“Work to the point your idols become your peers.” —Unknown
Today, I turned 40. It feels weird—especially because it seems like only yesterday I was in my 30’s.
Every so often, it seems, life presents us with opportunities to look back and reflect: the birth of a new year, the death of a loved one, or a milestone birthday.
And on this day, I cannot help but look back and consider the men and women who have helped shape me into the person I am today.
Some of my mentors chose me. But not in every case:
When I was 25 years old, I was offered jobs at two uniquely different organizations. I remember them well. While the general job description was similar between the two, the work environments were entirely different.
My first job offer was in Princeton, NJ. The organization was large—millions of dollars of income each year. Their reputation was impeccable and the dollars were not in short supply. I was offered a healthy salary, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, floor tickets to the New York Knicks, even admission into Princeton University for graduate work. Our final interview occurred at one of the finest steak houses in the area. The professionally polished leader of the organization sat across from me—and offered his best sales pitch.
Days later, I was offered a job in Menomonie, WI. The town was populated by 20,000 hard-working men and women, a unique blend of farmers and professors. The organization was small—5 employees at the time. Based on typical measures of worldly success, they offered me very little. In fact, our final interview took place around the modest kitchen table of the organization’s leader. To this day, I have looked into the eyes of very few men with more humility, more love, or more commitment to others than this man. The food was pleasant and the conversation rich.
I was only 25 years old. Just starting out. And the decision could not have been more difficult.
The final decision was made 3 days later. My wife and I had numerous conversations with trusted advisors and mentors—some formal, some informal. And then, on a Tuesday night, we went out for dinner to determine our future.
All the details I do not recall, but I do remember one significant factor that ultimately determined our fate more than any other:
I asked myself repeatedly and intentionally, “What type of man do I desire to become? Who would I rather look like when I am 40?”
What would cause a 25-year old man and his young 21-year old wife to choose humility and service over money, prestige, and reputation? I’ll never know. But we did. And we have never regretted the decision.
It is interesting to me as I sit this morning to reflect on my life, that this single decision would resonate as one of the most significant. I can think of little else.
I have a loving family for which I am eternally grateful. I have a wife who selflessly loves others and remains steadfast in her faithfulness and patience for me. My life story features the names and stories of countless mentors who have invested themselves into me and saw far more potential than I ever did.
There are so many things I could dwell on today, but I choose instead to think of one decision above all others.
Maybe because, it was in that moment, I chose the type of man I wanted to become. And I decided to choose humility over the fleeting pleasure of worldly prestige.
Perhaps more than anything else, it is the men and women we choose to set-up as role models and idols that determine the course of our lives. (tweet that)
If we envy those with money and vast personal possessions, these are the people we will emulate.
If we look up to those who live their life in the pursuit of pleasure, pleasure will become our prize.
If we envy those who model selfish abandon for power and prestige, this too, will become our greatest pursuit.
But we get to decide. And if we want, we can always choose humility and selfless concern for others—even in a world that doesn’t. And then, we can surround ourselves with men and women who model it for us.
This, then, can become true of us. Our idols can become our peers.
Izabela says
Happy birthday! As always, a wonderful post. This is so great and so true. I read recently that the things we admire in others, we already have, and that’s why we are drawn to those qualities.
Hanna says
I have been following your blogs for a few months. This one I would like to pass on to my 11 year old son – as to what kind of person he would like to be. The topics you write about are very true to life, interesting and inspiring. It is influencing our society with good values. I don’t want to miss the chance to say, Thank you and a very meaningful birthday Joshua. God bless .
Ashley says
As the countless other wishes you have received – Happy Birthday Joshua. Approaching 40 in 6 months as well, it definitely makes one reflect upon where they have been and what direction to steer their future. As a mom to 2 girls (toddler and teenager) they remind me of the fact as parents we are the first set of examples our children have to follow. Your posts help ground and remind me to follow the road not taken – perhaps they will follow a similar path of their choosing. I always look forward to reading your posts as they help me in my daily practice to reflect on ways to be a better mother and human.
May 2015 bring you many more successes, memories, and joy to write and reflect upon. Happy Holiday Birthday!
~Ashley
Lucy says
Many blessings to you on your 40th. You are indeed a wealthy man. Thank you for the gift of your writing and insights.
Megan says
Happy Birthday, Joshua!
Thank you for sharing this post. As a soon to be 33 year old on Christmas Day, I am experiencing the blessings that choosing people over money & prestige can bring. I left my corporate salary position almost a year ago to slow down, be with my two boys, return to school, and start my own business. It was scary, and still can be at times, but living my life this way is a decision I am so thankful my husband and I had the courage and grace to make.
After shifting my focus from WHAT I wanted to be, to WHO I wanted to be, everything changed. Doors opened that I never imagine existed, relationships became more loving and rich, and the the drive to become a woman who loves big, and needs little is shaping my mid-thirties into the best years of my life!
The mentors in my life have been conduits of encouragement, wisdom, and inspiration that continue to keep me leaning in. I don’t have it all figured out (that’s what 40 is for, right?) but I know without those VIPs in my life, I would not be where I am today.
SO, I wish you a Super Awesome Birthday, and thank you for inspiring me, to LIVE life, not chase it.
Kent Faver says
This really resonated with me Joshua. We left Dallas for a smaller town when I was 34 – 20 years ago. The move made little sense, but I do think it was providential. And, frankly, I still don’t even know why. I guess that’s where trust and faith comes in.
Anthony Fasano says
Joshua – Happy Birthday to you. I am sure that one of the best birthday gifts you can get is reading through these comments and seeing how many people’s lives you have impacted positively. For me and my wife, parents of three young children, we are pledging to become minimalists in 2015 thanks to you. It won’t be easy, but we have each other, and thanks to your writing, we have you. Happy Birthday….
Anthony
Jf says
Happy birthday Joshua!!
You brought tears to my eyes. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what’s next. I’m 33 and every fiber of my body is telling me to get on a different job trajectory and it’s scary.
Your post has given me more food for thoughts. Thank you!
JF
HappinessSavouredHot says
Happy Birthday! :-)
I can relate to this post. I have never actively planned to make the choices I made, but somehow, my youthful ambition (to gain wealth and prestige) has turned into a strive for balance above all things. Throughout my adulthood, I have made choices that prioritized well-being as opposed to money and big titles. In 2 years, I will be turning 40. To this point, I have no regrets. Having genuine relationships, little attachment to the material sphere, low stress levels and the time to be contemplative is worth so much!
Judy says
Happy B-Day, Joshua! I’m certain you chose the right path :)