“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Whenever I have opportunity to speak on the benefits of minimalism, I allow time at the end for some question and answer with the participants. I believe strongly the journey of minimalism is a personal journey. And as a result, I always expect there to be unique, specific circumstances in the audience which could not possibly have been addressed from upfront.
And while each setting, venue, and audience vary from presentation to presentation, the first few questions from any audience are nearly identical. Depending on who I call on first, I will receive one of these questions: What about my sentimental items and family heirlooms? What about my books? What about my kids’ toys? My husband/wife will never go along with this idea, what should I do with their clutter?
Interestingly enough, each of these questions sound unique. And in some ways they are, they do represent different personalities and/or family dynamics. But there is one great similarity in each of these questions. And it is this similarity that causes too many people to get stuck in their journey towards a clutter-free home.
Notice, each of these questions represent the apparent “toughest” thing in their homes to declutter: books, heirlooms, or clutter from someone else in the family. Each of their minds has quickly raced to the most difficult area in their home to declutter. And the thought of removing those items from their home seems daunting.
My response to their question is always the same: Take heart. You don’t need to start with the hard stuff. Instead, start at the easiest place possible in your home. Build up little victories and momentum by clearing the clutter from your automobile, a drawer, your living room, or maybe your bathroom cupboard. You’ll quickly begin to experience the benefits of living with less… and you’ll know what to do when you finally arrive at the seemingly impossible areas in your home.
A few years back, I ran a marathon. It was the fulfillment of a life dream. I had always wanted to run one as an exercise in self-discipline and focus, but the challenge always seemed to difficult. How would I ever run 26.2 miles? What about that stretch of mile 20 to mile 26? Where would I find the mental strength to run through the “wall” as I neared the end?
The fear of running 26.2 miles kept me from even trying.
That was, until I picked up a book titled, Run Your First Marathon. While I ultimately found conversations with other marathon runners to be a bit more helpful in my training, this book by Grete Waitz provided me with all the motivation to get started. Specifically, it was the training guide that motivated me the most. It read:
- Day 1: Run 1 mile.
- Day 2: Rest.
- Day 3: Run 1.5 miles.
- Day 4: Rest.
I found great motivation in this training plan. You see, I knew I could run one mile – that was an easy step. I even knew I could probably run two miles… and that would get me all the way through almost the whole first week. Suddenly, I stopped worrying about miles 20-26.2 and I just stayed focused on accomplishing what I knew I could accomplish. Ultimately, the lessons I learned while running 1, 2, and 5 miles prepared me to run 10, 12, 14. And the lessons I learned running 10, 12, and 14 miles prepared me to run 18, 20, and eventually 26.2.
So go ahead. Start your decluttering journey with the easiest step – just pick one drawer. And leave your toughest questions for mile 20. You’ll get there when you are ready.
kathy says
Taking care of our parents possessions after my father-in-law’s death led my husband and I to look at our possessions in a whole new light. Not only did our parents spend time and money buying and maintaining possessions, but we have in turn had to spend much time, effort and money to sell or give away what remains. What was once considered “valuable” is a burden. Now when we go through our own possessions we ask ourselves how much it is worth to hang onto something. What’s the price we are willing to pay? There are definitely some things we choose to keep, but asking this question has simplified the process greatly. We definitely have a new sense of freedom with every object that is “released” (as we say) to a new home.
Melanie says
We are doing the same thing now since my parents are down sizing and moving to an apartment from a 4 bedroom house with a full basement and they have a
“mountain” of stuff. It makes me want to get rid of my stuff too. I want to be free of clutter. Thanks for the thought- provoking questions.
lilian says
My parents are also downsizing and moving from their home of 36 years. My Dad is a shopaholic and have collected so much stuff, many still in the box they came in. I feel so sad now that he is trying to give the stuff away and all I see is the amount of money wasted. Financially they could do with the money now. This has pushed me further into not buying anything I don’t need anymore as I never want to be in the position of having to find a new home for my stuff.I have been trying to live a minimalist life for years now with slow progress. This is a real kick back to reality for me.
Cindy says
We had the same experience this summer. My mother-in-law died, and it was amazing how much stuff she had accumulated in her tiny apartment. My folks are in the process of moving back to Michigan. They lived in a tiny one-bedroom mobile home in Florida. My mother has so much craft junk. They sold some before she came, too. My Dad is still in Florida trying to get the trailer ready to sell. He had a garage sale, too…and sold some more stuff.
I have a four bedroom house. One handicapped daughter. A son who has moved out and another daughter who will move out soon. I am sending kitchen items with them, plus small appliances. I still have more than enough. I don’t want to leave a huge job for them to do.
