“The potential possibilities of any child are the most intriguing and stimulating in all creation.” —Ray L. Wilbur
Toys are not merely playthings. Toys form the building blocks for our child’s future. They teach our children about the world and about themselves. They send messages and communicate values. And thus, wise parents think about what foundation is being laid by the toys that are given to their kids.
Wise parents also think about the number of toys that children are given. While most toy rooms and bedrooms today are filled to the ceiling with toys, intentional parents learn to limit the number of toys that kids have to play with.
They understand that fewer toys will actually benefit their children in the long-term:
1. Kids learn to be more creative. Too many toys prevent kids from fully developing their gift of imagination. Two German public health workers (Strick and Schubert) conducted an experiment in which they convinced a kindergarten classroom to remove all of their toys for three months. Although boredom set in during the initial stages of the experiment, the children soon began to use their basic surroundings to invent games and use imagination in their playing.
2. Kids develop longer attention spans. When too many toys are introduced into a child’s life, their attention span will begin to suffer. A child will rarely learn to fully appreciate the toy in front of them when there are countless options still remaining on the shelf behind them.
3. Kids establish better social skills. Children with fewer toys learn how to develop interpersonal relationships with other kids and adults. They learn the give and take of a good conversation. And studies have attributed childhood friendships to a greater chance of success academically and in social situations during adulthood.
4. Kids learn to take greater care of things. When kids have too many toys, they will naturally take less care of them. They will not learn to value them if there is always a replacement ready at hand. If you have a child who is constantly damaging their toys, just take a bunch away. He will quickly learn.
5. Kids develop a greater love for reading, writing, and art. Fewer toys allows your children to love books, music, coloring, and painting. And a love for art will help them better appreciate beauty, emotion, and communication in their world.
6. Kids become more resourceful. In education, students aren’t just given the answer to a problem; they are given the tools to find the answer. In entertainment and play, the same principle can be applied. Fewer toys causes children to become resourceful by solving problems with only the materials at hand. And resourcefulness is a gift with unlimited potential.
7. Kids argue with each other less. This may seem counter-intuitive. Many parents believe that more toys will result in less fighting because there are more options available. However, the opposite is true far too often. Siblings argue about toys. And every time we introduce a new toy into the relationship, we give them another reason to establish their “territory” among the others. On the other hand, siblings with fewer toys are forced to share, collaborate, and work together.
8. Kids learn perseverance. Children who have too many toys give up too quickly. If they have a toy that they can’t figure out, it will quickly be discarded for the sake of a different, easier one. Kids with fewer toys learn perseverance, patience, and determination.
9. Kids become less selfish. Kids who get everything they want believe they can have everything they want. This attitude will quickly lead to an unhealthy (and unbecoming) lifestyle.
10. Kids experience more of nature. Children who do not have a basement full of toys are more apt to play outside and develop a deep appreciation for nature. They are also more likely to be involved in physical exercise which results in healthier and happier bodies.
11. Kids learn to find satisfaction outside of the toy store. True joy and contentment will never be found in the aisles of a toy store. Kids who have been raised to think the answer to their desires can be bought with money have believed the same lie as their parents. Instead, children need encouragement to live counter-cultural lives finding joy in things that truly last.
12. Kids live in a cleaner, tidier home. If you have children, you know that toy clutter can quickly take over an entire home. Fewer toys results in a less-cluttered, cleaner, healthier home.
I’m not anti-toy. I’m just pro-child. So do your child a favor today and limit their number of toys. (Just don’t tell them you got the idea from me.)
If you’re looking for a little extra help in this area, check out my book: Clutterfree with Kids.
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if you have fewer toys wont your room look empty
It will look tidy.
It is more important to give children the open space with a few toys to explore at length and in detail than to have lots of things which give the environment more of a store feel and lack the necessary space for the children to explore..
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I love this article! I’ve been working towards minimizing our toys over the past few months. Have you ever seen a minimalist toy list? I would love to find one!
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I am a new parent. I have a 1 1/2 yo boy. I was one of those who grew up without toys. To date, I have been having anxieties about doing the right thing for my child, whom I am very keen on having experience a much better life than I did. Before I read the article, I thought toys will be in his life extensively.
But having read your article, I will seriously reconsider my stance. Instead, I am now thinking that I should find ways to nurture all of the twelve attributes you identified in your article.
