“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” – Author Unknown
I made a significant decision when I was young that I have never regretted. Simply put, I decided that I did not have to live my life like everyone else. I would live my own life. I would pursue things of lasting value rather than the newest fads of society chased by everyone else.
It sounds simple enough. Yet, countless multitudes will never make that decision.
Instead, they will succumb to the pressure to conform. They will live their life purchasing the trendiest products and fashion released to the masses – not because they actually need them, but just because their neighbors bought them. They will base many of their life decisions on the celebrity spokespersons’ pitch of the day. They will waste their energy trying to keep up with the Joneses.. all for the elusive purpose of conformity. And in exchange, they will lose their life and forfeit their soul.
Decide today to live your life. You do not need to live life like everyone else. Your life is far too valuable to be wasted on the life that everyone else is choosing.
Here are a few steps that I have found to be very helpful. Use them to get you started (or continue you along):
1. Celebrate your uniqueness. Your life was never meant to be lived like everyone else. You don’t look the same, you don’t sound the same, and your personality is special. Your deep-held values are unique. Even your laugh sets you apart. Throwing that away just for the sake of looking and living like everyone else is one of the cruelest things that you can ever do – it will always prevent you from fully living your life. Instead, champion the things that make you unique. Celebrate them.
2. Realize that most peoples’ lives are heading toward destruction. Just consider the latest statistics. For example: Last year, on average, Americans carried $8,100 in consumer credit (not mortgage debt) – that is $8,100 for every man, woman, and child in America. It’s no wonder 46% of Americans say they suffer from debt-related stress. And according to the American Medical Association, stress is a factor in more than 75% of sickness today. In addition, The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that soon “50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue.” One of the leading factors? You got it, financial problems.
3. Accept the truth that there is a better life out there. Reading through the statistics above, one can not help but say, “There must be something better out there.” There is and there always has been. Unfortunately, most people are so busy tripping over each other to purchase culture’s newest release that they miss out completely on the better life. Do not be fooled. The better life is not being mass-produced in a factory… you won’t find it on the shelves in a department store. It has never been found there. And never will be.
4. Identify your values and allow them to guide your life. Grab a piece of paper and pencil. Across the top write, “What I most want to accomplish in life.” Begin making a list. Post that list some where that you will notice it every single morning. Allow it to shape your life. Base your decisions about time, energy, and money on those values. Allow them to guide your life even when they take you down a narrower road than everyone else.
5. Find a mentor that you admire. Surely you are not alone in your desire to live a better, more fulfilling life. Others have traveled the same road prior to you. Seek them out because you will need to look hard for them – they are uncommon. Perhaps they are in your family, your organization, your spirituality, or on your library shelves. Whether in person or through their writings, soak up as much as you can from them. Learn from them and be inspired by them. Follow their life, not the masses.
6. Reflect, reflect, reflect. Regularly pull away to meditate, contemplate, and reflect. An unexamined life is not worth living because the pull to conform has always been too great. Our lives will always “drift” in the direction of conformity if we lose our directional bearings. Withdraw often. Review your list of values and reflect on the current trajectory of your life. Is it headed towards the end you desire… or just following the easy road of everyone else?
Your life is valuable. It is the greatest asset you own. It holds potential for great things. Don’t let it slip into mediocrity by choosing to live it just like everyone else. It is not a worthy trade.
I don’t understand how to get out of where I am. This site came up as a result of certain words. Sure I am not where I should b but keeping me from MAJOR depression.
People don’t know assets will not make u happy. I want a simple cabin, nature, animals and someone that shares and wants same. Want someone to love and want me, for me
I feel you. I have this thought over and over. I don’t want to chase after something I don’t really care about. Get a job for the sake of money and power or to profess my stature in society. When I talk to my friends they aren’t serious enough to understand. But you should really follow what you cherish. We feel left out because no body else feels the same.
Linda, your comment echoes the feelings of many…the longing to be loved, find someone with shared values and goals, live in the setting that is joyful and fulfilling for you, etc.
One truth I have learned is that first you must accept and love yourself. Just as you are now. Along with your imperfections and despite them.
Another is that if you consciously try to move toward your happiness, life will support your efforts. If living close to nature is a heartfelt goal, try to find a way to get closer to that. Reducing your possessions, creating a simpler life, making what choices you can will help you feel empowered. And a powerful woman creating her own destiny will attract joy. You can be who you seek! Then, should that longed-for partner come, you will be ready to receive love. In the meantime, live life as joyously as you can. Best wishes!
Awesome read! I am always a loner in my life. I hold too unpopular opinion when it comes to my music taste and lifestyle. I’ve been a loner since age of 15. I moved out to another country and my friends all was in previous country. In new country I got some in the age of 12-14, but again my parents wanted to move to another city in new country because of job. Again I lost my friends.
At the age of 15 in that new city I had some friends, but I never wanted to go into a deeper friendship because I was too different. I tried to be normal, but I was not happy. Even if others were thinking I was. I started to listen normal music and doing normal things. But no, I was not myself. Even if I was normal, I still was a loner. In high school I tried to learn good, even if some people were against me, fighting with me.
Never really wanted to get friends from here… And I am glad I did that. I was a loner, after school on my own alone. The whole school, no contacts to anyone on my free time. I learned a lot from that lesson. Not only I can now be happy alone, I don’t feel the need to have even one friend… I am already happy, I don’t need people for happiness! Like the masses do.
