If the cost of keeping the item outweighs its value to you, it might be time to let it go.
Sometimes we want to keep items from a past season of life that we loved… other times we hold on to items from a past season of life that we wish had turned out differently. In either case, the emotional distraction is a wage that we pay every time we see the item. Free yourself.
Like I mentioned earlier, decluttering can be difficult at times. And different people struggle with different categories of possessions to minimize.
And while these five questions may not solve every difficult decision you have to make on your journey to owning less, I believe they form a strong foundation for starting to think differently about your stuff—especially those items that are hard to part with.
Angela Norell says
Thank you Joshua, you are making a valuable impact on my life! As I read your posts, I condense them for practicality. Is it unkind for me to suggest that they often contain ‘word clutter’, i.e., the same thing can be said more succinctly? Since our time is a valuable asset, keeping messages simple is important. Here’s todays ‘decluttered’ post in one page, FYI.
Tackle Your Clutter Battles: 5 Life-Changing Questions by Joshua Becker 6/2023
Have you ever stood, motivated to finally make progress decluttering, but then hesitate over actually making decisions? Maybe it’s a certain category of items (books, tools), maybe you are unsure about decluttering anything and everything. Your response is not unique -removing clutter can be physically and emotionally draining. [“Decision making hurts.”] But remember, a better life is available after the work is done. Here are 5 questions to ask when decluttering feels tough:
1. Does this align with my present, or am I holding onto it because it was part of my past? Marie Kondo says, “The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not the person we were in the past.” An item that once held great significance or joy might not hold the same value now. Items from a chapter of your life that has closed, need to be evaluated – do they still have a place in my current and future life? Holding onto too much of our past can prevent us from making the most of our present and future. I’m thankful for my past, I’m just not moving in that direction and neither are you. If the item no longer aligns with who you are and where you’re heading, it’s time to let it go.
2. How often do I use or enjoy this item? The true value of an item lies not in its cost, rarity or ‘potential’ use, but in the enjoyment and value it brings to our life. If an item is unused and unappreciated, it’s not contributing value. Even worse, it is taking away from our potential. Whether it’s clothes we never wear, gadgets we never use, or books we never read, unused items take up space and energy. There’s nothing wrong with holding onto a few items that aren’t used or enjoyed regularly, but boxes of unused things become a drag on our potential.
3. If I were shopping now, would I buy this?
Imagine you’re at a store, looking at the item for the first time. Would you buy it? If not, why? This can help us realize we might be holding onto items due to a sense of obligation, guilt, or the endowment effect, rather than their actual value to us. If you wouldn’t choose to bring this item into your life today, it might not be worth keeping.
4. Would giving someone else the opportunity to use this item give more life into it?
Think about the book you’ve read and loved, the dress you wore once, or the tool you rarely use. These could be used by someone else. Decluttering stuff can be about more than just discarding, it’s redistributing for better use of resources.
5. Is the emotional or financial cost of keeping this item worth it?
Every item we own comes with a cost. It could be financial, like maintenance or storage, or an emotional cost, like stress or guilt. It might be a photo album that brings painful memories, or an expensive item you never use but feel guilty getting rid of. We underestimate the mental and emotional burden of clutter—it can drain our energy, distract our attention, and weigh on our minds. If the cost of keeping the item outweighs its value to you, it’s time to let it go.
Sometimes we keep items from a past season of life we loved, or from a past season of life we wish had turned out differently. The emotional distraction is a wage we pay every time we see it. Free yourself. While these 5 questions may not solve every difficult decision you have to make on your journey to owning less, they form a strong foundation for starting to think differently about your stuff—especially those items that are hard to part with.
Sharon Swidler says
Thank you for sending this today, Joshua. It’s exactly what I needed. I’ve been uncluttering my parents house, which is now mine, for a year. Although I’ve made much progress, I am currently uncluttering my father’s den and am distraught and overwhelmed by the vast amount of trinket, papers and other items that he accumulated. I needed support today and you provided it.
Ann says
Wow! I just sat down and said, “Decision making hurts.” These questions will help me remove more items today. Thank you for your great timing!!!
Judy Chope says
I have Weird stuff that no one is going to buy at a thrift store or is “in need of”. Little craft items, Beanie Babies, doorknobs, saw blades, specialty tools, etc. It’s very stressful to me to try and find the right home for these things, but worse to think about tossing. I don’t want the work, I want it gone!
Anna says
I often have a “Free Sale” in my yard. I set items close to road with a Free sign and by the next morning, most if not all are gone. Just an idea….
JB says
Me too!! Easier than thrifting!
Shenaaz says
Brilliant idea, because it’s often difficult to seek out who needs my clutter
Judy says
No excuses—- donate it ALL and be done with it!
Judy Chope says
I have Weird stuff. Specialty tools no one is going to buy at a thrift store. Little craft items, Beanie Babies, doorknobs, an Etching tool, saw blades, etc. It’s very stressful to me to try and find the right home for these things, but worse to think about tossing. I don’t want the work, I want it gone!
