I just finished watching the New England Patriots defeat the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX. I lived in New England for six years and began cheering for the Patriots then. And the Super Bowl was played in Phoenix just down the street from where I live now, so that was kinda fun.
I guess you could say my team won. Or, at least, the team I cheer for won.
An interesting thing happens to me when a team that I cheer for wins a major sporting championship—this year is no different. I am instantly taken back to a conversation with a friend that occured almost 20 years ago.
Specifically, it was the mid-1990’s and the Nebraska Cornhuskers had just won the NCAA College Football Championship. After celebrating with our friends a short while after the final whistle, we got ready to leave while the party ended.
I recall vividly sitting in the passenger seat of my friend’s Honda Accord remarking how fun it was to win, but not sure knowing what to do next. I suggested that maybe we each head home to bed because we needed to get up early the next day for school. He agreed. And made this passing remark:
The emptiness of sports is most felt in victory.
I knew immediately what he meant. We were huge Nebraska Cornhusker fans—even though neither of us played on the team or even attended the school. But that didn’t matter. We invested a lot of resources into the season. The team’s schedule dictated ours. We spent money on t-shirts and hats and even some tickets during the year. We tied our emotions to the outcome of the games. And we argued relentlessly with anyone who disagreed with the superiority of our team.
We were highly invested in them and their success. Then, they won the big game and were crowned champion. We were excited for them and for us. But then, we returned home to go to bed. Life doesn’t stop for a national championship.
Up until this particular year, I had never personally experienced a championship. For one reason or another, we had always fallen short. In defeat, the emptiness is rarely felt because there is always next year, the thrill of the pursuit still remains. You can look back and debate what went wrong or what referee cost you a chance at the title. You can talk about the next season and what changes need to be made and how things will turn out better. You are left hoping and striving to defeat those that defeated you.
But when you win, the pursuit of the goal is removed. There is no one left to defeat. There is no obstacle left to overcome. Your team has reached the pinnacle of its sport. But it doesn’t change your life in any way. In fact, work begins again in the morning.
The emptiness of sports, you see, is most felt in victory.
But this is not a negative post to disparage athletics. I have competed in both individual and team sports my entire life. Through athletics, I have learned (and continue to learn) important life lessons about teamwork, discipline, strategy, perseverance, and the role that competition plays in our lives.
Also, this is not a post to disparage those who play sports or those who coach them—professional, collegiate, varsity, or younger. The goal of sports is to become the best all-around athlete or team that you can possibly become—and that progress is displayed on the field of play.
Congratulations to the New England Patriots. They have given their life and skill to the pursuit of a championship. And their hard work has paid off. No doubt, their accomplishment results in great satisfaction for them and everyone involved in the organization.
Instead, this is a post about the things we decide to pursue with our lives.
Because sometimes, it is difficult to notice the emptiness of these pursuits until we actually obtain them.
While we are striving, before we reach the top, the reward appears to be worth the effort and the investment. But this is not always the case.
For example, consider the pursuit of riches. When we don’t have them, but choose to pursue them, we do so because we think the solutions to many of our problems lie there. In money, we believe, we will find contentment, security, respect, confidence, or importance.
But the emptiness of riches is most felt in victory. Only when we obtain them, do we discover money does not bring nearly as much security and happiness as we expected.
Zig Ziglar said it this way, “Money won’t bring happiness, but everyone wants to find out for themselves.”
The same argument, I believe, could be made of material possessions, public accolades, fame, or early retirement. When we do not possess these, we desire them and faithfully invest our time and talent into them.
I often wonder if these pursuits also fall short of our greatest potential and greatest fulfillment. But maybe it is not until we finally achieve them that we recognize the emptiness of them.
What is the solution to this dilemma? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure.
But whenever I discover a pursuit that brings fulfillment upon its accomplishment, I feel called to invest more and more resources into it.
When I give my full attention to parenting well and feel the satisfaction that comes from it, I desire more of it. When I reach the end of a hard day at work knowing my focus was on other people, I feel fulfilled, and I desire more of it. When I generously invest money into causes I believe in and feel a sense of accomplishment, I desire to invest more money in that direction.
Ultimately, this is not a post about sports. This is a post about identifying which pursuits bring the greatest fulfillment in life. And finding the strength to invest our resources in them.
Image:Â Photo Credit: Cheryl Evans/azcentral sports
About Joshua Becker
i must differ with you about sports. i think corporate “sports” is one of the worst things that’s ever happened to this country (world). a little league team may be all about becoming the best player you can be, but the sports industry is about nothing but making as much money as possible for those at the top of each team. college sports isn’t much better. it’s all about winning and selling, not about competing and excelling. the owners don’t care if their players get killed or maimed, as long as they get their millions. coaches will do whatever it takes to get that prestige that they think will make them real people. and both of them probably spend more time and energy on selling team merchandise than they do on the game or the players. it perfectly represents what’s wrong with our society.