I reckon there is also a benefit to the parents, who decide to be minimalists in raising their children.
1. They will save money.
2. Will have less clutter in the house,
3. Avoid child accidents caused during toy use.
4. Live a more environmentally friendlier life as a result of less plastic toys in the home.
5. Spend more time with the child playing and nurturing its development.
6. Pay more attention to the child’s needs.
8. Understand one’s child better.
All this will culminate in to making the parent a very satisfied individual.
I don’t think he means no toys, just less than the average american. If you limit how many you buy at birthdays and Christmas it’s not hard. My daughter can only love so many dolls and my son loves legos more than any other toy. Younger son is into vehicles. You dont need much to have fun.
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This is an excellent article.
How many of our early childhood teachers are willing to take up the challenge to remove toys from your environments? Maybe start by removing everything plastic… See how that goes for a fortnight… I think you may find the outcomes to be very similar to what Joshua has written. Come on – give it a go!
Your article is very much realistic. kids can learn many thing from fewer toys that they can deploy in their future life.
You make a lot of points. Some resonate, others don’t. Many poor kids who don’t have a lot of toys don’t develop many of the benefits you list. It takes more input from parents. Many toys really do help kids learn and develop their imaginations. Not sure if it’s the quantity of toys that’s the problem or the quality. Be thoughtful in what you buy and also in the quantity. Buy open-ended art materials, not coloring books, a set of unit blocks to encourage math discoveries and imaginative play.
Hit the nail on the head. My experience is mainly with Reggio (Italian) and Te Whariki (New Zealand) alternative education approaches and the most popular resources? Feathers, bobbins, plain wooden blocks, clay, gloop… Its amazing seeing parents reactions when they see their child so engaged with no sign of conventional toys.
We have 11 kids, and all the times our friends visited us tell to their children that our house would be full of toys for the number of children in the house. For their disappointment they would find 2 tubs with lego, a few random toys, some board games in the shelves, a few dolls, no video games.
We just follow our instinct but know I understand why my kids are creative and good in art, music (they learn by themselves), caring and little mackguivers always with a clever solution, specially our 10 yr old. I never had to deal with tantrums in the shops and our Christmas or birthdays aren’t expensive. They are happy and humble. The older is 25 and the youngest 7 and many friends ask how we are still so together enjoying each other company, always looking to the next opportunity for family meetings (one married and others went to universities and work). We are in daily contact by internet family group.
This is exactly where we are at! I am tired of watching my kids not taking care of their stuff and sometimes some of the things they are interested in are things they want to learn, like cooking, making things out of wood, etc. They fight over toys and I keep thinking, “What really is important here?” Thanks for your article! :)
Love it! Absolutely agree with everything here. Great points!
Wow! I absolutely love this article and your perspective on toys. I am a first-time mom to a 15-month-old and have tried not to overbuy for her. I asked for attendees to her 1st birthday party to not bring gifts. I don’t want her to expect them and I don’t think she needs them. I definitely don’t want her bedroom or our living room looking like a toy store full of many unnecessary and unused toys.
Like you state in her article, I want her to be creative in entertaining herself, enjoy art and music, take care of her things, and enjoy nature.
Your perspective, which I very much share, is the basis of my organizing business, Simply Organized. I strive to keep things simple in my clients home, in my home, and for my daughter. “Simplicity is making the journey of this life with baggage just enough.”
Thank you for writing this wise and practical article!
Yes we dont need much to play and have fun and rediscover what we already have. Imagination is where it is at.
I totally agree that children need less toys. I think having less toys lets them use their imagination,and helps them learn better communication skills. Thank you for the useful information.
Love this idea. I used to be a minimalist before I had kids. Then sort of like you I tried to give them everything. I am definitely considering doing this for my kids. Thank you for shareing your experience.
Thank you, this was a good read as I have been going through the house and my kids room getting rid of things. It makes it easier to get rid of toys knowing it will benefit them. Now, for round 2 of simplifying their rooms. :)
I won’t lie, when we had a baby, we didn’t really have a plan. We sort of just took it as it was thrown at us. Definitely not the smartest way to do things, but it all worked out in the end!
