“Work to the point your idols become your peers.” —Unknown
Today, I turned 40. It feels weird—especially because it seems like only yesterday I was in my 30’s.
Every so often, it seems, life presents us with opportunities to look back and reflect: the birth of a new year, the death of a loved one, or a milestone birthday.
And on this day, I cannot help but look back and consider the men and women who have helped shape me into the person I am today.
Some of my mentors chose me. But not in every case:
When I was 25 years old, I was offered jobs at two uniquely different organizations. I remember them well. While the general job description was similar between the two, the work environments were entirely different.
My first job offer was in Princeton, NJ. The organization was large—millions of dollars of income each year. Their reputation was impeccable and the dollars were not in short supply. I was offered a healthy salary, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, floor tickets to the New York Knicks, even admission into Princeton University for graduate work. Our final interview occurred at one of the finest steak houses in the area. The professionally polished leader of the organization sat across from me—and offered his best sales pitch.
Days later, I was offered a job in Menomonie, WI. The town was populated by 20,000 hard-working men and women, a unique blend of farmers and professors. The organization was small—5 employees at the time. Based on typical measures of worldly success, they offered me very little. In fact, our final interview took place around the modest kitchen table of the organization’s leader. To this day, I have looked into the eyes of very few men with more humility, more love, or more commitment to others than this man. The food was pleasant and the conversation rich.
I was only 25 years old. Just starting out. And the decision could not have been more difficult.
The final decision was made 3 days later. My wife and I had numerous conversations with trusted advisors and mentors—some formal, some informal. And then, on a Tuesday night, we went out for dinner to determine our future.
All the details I do not recall, but I do remember one significant factor that ultimately determined our fate more than any other:
I asked myself repeatedly and intentionally, “What type of man do I desire to become? Who would I rather look like when I am 40?”
What would cause a 25-year old man and his young 21-year old wife to choose humility and service over money, prestige, and reputation? I’ll never know. But we did. And we have never regretted the decision.
It is interesting to me as I sit this morning to reflect on my life, that this single decision would resonate as one of the most significant. I can think of little else.
I have a loving family for which I am eternally grateful. I have a wife who selflessly loves others and remains steadfast in her faithfulness and patience for me. My life story features the names and stories of countless mentors who have invested themselves into me and saw far more potential than I ever did.
There are so many things I could dwell on today, but I choose instead to think of one decision above all others.
Maybe because, it was in that moment, I chose the type of man I wanted to become. And I decided to choose humility over the fleeting pleasure of worldly prestige.
Perhaps more than anything else, it is the men and women we choose to set-up as role models and idols that determine the course of our lives. (tweet that)
If we envy those with money and vast personal possessions, these are the people we will emulate.
If we look up to those who live their life in the pursuit of pleasure, pleasure will become our prize.
If we envy those who model selfish abandon for power and prestige, this too, will become our greatest pursuit.
But we get to decide. And if we want, we can always choose humility and selfless concern for others—even in a world that doesn’t. And then, we can surround ourselves with men and women who model it for us.
This, then, can become true of us. Our idols can become our peers.
Melia says
I hope you are having a wonderful day, Joshua. Happy Birthday! And I’m glad you continue to share your wisdom and insights in your books and blog. They have enriched my life, and the lives I touch. A legacy at 40? Yes. Thank you for being my mentor.
Bethany @ Journey to Ithaca says
Happy birthday!
I have definitely learned a lot from the mentors I have chosen in life, and they have certainly influenced the paths I have taken. I have often found that once I have made a choice concerning my path, mentors seem to almost magically appear along that path.
Amber Ketchum says
Such a powerful message – as a person in my mid-twenties, I can completely relate to this article – I found it really helpful, thanks so much for this!
Ab says
Beautiful article.
We should all try to admire successful people for their humility and personality, rather than measuring success on wealth and possessions.
Happy 40th!
Aliina says
Happy Birthday Joshua. I’m new to your blog but can tell you I will be coming back to read more and more. A truly full circle day for you, that’s awesome. Looking forward to reading and learning more from you.
Tillie says
Powerful. Fourteen years ago my husband and I looked into the eyes of our newborn and dropped our careers and lifestyle, moved to a new state to provide a slower, simpler life for our child. Since then, our family has grown in number as well as relationally. Reading your blog today reminded me of that long ago decision. Although I thought my journey into simplicity started a little more than a year ago, I see the seed was planted 14 years ago.
Your words today really struck me how the power of a single decision made so many years ago truly impacts not only who you become but also who your family becomes as well.
Thank you.
Michelle Russell says
Happy 40th, Joshua! It’s indeed a milestone, and I like the way you’re stopping to reflect like this.
Also . . . 15 years ago, you had rare wisdom for a 25-year-old. ;-)
Hannah Goering says
Thanks for your post, Joshua. It comes at a time for me when I have less than 4 hours to decide if I’m taking a cushy job offer that offers prestige but doesn’t excite me in any other way… it’s not what I really feel I’m called to do. Let’s just say your insight is an answer to prayer, and has helped me answer that question.
LL in Prescott says
Happy Birthday! 40 is a wonderful year! I love all those Big Zero birthdays. They make everyone pause and reflect. Here I am! Is this where I want to be? Where am I going? I know quite a few 80 year old men who are dynamos. My own father was a huge inspiration. I also know quite a few almost 40 year olds who successfully climbed the corporate ladder and are making the 6 figure income and are miserable. Wouldn’t a class on Balance Your Life be wonderful in middle or high school? Oh the things I wish I had known!
Kush Sharma says
I’m disappointed after reading this article. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a HUGE fan of your blog as well as what you stand for. You’ve had a massive impact on my life.
But reading this article, there is only one thing that came to my mind – A dull life.
I mean, what’s wrong in chasing money and pleasure AND being simple at the same time. I think hedonis tendencies get a lot of stick just because people always assume that people who tilt towards pleasure lose their way.
But if we can remain unattached to that pursuit of pleasure and money, then I feel there is nothing wrong in it. It’s just that we should not be obsessed with it.
I’m an ardent follower of Osho and he gives the concept of totality. You should live life in totality. Why deny something when you can have it all?
For me, the deeper minimalism is giving up our need to be some perfect person that we imagine we will like to be. Instead, we can embrace whatever we want as long as we can stay unattached to that pursuit.
As Osho says, don’t be Zorba, don’t be Buddha. Be Zorba the Buddha. That’s where totality lies.