“Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life.”
Happiness. We look for it in different places. Some of us hope to buy it. Some think we can earn it. Others look for it in a new job, a new relationship, or a new accomplishment.
But one thing remains: happiness is something we all desire. We were designed to experience it.
Why then, does it appear at times to be so elusive? How can a society search so desperately for something, but still struggle to find it? How can so many of us not know how to be happy?
Maybe it is because the pursuits we have set before us as a means to find it are actually keeping us from it.
Consider these 9 pursuits and how they may be distracting us from happiness. Each of them are common in our lives and in our world. But rather than contributing to our happiness, they may be robbing us of it.
9 Common Pursuits That Rob Us of Happiness
1. Following the crowd. The crowd rarely has our best interests in mind. Instead, they seek their own benefit. Scientists call this crowd mentality. And more often than not, following the crowd leads to destructive behaviors rather than life-giving. We would be wise to seek input into our lives from other sources than the popular perceptions of the day.
2. Trying to please everybody. We are never going to please everybody. At some point, we will hold an unpopular opinion—one that gives us meaning and purpose and passion. And when we do, we ought to hold on to it desperately.
3. Chasing wealth. Studies confirm it over and over again: once our most basic needs have been met, money contributes very little to our overall happiness. And yet, we continue to pursue more as if it holds the secret key to lasting joy. But those who desire riches bring temptation to themselves and are often caught in a trap. Happiness is never the byproduct of chasing wealth.
4. Desiring a picture-perfect life. Happiness is not something we discover only after everything is perfect with our lives (our jobs, our appearance, our relationships). If that were the case, none of us would ever experience happiness. This world is imperfect—always will be. But happiness can still be found once we realize perfection is not a prerequisite.
5. Building our own kingdom. The size of our universe shrinks dramatically when we place ourselves at the center. Living selfishly for our own personal gain will never produce lasting happiness and fulfillment. Our lives are designed to be lived for something far greater. And only those who discover the hidden joy of living for others will find a happiness that truly lasts.
6. Entertaining distraction. Our world has become a constant feed of information, noise, and entertainment. Each distraction enters our mind with one goal: Gain control of our attention and resources. Those who sacrifice their resources to unlimited curiosity will never find the mental or financial capacity to become something greater.
7. Fighting for recognition. Searching for happiness in recognition is a losing endeavor. The world will never give you the respect or accolades you so desperately desire. They are all too busy fighting for their own. You will need to find it elsewhere.
8. Succumbing to fear. If given the chance, fear will always cripple. It will steal your life and potential. Living your fullest life will require courage in the face of fear. Sometimes you will fail. But be strong, most of the time, you will succeed—or become better because of it.
9. Searching for it around the next corner. Happiness is not something to be chased. It is a decision to be made. (tweet that)
And you have everything you need right now to choose it.
Valiente says
May I emphasize the statements:
(1) Those who discover the hidden joy of living for others will find happiness that truly lasts;
(2) Happiness is not something to be chased, it is a decision to be made.
Practice these two things and you’ll become a better person. I have done them and am continuing them everyday. I am always inspired. Thanks Sir Joshua.
Laura says
I keep coming back to this quote ;however, I don’t remember who said it. “The coat of “have” is never big enough.”
So relate to your writing.
Thank you
Sarah Cooper says
Spot on article, Joshua, you summed it up really good! I always enjoy reading your blog, but it’s posts like this one that make me come back more often.
Keep writing!
Iska Waran says
In general, I agree with the concept of minimalism, but I would contend with you somewhat. The main problem is a lack of contentment. Being content with what you have. One can have a career that might seem – to an outsider – to be one of discontented striving, but where the person in question is motivated not so much by income or possessions but by doing their job well and providing for their family. In other words, working hard and making a lot of money is not always the mark of someone whose life is out of balance. Other people – the clinically depressed in many cases – can mistakenly think that if only they could detach themselves from their: job, location, spouse, even children that they would achieve bliss. (The ol’ “follow your bliss”.) They might think they’re “becoming minimalist” but really they are just as much victims of a lack of contentment as the spendaholic whose purchases leave them hollow. There are probably more people whose contentment void stems from their materialism, but there are some people whose contentment void stems from not being able to accept the perfectly acceptable life they have, without regard to their economic station. Sometimes quitting your job, selling your house and moving to Greece doesn’t actually make a person happy. And if you think that working too hard is stressful, try being flat-assed busted after having quit a perfectly good job. Don’t forget that young Greeks are leaving their beautiful country in search of jobs. In many cases, people just need to be content with what they have – whatever it is, wherever it is.
Teri Clifton says
Joshua,
The reminder that “now” is what is a given and the future is a gift was perfect timing and had me reconnect to a good dose of happiness in the moment. Grateful. :)
Violet says
So true. My legal colleagues are always goading me to buy a bigger house and fancier clothes and a new car, but I don’t need that. I find that once the novelty wears off from what you buy, you go right back to the pre-purchase level of happiness. So I’ll live modestly without the extra stress.
daphne says
i love your posts. this is a fabulous list. thanks for putting it together.
Jacque Burke says
What a great post! I agree with the above, I think “Don’t Forgive Yourself” would be a great addition :)
Amy Pham says
I would like to add “guilt” to this list because I for many years lived in the sea of guilt before I could free myself from self punishement and finally feel how it was like to be happy. Great post Joshua!
Kent Julian says
Great book…The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. Supports the thoughts you’re sharing here: http://amzn.to/Y3Jvzn