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I find this to be so true! When I take away a lot of their toys they play so much better. It is nice to hear this from someone else. It also helps me to be strong and to continue to encourage people to give the kids other things than toys for the holidays.
Good and straightforward info. I recently put together a kid care package, which an international organization distributes to children in other countries. Some friends and I put things like toothbrushes, toys, and school supplies. At first I pictured what my own child would get the most play out of amongst his wide world of options, and the clear answer was pipe cleaners, rope, pulleys, s-hooks, fabric measuring tape and maybe some sticks. Not surprisingly, I couldn’t bring myself to put all that in the gift box because I wanted something more colorful and attractive. I wasn’t sure what would appeal to a stranger in a strange land, but I put two of each item in each box. Two toy cars, two little robotic bugs, two little airplane building kits. I figured they could share with a friend. After the fact, I would love to know more about how these packages, especially the toys, affected the children who received them, much in the same vein as what is written in the article.
I enjoyed reading your article and agree with it 100%. My younger boys love to play with LEGOs, wooden blocks, dress ups and lots of sticks. They create ‘shelters’ in the woods with tree branches and mats of pine needles. They use large, flattened card board boxes to slide down our pond’s dam. They created their own version of Pokémon with some of their friends, because they didn’t have enough of the ‘right’ kinds of cards to play a real game. My older son mostly reads books that we borrow from the library and rides his beloved bike. My ‘princess’ plays dress up (sometimes wearing a tutu with a sword stuck in it) and ‘mother’ with her baby dolls. I set up a pretend home for her on the front porch with her own rug, kitchen, table and chairs and cradle. She enjoys inviting me to tea with a lovely spread of leaves, acorns and berries on our plates. Of course her favorite toys are my kitchen tools while she helps me with real meals. We don’t have a lot of money to spend on stuff at the toy store, but I think it has improved our lives rather than hampered it.
Sounds like an idealic childhood to me Sherry. I can’t really remember many toys from my childhood but I remember making mud pies in the back yard, finding tadpoles in the creek, riding my bike around the neighbourhood, playing ‘house’ with the girl next door using whatever our parents could spare and my doll (Heidi) and the cradle I was given when I was 6 (and that I have saved for my children). We had other toys but nothing I really remember.
I love this article !
I agree with less toys for children. I grew up on a horse farm. I did not have a lot of toys there was too much work to be done. I learned to deal with people and animals quickly. I think i’m a better person because of that experience.
Help! As a parent that fell in the trap of iver buying and also received way too many toys from family and friends, can anyone suggest how we can undo this mistake and take away the toys? Should we do a rotation and store all the toys or should we just give them all away at once ? 3 year old son loves all super heroes and vehicles but he has so many that he doesn’t care about them and totally gives up too easily. Help!!
I usually save a couple toys from birthday parties and keep the rest packed up for donating. But he is only 2 1/2, so he doesn’t even remember everything that he got. If he has a couple of toys to play with, he’s happy.
We just went through a sorting exercise with our 3.5 year old daughter. I explained to her that there are many children who have no toys and if she could give some of her toys to them. We went through all the dolls, stuffed animals and other stuff and had three piles: keep, throw out and donate. I was really surprised how easy it was for our daughter to give up over 50% of her toys. Every time she would put something into the donate pile I told her how happy the children will be. We know what she likes to play with so we knew there are many toys we can donate. She had 12 dolls and 18 stuffed animals. Now she has 5 dolls and 7 stuffed animals.
I’d start by removing anything broken/missing pieces/never played with. Then I’d probably just remove half of the toys when your child is not around (don’t pick anything they’re particularly attached to though) and put them away somewhere for a month. If your child asks for one of those toys or seems to miss it you can always put it back in circulation. If you find that he hasn’t noticed and seems just as happy with less toys then halve again. My sons (3 and 18 mo) had about 3/4 of their toys removed this way and have never noticed. Infigured they can only play with 5 or 6 cars at a time- why do they need 30?
The rotate out and pare down approach works well. A sudden purge would be stressful. And for birthdays, ask for craft supplies and $towards sports/outdoor equipment etc
We are expecting twin baby girls this spring, and the amount of items we need for newborn care is overwhelming! I’m doing my best to keep it as simple as possible and get gear we can keep reusing for future babies, regardless of gender. I’ve thought a lot about toys, too. I LOVE children’s books and want to instill that love in our kids, but I won’t just buy all the ones I like, since that’s expensive (libraries are great for that!). I would love to share this article with our babies’ grandparents and family members. My husband and I have already discussed a bit how to keep Christmas and birthdays special but minimal, and how to communicate to the grandparents to get them on the same page. Thanks for this great article!
