“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” – Author Unknown
I made a significant decision when I was young that I have never regretted. Simply put, I decided that I did not have to live my life like everyone else. I would live my own life. I would pursue things of lasting value rather than the newest fads of society chased by everyone else.
It sounds simple enough. Yet, countless multitudes will never make that decision.
Instead, they will succumb to the pressure to conform. They will live their life purchasing the trendiest products and fashion released to the masses – not because they actually need them, but just because their neighbors bought them. They will base many of their life decisions on the celebrity spokespersons’ pitch of the day. They will waste their energy trying to keep up with the Joneses.. all for the elusive purpose of conformity. And in exchange, they will lose their life and forfeit their soul.
Decide today to live your life. You do not need to live life like everyone else. Your life is far too valuable to be wasted on the life that everyone else is choosing.
Here are a few steps that I have found to be very helpful. Use them to get you started (or continue you along):
1. Celebrate your uniqueness. Your life was never meant to be lived like everyone else. You don’t look the same, you don’t sound the same, and your personality is special. Your deep-held values are unique. Even your laugh sets you apart. Throwing that away just for the sake of looking and living like everyone else is one of the cruelest things that you can ever do – it will always prevent you from fully living your life. Instead, champion the things that make you unique. Celebrate them.
2. Realize that most peoples’ lives are heading toward destruction. Just consider the latest statistics. For example: Last year, on average, Americans carried $8,100 in consumer credit (not mortgage debt) – that is $8,100 for every man, woman, and child in America. It’s no wonder 46% of Americans say they suffer from debt-related stress. And according to the American Medical Association, stress is a factor in more than 75% of sickness today. In addition, The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that soon “50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue.” One of the leading factors? You got it, financial problems.
3. Accept the truth that there is a better life out there. Reading through the statistics above, one can not help but say, “There must be something better out there.” There is and there always has been. Unfortunately, most people are so busy tripping over each other to purchase culture’s newest release that they miss out completely on the better life. Do not be fooled. The better life is not being mass-produced in a factory… you won’t find it on the shelves in a department store. It has never been found there. And never will be.
4. Identify your values and allow them to guide your life. Grab a piece of paper and pencil. Across the top write, “What I most want to accomplish in life.” Begin making a list. Post that list some where that you will notice it every single morning. Allow it to shape your life. Base your decisions about time, energy, and money on those values. Allow them to guide your life even when they take you down a narrower road than everyone else.
5. Find a mentor that you admire. Surely you are not alone in your desire to live a better, more fulfilling life. Others have traveled the same road prior to you. Seek them out because you will need to look hard for them – they are uncommon. Perhaps they are in your family, your organization, your spirituality, or on your library shelves. Whether in person or through their writings, soak up as much as you can from them. Learn from them and be inspired by them. Follow their life, not the masses.
6. Reflect, reflect, reflect. Regularly pull away to meditate, contemplate, and reflect. An unexamined life is not worth living because the pull to conform has always been too great. Our lives will always “drift” in the direction of conformity if we lose our directional bearings. Withdraw often. Review your list of values and reflect on the current trajectory of your life. Is it headed towards the end you desire… or just following the easy road of everyone else?
Your life is valuable. It is the greatest asset you own. It holds potential for great things. Don’t let it slip into mediocrity by choosing to live it just like everyone else. It is not a worthy trade.
About Joshua Becker
I recently lost my job. It can really take a toll on your self esteem. Thanks for writing this because it gave me a new perspective on what success is in my life.
I am a sophmore materials science engineering student at a well-known tech school. I am thinking about my future, and I dread the thought of commuting, settling for a house that I come to after work just to veg in front of a television for hours before I go to bed to repeat the routine the next day.. living the life everyone around me is content on living. I want to travel everywhere, I want to learn about other cultures and how people live and learn! There’s such a big world with so many people I want to meet, I can’t be happy staying in one place.
