“If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them as half as much money.” —Abigail Van Buren
Toys. Sometimes, they feel like they are everywhere… like a never-ending army in a never-ending war.
Personally, over the past two years, we have taken intentional steps to minimize the number of toys in our home. Sometimes we feel like we are winning the battle, other days we feel like we are losing. But I did want to begin a conversation by offering some of the practical tips we have used to help minimize the number of toys in our home. Hopefully, you’ll have some helpful tips to add as well. And perhaps, we can encourage one another in the seemingly, never-ending battle against toy clutter.
To be fair, the exact “ideal number” of toys will vary from family to family (if there even is one). But hopefully, each of these tips will be helpful to those of you who know the ideal number is certainly less than you have today.
1. Be convinced that less is better. As with any minimalist (or simplifying) project, it always begins with a heartfelt belief that less is better and desirable. I’m assuming if you have read past the title of this post, you already believe this to be true when it comes to toys. But if not, take a moment to read, Why Fewer Toys Will Benefit Your Kids.
2. Fewer toys is different than no toys. Toys can be educational and play an important role in a child’s development. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating no toys, I’m arguing for less.
3. Analyze your own motivation for purchasing toys. Most children don’t buy toys for themselves – somebody else does. If there are too many toys in your home, start with yourself. Why are there so many toys in your home? A healthy look at your own motivations may go a long-way in solving this problem.
4. Choose quality over quantity. You and your children will benefit more from toys that are chosen for their quality (in workmanship) and purpose (playability) than for their sheer quantity. And just like everything else in life, too many toys will always distract from the truly important ones.
5. Purge often. Most likely, you need to make a clean-sweep of your childrens’ toys right now. Removing the “low-hanging fruit” (toys that are no longer used) is a great place to start and shouldn’t take too long. Put the clean, unused toys in boxes and donate them to a medical center, nonprofit organization, local church, homeless shelter, orphanage, school, or Goodwill. Simply discard the dirty or broken ones. Then, stay on top of the clutter by purging on a regular basis and going beyond the low-hanging fruit.
6. Set a confined, physical space for toys. Whether it is a container, a shelving unit, or a closet, set a confined physical space for your children’s toys. Once the space is full, there is no room to add more toys. Help your children understand that principle by clearly marking the boundaries. If they want to add (think holidays and birthdays), they’ll need to remove first.
7. Limit your purchasing with a budget. If you budget for other categories in your life (groceries, clothing, entertainment), you already understand how this principle helps keep your spending and consumption in check. If you don’t, start today by setting a monthly/yearly budget for toys. Enforcing a predetermined budget amount will help in limiting your toy purchases.
8. Don’t give into fads. Just like clock-work, toy companies will generate a new “toy-fad” every few months by artificially generating a cultural buzz. If done well, this artificial buzz will become mainstream in the culture and no longer feel artificial. But it is. And it will always pass. You don’t need to give in just because every other parent is.
9. Keep a healthy, realistic attitude toward toy companies and toy stores. They may tell you that their main goal is to help or educate your child, but often times they are driven most by their bottom line.
10. Avoid duplicate toys. Instead, require your children to learn the invaluable life lessons of sharing, generosity, cooperation, and compromise.
11. Find a local toy library. Consider borrowing toys rather than purchasing them.
12. Watch less television. Consider the fact that marketers are brilliant at shaping the desires of men and women, young and old. Now, imagine giving them hours each day to shape your children’s minds too… and you’ll quickly realize that you don’t stand a chance. Make sure to limit the screen time for your kids.
13. Don’t give in to temper-tantrums at the store. Every time you give in to a temper-tantrum at the store just to avoid a scene, you embolden your child to do it again. They quickly learn how to manipulate you. Don’t worry about the scene that is taking place in public. Wise parents in the store will respect you for not giving in – and the foolish ones will learn a valuable lesson.
14. Equip your children to make wise choices. Involve your kids in the purging process. Help them make decisions about which toys should stay and which should go. This will serve them well into adulthood. After all, don’t you wish your parents had forced you to learn that skill?
15. Teach them to value other activities. Although all kids have natural tendencies towards certain endeavors, expand their mind by regularly introducing them to new activities that don’t revolve around toys.
