I took my kids to the eye doctor earlier this week—optometrist is the word if I wanted to sound smart.
While in the waiting room, I watched an event unfold. I thought I’d share it with you.
A young child emerged from the examination room followed by the doctor and I assume, the child’s mother. On the other side of the waiting room, sat the child’s father and older brother, I’m guessing somewhere in his early teens.
The older brother, as is typically the case these days, was playing on his phone while awaiting his turn with the doctor. The father flipped through a magazine. Pretty standard stuff.
As the doctor walked toward the father and son, mom and daughter headed off into the showroom to pick out new frames (that’s always the hardest part—picking out new glasses).
When the doctor arrived, the father put down his magazine and turned his attention toward the optometrist to get a summary of the appointment: Nothing to worry about, everything was fine. A slight increase in prescription was recommended, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The father asked a few follow-up questions. His eyes were locked in on the doctor absorbing as much of the conversation as he could.
His son, on the other hand, took a different posture. Throughout the entire interaction, the son continued on his phone—focused on whatever might be drawing the attention of teenage boys these days. He did look up briefly, but I assume only at points in the game that were not important. For the most part, he was involved with his phone.
I wanted to nudge him. I wanted to lean over to the young boy and whisper, “Put down your phone for a second. I know you don’t know the doctor, and the conversation taking place may not affect you, but that is a human being standing right in front of you. And THAT person, whether you know him or not, is more important than your phone.”
It was a memorable moment—the words I wanted to say—not because I blamed the child, or the father, or the doctor, or anyone else. It was memorable because the statement I wanted to whisper wasn’t just about the young boy. The statement was about me—about all of us really.
When my wife walks into the room, do I stop what I’m doing on my phone or computer? I should. Because she is more important than my phone.
When my kids walk into the room, do I stop what I’m doing on my phone? I should. Because they are more important than my phone.
While spending time with my extended family and loved ones over the Christmas season, together in the same living room, will I stop what I’m doing on my phone and be present with them? I should. Those people, after all, are more important than my phone.
But this extends beyond our closest family and friends, this same courtesy should be extended to every human being. A human being does not receive their worth on whether I know them or not. They are valuable, they are important, they are worthy of my attention—whether I’ve ever met them before or not.
I think that’s what struck so deep about the events in the waiting room that day. The young man did not know the doctor, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is more important than a game on a phone.
When I order my coffee, do I stop everything else I’m doing, put down my phone, look the barista in the eye, and offer a smile? I should. Because THAT person is more important than my phone.
So is the bank teller, the gas station attendant, and the bell ringer sitting outside the doors at Wal-Mart collecting money for the poor. THAT person is more important than my phone.
The waitress, the cashier, the stock boy, the young child in front of me at McDonalds, the UPS man, the gentleman pumping gas next to me, the doctor, the attorney, the co-worker (even the annoying one)… they are all more important than my phone.
There’s nothing wrong with phones. I appreciate all the positive changes they have brought into my life. But too often, they distract us from the people around us—both friends and strangers.
This season, let’s adopt an approach to life (and our phones) that directs value where it belongs.
The next time you have opportunity to direct attention toward another human being, keep this reminder in mind: THAT person is more important than my phone.
Andy says
You’re absolutely right. We all get so use to letting distractions overcome us, including cell phones.
I once saw a mother and daughter texting each other, even though they were only a few feet apart.
I think we can all practice being more in the moment and let technology have our full attention when alone.
Thanks for sharing.
Elizabeth says
Looks like some people find this rude and others do not. And somehow we all still have to live in this world together.
Brana Jon says
Most of teenage lingering on phone is not about some important and socially deep contacts but amusing themselves this or that way, sadly. I can track this on my daughter´s phone and try to engage her in much more valuable – real life things. I often succeed, sometimes not. Thank you Joshua for sharing this deep insight. It is so true! We must direct our kids over and over if we want them not to waste their best days being passive and indulged in virtual and not real life.
Yvonne says
I enjoyed reading this article because I totally agree with you. People are more important than any mechanical device. Any conversation on the phone can be paused or cut short when a human being is standing in front of you. I always thought it was rude for a friend to invite me over to their house and not give me their undivided attention by answering every phone call they received and continue chatting with them as if I weren’t there, or worse, the Facebook app “pinged” them with a like and they felt compelled to answer with a text message! What a waste of my time, when I could be doing anything else besides condoning their narcissism. I see it as rude and disrespectful. It’s common courtesy that people should be acknowledged while in your presence.
Patricia Griffin says
I agree!!!! There are so many people still using the phone and it seems they are “addicted” to there phones. You recall “The Sound of Silence” Wow! It’s here! If you have listened to the words they are singing about the the Sound of Silence. It is so true! Very sad to me.
P Griffin
Robyn Conroy says
Thank you ! I have shared this with my husband and teenage kids.
This does apply to all of us and if we don’t start recognising this awful behaviour we will lose what’s left of being present and the human connection.
I recently have noticed this trait particularly in my husband, he works long hours and for the brief time he is home I would like some undivided attention between the TV, his phone or iPad.
He doesn’t see what the issue is but our children notice too.
Thanks for sharing ?
choose simple says
A very timely reminder, Joshua. Thank you for this.
Rangarajan says
It is too wide a proposition to say that you should pay attention to every person around you whatever you may be doing. It is attention that gives meaning and if what you are doing is meaningful it is not disrespectful to people around you to focus on what you are doing instead of attending to them or even looking at them. Even the counter girl can focus only on the person she attending and that does not mean that she is disrespectful to others in the line or around her. This may happen even when we are reading a book and not only a phone. It is a different thing to say that addiction to phone makes you lost to the world but it does not come out well as people around you should be given more attention than things or even other people for that matter.
Penny Timmons says
My job consists of offering food samples in our local grocery stores. It is a very humbling experience. People either ignore me all together or they take a sample without stopping to hear about the products. Often many of these people are on their cellphones and will not bother to acknowledge me or find out what they are sampling. One such circumstance came too pass and the woman made a point to come back and apologize to me for being so rude. I was truly elated that ONE person recognized me as another living person with feelings and made time to ask for forgiveness. I will remember that customer forever.
Sandra Satterwhite says
Okay. This made me cry. Hitting too close to home?
Becky says
Your a wise man Joshua. I agree but haven’t been able to follow this advice very well either. I try though.