As we minimize possessions, how do we overcome the guilt of money spent on things in the past?
As part of Uncluttered, I answer lots of questions from participants as they seek to own less. I’ve answered thousands over the years.
And by far, one of the most common questions I hear is, “What do I do about all the money that I wasted on things? How do I get rid of things that I spent so much money on?”
It is a significant roadblock for many people and I want to try to answer that question for you today.
I’d like to accomplish in three ways: First, by introducing an Accounting principle, and then by reminding each of us about two truths about life that are incredibly important.
First, the Accounting principle of Sunk Cost.
In college, at the University of Nebraska, I learned about the sunk cost trap (my major was Finance).
Sunk cost is an accounting term that has countless applications to the way we live. The principle is this:
A sunk cost refers to money that has already been spent and which cannot be recovered. It should be excluded from future business decisions because the cost will remain the same regardless of the outcome of a decision.
It looks a little something like this. Let’s say I spent $10,000 on a business machine to do a task three years ago. But now, there is a new machine to accomplish the task that only costs $5,000. It does the work better, faster, more efficiently, and higher quality. It is unwise to think exclusively, “I am not going to buy the new machine because I spent so much money on the old machine.”
The principle also applies to life outside of business. Correctly applied and considered, the sunk cost principle is incredibly freeing.
Just because we wasted a lot of time and energy and money on things in the past, doesn’t mean we need to hold onto them if they’re not contributing to us living our best life today. Don’t cling to a past mistake just because you spent a long time making it.
Second, two truths about life to help us overcome guilt.
1. We cannot change the past.
We simply cannot go back and redo any events from our past. There are countless moments and decisions I wish I could undo, but the reality of life is that is not possible—ever.
When it comes to overcoming the guilt of an expensive purchase, unless the tags are still on the item, you cannot go back and unpurchase the item. It is done. It is over. It happened. And nothing is going to change that fact.
Which makes the second truth about life even more important:
2. We cannot change the past, but we can always learn from it.
When we learn life lessons from our past mistakes and determine to not make them again in the future, we begin to redeem the past. It begins to serve us and contributes to a brighter and better future.
We cannot undo the purchase decision, but the money becomes less wasted when we learn a lesson from it. If you feel guilt in removing possessions that you spent considerable money on in the past, learn from that guilt. Don’t allow it to paralyze you, but learn from it and move forward in freedom.
And when you remove those items, look for the best places for them to go. Maybe someone else can use them, maybe they can be sold or recycled, but don’t continue to carry that guilt and burden into the future.
There is not a doubt in my mind you will love owning less. You’ll find more money and more time and more energy and more focus. You will be able to live a more fulfilled life focused on things that matter most. To get there, almost all of us need to overcome the money that we wasted on things in the past.
Choose to live for the invisible and the eternal—not physical things that perish, spoil, and fade.
SD MacLennan says
The guilt I feel isn’t related to cost of the thing as spending isn’t what has created most of my clutter. I too studied finance and the concept of sunk costs was a great aha and provides clarity I’ve used to help people understand their current decisions.
For me it’s the guilt of letting go of things that belonged to loved ones who are gone now and although I know it’s not the reason to hold on to something, letting these things go feels like I’m turning my back on them and their lives and how hard they worked for things and the stories that in my mind at least are attached to those things…
Karen Lingenfelter says
SD … i empathize with you and your emotions. I’m struggling now going through my deceased husbands belongings and deciding what to keep, donate, give to others, etc. The emotions are incredible. I too feel guilty. Especially if it is something that truly should be thrown out. I makes my heart hurt. I’d welcome advice from other’s in this same situation and from Joshua Becker, if possible.
Lisbeth says
Exactly! I Have had to do the gut wrenching task of helping to clear out my parents home containing everything they chose to save for 65 years, including their parents and relatives special photos and documents. Every photograph, every picture, every book, (every greeting card !?), every love note – they kept for a reason. Not to mention that many items were hand made at that time. It’s one thing to give away clothing, furniture, linens and kitchen ware etc to people that can use it – but how do you let go of the history, the photos, the medals, the art – it’s not just stuff. Speaking as a minimalist myself, I think some things are still worth treasuring
Dawn Miller says
My guilt is less often about cost than what I ca’ll “ecological guilt.” And it’s something I rarely see addressed in any of the Minimalist platforms. Throwing something away causes me physical pain – all I can think about is “which jelly fish will strangle on this piece of plastic?” “If I completely disassemble this electronic can I at least recycle parts of it?” “Can someone I know use this? But will the REALLY use it? Am I just giving it away for someone else to trash it?”