I really enjoyed this article and will be sharing it on facebook! Even as someone not planning to have kids it is fascinating how too much of good thing can mess with our minds just like rich foods causing gout. It’s a very convincing piece about the value of simplicity.
I would be curious to see the original sources for some of these points though. I’m in the fact checking camp of my friends list. Sources would make this food for thought a lot more persuasive!
I’ve taken away most of my two children’s (ages 2 and 5) toys and they’ve barely batted an eye. Great! Though I whittled down the bookshelf, we’ve still got four cubes crammed with books. Neither know how to put them away so they end up in stacks until I pick them up. I’m torn whether to keep a few favorites and rotate in and out library books, or just let them keep all of them so I don’t discourage them from reading. They tend to go for the same few each time, especially the toddler. Any thoughts on this matter? Thanks! I love this blog, reading the comments, and minimalist living!
Hi Kristen! We have a lot of books too (I have an 8 year old daughter who’s now into reading Animal Ark, Ever After High novelisations etc). I’m a year 1 teacher (age 5-6) and I think that your 5 year old could be taught to put the books away as a special job; in time you 2 year old will copy him/her.
We’ve got rid of some of Felicity’s books in the past, but always by going through the bookshelf with her and making it her decision. Then we held onto the discarded books for a couple of weeks in case she changed her mind; then they went off to a charity shop.
We’ve found it’s important to keep make sure you keep hold of a few books that they’ve known since they were babies. They love it when they reach that point where they can read for themselves the book you were reading to them when they were 2. Too many parents I know want to push push push their child on to reading more and more challenging books, and as a result some children can read things that they can articulate but don’t understand. I am a firm believer in enjoying reading – including anything you enjoy that isn’t stretching you, or is written for younger children than you.
So I would say involve your 5 year old in tidying the books, involve them both in sorting through the books, and let them choose the same books a lot whilst introducing others. Familiarity can be comforting. Some of our most precious memories are of reading the Charlie and Lola “I am not sleepy and I will not go to Bed” story to Felicity (she was 1 when we got it) and we still enjoy it from time to time!
Pete x
Thanks! I love the idea of keeping some of their “first” books for comfort/rereading when they can do it themselves!
This is so true Pete. My 3 year old loves to ‘read’ his old books to our 18mo. The stories are simple and repetitive (like ‘dear zoo’) and it brings us all a lot of joy to see them sharing books.
I wasn’t aware this was an advertising billboard? Go and pay for your advertising! I’m busy reading about minimalism, not about buying more!
Lots of interesting ideas here from the article and the replies (apart from the pointless spam gibberish and advertising timewasters). We have an 8 year old daughter who has a lot of toys, books and DVDs – possibly too many toys, as it takes a lot of effort to make them all accessible. But she loves them, and it’s all paid for and afforded. Charity shops are great places if you only get what you really want.
I think the important thing is that we spend time with her (especially as she’s an only child), we have experiences and times out with her, she has a lot of playdates, and she does not have a TV or games console in her room. Too many of her friends have a TV / games console in their room!
I just went into a 3 year old’s room, which had a tv, and had to explain to my 5 year old why she didn’t have a tv. There is a lot of explaining that happens with minimalism and children, which I think is a great conversation, it’s just hard to have it CONSTANTLY! Thankfully my daughter has been understanding about most things so far and though sometimes she says she doesn’t like “her house” after coming home from playing at a friend’s, she usually revises the statement and finds things she loves. And I think that happens even with children of a certain age no matter how few or how many toys they have — they always like their friend’s houses better!
She has been relentless about getting an iPad, though! *fist shaking at Apple and other tablet makers!*
Very true. My nieces and nephews always get a lot of different toys for Christmas. A lot of them turn into chew toys for the dogs as they simply don’t take care of them, leave them all over the place. And why would they when their rooms are littered with (mostly discarded) toys already? More thought, less quantity. Everyone benefits – the child in ways already stated in the article, and the parents’ wallet as well.
