“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” —Mahatma Gandhi
A simplified life is light, easy, and free. It is a life that has thoughtfully and intentionally removed many of the things that weigh us down.
On the outside, this can be accomplished by removing many of the material possessions that demand our attention.
But what about on the inside? Many of us carry in our hearts a heavy burden of past hurts from others. Because we live our lives in relationship with other people, we are bound to be wronged by somebody along the way. And sometimes these hurts can be very deep and heavy when they come from someone close.
Carrying the weight of these burdens can result in a life of resentment and bitterness. Simply put, our lives get trapped in the past. And as a result, many become depressed or anxious.
The path to removing this internal weight is to experience the life-freeing power of forgiveness. Learning to forgive others releases burden and brings freedom back to our heart. It results in less stress, less hostility, lower blood pressure, and reduced symptoms of depression. It provides the opportunity to live a simplified life on the outside and the inside.
To experience the life-giving nature of forgiveness, try putting into practice these six steps each time you are hurt by another person.
1. Admit that you have needed forgiveness in the past. We all make mistakes. We’ve all hurt other people in the past. One of the key steps in being able to practice the power of forgiveness is to realize that you have needed forgiveness at some point in your life too. When we are able to humbly admit that we have needed forgiveness from another, we are in a better position to offer forgiveness to someone who has hurt us.
2. Understand what forgiveness is not. You were wronged. Don’t minimize the offense by pretending it didn’t happen. Granted, if you were hurt accidentally, you only need to show patience. But if you were hurt intentionally, you’ll need to accept that fact and show forgiveness.
3. Realize the difference between forgiveness and trust. One of the most misunderstood aspects of forgiveness is when it is confused with trust. Depending on the nature of the offense, your ability to trust has been deeply compromised. Forgiving somebody does not mean that you need to restore that relationship without changes. Remember that forgiveness can be instant, but trust must be built over a period of time. Realize the difference. While offering forgiveness brings freedom, being wise about trust can protect your heart in the future.
4. Give up your right to get even. Too many people live life keeping score. They keep a mental list of people who have wronged them in the past and live their life looking for opportunities to get even. Forgiveness provides the opportunity to erase the list and to release your heart from the burden of revenge.
5. Choose to respond with kindness. Anyone can respond to evil with evil. But only the strong can respond with good. Kindness breaks the cycle. It can bring freedom to your soul and release your life from the never-ending, downward cycle of responding to evil with evil.
6. Repeat the process as needed. As long as you live your life in relationship with others, you are going to be wronged. Accept the fact that nobody is perfect and be prepared to repeat the process above as needed.
If you are harboring resentment towards another human being because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on. The harm was their fault. But allowing it to weigh down your life today is yours. Free yourself today by taking the steps to experience the benefits of forgiveness in your life.
agnes ambrus says
Wonderful post
thanks
Miss Guimba - Third World Minimalist says
This is a beautiful post. I was wronged by a very good friend and for a time had a difficult time trusting other people. You’re right in all aspects about our reactions when someone has wronged us. I was consumed with thoughts of anger and revenge, especially when that friend did not show remorse to what she has done to me. But I’ve realized that holding grudges and holding on to the anger takes so much effort. So I chose to let go… It’s been freeing… Now I’ve realized that there are spiritual aspects to living a minimalist life. It’s not just a decluttering physical stuff, but your spirit and your mind, as well…
joshua becker says
thanks for sharing that story. it is a perfect example of the freeing nature of forgiveness.
Todd Schnick says
You know, sometimes, the people who have “wronged” you don’t even realize they’ve done so, and oftentimes it was completely unintentional.
Being the bigger person and reaching out will lead to that discovery.
The venom in your heart will be gone. And very likely a friendship will result…
joshua becker says
so true, todd.
people who hurt us unintentionally need patience.
people who hurt us intentionally need forgiveness.
Alyse says
Words and deeds to live by. Very inspiring, Kevin. What I’ve learned about forgiving is that it doesn’t make you more vulnerable – which is what we fear.
Thank you.
Kevin Kermes says
Wonderful post…as always. The question is: who will you forgive today to start living more freely?
Best,
Kevin
Willow says
Excellent post with great advice. Thanks.
Jarrod - Inspirational Words says
I totally agree! Forgiveness is powerful. I’ve heard that you have to learn to forgive not forget. I believe that forgiving is not forgetting, it’s taking back your own personal power. Great steps, I think people need to hear this. Thanks for sharing!!
joshua becker says
jarrod,
“taking back your personal power” – that’s a GREAT description of what i was hoping to communicate.
