I once read a quote that said, “Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” And I can’t emphasize it enough.
We are a society quick to judge the success of others based on external appearances. But I can’t think of a more foolish metric to utilize.
Some psychologists argue this is natural for humans. “Our unconscious mind starts from whatever objective data is available to us—usually spotty—and helps to shape and construct the more complete picture we consciously perceive.”
I suppose this makes sense to me. But here’s the problem:
We’re terrible at it! Like really, really bad.
In fact, in one study, scientists asked students at a Chinese university to look at selfies and evaluate the personalities of the people pictured in five key personality characteristics. The students were wrong 80% of the time!
80% of the time they were unable to determine the personality or character of a person based solely on appearance.
And yet, we continue to do it—over and over again. Often tricking ourselves into thinking we do it well.
But the proverb stands true, “Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.”
When we hear it, we know it is true. Judging a person based on external appearances is a foolish metric and we all know it.
For one reason, external appearances are easy to manipulate.
Symbols of success can be easily acquired by those who are not successful. Meanwhile, many successful people choose not to display their success with external symbols.
Do you know how easy it is to purchase a flashy car on credit? Or how quickly you can get ahead financially by simply buying a reasonable one? Night and day.
But this isn’t a post about financial success. This is about choosing to not judge others by external appearance.
I have a good friend who lives on the other side of the country. Years ago, when a special needs newborn was abandoned at their local hospital, she and her husband offered to raise the child as their own.
Their new daughter would require almost 24 hour attention for the rest of her life, and yet, they chose to adopt her and bring her into their family.
Decades later now, my friend is not going to turn any heads when she walks into a room.
She doesn’t pull into a parking lot driving an expensive vehicle. She doesn’t wear the latest styles or expensive jewelry. The emotional and physical toll of raising her daughter 24 hours/day for the last 20 years shows on her face and physical appearance as you might imagine it would.
From all outward appearances, there is nothing that would impress you about her.
But on the inside, she may be the strongest, sweetest, kindest, most compassionate human being I’ve ever met. She is wiser than most anyone else in the room. And her heart is beautiful.
That’s the thing about judging by external appearances.
Most people trying to impress you with them aren’t worth emulating.
And those living the most meaningful lives have long since given up trying to impress you with a fancy coat.
Marie Casale says
Excellent commentary. So true!
Connie says
Great post! This is something we all need to be reminded of from time to time from both the perspective of judging and being judged.
Angie Pie says
This is such a beautiful post Joshua. I feel blessed to receive these posts in my inbox every week. You are a gifted writer. Thank you for the important lessons that you so eloquently bring to our consciousness.
A says
Read these posts regularly , this is my favorite ! I think about this often and I am guilty of being impressed by outward appearances and disappointed once you look at them closely. Often the quiet one in the corner has the best story and the biggest heart .
Angela says
Oh I love this.
This isn’t relevant in the same way, I’d like to tell you anyway.
A few years ago I was at a toddlers group with my daughter and her little ones.
She went every week, I went only occasionally as we live a long way from her.
One day she said, Mum, can you pick out the two Christians who are here apart from me.
I looked around the room for a couple of minutes and said that lady and that one.
Daughter was delighted that I had indeed picked out the two ladies she knew had a faith.
It must have shone out to me as I didn’t know anything about anyone in that room.
Going back to your post though, yes we must look beyond outward appearances because they can deceive us.
Erin Wilson says
This is beautiful. And how it should be… our faith needs to be demonstrated and obvious in how we love those around us.
Mel says
So glad you weren’t deceived by the shining appearances of the two other ” Christians ” you identified at toddler group.
Michael Long says
Even professional providers of service pre-judge…When I have a first-time visit with a doctor or financial advisor or practitioner of any kind I “dress up”.
At the minimum a sport coat, but usually coat and tie.
Reason…you get more respect and more time with them, along with more attention.
Sad to say, but it is very true…there have been studies on this phenomenon.
Abigail Muller says
I agree! In our culture it shows respect for the other person.
Sophia says
Beautiful reminder of being willing to look beneath the superficial which often keeps us from enriching our lives with relationships rather than things! There is where the priceless, most valuable treasures are found! ?
J. Money says
Amen, brother. Beautiful post.
brooke says
This is so true. My husband is a youth pastor who loves to lift weights. He decided to grow a beard a couple of years ago and that combined with his modern hair (long on top w/ shaved sides) made him look like a viking. The small-town Texas youth group loved it so he kept it. We never thought much about it until we went to Iowa August 2020 to take our oldest college. We hoped over to Illinois and he received more terrified and hateful looks than we had ever seen before, including one little old lady who was scared to death of him in Walmart. (His blue shirt made him look like an employee until he turned around) It was quickly smoothed over by his big smile and kind/happy voice, but the moment gave him material for several lessons upon returning home.
Jean says
Beautiful post- very meaningful to me! There is way too much emphasis on the external in our culture. Thank you for a reminder that true beauty is on the inside!