Note: This is a guest post from Melissa of Melissa Camara Wilkins.
“How are you?”
How many times do you hear that every week? We all know not to answer “fine.” Fine isn’t a thoughtful answer. Fine means we didn’t think about the question.
Instead we have another default answer, don’t we? We’re busy. We’re all busy. How are you? Busy.
It’s true, so many of us are busy. Even as we try to simplify our homes, our calendars have a tendency to stay packed full.
When we start eliminating the extra stuff from our houses, we find new pockets of free time—the time we would have spent taking care of all that stuff. You’d think, then, that we would have plenty of open space in our schedules.
But there are so many options competing for those extra minutes that we can keep adding to our calendars until there’s no time left. We’re busy.
Sometimes being busy feels good, and sometimes keeping busy makes us feel important. But you are valuable because of who you were made to be, not because of the activities you do. Your worth does not depend on your busyness. You can do fewer things, even if the things on your calendar are all good things.
And the things we keep busy with often are good things. There’s volunteering, there’s being a friend, there’s work. There’s regular old household chores. And if you have kids, there’s sports, scouts, classes, clubs, and lessons, enough to fill every minute of the day, and it seems like everyone else is doing them all, so it must be possible.
We stop asking each other: How are you? And we start asking: How do you do it all?
The most important way to think about that question doesn’t have anything to do with your process. The best answer to that question has to do with your purpose.
You don’t have to do it all. You can quiet your schedule. You can choose mindfully.
Focus on purpose over process.
Instead of asking: How do I do it all?
Start asking questions like: Why am I choosing this? Does this feed my family or nourish my soul? Was I made for this?
If your schedule lines up with your purpose, wonderful! Keep doing what you’re doing, and keep asking for help when you need it.
But if you weren’t made for this—whatever this is that’s filling your schedule—stop.
Let go of activities that aren’t a good fit for you or your family. Let go of activities that might be great, but are too much for this season. There will be other seasons. Let go of activities that everyone else is doing. You aren’t everyone else. You were made to be you, on purpose.
You can focus on what’s right for you. Do what fits your personality, your passions, your purpose, your values, your family. Do more of that, and less of everything else.
It’s hard to be the person you want to be if your days leave no room for contemplating who that person even is. (tweet that)
Let go, and you’ll find more space to be yourself.
A minimized schedule can have maximum impact.
When you don’t do it all:
– You need less stuff.
Every activity comes with its own clothes or shoes or tools or toys. If you eliminate the activities that aren’t best for you, you won’t need all the props to prop up a lifestyle you don’t even want.
– You relieve pressure.
With fewer activities, there’s less stress on your calendar and your budget. You have less worry about carpools, traffic, and arrival times. You relieve that feeling of living through over-full, overcomplicated days.
– You have more time for your soul to breathe.
More free time means more space for stillness and contemplation. It means more space for dreams and growth. It means more time for listening and reflecting.
When there’s open space in your calendar, there’s more room in your heart for considering your place in the world, for thinking about who you are and how you intend to live.
Kids with more free time get to practice using their imaginations, and really, so do we adults.
Enough busyness.
Live out your purpose. Live your values. You don’t have to do it all. You just have to be yourself, and do what you were made to do.
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Melissa Camara Wilkins writes a beautiful blog for unconventional souls who want to live differently, think differently, and see the world a little differently. Her book, DO YOUR THING: How to Find Time to Do What Matters, is free for you today.
Mark Tong says
Hey Melissa – absolutely right – busy has become the new badge of honor – There’s more to life than speeding it up as Gandhi said I believe
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
Yes, when we speed life up, I think we miss quite a lot along the way.
Tom J says
As I read this article and many of the comments, I kept thinking of the advice of Socrates: “Beware the barrenness of a busy life”.
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
It does seem that busyness can drive out other, more life-giving options, doesn’t it?
Karen says
I’ve been working on breaking the busy cycle myself. I once was a workaholic. 70-80 hour workweeks were the norm for far too long. Thankfully I finally reached a breaking point and made myself a priority. Money can open a lot of doors, but who wants to be there when the road getting there makes you miserable and worn out? We all need to take better care of ourselves and learn to love and appreciate who we are. I now have time to do the things that truly make me happy. :-)
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
That’s wonderful, Karen. Open doors don’t help much if we don’t have the time and energy to appreciate what’s on the other side.
