Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Kalen Bruce of Freedom Sprout.
We didn’t begin as a minimalist family. Few families do. There’s typically an awakening, or a moment when you realize your possessions are controlling your life.
It happens when you realize you’re sacrificing time with your family for a higher paying job, because you want to provide them with a good life. And yet, you’re sacrificing those hours with family so you can provide them with a bigger house and a nicer car… that you rarely all enjoy together.
Minimalism helps us re-prioritize what’s important, and it forces us to ask deep questions we likely never asked when we first started our family or career. (tweet that)
I’m not trying to make this sound weird by using words like “awakening,” but the deep questions make us uncomfortable and the answers cause radical change in our lives.
It’s always easier to not change, but there’s always something we could change to make our lives better.
Take my story for example:
We are a large family on a journey to become a minimalist family. I hope our story will be insightful for you, whether you consider your family a minimalist family or not. It is possible to own fewer things even if you have a bunch of kids. Just ask Leo Babauta.
My wife and I got married in 2005. We had our first child almost immediately. We spent the next few years accumulating more stuff than anyone should ever own (sound familiar?).
Between family and friends, six different people lived with us at one point or another over our first few married years. Every time one of those people moved out, they left some (often a lot) of their stuff behind. Once we were sure they either didn’t want it, or didn’t plan to come pick it up, we’d move it into the shed behind our house.
It wasn’t long before we forgot which things were actually our things and which things were left by others.
This continued until we moved out of state. With my wife’s full support, we decided to fulfill my dream of joining the United States Air Force. The only problem was that we had to pay off $24k in consumer debt to do so. I also had to lose 50lbs, but the financial part proved to be more difficult.
We decided to rent out our 2,400 sq ft home for more income. We put our life into a storage unit and moved into a 600 sq ft mobile home. But ironically, this isn’t when we decided to become minimalist. Not yet. We spent the next two years working insane hours, paying off all our debt.
After two years, we were free of all consumer debt, but still full of consumer things. Remember that storage unit?
The Air Force eventually took us from Arkansas to Oklahoma… with all 9,000lbs of our stuff! Our lives changed a lot over the next few years. We made the decision to adopt two children (a sibling group), and as life would have it, immediately upon adopting, my wife was pregnant. We went from a family of three to a family of six in one year. That’s when we got military orders to Italy.
The fact that we brought 12,000lbs of stuff to Italy was definitely the first sign we needed to downsize, but the main sign came a few months into living there. Italian homes don’t exactly have a ton of storage. Europeans in general don’t keep as much junk as Americans do, so the homes aren’t always ready for us Americans.
And as life would have it, again, we realized my wife was pregnant immediately upon arriving in Italy. We were excited, and happy to welcome another child into our home, but I can’t lie, it was stressful.
I was stationed at one of the busiest jet fighter bases in the world, and I’m a War Planner, so I was working early mornings and late nights. As our family grew, we started to acquire more things and less time.
We wanted to travel Europe, and show the world to our kids, but it seemed like we were spending more time on the weekends sorting through our stuff than playing with our kids. That’s when we decided to embark on the minimalist journey and begin intentionally removing all the things we did not need.
Since we started minimizing, we’ve progressively cared less and less about stuff, and more about life experiences. We’re teaching these ideas to our kids, and now they care more about traveling, and spending time together, than they do about owning more toys and things. Our kids understand that we are able to take mini vacations all over the world, because we care more about experiences than things.
For us, the worst part about minimizing is the amount of work involved in it. Regardless of how you do it, it takes work and time. The good news is that, in the end, you’ll have so much more time. We began to understand that no time spent minimizing possessions is ever wasted.
We ran into some obstacles. Living in Italy is amazing in so many ways, but it’s not so amazing when it comes to options for donating things. This has made our journey more difficult. Thrift stores aren’t common in Italy, and sometimes it costs money to give your things away. There’s no service that comes and picks up your donations. It takes work to get rid of stuff in Italy.
Minimalism hasn’t been easy for us, but we have learned a lot about how to make it easier. Here are some key lessons we’ve learned:
1. Don’t think too much into where your stuff goes. We’ve donated things to church, charities, clothing donation bins, and free-sales (like a yard sale, but free). We’ve also sold some of our stuff. But what we’ve realized is that it really doesn’t matter how you get rid of your stuff, just get rid of it. You won’t spend sleepless nights worrying about whether you gave it to the right person, but you will sleep better with less stuff.