Lee Ann says
What do you do with items that are sentimental to family members but they won’t take them? As an example, I have 8 Christmas stockings I made for my children that none of them want ( not even for their children) but insist I keep them and display them every Christmas forever. It’s already been 40 years of looking at them. Should I box and keep them for when I finally leave this earth or donate them to a child who would love to see them filled on Christmas morning and not say anything?
Pam Burbank says
That’s an interesting dilemma! I can see the quandary. However, if it were me, and all my children, wanted those stockings in my home, maybe it’s because seeing them there, reminds them of a special time in their youth, and they want to hold onto that special memory, and seeing them at the house gives that to them. It doesn’t mean the same thing for them if it’s at their house. In this case, I would keep them for them to enjoy. 😊🎄
sandy halliburton says
1. they can’t “insist” you do anything!
if you really want them out of your house (i have things i am letting go of finally), then beautifully wrap them and send them to your kids (or grandchildren, even better) as christmas presents, maybe with an individual card enclosed saying how precious these memories are to you and hope they will be to them! out of your sight and they can then do whatever they choose with them!
i have recently told my daughter and granddaughters that i am “sweeping through” my house and if there is something they would like to have, now is the time. they know i am serious.
Lynn says
I took my adult children’s stockings and had them custom framed. They received them last year in addition to their Christmas gift. Very well received!
Betsy says
When my children moved out and left their items behind I never asked them to come clean out or decide what they wanted. My husband and I boxed up their belongings and when we visited each of their homes we would take their boxes with us. After all it technically was their items, Christmas stockings and all.
Apryl says
This exact situation happened with my mom. She had our stockings and wanted us to take them. We have our own families and we do our own thing. None of us wants our old stockings, doesn’t matter why, I’m sure we have different reasons. Thing is none of us want clutter and our mom makes us feel bad for not taking things we don’t want or if she would find out we were to trash them she would also make us feel bad. Thanks mom! I think as moms, we need to make it less emotional and honor (especially) our adult children’s choices.
Mary B says
I have tried so hard to begin decluttering our house and can’t seem to get started. My husband’s health has deteriorated to the point to where he requires a caregiver. She’s been to the house twice so far. On her second visit, she found me trying to find something in the overcrowded cabinets in the laundry room. She tried to help me by handing me bins from the cabinets. Without thinking, I started to separate these items into 4 piles. Throw away, keep, donate and items the caregiver wanted. I think she’s just what I needed. I will be having her help me more often with this process. Somehow, she motivated me and with her assisting, it’s easier for me to see what I really need to keep and what needs to go.
lowell hummer says
In response to Iten # 4: I operate a “pantry van” at my church which is a giveaway for the food pantry clients who come several times a week. The van has housewares, linens, clothes, and toys donated by parishioners, my husband’s work, other churches, a hospital, the beauty salon I go to, and a local games club! People have the opportunity to declutter their homes, reduce the burden on their heirs, and make a huge difference to people who want and need these items that need new homes. It fills my heart to operate as the “middleman” getting things from the old owners to the new owners.
Deborah Windom says
You could scan them so you have digital copies and throw out the physical photos. It will help with the feeling of overwhelm and you get to look at them any time you want.
Candace Boothby says
I’m having a real struggle figuring out what to do with many boxes of old photos 😳.
c moran says
Me too!
I keep them for “me.”
However; I don’t want to burden my family someday with having to deal with the lifetime of photos.
For now, I treasure each and every photo but I definitely have an over abundance.
I wonder what the magic question is for dealing with that!
Lsurie says
I too. I can’t let them go as they are the legacy of my greatest love now passed away😢
Kathy says
We have accumulated so many pictures….such as our own many pictures and also from our parents/grandparents. I’ve been working on organizing these for the past month. I have been sorting out and giving to our family that maybe they are in or their parents or siblings are in the picture. I have ziplock bags full to give to them. If the picture means a lot to me also I’ll go ahead and scan on my computer before I give the original to them so I can have it too. I actually have eliminated a whole tote of pictures! I still have alot though I’m keeping. The ones I have I fix ziplock bags with our sons/parents/siblings. So when those are passed on there’s no sorting… I’ve already done that for them. It can get overwhelming but this seems to work for me. 😍
Lee Ann says
I did too. It took awhile but I went through all 8 million of them and divided them into categories: my kids, my youth, my husband, my family, my extended family and miscellaneous ( like previous homes). All others, I gave to their respected people in them or trashed them. Then I put them in clear file boxes and labeled them so anyone can look at “their” box and smile! It takes up way less room in my home and no more old books of photos taking up way more space.
Ken says
I scanned every one of mine and discarded the originals. Now they will not deteriorate, take up no physical space, and they are almost instantly available.
Six months later and I do not regret the decision.
Ann says
I divided photos into memory boxes. For me it was one for each: my father’s side of the family, my mother’s side, church family and my immediate family. If they were scenery, just saved extra special ones. If people, sent some to the people in the photo and kept ones that meant a lot to me. Hugs!