I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. An awful diagnosis for anyone, at any stage of life. But as a 48-year old father of four, with two in elementary school, it has shaken everyone in our community. He’s now in a daily battle to stave off cancer, provide for his family, and both parent and husband well.
In preparing themselves for the long days and years to come, my friend and his wife decided to downsize their home—moving from a 3,400 square foot home to 1,800. They saw the move as an opportunity to save money, time, energy, and effort for the journey ahead—a journey that would require strength, focus, energy, and intentionality.
They hadn’t lived in their larger home for long before the diagnosis. In fact, I still remember the first time I visited—Christmas, last year. It was for a party and their home (the larger one) was decorated immaculately. All of this was before the arrival of cancer into their lives.
My wife and I arrived early for the party and offered our hosts the first thoughts that entered our mind, “Your new home is beautiful. Thank you for having us over.”
As the party attendees continued to arrive that evening, I watched as many had similar greetings for their host and hostess, “Your house is gorgeous!” “This is stunning!” And “Your home is absolutely beautiful!” Customary greetings, I know, but these compliments were not empty words of praise—the house guests were genuinely impressed with their hosts’ home.
We are, after all, a culture and society that loves big houses and expensive furnishings and decorations. Most people spend their lives, and if current stats on household debt are correct, most of their money pursuing bigger and bigger homes in nicer and nicer neighborhoods.
In fact, the average American home has nearly tripled in size over the last 60 years, all while the average American family has decreased in members. And if all this increased space isn’t enough, 10% of us rent offsite storage and 25% are unable to park even one car in our garage.
But sometimes I wonder if these bigger homes (and the increased furnishings and material possessions that go inside them) are actually benefiting our lives. And if they are not, are they worthy of our praise and admiration? Is it possible we are looking for “beauty” in all the wrong places?
The concept of home as an ideal for safety and comfort, of acceptance and belonging, is one that resonates with almost everyone. But somewhere along the way, we began chasing a different ideal. “Home” became a place to upscale, store an ever-increasing pile of possessions, and chase a never-realized perfection portrayed in Pottery Barn catalogs and Home-Improvement reality shows.
But what is the purpose of home and what makes the concept beautiful in the first place?
Home is a place to come home to. It offers a place to relax, unwind, and rest. It provides opportunity for interaction among family members—a safe harbor from the storms of life to find acceptance, security, and stability.
But home is also a port of departure when you’re ready to brave the high seas of life again. As John Shedd said, “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” Home offers us rest and security so we can live our best lives in the world outside—accomplishing the most good for the most amount of people.
These are the ideals we should strive for with the home we create: a safe harbor and effective port of departure. And when these ideals are being met, our home is beautiful. We do not need to constantly increase square footage, discounted furniture, or decorations.
In fact, often times, reducing the square footage and/or the number of possessions in our home allows us to better realize those ideals that make a house a home. When our money, time, and energy is not spent accumulating and caring for things that don’t matter, we have more resources available for the things that do.
Last week, my wife and I dropped off dinner at our friends’ new, smaller home. It had been a long day for them full of scans, doctor visits, diagnoses, and treatments. We did not intend to stay long—they needed rest as much as they needed a fresh meal.
However, while dropping off the food I asked my friend how he was liking his smaller home. He said, “It’s great! I no longer have a mortgage payment because we removed that burden when we downsized. We’re in a more stable position financially which is important to me. Sure, we’re still adjusting to living in smaller quarters as a family. But this house is easier to clean and take care of so I can focus more on things that matter. Most importantly, it’s bringing us closer together as a family. And Joshua, that is the thing that means the most to me right now as I fight for my life and theirs.”
I looked around the room one more time. I saw a family growing closer, better prepared in this smaller space for their difficult journey ahead. “Bob, I think it’s beautiful.”
good
3 years ago, we downsized by half, even with 3 girls still at home, and I’ve never regretted it since. We did increase our lot size to an acre for a little more privacy and nature, but working outside on our property has brought great physical and mental wellness, especially helpful through the grieving process.
Joshua, thanks for the encouragement to continue to have less to gain more. It’s that time of year again to purge all the extra to gain margin, clarity and peaceful surroundings, but I seem to always need the nudge.
Blessings to you,
Kristi Covey
I have been so neat and clean when it comes to our home, although we are poor but the impact it brings when home is organize and in clean state, it makes a happy atmosphere throughout the day.
Hi, I really liked your article. I hope everything went well for your friend. I’m from Europe and I think europeans are more used to smaller houses and apartments. Actually where I’m from, it’s more common for people to live in a flat than in a house. I personally share with you all the benefits you are mentioning above. I live in 1500 square feet with 2 kids and we are usually together in the living room, we share a lot of time together. Also everything about maintenance, etc, i totally subscribe it. I even have a storage unit that is partially filled in so we really wouldn’t need more than this. Thanks for the article anyway.
I find a lot of the minimalist ideas here very interesting and important for society. In my opinion, what makes a beautiful home is sharing it with family and having places full of love and laughter. I hope we all here have a little bit of that today :)
I guess I could say I was lucky to grow up with a father who was very minimalist and neat and a clean freak mother. Lol. Even though we always lived in a half finished house as my builder father would work on our homes and sell them once they were finished. He did this many times to become mortgage free. But one thing was constant, they were smaller houses. With the exception of the first house which was big and cumbersome, my Dad learned his lesson and built single storey, slab homes with just enough space. No extra storage, no sheds, no garage crammed full of things. And we were the only family I knew that could always park both cars in the garage. As I’ve started learning to renovate for profit, the more and more I look into homes and what I would build myself, I always want to go smaller. As a stay at home Mum, the thought of cleaning large houses does not appeal to me at all. The maintenance, the time cleaning it. The gardening maintenance outside. And with more space comes more opportunity to hoard as well. If I go to someones home and comment how beautiful it is, I’m looking at the trim, the paint, the style of the house, the tidiness and if they are minimalistic, I usually rave about that type of decor.
My thoughts and prayers go out to your friend and his family. This post hit a lot of things home (no pun intended) for me. I have worked in home design and decor for a long time. In the last few years have become increasingly restless with it as my own personal priorities have shifted. I no longer enjoy trying to sell customers on a commercially beautiful space filled with meaningless objects according to the latest “trends”. Perpetuating a false ideal is exhausting, drains my soul, and takes away from what is truly important in life. Life is too precious to waste time on the meaningless.
When my husband was diagnosed with Leukemia, we had the same reaction. Sold our big, expensive house and moved into an affordable condo. The stress relief was measurable!