In commercial school I used to like going to school and again had few friends, but newer after school. I was a simple loner and when school ended, friends too. You can’t really, and you shouldn’t, rele on people for your happiness. I am so glad that I used to live so long without friends and social life. I am independent. Even at my work, I see people and that’s enough. Rest of my day I don’t want to see anyone, not even my family living near me.
I have only Internet friends and these are only “friends”. One kind friend just left me this year because he wanted more than I can provide. Again, he found a lot of friends and now he is gaining more and more these. These kind of people never are happy and are wanting more, more and more. He was great friend and I met him sometimes in my life, but I don’t really miss. Usually these kind of people wanting more will realise that more stuff, friends etc. is also more money, maintenance and repair. In friendships for example more money spent out eating and shopping, maintenance to keep your friends happy and repair if there’s some problems in friendship.
When I am a loner, society thinks I am an idiot. But for me being a loner is so much more.
1. I am myself.
2. I don’t have time to waste pleasing other people, I please myself.
3. I am more productive.
4. I do what I like. Not what someone else likes me to do.
5. I am independent.
List goes on… Be a loner, live a life you desire! Don’t try to be someone else. Be yourself. Don’t change to get approval of others. you can approve yourself at your own – all alone! If you have problem, find the answer. If you are bored, go for a walk. Do you need someone else for that? I bet, no. No one needs.
So what’s your decision today? Do you want to be happy by yourself or do you want to please someone else instead of you?
Jyri. I like your post.I too have any “friends” by choice.So much pain and too much to live up to their expectations.Sometime I get lonely for human contact but then I just go to the grocery store.Serious
I do not have a lot of friends. I have a few people in my life I refer to as friends as well as my family and husband who is not well at all and will soon be traveling on to a better place. . But, I will never be alone as there is always Jesus walking beside me, guiding me through everything in this life both good and bad. Thanks for listening! God bless each one of you on your journey and always be true to your self+++
But don’t you ever feel there should be just one person who will be there for you when times get really hard and you need a company? (The person who loves to live alone)
i am alone and fed ups with lifes so i need something to help me
Sounds like you need to reach out to someone within your community Rabiya. There are people near you who want to help.
I began downsizing and selling things I did not need in February 2016. It started out by necessity. As I did this I began to be happier. Despite the fact that I sold designer clothes, expensive accessories and home items. I’m just about down to the bare necessities.
I had to sell these things to survive because I lost my business. It’s been a year now since a I really had a job. I should be depressed, BUT IM NOT. I love the feeling of things not weighing me down. We think all these beautiful and expensive things will make us happy. They do not. I’m at peace with myself. I cannot afford cable tv. So I read. Lol what a novel idea huh? I go for walks. I visit with friends at home instead of going out to eat. It’s been a scary yet wonderful journey. I’m not a loner. I value my friendships very much. I know what’s real now. It’s been awesome. I encourage all to try it.
If your depressed try this. Set a timer for 30 min. During that 30 min you have to be moving around and doing something. Moving is key. After 30 min you get 10 min to do what you want, then back to the 30 minutes of moving around. Shut off your tv and turn on some music. Go for a walk. This entire experience has been awesome for me. I wish you all the best. ❤️
Cynthia, how inspiring! Your experiences also resonate w me so much! For most of my almost 40 years, I’ve had this idea that I must b ‘successful’ and b ‘the best’ at stuff, or accomplish some ground-breaking discovery or achievement. I’ve even almost completed a PhD in an area I happen to be good at – wtf? :/ But lately, largely due to the blessing of illness (yes, not a typo!) I’ve been forced to reflect and to stop kidding myself about what really matters to me… actually, when I am blissfully happy is when doing the SIMPLEST and CHEAPEST of things! Like watching birds in my garden, collecting flower seeds to share w others, weeding, pruning trees, picking flowers, tending to my adored pets. So, as hard as it’s been to admit, I am now pursuing a life related to gardening and self-sufficiency! Shock horror;)) Luck and love to all<3
An admirable goal, to be authentic to one’s own unique nature and calling. It’s not a commonly achieved one. Many people feel the need for approval from others, as well as get caught up in comparisons and judgements that inhibit individuality. The journey to authenticity and having the courage of your convictions can take a lifetime for some of us. Hopefully reading hints that point the way, such as this, can help hasten that journey. Thanks for sharing.
Great article. Thank you. Obviously touched a nerve in many people.
This article really resonated with me and couldn’t have come at a better time. I often feel like I’m swimming against the tide but deep down I know that’s where I’m supposed to be……Thank you for your timely message, Joshua!!!
Loners are losers! Your uniqueness was not some cosmic mistake but your person was a specific design of God for a purpose. As a loner, you are hoarding it. Your gifts and talents and persona were given you to give to others. Your ‘friends’ will be those you serve or help or unconditionally love. Stop expecting others to come to you and hoard together! Step out – share – and then you will receive what you are looking for; love and acceptance. Stop telling the world that your uniqueness is not the norm and therefore not acceptable by being a loner. Show the strength of your uniqueness in being the one who reaches out to those who are rejected by the ‘norm’. There you will find true friends.
loners are losers…..yeh nice one