“Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life.”
Happiness. We look for it in different places. Some of us hope to buy it. Some think we can earn it. Others look for it in a new job, a new relationship, or a new accomplishment.
But one thing remains: happiness is something we all desire. We were designed to experience it.
Why then, does it appear at times to be so elusive? How can a society search so desperately for something, but still struggle to find it? How can so many of us not know how to be happy?
Maybe it is because the pursuits we have set before us as a means to find it are actually keeping us from it.
Consider these 9 pursuits and how they may be distracting us from happiness. Each of them are common in our lives and in our world. But rather than contributing to our happiness, they may be robbing us of it.
9 Common Pursuits That Rob Us of Happiness
1. Following the crowd. The crowd rarely has our best interests in mind. Instead, they seek their own benefit. Scientists call this crowd mentality. And more often than not, following the crowd leads to destructive behaviors rather than life-giving. We would be wise to seek input into our lives from other sources than the popular perceptions of the day.
2. Trying to please everybody. We are never going to please everybody. At some point, we will hold an unpopular opinion—one that gives us meaning and purpose and passion. And when we do, we ought to hold on to it desperately.
3. Chasing wealth. Studies confirm it over and over again: once our most basic needs have been met, money contributes very little to our overall happiness. And yet, we continue to pursue more as if it holds the secret key to lasting joy. But those who desire riches bring temptation to themselves and are often caught in a trap. Happiness is never the byproduct of chasing wealth.
4. Desiring a picture-perfect life. Happiness is not something we discover only after everything is perfect with our lives (our jobs, our appearance, our relationships). If that were the case, none of us would ever experience happiness. This world is imperfect—always will be. But happiness can still be found once we realize perfection is not a prerequisite.
5. Building our own kingdom. The size of our universe shrinks dramatically when we place ourselves at the center. Living selfishly for our own personal gain will never produce lasting happiness and fulfillment. Our lives are designed to be lived for something far greater. And only those who discover the hidden joy of living for others will find a happiness that truly lasts.
6. Entertaining distraction. Our world has become a constant feed of information, noise, and entertainment. Each distraction enters our mind with one goal: Gain control of our attention and resources. Those who sacrifice their resources to unlimited curiosity will never find the mental or financial capacity to become something greater.
7. Fighting for recognition. Searching for happiness in recognition is a losing endeavor. The world will never give you the respect or accolades you so desperately desire. They are all too busy fighting for their own. You will need to find it elsewhere.
8. Succumbing to fear. If given the chance, fear will always cripple. It will steal your life and potential. Living your fullest life will require courage in the face of fear. Sometimes you will fail. But be strong, most of the time, you will succeed—or become better because of it.
9. Searching for it around the next corner. Happiness is not something to be chased. It is a decision to be made. (tweet that)
And you have everything you need right now to choose it.
Roger Austin says
Leave the Cosby quote in. An imperfect man for sure, but not defined by his sins alone. His legacy will be bittersweet. Not all of his pursuits were scandalous.
Laura says
Thank you for that.
Pat says
Of course a man would say this. You’ve never been chased and stared at like you’re a piece of meat like women have. You’ve never had to be afraid of being alone with a man in case he did something to you. Maybe not all his pursuits were bad, but what he hid from the public eye and what he did that was good got him enough money to be able to hide what he was doing for so many years.
You can’t say Hitler was not his sins because even for any good he ever did, the bad overpowered it.
Fawn says
Agreed.
Jen says
I really enjoyed this, but the Bill Cosby quote should be scratched.. There’s gotta be a more respected person who has said something similar.
Jenny Parker says
Agree- the Bill Cosby quote ruined the article.
Adrienne says
I totally agree. I cringed when I saw his name
Lynn says
Totally agree that any reference to Cosby is a non-starter….
Pat says
I agree too. Look where not trying to please everyone got him. He only tried to please himself, nasty pervert that he is.
Ginny says
Agree. I almost stopped ready the article when I saw his name. I didn’t read the quote.
SD says
Absolutely. The article was lost on me at this point and I question the author’s judgment now.
NoSpam says
this article would (now) have more worth if the Cosby quote was omitted/replaced.
