Advertisements have a way of constantly promising better things. In fact, in both subtle and obvious ways, every advertisement promises we will have a better life if we buy whatever they’re selling. Most advertisements these days don’t even tell you about the product. They sell us something else: a better party… more friends… a better body… a cleaner home…
And often, nestled among these promises is this one: a better family.
Just consider how many advertisements show joyful family scenes with the product or experience at the center—the board game, the vacation, the restaurant, even the new car.
“Buy this product, and your family will be happier.”
This messaging subtly suggests to all of us that the path to family happiness and bliss lies in acquiring more. But, from my perspective, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
As I’ve journeyed towards minimalism over the years, I’ve learned that more is rarely the answer. And less solves more problems than we think.
This sentiment rings equally true when thinking about what our families really need from us.
Consider this, when we fall into the trap of believing that our next purchase or vacation will finally bring our family closer together, we are often led away from the very thing they crave and need most: our time, our attention, and our intentionality.
When we fall into the trap of thinking that buying more will bring true happiness and close relationship bonds to our families, we inevitably end up sacrificing precious time and energy. We pursue the money needed for the purchase that we believe will bring our family closer together—often neglecting the everyday moments of connection and growth that naturally occur within our family lives because of it.
Our children, more than anyone else, are keenly aware of this. Despite what they say, what they yearn for isn’t the latest video game, the next grand vacation, or a pool table in the basement.
What they need, first and foremost, is our time, attention, and conversation. They need parents present in their lives. They need to feel the security and stability that comes from a family where parents are not constantly running the race of accumulation, but are present and engaged with their kids (and spouse).
Of course, providing for our families is crucial, and there is value in hard work and ambition. But a problem arises when the pursuit of material possessions and consumerism begins to overshadow the deepest needs of our family.
But you don’t need to take my word for it, numerous studies have highlighted that what our children need most from us is time and attention. In fact, one study, published just last month, found that “the more time parents spent with children, the higher their children’s well-being will be.” And other research suggests that high consumer debt and the resulting financial stress negatively impact family relationships.
In other words, constantly chasing the next purchase that promises to deliver “the perfect family” may actually be keeping you from it!
We work hard to provide for our families financially.
We must also work hard to provide for their other needs as well. Because more money and more purchases won’t supply all they need.
If our constant desire for the next thing that promises to deliver a happier family is actually pulling us away from our family, it’s time to pause, reflect, and change course.
How do we accomplish this? Well, for one thing, by focusing less energy on what we want to buy next and more on valuing what we already have, we create space for more meaningful connections. We make room for shared experiences, for open conversations, for appreciating the small, everyday moments that, in retrospect, turn out to be the big moments.
As we begin to unburden ourselves from the consumer-driven cycle of seeking more, we’ll find that we have more energy and time to invest in our families.
At the end of the day, our families don’t need more things; they need more of us—our time, our attention, our love, and our presence.
And that’s a promise no product or possession can ever fulfill.
Very true! Especially with younger children, it seems that “more” can actually lead to unhappiness and crankiness– too many toys, noise, mess, can be overwhelming! I’ve noticed that particularly with my 2 month old– he’d prefer the faces of his parents or siblings than all the fascinating and educational toys in the world!
I thought this was a wonderful article and thought provoking. The points that you made resonated in my heart. I am working towards a minimalist lifestyle and it was a great reminder of what needs to be accomplished to better my life and attitude. Thank you, I appreciate your work.
Your post echoes my beliefs, Over the years, I have watched advertisements and have questioned the logic behind acquiring things to make us happy. but I guess, not all is lost. Every year, there are more people who turn back to basics, only after they reach a saturation point and understand that consumerism does not beget love and nurture relationships.
One of the best pieces of advice I got when my daughter was young was this:
Children spell love “t-i-m-e”.
It truly changed my life, and I am so thankful for that chance remark. ❤️
I allowed myself to be a part of this “thing” will make my life better. So was my husband. Accumulating all the trinkets broke our marriage and my children suffered the consequences. We were so busy working to pay for needless things we missed time with our children. I’ll regret it until the day I die. I truly admire my children. They have minimal stuff and have their priorities straight. I tell them often how I admire them and that I’ve tried to teach them not to make my mistakes.
Yes, this hunger for all “things” in life gets diverted to all the external toys and addictions from the time we are very small, and becomes a part of our lives. What would we do without our phones, for example? While walking in the small park behind our home yesterday, there were a variety of people of all ages. the smallest were playing on the playground toys, the olders were sitting or walking or standing, all looking at their phones.
It was sad to see since they missed the beauty of the newly green leaves on the trees and the thick grass. We miss the integration with nature and lose ourselves into the addictions, ceasing to grow into the spiritual awareness of connection with nature that fills our soul.
This is a great article, and bound to assist others. It’s frustrating to me because, after decades of chasing “The Joneses” and buying bigger house, spending time in Malls, encouraging possessions–this is what our kids grew up with. Now I’m feeling pretty crappy about that, and this article hit a nerve. How can we “make up” for time lost (maybe that’s another account, lol) But I cannot help feeling regret–how do minimalists “make up” for their past errors?
You can’t change the past – no one can (not even minimalists). But you can live your current season of life to the best of your ability.