I don’t know where to look for a mentor, and my #1 priority remains my education. Does anyone have any tips? I know my trajectory, but I need help figuring this out :)
I very much agree. I am 67 and have been living a lifestyle of what some people I know have called a “spartan lifestyle”. I have been asked by many people over the years questions such as,”when are you getting rid of that POS car (2003 Kia Rio with well over 100k on the odometer) and get something else? Or chucking my little flip phone and getting a smart phone. I also still have a analog (tube tv) with a digital converter connected to it (no pay tv). I ALWAYS use cash,have an emergency fund,and was able to quit my job 5 years ago due to my “spartan lifestyle”!
Loners are losers! Your uniqueness was not some cosmic mistake but your person was a specific design of God for a purpose. As a loner, you are hoarding it. Your gifts and talents and persona were given you to give to others. Your ‘friends’ will be those you serve or help or unconditionally love. Stop expecting others to come to you and hoard together! Step out – share – and then you will receive what you are looking for; love and acceptance. Stop telling the world that your uniqueness is not the norm and therefore not acceptable by being a loner. Show the strength of your uniqueness in being the one who reaches out to those who are rejected by the ‘norm’. There you will find true friends.
loners are losers…..yeh nice one
I like your message of reaching out. The message that loners are losers? What does any one of us know about their experiences or their genetics that may be the cause of them choosing their path?
This article really resonated with me and couldn’t have come at a better time. I often feel like I’m swimming against the tide but deep down I know that’s where I’m supposed to be……Thank you for your timely message, Joshua!!!
Great article. Thank you. Obviously touched a nerve in many people.
An admirable goal, to be authentic to one’s own unique nature and calling. It’s not a commonly achieved one. Many people feel the need for approval from others, as well as get caught up in comparisons and judgements that inhibit individuality. The journey to authenticity and having the courage of your convictions can take a lifetime for some of us. Hopefully reading hints that point the way, such as this, can help hasten that journey. Thanks for sharing.
I began downsizing and selling things I did not need in February 2016. It started out by necessity. As I did this I began to be happier. Despite the fact that I sold designer clothes, expensive accessories and home items. I’m just about down to the bare necessities.
I had to sell these things to survive because I lost my business. It’s been a year now since a I really had a job. I should be depressed, BUT IM NOT. I love the feeling of things not weighing me down. We think all these beautiful and expensive things will make us happy. They do not. I’m at peace with myself. I cannot afford cable tv. So I read. Lol what a novel idea huh? I go for walks. I visit with friends at home instead of going out to eat. It’s been a scary yet wonderful journey. I’m not a loner. I value my friendships very much. I know what’s real now. It’s been awesome. I encourage all to try it.
If your depressed try this. Set a timer for 30 min. During that 30 min you have to be moving around and doing something. Moving is key. After 30 min you get 10 min to do what you want, then back to the 30 minutes of moving around. Shut off your tv and turn on some music. Go for a walk. This entire experience has been awesome for me. I wish you all the best. ❤️
Cynthia, how inspiring! Your experiences also resonate w me so much! For most of my almost 40 years, I’ve had this idea that I must b ‘successful’ and b ‘the best’ at stuff, or accomplish some ground-breaking discovery or achievement. I’ve even almost completed a PhD in an area I happen to be good at – wtf? :/ But lately, largely due to the blessing of illness (yes, not a typo!) I’ve been forced to reflect and to stop kidding myself about what really matters to me… actually, when I am blissfully happy is when doing the SIMPLEST and CHEAPEST of things! Like watching birds in my garden, collecting flower seeds to share w others, weeding, pruning trees, picking flowers, tending to my adored pets. So, as hard as it’s been to admit, I am now pursuing a life related to gardening and self-sufficiency! Shock horror;)) Luck and love to all<3
i am alone and fed ups with lifes so i need something to help me
Sounds like you need to reach out to someone within your community Rabiya. There are people near you who want to help.
Awesome read! I am always a loner in my life. I hold too unpopular opinion when it comes to my music taste and lifestyle. I’ve been a loner since age of 15. I moved out to another country and my friends all was in previous country. In new country I got some in the age of 12-14, but again my parents wanted to move to another city in new country because of job. Again I lost my friends.