16. Limit your toys too. Kids will always learn more from example than words. If your life is caught up in always needing to own the latest fashion, technology, or product on the market, theirs will be too. And it would be unreasonable to expect anything less.
Keeping fewer toys will never be easy. It will always require thought and intentionality. But it will always result in your children learning to value who they are more than what they have. And that always make it worth the effort.
Kim J. says
I always felt bad culling our kids toys, since the ones they would choose to keep are almost never the ones I would choose, and I’m not the one playing with them. We now have “Toy Store” days: I collect all the family toys in one room, throwing out the trash and sorting. The kids go through with a basket (whatever size is appropriate), I decide to keep a few (I love the train set), and the rest go away. The kids choose what is important to them, and I don’t get rid of their beloved toy accidentally.
Amber says
Last Christmas, we told our family “no toys” please, since our child had plenty of toys already and we have been trying downsize the number of toys. So, my grandmother gifted my child with a doll that she had made for me when I was a child. When we opened the gift and I saw that doll, I cried. I had played with this doll for hours as a child. It brought back wonderful memories of time spent at grandma’s house. Now my child is building new memories with this same doll. Sometimes the “recycled” toys, are the most loved.
Lisa says
My in-laws are wonderful, wise people. For birthdays, each child receives a membership (zoo, science centre etc) when young, and music/dance/sports lessons when older. My nieces are older than my boys, and their gifts to my sons are often things they’ve outgrown -books, CD’s, puzzles etc. We often give used games etc. in condition as well. This especially works well as both families live on marginal incomes, and it’s very freeing to find “just the perfect thing” at a garage sale or on craigslist.
Ornela says
Lisa, this is wonderful about memberships and classes. I will surely adopt it for my son’s next birthday, so thank you.
Talking about marginal incomes having direct effect on the gifts that we choose, I have recently read a really lovely post about minimalism which from the changed life circumstances became the lifestyle of choice http://joywithless.blogspot.com/
Ornela says
I am not advocating “no toys”, just good toys and in moderation; controlled buying as opposed to random or consumerist rushing for the latest gadgets; playtime together as opposed to self-entertainment with the toys that require no imagination. Of course that emotions play a massive role, and they are what actually adds value to those toys. I see minimalism not as getting rid of everything but bare essentials, but having clear ideas of priorities and making conscientious choices that add to the quality of life.
p.s.
And by all means I am looking forward to keeping some of my son’s toys for his children some day.
Antonio says
All your points are very valid, but you also have to take into account the memories and sentimental value that some of us have regarding these toys. I just took my oldest boy to college a couple of weeks ago and emotionally it has been one of the most difficult things for me on a while. Now there is an empty room in my house with all kinds of toys and “memories” and last night and went in there an saw the Lego table with all the Legos that my son had accumulated during the last 18 years and in looking at these toys I can not but be sad and rejoice at the same time in all the memories my son and I built during the past few years playing and building things with those Legos. I would not change these memories for any minimalistic ideals. I will probably never get rid of these Legos until my son has children of his own and then pass them to him to be able to build the same memories the two of us had. In my honest opining giving an extreme amount of toys to our children to compete with the Joneses or to overcompensate for not spending quality time with out children is what is wrong.
kl says
I think there’s nothing wrong saving sentimental stuff, for as long as you have the space. I still have my own lego’s (which will be passed to our son once the newcomer is old enough not to eat them) and my wooden alphabet toys are already in use for the new generation. The problem is the non-sentimental stuff and the fact that there’s just too much of it for the kid to even care. Keeping the inflow of toys small and letting the kid to develop their own favourite toys is the way to go, and maybe their kids will enjoy them as well.
My mother-in-law had stored the best clothes of my husband’s baby/toddler years as well as all fancy toy cars he had. I was a blast to be able to clothe our son to his fathers awesome, cute, and well made retro clothing, and those cars are among his favorites (they reside at grandparents whom we visit often). Not to speak about having retro winter shoes that fit – finding shoes for him in store is difficult.
I also had favourite items as a kid (and not that many toys anyway). The point is not to give away what you love but the unnecessary.