Hey thanks for this post. I’ve thought about this a lot before. Especially around the whole obsession with getting to a bowl game in college sports. Then you get to play some game nobody really cares about against some team you haven’t played before. Then the season is over.
So many of our drives are these carrots in front of us that we seldom get to. When we get to some of them, it feels overrated.
The joy is in the journey.
Thanks for the reminder.
As a Die Hard Patriots fan, I was thrilled with the outcome of the game. Winning a Championship brings a community together and for at least a few days the news is filled with GOOD NEWS and not the normal.. Crime and Politics,that make you want to throw the TV out the window… I have been fortunate enough to see the Red Sox win the World Series at Fenway Park for the first time in 95 years with my daughter.. It was magical.. something that is etched into my heart and mind forever…. That was before I embraced minimalism.. The day after the World Series.. I dropped probably $1000 on Hats, T-Shirts, Sweatshirts commemorating the big event….
This year after the Patriots won… I was not even tempted to buy a $45 hat or a $35 T-shirt.. I had the memory of the game and of hugging my wife and kids when Malcolm Butler sealed the victory.. I didn’t need to clog my closet and empty my wallet on something to show the world that I was part of this special event…
My closet is clean and I am $1000 closer to my next family trip to Hawaii… and that is MUCH better than a T-Shirt
I’m not sure that this is about sports at all… it seems to me that the difference is between watching other people live their lives, and participating in your own.
This is an interesting point you make! It has me realizing that half the fun of achieving goals is actually the journey itself! The excitement over trying to better ourselves and the possibility of meeting our dreams and what we’d like for our lives.
It can seem odd then to reach those victories and figure out how to replace the energy and motivation that was once directed toward our last goal/destination.
I have coached youth sports for over 15 years, primarily soccer and basketball, both recreational and select, both boys and girls. When I started out back in 1995, I was absolutely coaching to win U7 soccer games … best players in the middle of the field, weaker players were basically orange cones that were played around. I have had 10-0 championship seasons, and I have had overmatched 0-10 teams. I thought the outcome of the sporting event was a reflection of me and my abilities to coach. I was wrong.
I have completely redefined what is “success” as a coach. It is my ability to teach and inspire all of my players to improve, to give their full, best, and honest efforts (whatever that is), and at the same time, to keep it fun … I often tell team parents that the outcome of games do not really matter, that the outcome is often a reflection of players at different levels of play (relative to their age) and that even select soccer (and basketball) is a recreational sport. The kids are playing the game for their own fun and enjoyment.
Somewhere along the way to becoming “super parents,” our generation has lost sight of the fact that sports are just recreation, whether we are playing them, watching them, or supporting college and professional teams playing them.
As an aside, my son attends Ohio State University and we enjoyed cheering them on to victory this year. But the reality is that I enjoyed and now value the father-son time that we spent together far, far more than the OSU national championship.
This post has so much truth in it. A lot of times we put so much energy into reaching goals (e.g. “winning”) that we completely forget to keep in front of us why we’re pursuing the victory. It’s as if we are headed off on a long drive for a vacation and completely forget to take in the sights along the way. Then we get to the end of the trip and realize that experiencing the journey is as much a part of life as the destination.
As my dad has frequently said when I (or a sibling) attempts to run from a problem in life: “Wherever you go, there you will be.” There is no victory–sports or otherwise–that will fundamentally change who we are. However, in every life event we can learn and learn to be content.
Thanks for this great post!
Some of the goals we personally achieve can sometimes end in emptiness.
Being a spectator, not a participant, almost always ends in emptiness, whether our team wins or not, the movie ends the way we want or not, etc. We contributed nothing to the outcome, but spent time watching and money on tickets/memorabilia/valet parking. Naturally, a letdown at the end of the show, for me.
Echoing others’ comments – it seems that the most fulfilling pursuits are the ones with no obvious finish line. As you mentioned, parenting is one. Any sort of relationship, pursuit of personal wholeness – any of those things I can imagine wanting to have invested in more when I am on my deathbed – there is no moment of arrival, no declaration of victory in these things, and that’s partly why we avoid them so much of the time. Process, journey, change – never stasis.
I’m working on a new song right now, and these lines seem apropos:
Hardness is exhilarating, mountaintops aren’t only why we climb
We climb to feel, we climb to keep moving
We climb for the pain to tell us we’re living
We pick ourselves back up each time we fall
Because we climb because we fall.
I always look forward to your posts, Joshua. Thanks for being faithful in your own journey.
Thanks Josh.
I really enjoyed this post.
I have felt this feeling a lot of times and I appreciate as some of your other readers have that you have written about it. There is an emptiness that the world has not changed even though the goal has been reached.
