Holidays are holidays and traditions are traditions.
But traditions are not the holiday. And this is an important distinction.
Traditions help us celebrate and honor recurring events in our lives. Whether we are setting aside a day for gratitude or setting aside an entire season to celebrate faith, family, or both. Traditions should draw our attention to the underlying reason for the season.
Traditions should not detract from the season, they should elevate it.
Maybe Rachel Jonat said it best, “We don’t have to continue holiday traditions that leave us broke, overwhelmed, and tired.”
This is an important truth and paradigm-shifting realization. If a tradition is not serving us and enhancing our family’s enjoyment of a holiday, there is no reason to continue it. Traditions that leave us tired, broke, or stressed should be ended.
This may be only a minor point, except it seems many of our most culturally-accepted traditions have become more of a burden than a blessing.
For example:
Nearly 7 in 10 Americans (69%) said they would skip exchanging gifts this holiday season if their friends and family agreed to it.
A majority of those who spend time buying or making gifts (60%) said they would spend more time with friends and family if they didn’t have to worry about gifts.
43% of those who spend money on anything related to the holidays said they feel pressured to spend more than they can afford.
As the holiday season approaches, the pressure to spend spikes. As a result, 24% of holiday shoppers say they overspent their holiday budget in 2016 and 27% admit to not making a budget at all.
During 2016, 63% of Baby Boomers took on debt to finance the holiday season. Other generations took on debt as well, including 58% of Gen-Xers and 40% of Millennials.
But it gets even worse, an alarming number of shoppers are still paying off debt from last Christmas. 24% of Millennials still haven’t paid off credit card debt incurred during the 2016 shopping season, while 16% of Gen-Xers haven’t.
When asked what they enjoy and/or dislike the most about the holidays, Americans’ top three answers about what they like least involve purchases: commercialism/materialism, financial worry, shopping and crowds.
Also, fascinatingly, during the holiday season, people spend less time eating and socializing with friends. The things we enjoy the most are being pushed aside by the things we enjoy the least.
To top it off, 70% of Americans will rush out shopping on days immediately following an entire holiday dedicated to being thankful for all the things we already have.
When I speak of minimalism, I define it as the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.
This principle should wisely be applied to the holiday traditions and expectations we choose to participate in.
Just because everyone is rushing out to shop on Black Friday, doesn’t mean you need to. You can choose to spend that day differently and create prouder memories with your family.
Just because a percentage of your friends are going into debt to finance their holiday, doesn’t mean you need to. You can choose to celebrate within your means and enter the new year with peace.
Just because your neighbors are stockpiling Christmas presents for their children, doesn’t mean you need to. You can choose a simpler approach to spend more time and money with your kids, rather than on them.
Just because your family has always celebrated Christmas one way, doesn’t mean the expectations can never change. You can be the first to boldly propose something new. And given the fact that 70% of us would gladly skip exchanging gifts if everyone agreed… your family may thank you for bringing up the idea.
I am not anti-holiday. I am pro-holiday.
And I am not anti-tradition. I am pro-tradition.
But traditions should add to our holiday experience, not subtract from it.
Perhaps stately more clearly, I am pro-every tradition that reminds me again of the reason for the season.
We would each be wise to reevaluate the cultural, family, and personal traditions that have become part of our holiday celebration. And choose only those that serve us and add value.
Elizabeth says
If shopping is fun and buying gifts for everyone (or anyone) brings you joy (and does not wreck your finances), then it is not stressful – do it! It serves you.
If decking your halls like crazy makes you happy – do it! It serves you.
This article encourages letting go of those traditions that do NOT serve you – they do not bring joy. I always think of a tradition I insisted we let go… my Grandmother always did all of the cooking. She was an excellent cook. Every holiday she made yeast rolls that had to rise and she managed to have every dish hot & ready at the same time. My Grandmother died when I was 12 yrs old. MY Mother could never master those darn yeast rolls. We spent the next 29 years waiting and waiting for the rolls that would never rise. After much grouchiness, griping, hand-wringing, and major snipping at each other, my family would give up and eat the rest of the meal…3-4 hours later than planned. It was miserable. Every Year! When I took over hosting the holiday meals, I told my Mother that I would not be attempting those delicious rolls. I would be buying frozen Parker House rolls because Grandma’s rolls, in our hands, lead to UNhappiness instead of happiness. My Mother was only half way through grieving those rolls when our holiday lunch was ready on time & with SO mush less stress that she let it go and declared that she was fine with never attempting the yeast rolls again.
Now, some of you will want to say – but yeast rolls aren’t that hard! You can do it! But the point is – those yeast rolls ARE hard – for MY family. And they take a very happy memory – my Grandmother – and ruin it by causing distress and let down.
Those are the traditions that we need to let go!
Happy Holidays – whatever that means to YOUR Family!
Elizabeth says
Ooooops – next 19 years, not 29 years :-)
Lucky says
Great post! It is thought provoking. Every has their own idea of a holiday tradition. Its upto them that how do they celebrate. Everything given would revert in numerous ways.
shelley says
I can’t tell you how much this article resonates with me! I spent many years absolutely hating the holiday season for the reasons you’ve outlined. The expectations and obligations were just not enjoyable and were a major cause of stress. We have downsized everything about our holiday celebrations and the whole family is happier for it. This is a topic that’s close to my heart and I’m sharing this article in a roundup post to publish on 12-9-17.