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This seems easy in theory. What about every gift they get from Birthday, Christmas, Grandma and Grandpa can’t visit without bringing something. I don’t want them to be ungrateful but I also don’t want a house full of junk.
Just encourage them to give your kids gifts they would really need or would really help them living a better life: think musical instruments, sport gears, bikes, books, healthy foods (fruits, drink yogurt, granola bars…) DVD documentaries, music CD, plants to take care of, cute notebooks… the list is pretty much infinite.
Sometimes the best gift is “their time”. Lot of kids would give up any material thing in exchange for real time to spend with their family and too many relatives think a “gift” is a substitute for that time.
I also love the idea of appreciating the joy it gave the giver and the recipient in the moment, but no need to hold on to the gift long term.
We have a policy of “if the gift is from grandma, it stays at grandma’s house”. Less stuff at our place and there’s now heaps to play with at grandma’s.
I can not remember a single gift my grandparents gave me. But I remember visiting them and my grandfather would spend time teaching me the deadman’s float in the pool, or we’d go fishing on their dock in their canal with the sand fleas we’d pull from the beach when we’d go to their beach condo in the afternoons.
Seriously, those times are what I remember of my grandparents… They’ve been gone since 2006 (Nana) and 2013 (Papa), but I still can do the deadman’s float and I remember fishing fondly… (Although I never caught much…and even if I did, we had to release it back… But just sitting quietly…being included in this ritual…with my grandfather was a treat :) )
I love this. My grandparents didn’t bombard us with things either. My fondest memories of my grandpa are the times he taught me to tie flies, horse back riding, and telling funny stories. Basically, his time!
That’s always an interesting response to me. We are the parents. We set the rules. I love the idea that grandma can give gifts, but they stay at grandma’s house.
My mom does the same. She will buy them things and if it’s Christmas at her house she lets them know the toys stay with her. They have never had an issue with this. They get excited and have “new” toys to play with every time they go. I also think toy rotation is another good idea if you just can’t stand to get rid of their toys. Take some away. Rotate out with the ones stored away. It’s like getting new toys all over again.
I find myself not having much time to spend with my children because I am busy working to pay for all the toys my wife insists on buying. My kids have more toys than they need but crave my attention. My wife thinks she is being a good mother by buying the kids lots of toys, however is a woman that deprives her kids of quality time with their father a good mother?
I think that’s pretty unfair to insinuate that that would make her a bad mother. Perhaps that is simply her language of love. I know myself am inclined to want to buy a tremendous amount of gifts for my kids, primarily because that’s how I was raised. But it is never my intention to use gifts to take time away from my husband with the kids. Maybe cut her some slack and try to dig deeper into the issue with her and see if there’s a compromise you can make. For us that compromise is me running every gift purchase by my husband first and he can help me decide it they already have to much, if they really need it, or if I’m going overboard.
I find myself not having much time to spend with my children because I am busy working to pay for all the toys my wife insists on buying. My kids have more toys than they need but crave my attention. My wife thinks she is being a good mother by buying the kids lots of toys, however is a woman that deprives her kids of quality time with their father a good mother?
Hey, just wanted to encourage you in your marriage. Don’t let something like toys come between you and your wife. Definitely tell her (in a non-combative way) how you feel about the situation and you could suggest doing a trial run for a couple weeks with only a few specific toys that you and your wife agree on. Give time for the adjustment period, understanding that the first few days might be awful depending on your children’s temperament. Adjustment can be hard for some, but with our experience with cutting out kid’s tv, is well worth the effort. IF she is not willing to try it out, again, don’t sacrifice your marriage because of toys. Ignore them and find something to do with your children that is meaningful to you. As she sees your kindness toward her and the children, she might come around. It can be scary as a mom to give up a crutch that she uses to show your kids her love. Her love language must be gift giving/receiving :)
Not trying to tell you what to do… It would just be a sad tragedy to let stuff come between you and your wife.
I’d talk, lovingly, with your wife about this. If it’s bothering you like this, it’s worth the work to resolve it! Most mothers would be overjoyed to hear their husbands want to spend more time with their children! Explain that you want to start balancing your budget of both time and money better and it starts with evaluating needs vs wants, particularly where toys are concerned. Emphasize the benefits of parental interaction in children. No toy can replace the value of that!
