This past summer, I celebrated 21 years of marriage. My wife is loving and kind and selfless. She is faithful and patient, a strong Christian, a loving mother, and a tireless volunteer who serves others in our community.
Too often, I take her for granted. Last night, in fact, I forgot to say, “I love you.”
My son is 18, a senior in high school, and just received his first acceptance letter from a university yesterday. Since he was a baby, he has brought joy into my life. I have watched him grow into a hard-working young man who is considerate and kind and intelligent. We have shared countless moments together from driving to school in the morning to flying across the country for trips. We’ve made countless lasting memories.
18 years together, and now it seems, he might be moving on to a new chapter in life apart from us for the first time.
My daughter is 14 and just started high school this year. She is funny and quick and brings joy into every room she enters. Somehow, she can simultaneously laugh at my dry jokes and tear up next to my wife watching an emotional movie. As high school continues, with each passing day, she seems to spend a little more time with friends and a little less time at home.
14 years of being my little girl, and now entering a new stage in life.
Why does it seem that our greatest blessings in life are the ones we too quickly forget, or take the most for granted?
It’s not that I don’t appreciate them. It’s just that too often, my mind dwells on other things: commitments at work, social media feeds, national news, sporting events, or that one specific personal accomplishment I’ve yet to reach.
The good I have been given is too easily replaced in my mind by the urgent or the things I wish I had.
My home is warm and safe—a blessing that not everybody enjoys. But you know what I think about most while at home? The flooring that needs to be repaired, the bathroom ceiling fan that doesn’t work, or that my bedroom gets too warm during the day and takes too long to cool off at night.
My home provides safe shelter for me and my family. But rather than focusing on the positives, it’s easy to dwell on the problems.
My freezer has food, so does our pantry. But what do I often say while staring into the fridge? “There’s nothing in here to eat.”
Some have closets full of clothes, packed to the brim on every hanger and shelf—enough supply to last the next ten years if necessary. And yet, the refrain is the same, “I have nothing to wear.”
Gratitude or discontent, the choice is ours.
I grew up in a loving family and both of my parents are still alive. Despite leaving home almost 30 years ago, I talk to them every week, if not more. I was given a stable and loving home upon which to build the foundation of my life—a blessing as great as any other. And yet, too often, I forget about all the sacrifices they made along the way to provide that for me.
I’m not sure why the greatest blessings are the easiest to forget.
Maybe it’s because they’ve become so commonplace to us that we don’t even notice their existence (until they are gone).
Maybe it’s the nature of the human mind to constantly explore new thoughts and adventures and ideas, rather than dwelling on the stable.
Maybe it’s because we live in a world that constantly stirs up discontent in our hearts and lives to distract us from the good.
Or maybe it’s because we just get so rushed and busy, we don’t slow down long enough, or often enough, to appreciate what we already have.
I’m not entirely sure of the exact reason—and maybe it’s different for each person.
But I do know this: We’d appreciate the goodness and stability in our lives a little bit more if we made more effort to notice the good in our world—starting with the most obvious, because the most obvious is often the greatest.
I mean, consider this, the very fact that I woke up this morning and got to see the sun rise is just another amazing blessing that I took for granted again today.
Max Najar says
The most valuable thing is before our eyes and within reach, just pay attention! Nice reflection Joshua, greetings from Mexico!
Simone says
The things we experience with consistency, we just get used to them and subconsciously expect them to be there no matter what. It really takes effort to continuously express gratitude for those consistencies. It takes intention and practice. I do my best to not only recognize these blessings but to express my gratitude. But we can never be perfect, just do our best to be mindful each day, clear out the noise in our head and take a moment to zone in on a blessing. Can never have too many reminders. Thank you for the reminder.
Jay Shippen says
Great post! Thanks for sharing!
Jay Shippen says
Loved this! Thanks for sharing!
Tina says
The artist, Jaye Schlesinger has painted all her belongings. She is a
minimalist. I continue to give away more things each week. My reward for taking a full box to Goodwill or Salvation Army is that I can bring home one new (to me) thing. I have emptied several shelves and two cabinets. There are many more things that can find another place to live.
Tamarac Rehab says
Thank you all for sharing your experiences! It really helps those who need help, including me. We do not notice the wonderful things around us. This is how a person is made, to see only the bad. And I want to thank my sister, my family. And I want to thank myself for not stopping.
Sabina says
Thank you for your beautiful insights. They are things I grapple with and think about daily. Bring and staying present can be a challenge at times.
Jem says
Thank you for this meaningful post. This year has been hard on all off us – I lost my dad and my maternal grandmother (the one who brought me up). It’s been hard coming to terms with the loss but like you mentioned I am grateful for each sunrise and sunset that I can experience and I make it a point to thank my loved ones (both family and friends) and our good Lord and Father for the many blessings (countless). I am and have been a minimalist for years now and truly enjoy the benefits. It’s always great to be in touch with like minded people and be a part of their experiences and learnings. Keep up the good work!
Andrew says
This is good to hear!
Cynthia B Moore says
The Elitism of Minimalism
During Christmas 2017, Kwame, my then 22 year old son, and I vacationed in the Dominican Republic. It was one of those mother and son trips that was all my idea and Kwame indulged me. While surfing the internet in the hotel room one evening, I read an article about Minimalism and signed up for an online quarterly newsletter about Minimalism. For those who don’t know what Minimalism is, it’s a lifestyle where you declutter your life and practice the concept of less is more so you keep only the things in your life you appreciate and use. For instance, why have 20 pairs of socks, when 7 pairs will do, why have a closet full of clothes when you can simplify your wardrobe to a few items i.e. t-shirt and jeans every day and save yourself hours in your week deciding what to wear. Minimalism is the natural evolution of frugalism.
Well, I toyed with Minimalism for the last four years and never quite got around to cleaning out my kitchen drawers or getting rid of those extra socks. Last December, I watched Matt D’Avella’s (a great filmmaker) Netflix documentary on Minimalism while Kwame was visiting me from his grandparent’s home. Kwame was on his phone as usual but I noticed out the corner of my eye, he put his phone down and started to look intently at the documentary. The two starring minimalists in the documentary extolled the virtue of a minimalist lifestyle, and how in their quest for less is more, they lived more fulfilling lives now and have a greater appreciation for life and what’s important.
Kwame stood up from the love seat located to my left and walked behind me where I was sitting on the couch facing the T.V. Watching the documentary made me feel quite good about myself and my never-ending quest for self-improvement and enlightenment. Right then, I renewed my commitment to embrace Minimalism whole-heartedly. Meanwhile, Kwame slowed leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You know you have to have something to be a minimalist.” Boom! There went my self-righteousness.
Much of Minimalism is a choice, and what a privileged place to be in – to have too much stuff. So why I still extol the virtues of Minimalism, I recognize the elitist place from which it derives and I don’t think that part of a Minimalist lifestyle should be lost on those of us who choose to live this way. I thank my son, Kwame, for keeping me honest, appreciative, and always self-improving even when I forget.
Cynthia B. Moore – I am an attorney who lives in St. Croix who embraced Minimalism anew when my son reminded me of that truth about Minimalism.
Rebecca says
amen….and ah-men….
life is good, and so is God.
MA Hendrix says
I’m working on this myself!
Myself is working on ME!
GOD is working right along with me, giving to others feels awesome!
Especially since the recipients know
Not where it comes from, just someone
Knows “I don’t have one of those “
I don’t miss a thing I’ve given, just wish I had started earlier in life!