Cindy says
Yesterday, I cleaned out three drawers in my dresser. Today, I will tackle the toughest drawer.
Elizabeth says
getting an elderly person to get rid of stuff seems impossible . If you are 90 , you don’t need a 30 year old bicycle , a 20 year old whatever . its hard to get them to part w anything .
Kathleen @ Frugal Portland says
It’s like eating an elephant… one bite at a time. :)
Brian says
Unless your vegetarian! :-p
Mommaofmany says
Lol! Then it’s like eating that rowboat sized zucchini that you missed while harvesting for the last two weeks!
Fernanda says
I decluttered a bathroom drawer today! Yes!!! I´ll go for the shelf and the other drawer tomorrow, you know, 1,5 miles :)
Emily says
Perfect. I love Tuesday nights at my condo because it’s the night we can take stuff to the trash room for bulk trash pick-up the next day. I look through my apartment all week eying what I can take down each week. I’m also having a hard time starting with decluttering because I see so much to do but not enough time to do it all. So I’m only committing myself to do something each week – not each day – which takes the pressure off, but I’m still seeing results.
Cory | The Maui Taoist says
Great motivation Joshua.
The first place to start is in your heart! Find the faith that will empower you to do anything. Know that it is a righteous thing to set you life straight, and divest yourself of excess. After that, everything is “small stuff”. Just get the ball rolling and as you build new habits things will take care of themselves… momentum will build!
Thanks again for helping us all keep our focus!
Terry Hadaway says
This reminds me of a post I wrote earlier this week (http://wp.me/p2fSH9-bK). The key to accomplishing anything is starting. Unless you start, your goal will be little more than a distant dream.
Charlie says
Terry, I’d like to read your blog about getting started but I get an error message that the server can’t be found.
Kelekona says
Well the other thing about starting to simplify with the easy things is that some people may find a state of “good enough” while barely brushing through the sentimental items and managing to give their family’s clutter adequate storage or banished to their own space.
Wasn’t it this blog that was talking about not making minimalism into a competition? and how some people have to regard a well-managed collection as one item to even think about the 100 things challenge.
And any organizer / minimalist / etc type that points to my books is going to metaphorically bloody themselves without gaining any battleground. Fiction books are okay on the e-reader except for pricing and transferability issues, the how-to books are easier to use in dead-tree format.
Melanie says
I have been going through my books and have used the kindle approach too, but only if I could borrow them or get them for free. I refuse to buy another book for kindle that I now own (that is wasteful) And there are several reference books that I won’t part with, but gave 10 boxes of books to my daughter’s library for a book sale! Woo hoo! I still have a lot of books, but one step at a time. And I will go through them again down the line. Thanks for the encouragement. We are doing it, but I am struggling with what to do with all the stuff we have inherited from deceased relatives still.
Audrey says
I had also found my home with lots of items from deceased relatives, my mother being the hardest to get rid of. However, I have learned some valuable lessons also. First what my mother treasured (tea sets) I do not necessarily treasure. Lesson just because I love it doesn’t mean my family will when I am gone. Second lesson: she wouldn’t want me hanging on to something out of obligation. My mother was very giving and woul rather I give it to someone else who would enjoy instead of being boxes up somewhere. You can’t keep someone alive by holding on to their things is what I have learned. You are not dishonoring them nor are you giving them away. They remain a part of you and you have your memories!
Dana says
I just had an epiphany. I don’t see how “only keep things you love” fits in with the whole minimalism and decluttering and being an aware consumer. I think that as long as the item is good quality (won’t fall apart on you if you breathe on it) and isn’t repellent to you in some way, you might as well keep it.
Why? Because if everyone says they will only keep things they love, and then they get rid of everything else, that means there’s an awful lot of junk out there in circulation not being kept by people who would rather buy something they love which is new and recently made, than hold on to something that isn’t new but that works perfectly well.
People used to pass things on to their children so that the adult children would not have to acquire the things in question all over again. A mother who passes on her fine china to her daughter, has a daughter who will never have to buy a fine china set. In this scenario it only makes sense to get rid of the china set if you are absolutely sure you will never use a fine china set. Otherwise you’re wasting resources to get yourself a brand-new set and sending the one your mother bought off to gather dust in a thrift shop somewhere.
And what is this business of “loving things” anyway? You don’t love things, you love people.
EngineeMom says
The “only keep what you love”, in my mind fits perfectly into a minimalist mindset. I have to live with my things for my entire life. I would prefer not to waste my time or space on “just in case”, and to only pass along items my children might treasure because there are so few and they were valued and used, instead of unopened boxes of things they’ve never seen.
Grateful granny says
wonderful thought.