I bring my grandchildren mylar balloons from the Dollar Store. They love them. Also, during pomegranate season, I buy each of them a pomegranate. Eating them is an event. Both gifts go away in time. No clutter. It is also a tradition, they look forward to them because they know when we come it is one or the other.
Wow! The pomegranate is an amazing idea. Your grandkids will always remember this! I love it!
I love the idea of setting lovely traditions, what a joy!
I totally agree with you Kara. I find that it is really hard to stop things from entering the house. We are about to move closer to my relatives and I am thinking of implementing a new rule: the toys you give to my children will stay at your place, so they can play with them everytime we visit. I can imagine them responsing: I have no space for keeping their toys! Well, us neither! ;)
For every new toy that comes into the house, another one has to go. Donate it to a shelter, Freecycle it to someone who needs it more, etc. It is the same with clothes. There is such a thing as having too much. Toy bins and closets should not overflow with stuff IMO.
Its a hard decision but the best to ask grandparents / families / friends to not buy toys. My inlays now understand and goo all together to pay for swimming lessons or part of piano lessons for my boys. then they buy a small bag of candy or a bag of fishes crackers and my kids are all over the place excited! simple but it bring so much happiness!
some of my families took it hard, but becoming minimalist I had to fight these thoughts and comments and do what is best for my family and health. ( took much stuff will give me a heart attack.. lol and make me irritable.
I love to give the gift of experiences. For example, tickets to the movies, zoo, ice cream shop, theme park, water park, circus, etc. or a roll of quarters for the arcade, or fun place like Dave and Busters or Chuck E Cheese. Take the kids to a fun food factory like the Jellybelly Factory, Hershey Factory, etc. Rather than giving physical toys, taking the kids somewhere fun where the real gift becomes the awesome memories made there.
I love gifts of experiences, but honestly that type of stuff is more expensive sometimes (museum memberships?) and even movie tickets (for at least two – parent and child or multiple children), so as much as I want to ask those things for them from my son’s relatives who get him clothes and toys, they just want to do something for him, I can’t in good conscience ask for that. Swim lessons, soccer lessons…etc. And taking someone out for a nice afternoon is really really great, but we all live far from our relatives, so that isn’t feasible either.
I donate a lot of toys we get that are random.
Crystal…I love your idea of giving the gift of experience. Time is precious, it has always been, but now more than ever in this culture of electronics….I’m just curious though, did you know that the Hershey’s brand use child slaves as little as 6 years old to make their famous chocolates? I never knew that until just the other day…kids get sold and bought from parents into slavery so that we in the western world can eat our nice chocolates.
Ask relatives to buy experiences rather than things. Grandma and grandpa can take the child to the zoo for their birthday rather than buying something.
I tried to suggest this. The response was a resounding no. They wanted to give toys. I’ve also been told to have a clear out so they can buy more! What do I do now?
Can the toys stay at the givers’ home? You might just need to be more assertive about your stance on gifts, have the kids pick another gift to give away each time they receive a gift, or have the kids’ collection of toys be solely from grandparents or whoever is gifting toys.
Be the parent.
Every time they give you something you don’t ask for or want, give it back or donate. Make sure you tell them you do it too if you donate. If they don’t like it they will eventually stop. You’re the parent. I never let any family members overstep my rules for my children. Not even the grandparents.
Tell them that your children will be sad to have to give away their beloved toys so that they can get more toys- that that is taking away with one hand and giving with the other, or making you be the bad guy (taking) so they can be the good guy (giving). That’s not fair to do to you or the kids. And I would tell them as much. It’s also wasteful to get rid of perfectly good stuff just to buy more stuff- a bad example to your kids of how to treat the planet. Stuff that is donated may or may not ever end up benefiting someone else, so that isn’t a good solution.
I would just tell them no. You don’t have to allow them into your house with gifts, you don’t have to go over to their house to receive gifts. If they’re not willing to work with you at all (following alternative suggestions) then you don’t have to work with them. If they would be nice and work together with you and come up with gifts that work then that is one thing, but they can’t just override you and give toys when you say no.
Donate!!! So kids will learn to give too!!
We really try to encourage great experiences with the family vs. stuff. The grandparents take them to baseball games, or petting zoos. Our family buys them pool passes or McDonald’s gift cards for Christmas.
