“Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.” —John Wooden
According to the numbers, most of us are in debt, hate our jobs, and are busier than ever. To make things worse, the places we tend to search for pleasure take us further away from it.
No wonder the pursuit of happiness has become such a profitable business. To be fair, I am a fan of positive psychology. It reinforces many of the principles of minimalism—namely, that the joy found in material possessions is of rather low quality.
But among all this discussion of happiness, I sense a growing frustration. For many people, happiness is hiding around the corner—something that will hopefully be achieved in the future when the conditions are just right.
This understanding is based on the notion that happiness is discovered when burdens have been removed. The thinking goes: I will be happier when my debts are paid off, when I get a different job, when I finally find the man of my dreams, or when I finally get out of this crummy marriage.
But this is unhealthy and unhelpful thinking. It comes from a vantage point that thinks happiness is conditional—that it can only be achieved when all the stars align just right.
If happiness is only a result of the circumstances around me, it will never be fully realized. (tweet that)
It will always remain just out of reach because this world never allows for perfect circumstances. Our world is populated by imperfect people. And as long as it is, pain and suffering and injustice and the consequences of our own poor decisions will continue to surround us.
The truth is that those who are the happiest are not necessarily those surrounded by the best circumstances. Instead, the happiest people are those who have decided to rethink their perspective.
Happy people focus on the things that bring joy into their lives today. This may come easier for some, but it is impossible for no one.
If you are struggling with the circumstances of your life today—whether it be a trial, a job, a relationship, or something else—work hard to shift your perspective. Do not wait for your circumstances to improve before you discover happiness. Decide instead, to embrace it today.
Try asking yourself these 7 questions to intentionally bring happiness closer:
1. What can I be thankful for? Gratitude is most helpful as a discipline. When things are going well, gratitude is an easy and natural response. Similarly, it serves little benefit—it’s easy to be focused on the good when you are surrounded by it. Gratitude is most helpful and life-enhancing when it is needed most. When you most feel the burden of your circumstance, look around, notice the good, and offer a verbal appreciation of gratitude. It will immediately shift your focus from the bad to the good.
2. Who do I know that loves me? There are few things more affirming in life than the realization that we are known and loved by another—whether that be a parent, a spouse, a friend, a mentor, or a child. Whether they live close or far away, remember their faces. Whether you have spoken with them recently or not, remember their voice. If you are loved, you have all you need for joy.
3. What progress have I made? Many of us get down on ourselves and our lot in life because we feel unaccomplished or unchanged. When we focus too much on the things we wish to achieve, we forget to appreciate the progress we have already made. When you are feeling down, take a moment to remind yourself of who you were before and who you are today. Have you arrived fully? Doubtful. But are you closer today than ever before? Probably.
4. What contribution do I bring? Whether you paint, landscape, manage people, or answer telephone calls to provide customer service, thank you. Your work matters to us. Though you may not always see it, you make our world better and improve our society. Don’t view your job as just a paycheck—after all, there is no dollar amount worth the sacrifice of your life. Instead, view your work as contribution. And be reminded that we are grateful for it.
5. What pursuits bring me the most joy? Where in life do you find your most joy and fulfillment? Your kids? Your work? Your hobbies or passions? Look around to see what makes you most alive. Now go do it more often. Your television isn’t making you happier, neither is staring at Facebook. Divert more of your energy towards the things that breathe life into you.
6. Who can I help? One of the reasons we miss happiness in our present circumstance is we get so focused on trying to achieve it by serving ourselves. But we find our greatest happiness and our greatest fulfillment in serving others. The time to live a happy life is now. And the way to be happy is to make others so.
7. What choices do I have? One thing that can never be taken from you is your power to choose. Remember, we may not be able to change our circumstance, but we can always choose our response to it. To live is to retain the power of choice. Look around. What options still remain? Look hard. There is significant happiness to be found in the simple truth that you can still show up in your own life.
Happiness is not waiting in the future for all your circumstances to be perfect. Happiness is waiting to be discovered today in the middle of them.
carlapee says
I needed this. Thank you.
That last question left me thinking…
Stef says
I needed this. Thank you so much.
Eric Ungs says
Rethinking my perspective has changed my life. The thing to remember, however, it’s not just a flip of a switch and it’s just on, for good. It’s a daily battle. It’s a daily grind with the voice in my head. It’s a daily grind of doing intentional actions that support my new perspective, my new lens in which I view the same circumstances that had me spiraling out of control, emotionally and physically.
It’s amazing how we can simply see something differently and the impact it has on us; it’s life changing.
Number three really hit home. I was always looking ahead looking for the next big thing instead of focusing on the moment and the things I already have and have accomplished. Sometimes the pace in which we thought we should be achieving things isn’t the speed in which is meant to be pursued. I had issues with this, things weren’t happening fast enough, therefore I was living outside of myself.
Such a great post. We live in such a noisy, highly influenced world we lose sight of who we are because of all of the stuff. This post just cleared a path to simplicity. Love it! Thanks for sharing.
Elaine says
I am in the process of purging excesses, but this is a helpful reminder that my contentment and happiness with my home ought not be tied to a vague future of “having less stuff”…rather to focus on and embrace what makes me happy now (while still streamlining, of course!).
BrownVagabonder says
I have gotten stuck in the trap that you speak of – always thinking that my life will be better next week or next month or next year; once I have a new job, or a new whatever.
What helps me is shifting the focus from myself to someone or something else. Instead of thinking about it, I shift my focus onto a course I am taking, or how I can help my mother or brother or partner.
As soon as I shift that focus, the discontentment disappears. But I have to remember to do this as soon as that discontentment creeps in, before I emerge into the downward spiral of worry, fear, and unhappiness.
bob says
The first few paragraphs drew me in. Then the questions/points kept me. And then came #7 that really resonated with me. I see so many around me who try and fail to claim being free, but in the wrong things. Or others who think their freedoms are being taken from them. But I’ve always believed that we really are free in one aspect of our being. As you mention, we don’t have freedom to choose what happens around us. In a sense we don’t even have freedom to choose many of our actions since those are a response to how we view things. WE DO have freedom to choose our attitudes! That controls our responses, which in turn controls our actions. And results follow :)
Even in Phil 2:5 we are admonished to “have this attitude” in the middle of the description of how we should view and respond to the world around us.
Chad Haynes says
Hey Joshua (NOT Jason)!
Awesome article, once again. #6 in particular resonated with me a lot! It’s amazing how much happiness we create for ourselves by creating it for others.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Robyn @ Living the Simple Life Now says
Great list! Since simplifying my life, I’ve focused a lot of effort on seeking a happier life. They seem to go hand in hand. I couldn’t believe how much happier I felt after I got rid of half of my stuff!
It’s a bit addictive….I plan to get rid of more. It’s ironic….the less I have, the happier I am! :)
Clar says
Less really IS more. It took me many years to come to this realization. You can’t clean clutter and what we own eventually ends up owning us!
Michelle C says
Really great reminders. Thank you!
Of course we all want to be happy- we just don’t always realize when we get in the way of ourselves. We mistake comfort and ease for happiness but, as you said, it’s not necessarily about relieving ourselves of burden.
Judy says
Oh Joshua—your message is God inspired. Thank you.
My very prayer to Him this morning was that I may find happiness in the here and now.