Scott says
For me- fear of the future and becoming unemployable robs me of my happiness.
the truth says
lol I got 0 out of 9. didn’t that’s what happiness feels like :D
the truth says
*didn’t know ;)
Richard says
Nice article for those of us that live in a utopian society, where the world is a safe place. Fear has its purpose too. We live in a world of angels and devils, sinners and beggers, wolves and sheep. In a society were people all shared similar beliefs, and abided by the social norms, this article would be biblically epic. Alas, in some regions not so far from home you’d only be conditioning yourselves to becoming cattle, a food source for the vampires of the world that feed off the veins of your hard work and good intentions.
Maria says
I totally enjoyed what you wrote Mr. Becker especially the idea in #2 –I totally got engrossed in trying to please another individual that when he hurt me I was not able to get back up. It shattered my whole life but now I realize that I cannot find true happiness in an individual. Happiness has to come from within myself and I cannot rely on others for it. Thanks for your words of wisdom.
sandi says
Good Point
L. Gross says
I disagree. We don’t need a utopian society to desire most the simple things that are close to home. He advises balance and to not look for happiness where it will not be satisfied. We create the environment within and around us. I believe that as we breathe our last breaths, we will see very clearly the wasted time when it could have been spent much more liberally with investing in relationships– especially our loved ones and our families.
Being centered, with clear priorities in our personal lives doesn’t make us sheep. In fact, it’s possibly the most proactive disciplined way to choose to live. Following blindly, not setting courageous boundaries, being dependent, and being lazily uninformed do that.
Lisa says
I think it means fear of trying new things. I lived with an ugly living room for years because I was afraid that the things I liked people would think was tacky. I finally decided my space couldn’t get much worse. I got a room I love to be in now. So don’t give into fear. Try new things. Who cares if no one else likes it, not me
JP says
Wow Mr. Dick Negative. I thought the article made some good points and was general enough to work for most of the sheep of America. Perhaps anger management could change your perspective. Outside the box isn’t a bad place to think..
Becky says
“But happiness can still be found once we realize perfection is not a prerequisite”. That really struck a chord with me. I may have to put in on a post it note in many places! Thank you and great advice!
bill b says
I recall, from reading Buddhist writings, that there are many good things that evade pursuit and must be seen out of the corner of ones eye. I think that, for me, it is a principle that defines the futility of attachment and your nine principles clarify that a bit more for me. Thank you.
Thursday says
Yeah, sorry, couldn’t take this to heart or even continue reading after the Bill Cosby mention…
Marie says
I love this article and believe it is on point. I do agree, however, that the Bill Cosby quote needs to be pulled.
Baklavakay says
Wow. You have really made me think here with #6, Joshua, because you are saying it like no one ever has before. While I am an adult to “prides” myself on keeping a good distance from using Facebook, the cell phone, web “games” (anything I don’t perceive as being educational or informative), I am definitely keeping myself from “advancing” because of my “unlimited curiosity”. I excuse myself from advancing myself in other ways because I think, “well, I’ll just watch this documentary….it is educational, after all”, but to be curious about everything can also mean I will master nothing. Most importantly, I use the educational aspect of entertaining distractions as an excuse to keep myself from really advancing – as enjoyable as the distractions are. Thank you for the really good reminder that even “educational” distractions can still be distractions if you allow them to constantly take up your time from living in “the real world”, and that, while unlimited curiosity is fun and somewhat of a blessing (I think), it can also get in the way of enjoying the simplicity of living.
Julie Buchanan says
#4 is the cornerstone of my personal vision amd blogsite- which is “construct a life, not a profile. Reconnect your hearts.” The picture-perfect idealism has been perpetuated by social media sites and the so-called “reality” shows, that I feel are exemplifying lives that are shells with no substance. Souless, heartless, polished profiles. That is why people like you Josh and the work you are doing is so necessary to counter-balance, and offer meaningful solutions to the pursuit of a happier life. As always, Best~ Julie
Hannah says
so true. Praying for someone dear to me to get a hold of this. I think it would zap his depression he constantly battles.