Christy Williams says
Great article. I have a couple of thoughts I’d like to add to the conversation.
First off, while I get the whole “anti over consumption, be grateful, stay out of debt” mantra, I’m tired of all the Black Friday bashing I see every year in the minimalist circles. I consider myself a minimalist, but I still typically shop on Black Friday. It’s the day I can most frugally buy new clothing for my family. We needed new winter coats this year and got $200 coats for $18 each. Many people I know (myself included) try to get ALL of their holiday shopping done on Black Friday, and this is great because it frees up the rest of the holiday season for more meaningful activities. So anyway, my point is that Black Friday and Minimalism are not necessarily polar opposites, they can actually go hand in hand quite nicely.
Ok, my second thought is this: no man is an island. I would love to change some things about the way our family celebrates Thanksgiving. This year in particular left me totally drained. But my kids and husband LOVE the way we celebrate. If I stand up and say, “Nope. Nope. Nope. I refuse to continue these traditions that do not serve ME” it would be selfish of me. They don’t serve me, but they do serve my family. So anyway, I guess I’m just thinking out loud here, trying to find a balance. Maybe other readers are feeling the same things and need to hear that they aren’t alone in this. Or maybe I do, haha!
Denise Smith says
While I do not enjoy shopping on Black Friday, mindlessly and with throngs of people, I agree that it can be a great time to purchase items you are needing and getting your Christmas shopping done, if that is your plan. Great deal on your coats!!
I am feeling the same way, that some traditions I find draining are of great value to my family. I consider part of my gift to them is my continuing with these traditions out of love for them. It’s not about me…
Ellen says
That is great, but do you need 200% coats? Or 18 dollar coats. Did you have no coats when winter started? No coats from last year?
Laura Bassett says
Wow, is this “new coat shaming”? It’s not a greedy, terrible thing to want to freshen up your wardrobe. Older coats can be donated, (a good thing) and the fact that the new coats were bought at such a terrific discount makes the shopper super frugal and super smart! Hats off to you!
Kerrie says
Particulalrly when it comes to family, with realistic expectations, the traditions need to serve us. If anyone loves a particular tradition so much, consider giving them the reins.
Sherri says
I find that the problem with “but (the traditions) serve my family” often means that the one person who would rather stop is carrying the weight of pulling off most of the tradition. Our family (my husband and I, two daughters, two sons-in-law, two grandchildren) has simplified greatly and purchase almost nothing, instead opting to go out with each other during the year – museums, movies, free concerts, inexpensive dinners, etc. It’s perfect!
Margarete says
I totally agree with Christy Williams but would like to add one suggestion. As you freely admitted how putting the whole meal together is very draining for you, why not take all the people old enough to be able to peel a potato and teach them all of your recipes they apparently live for every year? This, after a couple of years doing it will start to become easier and easier and before you know it they could make those beloved recipes in case you ever need to step back whether due to illness or age some day and they will always remember the legacy you left them by having the patience to teach them. Or to make it even easier, after a couple years you could assign everyone a dish to make for the meal and nobody will have to drain themselves to make the meal happen. I always wished that my mother or grandmother would’ve taken the time to teach me and/or my sister some of the wonderful recipes they had. I am a pretty good cook myself, but some dishes my mother made I really miss and my younger sister never learned to cook and she’s in her 60’s.
Amy | More Time Than Money says
Thanks for this. It’s so easy to just keep on doing what you’ve always done, without considering why or what you could do instead.
Danice says
Very well said, and so true. Thank you for such an inspiring and eye-opener post. You said what many of us are afraid to say.
Liz (Eight Acres) says
Great reminder! I have greatly reduced the stress since we stopped giving presents. No more shopping in crowded malls! We buy presents at random times when we see something, but not under pressure at Christmas time.
Ellen says
I do the same. I shop for xmas gifts all year round. If and when I see stuff fitted for that person I am gifting for xmas.
Marie says
Thanks for your minimalism advice. I think we can still enjoy the Holidays without receiving any gifts. Sometimes the things people really want just can’t be bought.
Sarah L says
I meant to add, it’s just as fun to pick names off the salvation army tree, or the like, so those of you who don’t want to gift to friends or family, maybe pick one of those names!
Sarah L says
Well…I guess I am one of the 3 out of 10. I LOVE to decorate and buy gifts and I choose so carefully for each person. My husband has a huge family so I buy and mail a lot of gifts, and of couse, I love seeing my kids enjoy their gifts. Growing up my mom never had wrapped gifts for me, Christmas was often like my birthday, pretty much forgotten because she didnt want the hassle of doing anything and as an adult I still don’t know why, because it’s wonderful to decorate, and make holiday treats and see someone open a gift you gave them! On my side of the family we were small to begin with, but in 3 years have lost 4, and we are so few now, and some so lonely at Christmas I do like to try and remind them someone was thinking about them. We manage to buy for everyone on a small salary by shopping smart, and all year. I would never change that.