At the age of 15 in that new city I had some friends, but I never wanted to go into a deeper friendship because I was too different. I tried to be normal, but I was not happy. Even if others were thinking I was. I started to listen normal music and doing normal things. But no, I was not myself. Even if I was normal, I still was a loner. In high school I tried to learn good, even if some people were against me, fighting with me.
Never really wanted to get friends from here… And I am glad I did that. I was a loner, after school on my own alone. The whole school, no contacts to anyone on my free time. I learned a lot from that lesson. Not only I can now be happy alone, I don’t feel the need to have even one friend… I am already happy, I don’t need people for happiness! Like the masses do.
In commercial school I used to like going to school and again had few friends, but newer after school. I was a simple loner and when school ended, friends too. You can’t really, and you shouldn’t, rele on people for your happiness. I am so glad that I used to live so long without friends and social life. I am independent. Even at my work, I see people and that’s enough. Rest of my day I don’t want to see anyone, not even my family living near me.
I have only Internet friends and these are only “friends”. One kind friend just left me this year because he wanted more than I can provide. Again, he found a lot of friends and now he is gaining more and more these. These kind of people never are happy and are wanting more, more and more. He was great friend and I met him sometimes in my life, but I don’t really miss. Usually these kind of people wanting more will realise that more stuff, friends etc. is also more money, maintenance and repair. In friendships for example more money spent out eating and shopping, maintenance to keep your friends happy and repair if there’s some problems in friendship.
When I am a loner, society thinks I am an idiot. But for me being a loner is so much more.
1. I am myself.
2. I don’t have time to waste pleasing other people, I please myself.
3. I am more productive.
4. I do what I like. Not what someone else likes me to do.
5. I am independent.
List goes on… Be a loner, live a life you desire! Don’t try to be someone else. Be yourself. Don’t change to get approval of others. you can approve yourself at your own – all alone! If you have problem, find the answer. If you are bored, go for a walk. Do you need someone else for that? I bet, no. No one needs.
So what’s your decision today? Do you want to be happy by yourself or do you want to please someone else instead of you?
Jyri. I like your post.I too have any “friends” by choice.So much pain and too much to live up to their expectations.Sometime I get lonely for human contact but then I just go to the grocery store.Serious
I do not have a lot of friends. I have a few people in my life I refer to as friends as well as my family and husband who is not well at all and will soon be traveling on to a better place. . But, I will never be alone as there is always Jesus walking beside me, guiding me through everything in this life both good and bad. Thanks for listening! God bless each one of you on your journey and always be true to your self+++
But don’t you ever feel there should be just one person who will be there for you when times get really hard and you need a company? (The person who loves to live alone)
I don’t understand how to get out of where I am. This site came up as a result of certain words. Sure I am not where I should b but keeping me from MAJOR depression.
People don’t know assets will not make u happy. I want a simple cabin, nature, animals and someone that shares and wants same. Want someone to love and want me, for me
I feel you. I have this thought over and over. I don’t want to chase after something I don’t really care about. Get a job for the sake of money and power or to profess my stature in society. When I talk to my friends they aren’t serious enough to understand. But you should really follow what you cherish. We feel left out because no body else feels the same.
Linda, your comment echoes the feelings of many…the longing to be loved, find someone with shared values and goals, live in the setting that is joyful and fulfilling for you, etc.
One truth I have learned is that first you must accept and love yourself. Just as you are now. Along with your imperfections and despite them.
Another is that if you consciously try to move toward your happiness, life will support your efforts. If living close to nature is a heartfelt goal, try to find a way to get closer to that. Reducing your possessions, creating a simpler life, making what choices you can will help you feel empowered. And a powerful woman creating her own destiny will attract joy. You can be who you seek! Then, should that longed-for partner come, you will be ready to receive love. In the meantime, live life as joyously as you can. Best wishes!
Wonderfully written! <3 A great reminder to all of us everyday! We are all unique and we must respect and appreciate each other's special personalities, gifts/talents, behavior, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, bodies etc. #goodread #goodvibes
I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Well written!
