This past summer, I celebrated 21 years of marriage. My wife is loving and kind and selfless. She is faithful and patient, a strong Christian, a loving mother, and a tireless volunteer who serves others in our community.
Too often, I take her for granted. Last night, in fact, I forgot to say, “I love you.”
My son is 18, a senior in high school, and just received his first acceptance letter from a university yesterday. Since he was a baby, he has brought joy into my life. I have watched him grow into a hard-working young man who is considerate and kind and intelligent. We have shared countless moments together from driving to school in the morning to flying across the country for trips. We’ve made countless lasting memories.
18 years together, and now it seems, he might be moving on to a new chapter in life apart from us for the first time.
My daughter is 14 and just started high school this year. She is funny and quick and brings joy into every room she enters. Somehow, she can simultaneously laugh at my dry jokes and tear up next to my wife watching an emotional movie. As high school continues, with each passing day, she seems to spend a little more time with friends and a little less time at home.
14 years of being my little girl, and now entering a new stage in life.
Why does it seem that our greatest blessings in life are the ones we too quickly forget, or take the most for granted?
It’s not that I don’t appreciate them. It’s just that too often, my mind dwells on other things: commitments at work, social media feeds, national news, sporting events, or that one specific personal accomplishment I’ve yet to reach.
The good I have been given is too easily replaced in my mind by the urgent or the things I wish I had.
My home is warm and safe—a blessing that not everybody enjoys. But you know what I think about most while at home? The flooring that needs to be repaired, the bathroom ceiling fan that doesn’t work, or that my bedroom gets too warm during the day and takes too long to cool off at night.
My home provides safe shelter for me and my family. But rather than focusing on the positives, it’s easy to dwell on the problems.
My freezer has food, so does our pantry. But what do I often say while staring into the fridge? “There’s nothing in here to eat.”
Some have closets full of clothes, packed to the brim on every hanger and shelf—enough supply to last the next ten years if necessary. And yet, the refrain is the same, “I have nothing to wear.”
Gratitude or discontent, the choice is ours.
I grew up in a loving family and both of my parents are still alive. Despite leaving home almost 30 years ago, I talk to them every week, if not more. I was given a stable and loving home upon which to build the foundation of my life—a blessing as great as any other. And yet, too often, I forget about all the sacrifices they made along the way to provide that for me.
I’m not sure why the greatest blessings are the easiest to forget.
Maybe it’s because they’ve become so commonplace to us that we don’t even notice their existence (until they are gone).
Maybe it’s the nature of the human mind to constantly explore new thoughts and adventures and ideas, rather than dwelling on the stable.
Maybe it’s because we live in a world that constantly stirs up discontent in our hearts and lives to distract us from the good.
Or maybe it’s because we just get so rushed and busy, we don’t slow down long enough, or often enough, to appreciate what we already have.
I’m not entirely sure of the exact reason—and maybe it’s different for each person.
But I do know this: We’d appreciate the goodness and stability in our lives a little bit more if we made more effort to notice the good in our world—starting with the most obvious, because the most obvious is often the greatest.
I mean, consider this, the very fact that I woke up this morning and got to see the sun rise is just another amazing blessing that I took for granted again today.
Kathleen Heins says
Joshua,
I just want to say thank you for the article you wrote and posted today. I was encouraged and reminded of how precious life is and how quickly the seasons of our life come and go. In just 6 months my youngest of 5 children will turn 30, and like you, I am incredibly blessed. I also wanted to let you know that I stumbled on your web site this year and read daily the articles that you post. The articles have really motivated me as I attempt to declutter my home and focus on the things in life that really matter…so thank you:)
Sue Daugherty says
Like most things I read here, This resonates with me deeply. Thank you so much for writing.
joshua becker says
Thank you for the encouraging words. I appreciate them very much.
Brenda says
THANK YOU for sharing! You always have such wonderful advice on living intentionally! We need reminders of what matters most in life; to me it’s faith and family! I remember when my children were toddlers, an older woman told me, “Enjoy it while you can, they grow up quickly.” It was hard in the moment to really grasp what she was saying, but it is so true!
My husband and I entered the “empty nest” last year. While it had its emotional moments, I love the time I can pour into my relationship with my husband–uninterrupted! But oh, how wonderful when the kids come home to visit!! –Best to you and your family, Joshua!
jomari says
To be more appreciative of life, friends, and family, a person just needs to go through a few important losses and you realize what is important in life. It is only love. Volunteering at a thrift shop you see how many “gifts” were never used, sometimes not even opened, and you realize that not only did all this stuff used to be money – somebody thought it mattered and it didn’t. I don’t know all the answers but I do know giving people gifts they neither need or want is foolish. Perhaps we should all give more money to charities, people, and places that need it this Christmas instead.
Mony F says
Thank you Joshua for another great article! I always look forward to receiving an email notification from Becoming Minimalists. I’ve enjoyed readying every article you’ve written and this one is no different.
Kari says
Great reminder. Just the other day I wrote about my time with my son, who is still young- 12 years old- and the precious time we’ve spent bonding over books. He definitely is a great blessing in my life!
Zina VB says
Thanks so much for your post, I am also Blessed and love that you bring to mind all the wonderful blessings that we enjoy every day.
God bless you and encourage you as you enter this new season with growing up children. It is a wonderful season that brings about a different relationship with our kids..we are blessed to have 5 adult children who have enriched our lives with 21 grandchildren..God is good
Patricia Doucet says
Connect w everything about this article and it’s a great reminder. Too many ridiculous distractions and reminds me to circle back to the personal. I also don’t want to live in my own bubble. I still want to understand others reality and show empathy towards humanity at large.
Roy D says
Amen Brother!!
I’m over 70 and look back. Yes, missed much. Kids are on the coast, neighbors are near.
I agree with you, “I’m not sure why the greatest blessings are the easiest to forget.” But we remember.
Thank you for sharing.
Cheryl Powers says
What a wonderful pre-Thanksgiving post! Thank you so much.