Deb says
One thing I do is to take a Picture of an item that is sentimental and then send it out into the universe for someone else to enjoy. Looking at the picture will bring back the same memories and feelings without the clutter!
Kate says
Melanie and other fans of e-readers – If you haven’t checked out your public library website for ebooks, you should do that. Many (or most) public libraries have a collection of ebooks and other downloadables that you can borrow with your library card. Sure beats paying for them! Plus using the library for e-materials supports your public library in being funded and delivering great service in all formats! I’m a library director in Pittsburgh and our system is very strong with e-materials.
Yan says
Thank you Joshua. I have been decluttering for a while now but the principle you laid out in this post actually helped me with another project I have to accomplish at work. Nothing to do with decluttering – but everything to do with *starting*. Thanks.
Steven says
I’m working on my book dilemma at this very moment. I’ve decided to go the Kindle route (though I’ve yet to get one. I refuse to buy one and will only have one if I get it as a gift.) Any book that has a Kindle version or has a suitable replacement (textbooks, reference books, etc.) have all been listed for sale on eBay. I’m left with about five books that I’ll probably end up selling as soon as I decide I don’t really “need” them either. This is the last of my “clutter” and what I’m left with are only the things that provide utility in my life. It feels good. I’m so happy that I’ve been on this path for the last few years (it’s taken me that long to really adopt the lifestyle completely…and I still find myself going on consumer binges on occassion.) I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s just stuff…sentimental or not…and that keeping an object locked away in a box in the closet provides absolutely no purpose.
I’ll be excited to see just how little I actually have once I begin packing my belongings for my move to South America next month. I have a feeling I’ll be surprised by how far I’ve come in this journey.
AlexM says
Steven, my husband is an avid reader. We moved from a big house to one half the size. I had to get rid of tons of his paperbacks before we moved. For his birthday, I got him a Nook. He loves it. Says it’s the best gift he ever got. The lack of clutter is a big help for us. He loves those big Presidential biography books and they cost less on the Nook — and I don’t have to worry about where to put each new book! You can get magazine subscriptions too and surf the net so he can read his email. It was one of the best things I’d done in an effort to have less stuff in our house (and especially our bedroom where less clutter is even more important).
Renee says
I agree…the Nook Tablet is by far the best purchase I’ve made in a long time. Doesn’t take up a lot of room, but does it pack a lot of punch for enjoyment! No more books or magazines taking up room on shelves. I have my calendar online and set up as my home page on the Nook. And I love the convenience of checking my email and facebook. And Words With Friends….let’s just say that’s a fun pasttime for me!
Wendy says
Buying a Kindle was one of the most de-cluttering experiences of my life. I got rid of more than 1000 books and now have actual empty shelves.
Kelly O says
I’ve been ereading for about 2 years and I love it. I also switched to the library for those that I can’t get electronically. I love not having books everywhere! This one was a hard one for me but I started looking at all the space issues not to mention what the cost was. So now I have a handful of hard copies left to read and under 10 of my favourites that I will keep. The ones I have left to read will go in the work lunchroom – I find if I think of it as sharing the joy I’ve just read with someone else, it helps.
Believe me, if I can let go of books, you can too! I come by pack ratism naturally…my father loves to keep stuff. I almost cried when I threw out my old single mattress from childhood years ago. But it gets better with time…it’s only material stuff, I still have the memories! And, sites like Goodreads help me keep track of what I have read.
Fiona Cee says
if i bought all the books i read, my house would be a firetrap of books, yet, it still is a firetrap of clutter.
Thank God for libraries!
Fiona Cee says
Amen to that. Great for seeing films (on DVD) that you only want to see just the once!!!
Joy Bangsal says
I feel your pain, Steven. My house is a library of sorts. I have books everywhere. And while I used to be an E-reader snob, I am slowly shedding my prejudice. More recently, I’ve been seeing the benefits of listening to audio books. It is oddly relaxing. More relaxing than when I have a book or Kindle in my hands.
The dilemma is finding it in me to actually dispose of the physical copies of books that I have in my home. Frankly, my chest hurts just thinking about getting rid of them. I probably have a long way to do before I can fully embrace life choice.
Linda M says
Joy – I understand your dilemma perfectly! I love my local library, but I so enjoy owning books – mostly so I can mark in them if it is book club read or a certain sentence or paragraph catches my eye. This is a touch job!
Gail says
Books..donate them to the library. Let them store them for you..you can always check them out!
Greg says
Excellent! I just recently started 15 minutes a day of “mindful decluttering” and I’ve been bumping into the exact same feelings and questions you mentioned here. Thanks so much for this post. Little victories day by day, just 15 minutes at a time…that’s a formula for great results