I’m ready to DOWNSIZE, and simplify, looking at lake side cottages, which means downsizing and I’m looking forward to it. Not interested in buying big or fancy, I just want things to look nice and cozy.
For years I complained about my POS car. Now I love my 2006 Saturn with stick shift. ..its been paid off for years…still runs great and I wasn’t devasted when a deer ran onto road and bounced off my hood. Don’t think I don’t feel bad about the deer, but it did run off, so deer is fine. When people are bragging about their new vehicles, I’m driving a car that I could afford when I bought it new, that’s cheap to drive and no worries if I get a door ding etc.
That is freeing. 214k miles on it and hoping to get at least 250k out of it. The last Saturn I had, I gave to my daughter with 260k on it and she sold it for a little cash to an old guy who putzed around town with it for at least a couple more years. Next car I get will be used, and reliable, I don’t carry what it looks like.
Consumerizm aside, having been a nonconformist all my life, I often feel I’m the odd one one, a missfit in society,
which is not a good way to be… Also, overanalizing and philosophizing everything has the same risks of isolating oneself from the rest, which, again, isn’t healthy.
Odd one out
Great article! I don’t wanna be like everyone. I wanna be me.
#4 and the final paragraph spoke to me. I used to live this life I now seek, 10 years ago. Over time things somehow changed and fast forward, I’m afraid to return to that fulfilling place out of fear. Although conformity frightens me more.
Awesome post! I’ve read this before on your site but it’s always a wonderful reminder!
this is a superb way of living – its a shame this did not come up about 10 years earlier.I would be living a great life today
This quote is one I like :
“Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street .”
Just read this one:
https://medium.com/@cdixon/climbing-the-wrong-hill-2f69de430f51,
before reading yours. They go together quite nicely!
Thanks, Josh, for being one of my mentors! :)
My fiancé and I were married in our living room by the J.O.P. We then had a wonderful dinner out at an expensive restaurant to celebrate. No student loans, no car notes, no credit card debt. Other girls I work with are planning their weddings and I am in awe of their budgets. My husband’s and my favorite joke is that X,Y, or Z cost more than our wedding!
Happy to say I’ve never been one to conform.
My husband and I have never felt the need to “keep up with the Joneses”. We buy classic clothing that stands the test of time. When we were able, we purchased classic furniture, that although we may pay more for in the beginning, will last far longer than a cheaply made piece. Not to say that we don’t have some inexpensive furniture, but two of the best purchases we ever made were more expensive pieces. We still own one of them fifteen years later.
We’ve never felt the need for a McMansion, living in a home much smaller than most people consider ‘doable’.
It’s all about what you find most important.
When I look back on my life… approximately 35 years ago. I would have called myself close to being a minimalist Person but did not know that then. I had ‘enough clothes’ (nothing elaborate) a few pairs of shoes, a coat or two, a purse until it broke or wore out a modest home, one car and thought that was quite ‘normal’. I find now there are just ‘too many choices’ in life and many of us just get sucked in to purchasing more ‘things’ as it is just out there wherever we go!! Since coming across this page I realize how I would like to go back to the simplicity of having ‘less’ and having started on that journey this has opened my eyes to the destruction of many area’s in my life that this has complicated. Just trying to declutter is very time consuming and can be very stressful at times… but then I look at what I have accomplished clearing out a drawer or a cupboard… and then I feel Great!! Thanks for this page Joshua you are inspiring us one person at a time and I know I have been passing this on to a lot of Friends!! :)
It sounds awesome …LIFE means ” A LOT TO DO” & important thing to remember is ” WE LIVE ONLY ONCE ”
Thank you JOSHUA BECKER …its my beginning TO LIVE THE INCREDIBLE LIFE
This sums it up I think “Dont collect Stuff Collect Experiences”
Also “Die with memories not Dreams”
And “Time is your most valuable Asset”
I recently started following your fb page and am so glad I did! This post is one of your best (so far!). Thanks.