2. Make minimizing a family effort. Not only will you be spending your weekends together when you minimize together, but your kids will see how you don’t overvalue material items when you’re freely giving so much away. It will help your kids break the hoarding mentality, and it gets them into the habit of giving. It will also show them that they never want to have that much stuff in their life.
3. Don’t focus on appearance, focus on letting go. When we started our minimalism journey, we had an image of a clean slate of a house in our minds. We envisioned the pictures in modern magazines where there’s only five things in the entire living room. Don’t focus on that. The visual piece will come. Focus first on letting go of things. It doesn’t matter if your house looks like a minimalist’s home, as long as you have a minimalist’s mindset.
4. Pay attention to what’s coming in. You don’t want to get rid of 1,000 things only to realize you’ve brought 2,000 into your home. When we first started downsizing, we didn’t keep track of the things we kept bringing in, and it showed. Minimalism is all about intentional ownership. It’s more about what you buy, than what you get rid of. Keep an eye on both.
5. Ride the motivation wave. We discovered that motivation occurs in the beginning, but initial motivation doesn’t always last. More often, motivation follows action. Start minimizing, and the motivation will come as you see your progress. Dr. B.J. Fogg, founder of the “Tiny Habits” movement, refers to this as a motivation wave.
Becoming minimalist is a journey. It’s typically a slow journey, and that’s especially true for a large family.
I suggest a journey of becoming minimalist, rather than some attempt at instant minimalism. The latter has the same vibe as our modern, instant-gratification-driven culture. If you haven’t started yet, start a slow journey today. If you have started, keep moving forward at a reasonable pace. Minimalism is not a race.
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Kalen Bruce is the founder of Freedom Sprout where he helps parents raise money-smart, non-materialistic kids.
Evelyn R Leslie says
#1, I can’t get past #1. I must get started.
Connie R. says
I’m so glad I read this post and the comments. I’ve been on a slow journey to minimalism and it seems like I’m never gonna get to that point where I can say that I am a minimalist. I’m not giving up though. Posts like this motivate me and get me going again. Thanks!
Nancy Romanack says
A very helpful article! My favorite takeaways were “no time spent minimalizing possessions is ever wasted”, and “becoming minimalist is a journey. It’s typically a slow journey.” Those two statements were particularly encouraging to keep on keepin’ on! Thank you, Kalen Bruce.
Ola says
Great post! “I suggest a journey of becoming minimalist, rather than some attempt at instant minimalism.” I’ve been on the journey for 3 years and I don’t plan on stopping :)
All the best to you and your family, thanks for sharing!
MsHappyHiker says
Excellent post! Thank you, Kalen Bruce (and Joshua for posting this). I don’t have children and cannot even begin to imagine how much more challenging the minimalism journey would be for me if I did.
I am definitely stuck on the #1 key lesson – I find myself not giving things away because they must go to the right place and it takes too much energy to research what that “right” place is. Add to that the rumors I hear very often about places like Goodwill throwing out donations, I just fall into inaction. Yes, I get that for many people, it doesn’t matter what happens to the clutter as long as it’s no longer in their home, but for me, it’s very important. It’s not “out of sight, out of mind” for me. I don’t want things getting sent to the landfill if there’s a chance they could have another productive life, such as holey clothes being shredded and used in a textile product, for instance. Unfortunately, one has to live in one of a few large cities to have access to the best “recycling” options.
Mari R says
I can’t speak to Goodwill, but through my volunteering at a church operated thrift store, I see a massive volume of donations which are thrown out due to the poor condition of the goods.
All items must be fixed and cleaned before bringing them to the drop off. This is the best way to increase the chance for another life for the things you are parting with.
Jenny says
My local Goodwill takes stained cotton shirts and sells them to a company that turns them into rags for automotive shops. My mom works for an auto shop that buys these rags. I bag my stained and ripped shirts separately and label them as such. Then I ask each Goodwill location if they have a market for them before I drop them off.
Don’t forget about pet shelters. They love old towels and blankets to make beds for their animals.
Jeffrey Pillow says
I understand what the author is saying on #1, but environmental impact is something minimalists should consider before offloading their valuables. Call it intentional donating I guess, but ensuring it goes somewhere it can be used is a biggie for me. A lot of what’s donated gets trashed if it doesn’t go to the right place unfortunately.