We have 5 kids in our 1600sf house and the family understands that we just don’t have any more room for stuff.
We try to make any other gifts that consumable and need to be replaced. New coloring books. Silly sidewalk chalk. Scratch art pads. Stickers.
It’s taken time, but our family is really supportive now.
Set up an resp (college fund)! Money better spent.
Make it clear to family that your child would rather have quality time with them rather than a gift. And if they do get a ton of gifts, teach them to pass them on to children that aren’t so fortunate.
We try to live zero waste. We ask friends and family to please not gift toys, but to gift books, plants, money for their savings accounts or foods. :-)
We have a system.
-something they want
-something they need
-something to wear
-something to read
We make a list of options depending on the number of people giving gifts. All toys are set at reasonable price. Everyone can choose one toy to get along with everything else listed above. We note on the list that anyone who goes over the limit will have the extra gift returned to them/store, or it will be donated to charity. I’ve had my in-laws fight me on this every year for birthdays and Christmas. My FIL is probably the most stubborn and never follows the rule. I sent him a video of myself throwing the toys in the donation bin last year. He will most likely be following it this year. If not, it’s his loss not ours.
The first time I read this article I purged every single toy my boys had. They refused to keep it cleaned up and everything was either donated or thrown in the trash (minus older sentimental items). My life has been so much easier. They don’t fight over toys anymore, they had to relearn how to use their imaginations and once they did it was smooth sailing from there. It may be hard at first if your child is upset or angry but they will forget once they start playing and having fun. My kids were upset for about two days then it was like nothing ever happened and they are happy as ever (and I get to keep my sanity when there are less legos to step on).
I think that’s a bit drastic and absolutely horrible to purge all of their toys! You could have taken them away for a few days instead.
Found a mother-in-law!
Provide a list to the grandparents, and other members, of acceptable gifts for your children such as chess games, or better still, spend time re-creating a classic game that is more in alignment with reality. For instance, I have spent time creating a game alternative to Monopoly called Poverty where a family of four grows up with the final goal of owning one house. The family start off living in the projects and each member attends school and/or works. Instead of passing go and taking $200, the person receives a paycheck and keeps moving around the board paying for the cost of living, utilities, laundry, food, etc.
The ultimate goal is to get a job, then a career, attend school, rent an apartment, rent a home and the purchase a home a finally own the home over a period of years. The board is constructed similar to a Monopoly board but instead of creating hotels, and purchasing homes, a person pays their rent and starts saving for a home, health care costs, education and vehicular expenses.
Children lack creativity today and mimic the latest corporate game or toy. I think more time should be spent giving them opportunities to grow and develop from their knowledge and experiences instead of from television.
Or an experience such as swimming lessons even if its a six week session or any other sport your child is into. We’ve also said books are always welcome too.
You can always ask them to make a donation in your child’s name, donate money to a “get a car” or “college” savings account. My grandma only ever put money in my account growing up. I was about 8 years old and I was actually thrilled she was doing it for me.
Also, gifts that are an experience. Maybe annual passes to the science center, zoo, children’s museum.
A talk with Grandma and Grandpa is important, especially with the holidays coming up. I agree with what has been said- let them know that experience gifts, art supplies or favorite foods (which can be used up), and additions to current collections (for example if your child already has legos but would really enjoy a lego ___ as an addition to his set) would all be good.
I would definitely talk to them about not bringing something every time they come. “Mom and Dad, we love it so much when you visit, and our kids look forward to it, too, and have so much fun with you. We want to make sure that they enjoy your visits for the right reasons- spending time with you and doing fun things together, and don’t focus on just getting something from you. So we’d like to ask you not to bring gifts with you on your visits, except for Christmas and birthdays.” Also ask them that they choose one gift per child for Christmas and one for birthdays- not multiple presents per child. If they want to do more then they can do experiences (tickets, lessons, activities, memberships, etc). That also make them think more carefully about what to give and not just give random stuff.
Definitely share your minimalist leanings with them, and don’t expect perfection right away. Continue to have the conversation and eventually it will sink in. Always be kinder than necessary, and as kind as you possibly can.
That’s easy…when they receive a gift….they donate one. You can have your child choose a toy they have had for awhile and donate to a child who is less fortunate. The schools always know who these children are and it teaches compassion.