Totally LOVE your message!
what to do about the lack of like minded companions? The lonely is one thing that even a minimalist can’t get rid of. Don’t get me wrong, I like my choices and my life but finding someone who wants to live like I do in this material world is rare. Any input?
Its very difficult to find people with the same type of mindset and self awareness let alone find a partner. Imagine its even more difficult for men, could take years or might never happen.
I don’t know that I can quite call my husband and I minimalists, but we are not into material stuff and are avid savers. Most people who know our spending habits (or rather lack thereof) think we are crazy, I ‘m sure. Anyways, we met on eHarmony and their system really worked as far as matching us with someone who was very like minded. Not sure if it would work out for you in that way, too, but wanted to at least mention it.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Mark Twain
sounds like a number of people living ‘uniquely’ on hear :) . ME too on the Eagle path, Eagles don’t fly in Flocks :) I think part of it is learned patterns of behavior and then life can become so busy that … people are living the main stream – – I Think many probably heard in Sunday School & church that the ‘world’ has temptation…. and busy ness and speed can become a habit… Remember who won the race :) (turtle power!) …. We need to encourage each other positively … I like the six pointers
I’ve owned a tube TV for the past 13 years, the reason why is because I’m a strong supporter of reuse-reduce-recycle. It puzzled me how people would get rid of an electronic device just to get the latest flat screen, and now they trade their flat screen for bigger and bigger ones. My tube TV serves the pupose: to play DVD’s because I don’t pay for cable, and not because I can’t afford it but because I realized years ago watching TV put me in a state of depression. Watching other people’s life while sitting on your couch makes YOUR life slowly trickle away. Commercials, even if you mute them now they have text, plus the imagery they are a constant reminder of all the things you don’t have, could have and “need”. All that consumerism is garbage. I realized I didn’t need any of it and slowly started a purging process in May 2012. I’m glad I found this page, you help me keep strong, and keep moving towards my goal of becoming a true minimalist with an upcycler twist :)
I love going against the grain!
Great post! Personally I feel point 5. Find a mentor that you admire. is the most important. In fact I would suggest that you find one to look upon for every area of you life. Thanks for the inspiration.
Hi Gavin and everyone – any thoughts or suggestions around some ways to meet a mentor, or even just others with this same mindset? I find it very difficult sometimes, and I have phases where I really struggle to connect with others on this point :/ any feedback would be welcome, thanks!
Amen! Über enlightening post! I’m tired of the obnoxious joneses…. Beginning to live fad free….
What a perfect post to help promote “Chaos Control” among my readers. LIfe does get to hectic and we start to look for peace, happiness and value in the wrong places.
Thank you for educating us on the simple steps we can take to decrease our stress and improve our relationships.
What a perfect post to help promote “Chaos Control” among my readers. LIfe does get to hectic and we start to look for peace, happiness and value in the wrong places.
Thanks for sharing!
HALLELUJAH!
I am so happy to say I have been finding Me all over again. A happier, clearer, purpose driven me without the accroutrements considered essential to be one of “them”.
What a wonderful post – keep it up Joshua x
What a wonderful post! You worded it so perfectly.
This is a battle I’ve been struggling with for so long – living like everyone else makes me so unhappy, yet it can be so scary to be the only one in many that’s different. Only recently have I really come to terms with myself and decided, no, I Will be unique whether or not others like it – because it suits ME.
You have some good pieces of advice, and in terms of finding a mentor – well there is a great one right here :) I’ve found this blog very inspiring. Thank you for sharing :)
I learned long ago that possessions don’t make you happy. Sometimes they even drag you down. And they often collect dust and need cleaning and organising. Less time possessions means less time spent on maintaining/cleaning them and more time to enjoy life.
Yeeha I’m going minimalist. Just gotta convince the kiddos.
I’ve been a non-conforming weirdo all my life, and I enjoy it more everyday. It’s no fun being like everyone else.
This, of course, comes from the guy whose blog looks a lot like yours –although not quite as much as it used to.