I try to be more conscious when I buy things, and I’m teaching my kids the same. “If you buy this where will it live? What will you do with it when it’s time to get rid of it?” But I struggle with the items we own NOW.
joshua becker says
I don’t think this is specifically addressed on minimalist platforms because most of us assume you are doing your best to responsibly recycle or donate items when you remove them. For items that cannot be recycled or donated and are legitimately rubbish, how does keeping that item solve your problem? If it’s trash, it’s going to end up in the landfill someday – either by you or someone else.
Todd says
I agree with Dawn and while I know that it will someday end up I a landfill, I feel a ton of guilt being the one to put it there. It seems like nearly everything we own is either hazardous or plastic. I wish there was a company we could trust to take things and dispose of them in the most ecologically sound way possible. Even our recycling can end up in a third world country polluting their people and environment.
Sabrina says
I love this reminder of “sunk cost” as well as the concept that your stuff is only taking up space. I find that it is much easier to donate than to spend the time organizing and storing. My husband has been on a different path, but is coming along. He thinks things should be sold, not donated. I disagree. I think the time it takes to list and sell, meet someone or package and mail is not worth the $10 or $20 made. Any suggestions?
Sarah says
I have come to the same conclusion. I used to have yard sales, but by the time I lugged everything out, haggled with all the buyers, and then packaged it back up, my hourly rate was very little. I started either donating or putting something up for free on Craigslist. It’s very relieving to not have to deal with trying to sell things. I did, however, set myself a minimum. If I can get at least $50 out of a single item sold locally (that someone will come pick up), then I will do so. Otherwise, donated. Good luck!
Gina says
Hi Sabrina,
Minimizing with a partner can be difficult, as we can value different things and have different ideas about how to go about it. With that said, I do have a few suggestions to offer:
1. Celebrate the fact that your husband is willing to engage in a discussion about minimizing your collective stuff. That is a win in itself!
2. Consider where you would be willing to compromise.
– If he was willing to take full responsibility to take the pictures and post the items and sell the things, would you be willing to designate an area in the house to temporarily store items for sale while he goes about doing that?
– Is there a minimum value for sellable items you both could agree on? Sarah mentioned that she only seeks to see items worth $50 or more. When determining a minimum amount, I find it helpful to focus on what you could potentially do with the funds you make, as opposed to trying to recoup those sunk costs. For example, there have been times when my spouse and I decided that the moneys made from selling unwanted items would fund a special date night. Do you have a shared goal you both would enjoy putting the moneys towards? This could be a fun endeavor to add value to your relationship.
3. Consider how the time spent selling items could potentially bless others. I personally really enjoy selling items on OfferUp and Craigslist because I get to see others be excited about things that would otherwise be donated and/or possibly pitched. There have also been times that my spouse and I have decided to bless others with all the money we made in 3 or 4 weeks from selling items. I have found that this especially motivating- even to sell items for a smaller monetary value, because I know that the money we make will most certainly bless someone else.
Overall, I do fully agree with you that it is easier just to donate unwanted items and just enjoy a clearer space at home after a simple trip to the donation center. However, there can be a lot of benefits to selling. I hope these suggestions help you and your hubby find more common ground as you simplify your space together.
Blessings!
Paula says
Gretchen,
In my experience, the hardest part is getting those things out the door…but once it’s gone the guilt with it goes away too. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle, but each time gets easier when you remember how freeing the last time felt.
chris Kessler says
I am having a very difficult time finding places to take all the stuff. Furniture, electronics, tools, housewares, etc. Many places are not receiving donations right now with Covid. I have tries shelters, salvation Army, 2nd hand stores, etc. Trying to sell online is not easy either…anyone have more ideas on where to go with “good” stuff.
Abigail Muller says
Have you tried Habitat for Humanity? They typically will pick up furniture and also maintain resale shops.
Abigail Muller says
Try Habitat for Humanity. They typically pick up furniture and maintain resale shops.
Helen says
Put the items in a trash bag & take it to the curb. Done! Don’t worry, the world will not miss your stuff. And neither will you once it’s out of your home. Remember that it is yours to discard if you wish.
Susan says
Thanks this was encouraging to hear/read.
Kari says
I agree Paula. Getting rid of things isn’t always easy, but does get easier with time.
Rhoda Clark says
Ladies, it is heart warming to know I am not alone in the “too many clothes” department. This post was right on! Now I can move forward by either donating, reselling or simply tossing all those bad purchases, that at the time simply filled my need to feel good about myself. That emotion is long gone and so will the heedlessly purchases from the past. Moving on to a lighter, less stressful life.
Valerie Rogers says
It’s commonly the human experience that some things we will just have to walk away from. After all the evolution and coming and goings in our lives, the wisdom derived is that life was about the invisible and eternal all along.