Grandman’s gift goes straight to the bin. Of all people she should understand the meaning of not spoiling children, surely she wasn’t spoiled with tons of toys as a kid.
Replace with: Experiences like outings to movies, waterslides, etc. Time and attention.
My husband and I do a donating things we don’t use anymore to friends and local thrift stores and churches. Kids can be taught to do the same. This is also a great way to teach kindness and compassion as a secondary lesson
For my kids’ birthdays, we have birthday parties where each child brings a wrapped book (and no gifts for the child having the birthday). Then, at some point during the party, the kids play a game that allows them to swap the wrapped books with each other. Every kid gets a book to take home, I don’t need to buy crappy party favors for all the kids, and my kids don’t end up with tons of toys. It works well and everyone seems happy with the arrangement.
Well we just got thru baby’s first Christmas & let me tell you, there will be rules for next year! For a baby who can’t yet sit up on her own, she now has an excess of toys. One (well intentioned) relative gave a big bag full of random hand-me-down toys, nearly all of which I intend to donate because they are not at all the type of toy we’d like in a carefully cultivated & limited-size toy box. I have no guilt over returning and donating many of the new toys. At her birthday I think a rule will be that books are always ok, but otherwise only a single small toy per gift giver, & suggest experience gifts like museum tickets, etc. I also love the idea of saying toys from grandma stay at grandmas, hahaha!
Teach them when you get one thing you have to give away another (one of the old toy).
Rotate toys
I have asked all my family members to not buy my children toys just because.
Let the child focus and plan on ONE main thing he or she really wants and ask the family members to contribute towards it. It becomes a shared gift from important people in your child’s life. Alternatively ask them to give the child a ‘memory’ and take them for a special outing instead of gifts. If they can’t take the child can they give money to the family so you can all go and you supply photos back?
We live far away from my parents – this year when my mum asked what they wanted for Christmas I told her “time and ingredients to bake goodies with you when we visit this summer!” And that’s what they got – a card made from recycled Christmas cards and an IOU baking session! RESULT!
A good idea is to talk with your child before an upcoming birthday party and tell them, “you have so many toys, how about we do something different this Birthday?” And on the invitation request pet toys/food to donate to the local animal shelter. If you have an animal lover they can also spend time socializing with puppies at the shelter. Or donate all the new toys to the local children’s hospital. You can let your child choose and it doesn’t have to be for every Birthday.
I suggest you have an honest communication with the grandparents, start pooling for ONE good toy instead of twenty cheap ones when celebrating birthdays, recycle toys through the attic and as a last resort, have a couple of garage sales or give the toys to children with incarcerated parents.
Excellent article, you consistently inspire me to live with less. Out of curiosity have you written an article or could you recommend a few toys that you do think are valuable to have in the home that may span the years? We have 2 children, a boy (16 months) and a girl (nearly 3).
My two cents, if it helps: I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old, I recently did a major toy sweep so I am super interested in this topic! The things that are left, they have gotten a lot of mileage out of, mostly items the 5 year old had when she was 2 years old: a play kitchen with a few play food items and plates; a small age-appropriate art kit; a play doctor kit; wooden blocks that have letters, numbers, and animal pics on them; big legos; a doll, a favorite stuffed animal of each, and stroller; and some balls. As they get older, they play better together and have used the play kitchen/accessories and the doctor kit a lot together and with friends and adults.
They also started using household items to accomplish their play missions, like basement couch cushions for forts/climbing/”gymnastics”; kitchen items for tools/music ; sheets to pull each other along the hardwood floor, have a pretend picnic, or build a fort; etc. I used to balk at that and say, Thats not a toy! Now, if it is safe and not a huge inconvenience to clean-up, I’m more willing. In my experience, if I help them along and suggest using their imaginations or start an idea, they build off of it.
I think just knowing your children and having it in your mind that you don’t want them to have every toy ever made will be the best guide in finding toys that they will get the most out of. I haven’t regretted my decision, it is actually reinforced every time I go to one of their friends houses and see the mountain of toys/chaos.
Ashley, you should read the book ‘Simplicity Parenting’ by Kim John Payne. He has great suggestions for toys that will entertain and inspire creativity in children and that will last the distance. It’s a great parenting book in general.