Some ideas…
Before Goodwill (because they get more stuff than they can warehouse), consider refugee non-profits, homeless shelters, and shelters for women and children who are escaping domestic violence, particularly if your items are home use (furniture, kitchen utensils, pots, pans, cribs, car seats, etc.).
Also, contact your local elementary school’s counselor. I’ve learned this from my wife who is a school counselor. They know what families are in need and what items they need are, so before you ditch your bed frame or mattress or nightstand or space heater or kitchen table (you get the picture), reach out to your local elementary school. The school social worker may even be able to pick it up and deliver it for you.
For old bikes, instead of ditching them or trying to drop it off at Goodwill because of age, being outgrown, or a broken part or two, see if your town or city has a recyclable bicycle program. I realize that’s not available everywhere, but I am fortunate that where I live (Charlottesville) they recycle old bikes and utilize the good parts (frames, pedals, wheels, etc.) to create new bikes and give them away freely to those who can’t afford one. If you have a local bike shop, ask them if they know of such a program where you live. That’s how I heard about mine.
For old, worn out shoes that can’t be passed down, Nike has a Reuse-A-Shoe program where they take unusable shoes and turn them into playground surfaces across the world and/or create new products. I’d include the link here but my comment may get flagged for spam. Just search for it online and it should come up.
Ana says
I agree. My family donates and buys from a local thrift store. Your FB neighborhood page or Craigslist is also a great way to pass on unwanted items. We did some home remodeling and managed to give away old mirrors, counter tops, faucets, wood flooring even carpeting. It felt good to keep it out of the landfill. And, the recipients were very grateful.
Jenny says
Your comment reminded me of when I used to work at a domestic violence shelter. Any donations our clients couldn’t use, or that we couldn’t store for future clients, we gave to Savers (thrift store) and they gave us vouchers in return to give to future clients. It was wonderful because the vouchers didn’t take up space and the families could buy what they specifically needed.
It’s great because It gives your donations another chance at being used before ultimately going to the thrift store.
Kalen (Freedom Sprout) says
Jeffrey makes some good points below. Living in Italy, I don’t have access to most of those options, but in the States you do. I suggest spending the time upfront to get an idea of where specific items are best donated. Once you have your list of what goes where, it will be easier to donate. My point in the article was to not let this be a roadblock. While we should all try to find the most helpful way to donate, some things just need to go in the trash.
Beth says
If you have an H&M store in your local mall, they accept all types of fabric for recycling. It’s a great place to get rid of clothes with holes in them, worn out towels, and other items that are not good enough to donate the charity. While I know H&M is known for fast fashion, you don’t need to buy anything there in order to drop off your things for recycling.
Abby says
Some nice take away comments. I think sometimes we are more focused on finding the right place so we can feel at peace with letting go instead of the real driver: getting rid of it.
Becky says
If this isn’t written by Joshua Becker, it could have been, very true and informative.
I can relate about the Air Force as they move everything and you don’t realize how much crap you have. I can also relate to the cleaning out of Parent’s place remark by another person.
The motivation wave is definitely my problem.
Lynne Wade says
I’ve started my journey of becoming a Minimalist and it is indeed a journey. The process is taking me far longer than I thought it would, but I’m getting there. I’ve learned not to bring things into the home like magazines, paper, etc. I’ve refused to purchase anything that is not a necessity…..I am presently working on my shoes. When I put them all in one box, I really felt shame in all that I had acquired over the years.
I look forward to the day that my closest can breathe a sigh of relief for the first time, and for hopefully a long time to come.
Shropshire lass says
Really inspiring. I particularly like how your kids understand that mini adventures/trips are do able as you have chosen the instead of things.
Thanks for sharing
Janet says
I started on my path to minimalism after having to clean out my mom’s house when she died. Why she kept half of what she did is beyond me. I’ve been going through a cupboard or closet once a season (It’s a slow journey for me) to get rid of what no longer has a purpose, but most of all, it’s changed my buying habits. If something comes into the house, it’s something I will use all the time or I don’t buy it.
laura ann says
Janet, twenty four years ago, I went thru the same thing, cleaning out stuff of my mother in law, as husband is only child, amazing what they had stashed, were married one year before the crash of ’29 and kept much stuff that was junk, some donated to a mission. If I no longer use an item, it gets donated or sold now. I put like with like and have a place for everything, as hunting for an item is not what I want to waste time doing.