Lisa says
Another way to explain sunk costs is you pay for a parking meter. You come back before it is expired. Do you stay there and wait to “get your moneys worth” or do you leave?
joshua becker says
Nice. I love that analogy.
Lynn says
This is the BEST simplifying/decluttering article I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot of them. In my effort to own less, I’m often paralyzed in action by the guilt of having spent so much money on an item that I feel I must keep it. Thank you SO much for suggesting the way to work thru this issue!
Faye says
I agree with your comment. Like you, I have read quite a few articles. This one hit the logical spot. I am glad I clicked on it. I have often felt I just have to keep “this item” because I will waste the money. But I am wasting the money anyway because I do not use the item. It has become the clutter I want to rid myself of. Simple logic. I can’t undo the past mistakes, learning from them is the real value. Thanks
joshua becker says
Thank you for the encouraging words. I appreciate them very much.
Michele Ross says
That was my spiritual breakfast today. Thanks for making great points in a concise way.
Gretchen Skivington says
Josh,
Could you please refer my request to a former “clothes horse” woman? Desperately need a detailed article/advice about how to not REGRET and feel SHAME at being so self-indulgently wasteful? For women, especially with CLOTHES! I can’t “let go” because all I do is stare at duplicates of items…waste…indulgence after the first clean through. WHAT WAS I THINKING? WHO DID I WANT TO BE!?!?
Kari says
Hi, I’m not Josh (obviously).
And please excuse me if I’m butting in, but perhaps you are being harsh on yourself.
Like Josh says in this article: it’s done, let’s learn, and move on.
You let go of your clothes already, maybe now it’s time to let go of that thought: “what was I thinking? Who did I want to be!?!?” So many times we look at the past “Why did I do that?” or “if only I hadn’t done that”. We end up feeling horrible about ourselves. We need to let that go too. It is in the past. It is not you anymore. The question you need to ask now is “Who are you?” at this very moment. But first: Get rid of those duplicates you keep staring at.
Also, Josh has this post https://www.becomingminimalist.com/letting-go-of-clothes/ with links to other blogs that might help.
I’m so sorry you are feeling all that! It is incredible how much power materialistic things can have.
(I hope I understood you correctly)
R* says
Kari: what a beautiful comment <3
Roseyrive says
Hi Kari-not-Joshua, That is a very thoughtful reply to Gretchen. It is very interesting that she asks about herself in the past tense – I tend to do the same of myself. The ‘Don’t feel guilty’ post is very timely and although the thing I’m agonising about is my house purchased for cash – my life’s earnings – I know that I do need to be brave and forward thinking as I will undoubtedly be free’er and have a better quality of life without it. it’s a bummer but I can’t change the decision that I made to buy it but I can do something about my future.
Kate says
Roseyrive,
How wonderful you purchased your house with cash. No feeling bad about that! Great !
Kari says
Hi Roseyrive,
I agree with Kate, nothing wrong with buying it cash. I too think that is great. I think a lot of minimalist push to not buy and rent, but I think that if you can buy it then great, it’s an investment for the future I would say because you can still sell the house. Thinking the positive here.
Now, we start with thinking about now =)
<3
Kari says
Thanks. I completely know where she is coming from. For so long I’ve held on to the past, but I’m beginning to let go. I think most of us go through those emotions. Whether it is for materialistic things or other.
Kari says
Thanks. I completely know where she is coming from. For so long I’ve held on to the past, but I’m beginning to let go. I think most of us go through those emotions. Whether it is for materialistic things or other.
<3
Valerie Rogers says
I don’t think anyone can give you detailed article about how to trigger the desired response in your own mind. You already recognize something is a problem, so that’s the first step. The realization is there, now it’s acting on it. Eventually with reading these articles one learns how to apply it to their own situation. The guilt will soften and change (as other emotions do) as it’s worked through.
Peggy Thiele says
I am cleaning out now as we speak…do you think I should or can syke myself out thinking this stuff belongs to someone else..its easier to get rid of other people’s things.. or should I “man up” and deal with it??…ugh..its soooo hard, stressful and sad.
Joan Logie says
It’s sad to think of items doing nothing in my house when someone else would love to use them. It reminds me to donate.
Barbie says
This is a good thing and it is very hard for me knowing the clutter has been here for sometimes already. Mary Kondo offers many good ideas for this and I still feel very overwhelmed by the task. I am not thinking to let go and donate anytime soon yet, would do when the time is right. My baby step would be to go around the house with a garbage bag and put in all the tiniest thing that has to go. There are so many. I can’t even believe we have put so much time into getting those in the store. What was I thinking? All this money could to to saving or paying bills instead and we would be done with no worries. So the first place to start is really to get of the guilt, and stop buying. That my motto. It does take much strength and will to do it, but it surely can be done since the outcome will be a gain in all the other bills taken care of.