Barb—that sounds exhausting! I agree with you—we need to learn to sit where we are and rejoice in our current blessings.
thanks josh for this post
I once took a self-improvement course that advocated ALWAYS setting new goals because of this sense of flatness that comes after a victory. They wanted us to get high on the striving and keep the high going with ever more grandiose striving. Even at a young age, with relatively little experience of the world, I knew this was not an approach I could live with.
Now, when that feeling arrives, I sit with it to try to learn what it can teach me about what fills me up and what doesn’t. It’s always a bit of a surprise…
Thanks for your comment Barb.
I appreciate your addition to the discussion. I am going to try to sit with it and do as you and josh recommend and focus on the truly fulfilling rather than the short highs with the following lows.
Yep. There is so often a deflation (pun intended) after a season, or a theater production, or a holiday. Those glorious moments of success and completion pass and we’re left with…What?
As a child I hated Christmas, and other events, because I built them up in my imagination to be something far grander than they could ever be. Their failure to live up to my gradiouse expectations was a recipe for repeated disappointment.
And there is hope. And it fits well in Becoming Minimalist.
Hope, and please comes from the process and the being-ness and is dashed by the thingy-ness. Hope is not found in the trophy or even the victory; it is found in the people, the effort, and the striving.
(Go Pats)
A classic passage:
http://www.theodore-roosevelt.com/trsorbonnespeech.html
Love this quote.
I love the Lord he is my faithful one, being content is probably more important than any thing else, but eh enjoy the game enjoy being with your friend enjoy the time together, life is like a roller coaster up and down all over the place, today i chilled i didn,t plan anything read my bible, wrote in my thankful journal, and then tomorrow work sometimes we over think and that has probably robbed me of peace and fun, its funny you can buy books on 1,000 ways to simplify your life yes thats right only 1,000 ways, i think i will pass on that one, enjoy your life you only have one shot at it. love Jacqueline
This is such a uniquely insightful post. It really got me thinking about the pursuits (and “victories”) I’ve had in my own life. I think the lesson to be learned, here, is one of deep self-awareness… In the future, I want to really think about WHY I desire to dedicate my resources to a particular cause, as well as what I realistically expect to gain from it.
After all, time is one thing we all have in pretty equal amounts. I intend on making the most of mine.
http://www.lifeinthesunlight.com
I never knew how empty life was, or why, until I encountered Jesus. Life has been a fifty year adventure in learning more about following Him. It puts everything else in perspective. Good post!
You got it Linda! :)
Good article – though I can’t agree about early retirement! I had to stay for a long time in a job that gave me no fulfillment, because there were no alternatives available. It was tough, and I survived partly by making the best of each day and partly by telling myself it wouldn’t be forever and doing what I could to bring retirement closer. Four years after I unexpectedly escaped, thanks to a redundancy package, I’m as happy and grateful as on day one. Definitely no sense of anti-climax!
I dare you to come to Lincoln and do a seminar here and talk like that! Huskers fans live and die bleeding, football is the only thing that keeps them going.
Bleeding RED that is the term used.
Great post. I am a Hawks fan and was so disappointed in the outcome of the game. Both my boyfriend and I were struggling with how to feel after the letdown.
I have played sports my entire life and we both have enjoyed watching sports. My college team has had its share of ups and downs and I have rooted for them in good and bad [go Cougs!].
I will continue to root for the Hawks. The momentum that has been created up here in the great northwest is really awesome.
I wonder how hard it is to strive for that ultimate accolade after winning it the year before. How do you top it? By winning again I guess. There is always next year…..
It’s like the old saying goes, “The journey is the destination.” When I go hiking, everything within me desires to reach the summit and see the magnificent views at the top. Yet, reaching the peak turns out to be just a small part of the hike. The real satisfaction comes because of the struggle to reach the top and in the deep conversations that take place with friends along the trail. It’s the entire process from beginning to end that brings satisfaction.
I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed reading this. I find it very inspiring as I am currently living minimally and traveling the country with the love of my life and pup. This journey is helping me discover many things about life and myself. I am starting to realize how much I would focus and put importance on things in the past that did not contribute to creating a fulfilling life for myself. It is different now. Missing the super bowl has been the first big event that set me apart from so many other people in the country. It is becoming more apparent I am on the road less traveled. Hopefully it will lead to my fulfillment. Thanks again for the inspiration and encouragement!
Buddhism indicates the point and the joy is in the journey not in the destination. I think this is where you are going with your post. Enjoyed reading it.
Even in a team sport, it’s how YOU play the game. Did you learn something about yourself? Did you give 100%? I never care who wins a big game, it’s watching the game itself. A sense of detachment to the final win/lose. It’s the moments during the process that are of interest.
