Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Sarah Mae of SarahMae.com.
There he was, sitting on his bed with tears in his 7-year old eyes.
I had just got through yelling at him, again, to clean his bedroom. I was tired of the mess and I was tired of telling him to clean.
“Just do it!” I would shout. How quickly I forget how overwhelmed I feel when a mess is staring me in the face.
This was not the mother I wanted to be.
As I looked at my son and I looked at the mess, I realized we were both overwhelmed. It was too much—it felt like too high a mountain to climb.
It was then that I knew we needed a change. My sweet boy needed a mom who wasn’t so stressed, and I needed a boy who didn’t feel defeated before he began.
That was that day we decided on a very simple rule that would become the foundation for how we would live: Fewer things, more peace.
The less we have, the less overwhelmed we feel. And the less overwhelmed we feel, the happier we are. (tweet that)
It was with that philosophy in mind that I said, “Buddy, we are going to get rid of some things today. We can throw some things away and give some things away, but at the end of it all, you are only going to have 20 toys left.”
We called it The 20-Toy Rule.
20 toys sounds like a lot… or maybe it doesn’t. But you’d be surprised at how many things children can accumulate. I was shocked when we began moving towards 20 toys each. We don’t spoil our children and I already had been pretty strict about the toy situation. But when I sat with my son in his room that day, I had to face the fact that we had allowed in too much stuff.
At first, upon hearing my idea, his eyes got big and a look of worry came over his face. But once we started, he really got into it. He was sorting and getting excited about giving things away and even selling things in a future yard sale. He was, believe it or not, actually having fun with the challenge.
The more we got rid of, the lighter I felt. And the anger began to disappear. There we were, getting rid of stuff, and we were happier.
We don’t need stuff, we need peace. We need to feel loved and safe and okay with what we have.
I want my children to learn contentment and joy where they are and with what they have. I don’t want them falling into the trap of always needing more and better things. Learning to have less helps them to be free. And I want them to be free.
To be fair, keeping toys to a minimum has taken work. I have had to train my three children to be okay with not having something. And yes, it has been training. For example, every time we would go into Target we would immediately pass the dollar section of the store filled with bright and beckoning things that call to children (thanks for that Target). I used to think, “What’s a dollar? It’s no big deal.” So my kids would each get something nearly every time we entered that store. I decided that would be one of the changes I made right away, no more dollar toys. I told my children before we even went in the store what to expect, and they all nodded their little heads of understanding.
You can imagine the shock when I actually followed through. “But mom!” No buts, baby. We are doing this. We are learning to live content. After a few times of whining and crying and me not giving in, they stopped the fussing. Now we go into Target and they don’t even ask. They know it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.
The point is, we had to put rules in place, and we had to stick to them. It’s hard at first, but if you stick to it, it gets easier, I promise.
You can do it. You can help your children be free.
It’s worth it.
***
Sarah Mae blogs at SarahMae.com where she encourages and inspires moms in motherhood. You can also find her on Twitter.
DaNae says
We limit toys in our house to ones that stimulate creativity and that don’t do everything for my one year old. So my inlaws have just started bringing over a huge bag of plastic loud toys. Some are fun. My daughter went from one to the next to the next. As MORE always makes you want more. She said she’d being doing this each time she came over. She says she gets boerd…. she will be taking the toys with her each time. Should I let this fly? I feel insulted
Tina says
Your house means your rules. Nicely thank your in laws but inform them that if you wanted all those toys, you’d have bought them yourself…maybe introduce games to entertain tge kids who come over. Hide & seek, eye spy with my little eye something beginning with ‘b’ , etc. More engaging than physical toys. They may well prefer your games instead of all those toys.
Rachel says
I really enjoyed reading this. The 20 toy rule is an interesting concept, I know that I can integrate this rule into my life as I have no children of my own. I have been interested in doing the minimalistic lifestyle for quite some time.
Great post! Keep it up!
Melanie says
Beautiful.
Appreciating what you have, taking care of it, and keeping it organized are skills that need to be taught at a young age. You are building a foundation that will serve and support your child his entire life.
Cheryl Moreau says
Nice to see another parent choosing put guards against the barrage of toys! I try to prime my kids when we are going into a place that has toys by telling them “We’re only looking, we’re not taking anything home with us”. This also helps set me up with the expectation so I am not tempted to cave when they ask with those puppy-dog eyes. Does the “20-toy rule” apply to books or little toys (matchbox cars, doll clothes). I know I am talking semantics here but I am curious as those are the things I struggle with keeping a reign on!
Christina @ Embracing Simple says
This is such a great post, Sarah! I’ve been feeling the same way lately, that with the less stuff I have, the more room I have for freedom and happiness. I just went through this huge (for me) epiphany as I went through my closet at the end of 2014 and realized I just had way too many clothes. It gave me my motivation to start a challenge for myself to not buy any new clothing in 2015.
Hoping I leave 2015 with a greater sense of appreciation for the things I already have, than I did when I came into it! I will have to remember to transfer this same feeling and re-read this post when the time comes for my baby girl to pare down her toys. Thanks for sharing with us!
Tobias (KLAFATOA) says
I think we don’t have to educate our children to be content. They are naturally full of joy, creativity and playfulness. Today I’ve written about how the educational system makes them lose these qualities:
http://the-minimalist-living.blogspot.de/2015/01/after-watching-erwin-wagenhofers.html
There is a great movie called “Alphabet” that painfully demonstrates how much we’re doing wrong still.
Chelsea says
what a great idea. What did youdo if your sons had a set of something? For example my son has a toy story set that has all the characters, he also has an army set that includes a jeep, airplane, helicopter and figurines. Do you break up the set or count it as one toy?
Mrs. Clayton says
This is EXACTLY what I needed to read, Sarah Mae! Thank you.
My 7yr-old daughter and I began this purging process last weekend and I experienced the same response from her, from the initial tears to the ultimate excitement of giving her excess toys, babies, clothes and shoes to other kids who need them. In fact she got SO excited that she began to pack away things that still had tags on them (from Christmas)! I admired her giving spirit but had to step in at that point! Hahaha!
This was great. Keep up the good work and keep us posted as to how it’s going with your three kiddos.
:)
mary scott says
I think it is wonderful when kids ask their guests/family members for donations to a chosen charity organization instead of gifts/stuff for their birthdays. Most of us in this country have way more than we need to be happy!
Jeffrey Pillow @ Wannabe Novelist, Actual Dad says
Thoroughly enjoyed this simple take on what can, and many times does, become a problem in American households with small children. The vomiting toy chest and the battle at clean up time.
As the father of a three- and a one-year-old, I face this more often than I would like, as does my wife.
Our game plan, after going through what you yourself went through, has been to keep only a small amount of toys and play things available at one time, and to rotate stored toys in and out of the house when they outgrow them. We give them to those in need or to friends and family who are expecting or to Goodwill. My sister for example is having her first soon, so she will inherit some.
This strategy of limiting toys limits choices, but as the science shows, more choices tend to throw our brains in a tizzy. Kids are no different. Overstimulation doesn’t make for a fun day, and in all reality, when kids have so many options, hardly anything means anything to them. They don’t have that “special” toy that means a little more to them than all the rest. It’s just another toy.
It’s difficult and often feels like a losing battle. Relatives don’t or at best have a hard time accepting when we as parents say, “No toys are needed. How about donate to A’s ballet fund or H’s museum trip instead. Gift an experience, not a present.”
All the reason more I enjoyed this.