Dima says
Daniel bought me here. :)
Forgiveness not (necessarily) trust.
Kindness not evil.
Amen.
Excellent post.
Gip @ So Much More Life says
Forgiveness is powerful, but it’s only a first step.
If we really believe we are all one — parts of a whole — then there is nothing to forgive. Does your foot owe your nose an apology? One part of humanity doesn’t owe anything to another.
If we can reach a point where we realize we are all one spirit having human experiences, the need for forgiveness goes away. Until then, forgiveness does feel good, though.
And congratulations on posting something spiritual. I don’t see enough of that on the blogs I follow.
Gip
So Much More Life
Colleen says
really??? if my foot kicks my nose — it hurts!! and yes it will hurt for awhile. my nose does not like my foot !!
Do you really think that if a person rapes or kills someone you love that you believe they are PART of all of us as a whole??? I am confused as to who is this body?? and why believe that we are all part of one body? perhaps this is from the concept that as believers of something together we are all part of one body, as in Christianity. But I refuse to believe that I am part of a whole that does not believe that forgiveness is necessary — otherwise it absolves us from any responsibility for our actions!! we can do anything to the said “body” and no forgiveness is necessary???? that is one beat up body in the end I am thinking.
I believe your comment is far to simplistic for a topic that involves forgiveness beyond gossiping or telling a lie. or forgetting a promise or date. Forgiveness is NOT for the offender it is for healing for the one offended —
I owe myself forgiveness —- my body needs the act of forgiveness— and my body so disconnects myself from evil acts of other humans— I do NOT embrace them as part of MY whole!!
make any sense???
colleen
Maria Lessard says
You are absolutely right about having to say you are sorry. Asking forgiveness helps us grow personally by making us realize that we are not perfect and can be better if we try. That old movie “Love story” in the 60s had a phrase ” love is never having to say you are sorry”. I don’t agree with that. When we are wronged we feel disrespected. There are people who say awful things and it causes disharmony in our lives. We have to forgive others if we want God to forgive us. How many times must we forgive? As many as possible., because we are are imperfect. This is how we become more spiritual and less human.
Maria
bthm says
Colleen; I understand what you are saying- articles like this irk me because they don’t address all situations- just push ‘forgiveness’ at all costs. Forgiveness is a lovely sentiment and applies to mundane or accidental hurts. Beyond that, I don’t think it’s right or proper to ‘forgive’ truly heinous acts. You can come to terms with them and decide to put them behind you for your own piece of mind but blanket ‘forgiveness’ is not always applicable to all people.
Lisa says
I agree with Gip’s post. When we choose not to forgive, we are only spiting ourselves. Even in regard to heinous acts. Forgiveness does not mean that you agree to have weekly coffee with the person who mugged you and stole your wallet – but it does mean that you strive to empathize with that person; to remember that even the mugger is a fellow human being with an intricate life path that has led him/her to the place he is right now; a person who must be suffering a great deal to be capable of bringing that kind of suffering to someone else. Forgiving means that you let go of resentment; you let go of a desire for vengeance; you wish for the offender to find a little peace, too, so that the cycle of anger and pain ends with you.
Susan says
I agree. Transcend the situation.
Laura says
Colleen…I share this with complete kindness and understanding. It’s important to fully understand the whole of Gip’s beliefs before embracing his view of forgiveness. If all mankind had the understanding that we all truly are one – one and connected with the true unchanging source who created us, we would then all live without the need of forgiveness. However, at this point in the universe we are all not there yet. I recommend reading Neale Donald Walsch’s Book “Conversations With God – Book 1” and Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and “This New Earth” for a deeper understanding and awareness of conscious living the way Gip’s perspective describes.
Namaste
Laura
Annette says
Forgiveness is like poison one drinks and hopes the other person dies. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Annette says
Whoops, I mean forgiveness. Forgive me!,
Annette says
UNFORGIVENESS. I’ll get it right one of these times.
Katie O'Brien says
Beautifully said, Gip! It’s all dependent on your level of consciousness to experience forgiveness or to experience oneness and thus release the need for forgiveness all together.
Keep shining your light!
kris says
Gip, there are seriously evil people in this world who do seriously evil things, purposefully, to other people.
Mike says
But we’re not one. We are individual organisms.
Daniel says
Probably the best post on forgiveness ever. Sharing this out. :)