Megan PK says
Love this, Melissa! And agree! The motto in our house about additional commitments is: if it isn’t a HECK YES, it’s a no. Now, as you say, to always remember that in the moment… there’s the rub, er, the opportunity to practice. ;)
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
I’m with you on that, Megan–HECK YES or no thanks! Cluttering our schedules and our minds just isn’t worth it if it’s not big yes. I’m always practicing, too. :)
Dan Recio says
“Your worth does not depend on your busyness.”
I loved this quote. In today’s age, people always want to feel busy. People might even feel pressured to feel busy because if you’re not, society might think you’re lazy.
However, like you mention in this article, we should eliminate the activities and obligations that don’t really serve us. We should have time not only for the things we love but also just to have time to do nothing. To just live, breathe, and enjoy the bliss of free time.
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
Sometimes it looks like “busy” and “lazy” are our only options, doesn’t it? But you’re right, there’s a path between them, and I think that’s where our healthiest options really lie.
Lori in Prescott says
I saw my busy 3-day weekend be an old habit of house remodeling. Did I want a new front door? Yes. Did I want it to be 3 long grueling hot days to accomplish it? No. My husband and I realized it is habitual, not conscious. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. Now that the weekend is over, we think of all the relaxing things we could have done for ourselves if we had not been so busy with a huge project! Next weekend? NO PROJECTS!
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
An entirely free weekend sounds lovely!
That question of what we do habitually vs. what we choose consciously is such an interesting one. I’m always uncovering more habitual stuff to examine. Sometimes it’s a habit for a good reason, and other times it’s just something I’ve fallen into and need to intentionally address.
Jorge says
Melissa, this is spot on!
People tend to focus on the “minimal” part of being a minimalist, when in reality it’s about doing more. The hard part is, as you said, giving ourselves the space to find what is important in life and what isn’t.
I’m always trying to give myself more of that space but find it’s really hard with so much noise and distractions in our lives! It’s a work in progress but i’m enjoying the journey so far.
Thanks for the advice, we all need a reminder to simply do less.
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
Thank you, Jorge! It’s a work in progress for me, too, and I think it probably always will be.
I think in a lot of ways, minimalism is about making our choices with more intention. How we spend our money, how we spend our time, which things we keep around us. I don’t want to have zero things, but I do want to eliminate the unimportant so I can focus on the essential.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach says
Absolutely great stuff here! I’m really focusing on that this month. I’m not saying yes to commitments unless I’m absolutely sure. The though of having a nice, calm, peaceful month/year is way more appealing than saying yes to something and regretting that decision when it comes time for the event.
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
Thanks, Tonya! It sounds like you are clearing space for a peaceful, intentional (ahem, wonderful) month!
Sometimes I worry that if I default to “no,” I’ll get stuck in my own comfort zone. I don’t think that’s the case, though. I find that when I don’t default to “yes,” I have more space to say yes to the unpredictable-but-right-for-me kinds of things that come along. Phew!
Luna Darcy says
Hi Melissa,
Awesome thought-provoking post!
Most of the time, busy does not mean productive. Being busy makes us feel like we’re VIPs, but sometimes we are busy but not achieving quality results or not getting where we really want to be.
Luna
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
I think you’re right, Luna. Really making a difference in our families, communities, and projects takes a thoughtful investment of time and energy, not just spinning our wheels faster and faster.
Christina @ Embracing Simple says
Great post!! I agree, busyness can be sometimes worn like a badge of pride or something that makes you feel more important. When in reality, it’s actually taking away from everything that’s truly important.
I’ve been really trying to simplify and minimize my schedule lately and find myself so much less stressed and happy as a result :)
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
Thanks, Christina!
I think it takes as much energy to try to feel important as it does to do what matters a lot of the time. I’d rather have spent my time on the latter, of course, but honestly, choosing wisely is an ongoing practice. Isn’t it always? :)