Ornela says
We are teaching out 3.5 year old that he does not need to have all the toys he sees in the shops, and that the ones he has do certain jobs just fine. We tell him those are for the children who don’t have toys yet and who will buy them. He’s perfectly happy with that. He is also happy just to look at the toys in the stores and we give him time to do that, he checks boxes, characters on them, plays with the models if there are some on the display, asks who or what something is, and then he moves on.
If it’s something he really wants and we approve of the toy, there is usually a way to get it as a reward (e.g he needs to collect all stickers on the sticker chart). That way we are trying to teach him patience and that he cannot have something straight away just because he had seen it there and then.
We have a big battle ahead of us with converting family members to the idea of not buying him certain types of toys (battery operated ones are not favored in our household) or letting them know that at least we’d like to be consulted what to buy him. Tough one. But every time we see him playing with some very “plain” stuff, like legos or empty boxes and containers, when it becomes evident how rich his imagination is, unspoiled by the instant entertainment or little focus due to too many distractions fighting for his attention, when we see how he breathes life into everyday objects and can be perfectly happy on the long journeys having conversation with us or looking through the car window, we know we’re doing the right thing.
Pippi says
The trouble isn’t we the parents buying toys — it’s all the toys we get from other people! We’re actually pretty lucky compared to most of our friends. We live in a small space and our family has seen how much room we have for toys — not much — and most of them have adjusted their gift giving accordingly. I really feel for my friends. They don’t want toys and no matter what they say they keep getting them. It’s so frustrating.
Amanda says
I think that it’s very important to limit toy buying to only special occasions. Last year for Christmas we practiced a new rule for our daughter, she would get four things, something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read. This worked out incredibly well, and I didn’t feel overwhelmed with shopping either.
I also try to buy handmade toys or make them myself when possible. Handmaking toys together can go a long way towards getting the child to appreciate the object, and respect it. It gives them pride and sparks their imaginations – even the simplest projects. The crafty crow (http://belladia.typepad.com/crafty_crow/) is a great resource for simple and beautiful projects for children – many made with recycled materials.
Finally, we also give our daughter a small allowance and encourage her to use it if there is something she just can’t live without. Not surprisingly, she’s not willing to spend her own money as liberally as ours. ;)
heymeg says
Nice post. We live in a small apartment, and so that combined with my striving for a minimalist list has meant that my 2 1/2 daughter has a small number of toys. I must admit that lately, she has started asking for things, but I generally invest in things that spark the imagination and lead to creativity. This has meant things like a basic tent, a box, art supplies and train tracks have made the cut. She really wanted one of those plastic cars recently, so I gave her a steering wheel (part of a non-working remote control car) and off we went on the couch (the “car”) to a far away place. As my stepfather says, all kids really need are a box, some sticks, and someone to play with. The more I adhere to this, the more magical our playtimes have been!
Jackie says
I agree with your stepfather. My kids play endlessly with boxes that have come in the mail. They could play all day in the dirt, with some water and sticks. Mud pie…yum!
Yet, we still have too many toys. I halved the amount of train tracks we have just last night, as well as their barbie toys. I’m getting there :)
Jessica says
When my siblings and I were rather young (ages 2-5), we moved right after Christmas.
All our brand new toys ended up in boxes in the basement that didn’t get unpacked.
The next Christmas, my parents were extremely short on cash, remembered the box in the basement full of toys, and re-wrapped our gifts from the previous year.
We had no idea and were super excited about all our new toys.
I don’t think most kids notice if they get 1 toy or 100. Given that, why not get into the habit of limiting the number of gifts given – ask family for ‘charity gifts’ (items from the World Vision catalog or donations to websites like “Kids Can Give Too”) so that your kids can get into the habit of giving early on in life?
I’m sure that there was some faddish toy that I begged my parents for when I was younger. And, given that my parents were short on cash when I was a child, I’m pretty sure that whatever over-priced, over-hyped toy it was, I probably didn’t get it. However, I can’t remember any specific instances. I’m not scarred from it. What I do remember is parents that read me bedtime stories, took me camping and, most importantly, loved me.
Mimi says
If goodwill won’t take your extra stuffed animals, you may want to consider donating them to your local animal shelter. Dogs don’t care that the stuffies have been previously loved.