I’m still working on being grateful for what I have RIGHT NOW and not worry about the “end goal”.
Eternity is built into our hearts, therefore, nothing on this earth will truly satisfy. I wrote a post about it here ~
http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/02/answer-to-spending-less-shop-less.html
So Lori, is what you are saying is that this life I live is pointless? Nothing I do will satisfy me. Even the family I have will not satisfy, even though I have three wonderful children and four fantastic (to me) grandchildren.
I have to say they do satisfy me but maybe I have the wrong idea. Should I be dissatisfied?
What an awful thought :(
Lori—
Thank you for this beautiful and true reminder. :)
These things I have spoken unto you,
that in me ye might have peace.
In the world ye shall have tribulation:
but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
This reminds me of a similar comment: Everything disappoints eventually.
A few weeks ago, I signed up to participate in a “pay it forward” thing where I would find something special for 6 friends (from my own belongings, even just a quotation, etc…) so I have been in the pursuit of sharing kindness continually since then. I cleaned out several drawers & closets and found all sorts of gifts but also found gifts to share that were not “things” so I might just keep doing this for the rest of my life. It can be as simple as just sitting with someone and listening silently. Another pursuit that seems to never feel empty is continual self discovery/self love. Also finding joy in doing nothing.
A really interesting post I can identify with. I used to have a demanding professional job that took years of study and experience to progress in. As I advanced I liked it less and less and felt more and more out of step with the corporate world. I gave it up and now live more simply, for which I am very grateful. Art is now my hobby and passion. I get so much more out of this; there is no end game, I can always strive to learn more and improve and share/teach others. most importantly I enjoy the doing, it is not all about the output at the end.
The same could be said about personal goals. In our family, we avoid creating self-goals or even New Year resolutions. Even for minimalism….there is only a journey, not an end result or victory. To be present in your journey is what matters most.
I totally agree!
Cheers,
Jeanneke.
I’ve never been a big, professional sports fan, but yesterday, I watched with friends and we all enjoyed the incredible will and competition of these two teams.
For me, the outcome has never mattered as much as the fun that can come from moment-to-moment play. It’s as if the end is a realization of a hard-fought game, but the process was all that mattered to me.
When I think about one team winning or another, that feels empty when compared to enjoying the entire process. Hope that makes sense! Great post!
This reminds me of my own victory and the emptiness felt in it – I spent months and months working towards paying off my student loans. All of my mental and physical energy for those months was devoted to the paying off these loans. That day that they were all paid off, I felt a huge emptiness. What goal was I supposed to focus on now? Which victory was I supposed to work towards now?
But isn’t it exciting? Now you can find a new goal, redefine yourself and pick something new you love and work towards that!
When you pursue a goal you grow and when you’ve reached your goal you’ve grown so much that taking on harder things won’t be a problem.
I find that the most fulfilling pursuits for me are those were the process (or the means) are as enjoyable as the result. When I find myself totally engrossed in a project and not wholly focused on what the end product will be, I feel like I’ve found contentment.
Something about being present in the moment of doing a task is really soothing for me. If I’m constantly thinking about when the project will be completed, then I know it’s not the thing for me.
The state of flow I believe what you are experiencing in those perfect moments and that channeling really brings for a joy in a task. Now, if we could just do that in the most mundane tasks that would really be something:) !!
https://awellstockedlife.wordpress.com/2015/02/02/simple-living-do-you-own-your-stuff-or-does-it-own-you/
Wow. I have had this feeling of emptiness after victories and am always confused by the feeling and thinking I was abnormal for having it. The emptiness felt for a “lucky break” victory is at first non-existence but then overwhelming at times. Thanks for sharing.
I know what you mean, Joshua. :) I once heard someone say that if fans got THAT excited for the gospel of Jesus Christ as they do for a game, the world would be a better place. I know what they meant too. Ultimately…a good reminder to invest in our families and those in need. Love and kindness <3
Seems like a lot of the excitement about jesus results in some pretty awful stuff.
excitement about Jesus never resulted in awful stuff, you’re mistaking it with greedy, evil people using religion as their opportunity to do awful stuff, it’s a free world, an evil person can do evil whilst saying the name Jesus to mask himself and let people who aren’t wise to what the bible says be fooled, the bible already said it, it’s nothing new, it says there will be people amongst us wearing sheep’s clothing, but they are wolves.
I can’t believe you revealed the match result in your VERY FIRST sentence. I was hoping your blog could be a safe haven from the game.
I had planned on watching the game when I got home.
On no, I feel terrible. But it’s probably best to avoid the Internet entirely if that’s the case.
haha, that’s true. I just needed my cup of coffee and this blog.
Well, now I can try to enjoy the actual game, not just waiting for the final result.
Have a good day =)
Trust me, there are parts of that game that you will need to see for yourself to actually believe. :-)