Thank you for this post. I celebrate my uniqueness every single day.
That itself, is my inspiration!
Kind regards,
Vincent – writer of a dutch blog
Incredibly inspiring post! It has taken me a bit longer than everyone else to come to this awareness, but it’s never too late to start.
My husband and I have always tried to be out of the box thinkers. Our family and friends think we are a bit crazy because we don’t just float along with the same current as everyone else around us. Frankly, if we catch ourselves doing whatever everyone else is doing, its our sign to stop!!
I got the quote of “You don’t have to live your life the way everyone else expect you to” from AONC:-)
Anyway, this post comes at the right time. As someone who considers himself minimalist, it is indeed challenging to be a minimalist.
I am a graduate who doesn’t own a car and no house mortgage yet. In my country, the norm is that once you graduate, get a car to mark your ‘arrival’.
Lucky thing I realised those are only external symbols of success. The actual meaning of success. I define it myself. Because I am the one who is living my own life.
Yes Joshua, my life is far too valuable to live it like everyone else.
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! What a great reminder. I think I am going to print this out and carry it with me for a while. Its a great reminder that we arent all the same and need not try. Thank you!
This is an inspiring post and I agree with all of your points. To live like everyone else seems like the easy way out if you ask me. “Go with the flow, stick with the norm, don’t rock the boat.” I think if most people stopped to reflect on your points they’d realize they’re not happy living like everyone else, yet a lot of people lack the courage to stray from trends and create their own reality. If they’d only just give it a try…
Great post! I can’t agree more. I quit my job last week to devote the rest of my life to freeing people from the bonds of debt. Like you said, debt destroys families and dreams. Thanks again for your inspiring words! Keep up the good work!
Ed, have you heard of Dave Ramsey? He is awesome and so is his program.
I have a quote that I found a while back that I have have saved to pretty much everything I own. Its on my desktop, my cell phone, my email, etc. The quote reads “You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.”
It especially comes in handy on the days when I’m at work and start getting down on myself, such as when others are ordering food and I’ve packed, or when someone is able to take a vacation that I’m not. It’s a good reminder for me that I don’t have to do everything everyone else does, and that there are good and valid reasons why I’m doing things the way I’m doing them. I’m not eating out because I’m saving that money towards something (right now its paying off debt), or I’m not taking that vacation because I don’t want to put it on the credit card and be paying for it for 10+ years.
(Actually, now that I google it… the quote came from here: http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2009/09/you-dont-have-to-live-your-life-the-way-other-people-expect-you-to.html)
I like this quote it is so true.
Thank you for this inspiring post which acts as a reminder for all of us about pursuing our lives in our own unique ways.
I’ve generally done this with my life, but there are still ares of it that I’ve not been very good at and I’ve succumbed to living in ways I don’t like. Self awareness is the key.
Tried everything nothing works just a bunch of crap what are you selling?
Ionn, I myself have been on a journey, was no different for me, it usually starts with money – the information is only a tool and depending your “trade”, you’ll need to test the tools till you find the one that suits your “trade”
For me its paying attention to how relaxed and peaceful something makes me then I know it resonates with me and I’m in the right direction, for example when I do something I like, hours will pass before I even realise I haven’t taken a break and nor do I feel the urge to.
Stay inspired, you’re the only one who can figure it out. Trial and error, this might be a choice you needed to eliminate from the list.
Best Wishes
Jan Ras – nice thoughtful response.
Peace comes from the inside.
Great post. Greetings from South America!
I also think that Celebrate our uniqueness is very important. But sometimes we forget that, and choose (big mistake) to imitate others.
I own a small business (bagel shop) in a college town and every fall I watch the juxtaposition of kids trying so hard to fit in and trying to be someone that stands out, usually based on worldly, fleeting smoke. I love to run and learn so much of God’s lessons running…I like to think about old trees and all they have seen and yet they have never moved and the world is constantly rushing around not seeing anything. Stop, breath, grow wild. Thanks for your insights.
Bill, your words are remarkable and really hit home with me. Thank you.