Is the Internet a net positive or a net negative for society?
This was our topic of conversation at a recent dinner party.
As somebody who has made their living on the Internet for the last eight years, and has seen its power to reach so many people with the life-giving benefits of owning less, there was little debate in my mind to the question above. But there were some who disagreed and a fascinating conversation ensued.
In the end, we decided it comes down to how an individual chooses to use the Internet—and what the future of the Internet might turn out to be.
But the conversation got me thinking that it might be helpful to share some of the lessons I have learned over the last 12 years of writing for the Internet on how to use it in a helpful way.
12 Rules for Navigating the Internet Intentionally
1. Social Media is a Stream. Use it Accordingly.
There’s a reason we call it a social media stream—the information never stops. To use social media effectively and to keep it from becoming a distraction, think of it as a river. You don’t jump in a river and try to experience all the water that has already passed. You’d never catch up with all of it. Instead, jump in, partake in the conversation, and then jump out.
2. Choose creation over consumption.
The Internet can be used as a powerful tool for good. It can also be a terrible waste of time. The biggest difference between those two outcomes is whether you are using the Internet to create or consume. Notice the difference and choose the former.
Watching endless cat videos or pranks on YouTube is consuming. While writing a blog, creating a video, sharing your opinion on Facebook, or encouraging a friend on Instagram are all examples of using the Internet to create a better world.
3. Realize that everybody is writing fiction about themselves.
The Internet has sped up the pace of comparison considerably. We compare the size of our homes, the model of our car, the beauty of our family, the vacations we take… even the food we eat nowadays.
When you see somebody’s picture on Instagram of their picture-perfect life, remind yourself again that nobody is living a perfect life. And social media is only a highlight reel of a person’s experience.
In many ways, the caricature we post online about ourselves is fiction—it’s only the story we want the world to see. Nobody is posting photos of themselves exhausted, sitting on a couch eating potato chips, but everybody does it.
4. Prefer substance over clickbait.
It’s helpful to remember that many websites make their income based solely on how many pageviews they receive. Advertisers pay the site owner an agreed-upon dollar amount per one thousand impressions (or CPM). Similar is a PPC ad (pay-per-click).
In both scenarios, the sole business plan of the site owner is to get as many people clicking onto (and within) their website as possible because each click results in income. They could care less if they are providing value as long as they are generating clicks.
To navigate the Internet effectively, prefer websites and articles that offer real substance, rather than clickbait headlines and stories.
5. Just because you can find the information online doesn’t mean you should.
One of the most beautiful aspects of the Internet is also the most dangerous. Literally any piece of information can be located online day or night, 24 hours/day.
Want to know the weather in Barcelona? You can find it in a few seconds. Who does your favorite sports team play next weekend? Easy. What’s your ex-girlfriend up to these days? Who starred in that one movie? What’s the price of tea in China?
Anything and everything can be known whenever you want. And this reality too often pulls us away from the conversations and people right in front of us. Just because you can find that piece of information anytime you want, doesn’t mean you need to (or even should). Sometimes it’s better to stay present in the moment—or let the debate die.
6. Find voices you trust.
There are many incredible minds posting content on the Internet in every available form: words, videos, photos, tweets, audio, plus others.
When you find a content creator that is helpful to you and challenges you in positive ways, remember their name and the website. Write it down or subscribe to their emails.
Some of my favorites are Leo Babauta, Ryan Holiday, Ann Voskamp, Seth Godin, and Brian Baumgartner. Find voices that you trust and enjoy, and then return to their work routinely—the fact that such amazing content can be found for free online truly is amazing.
7. Don’t be someone you’re not.
We let our kids open limited social media accounts when they turned 13. Many of their peers started on social media much earlier. But my explanation to them was always the same, “The minimum age to open an account on social media is 13. Sure, you can just lie about your age or click accept on the terms even if you aren’t 13 in real-life. But your first action on social media is not going to be a lie.”
Like I mentioned before, everyone is spinning fiction on social media. But it’s important to remain true to yourself and who you are both online and offline. A lie online is still a lie. Don’t be someone you’re not.
8. Remember that information won’t always soothe your anxiety.
I think information is great and almost always positive. But information still has its limitations. And information alone won’t always soothe your anxiety.
It’s certainly not wrong to research that one disease while you’re waiting to hear back from your doctor’s office about the test results. But just know that reading more about it probably isn’t going to soothe your anxiety—it might even make it worse.
9. Don’t argue politics with strangers.
If you want to increase your enjoyment of the Internet and life in general, stop debating politics with strangers. Talk with your friends, sure—and that can even happen online.
But once you start debating people that you don’t know in real life, it becomes far too easy to make negative assumptions about the other person and their character or motivation. Talk politics with people you know and love and trust… and you’ll be less likely to make negative assumptions about their motives or character.
10. Know that not every statement you disagree with is a personal attack on you.
Sometimes that social media post or news report had nothing to do with you—even if you disagree with it. Not every negative statement about your diet, your industry, your religion, your way of life, or your political party is a personal attack on you. And most of the time it’s just better to let it go and move on with your life.
11. You can’t believe everything you see on the Internet.
Websites can be faked, reviews can be faked, identities can be faked, news can be faked, photos can be faked, even videos can be faked these days. With the Internet available to everyone, almost everything on the Internet can be a fake—sometimes for fun, but sometimes by people with really, really bad motives. Verify, verify, verify.
12. Know when to take a break.
As Anne Lamott once said, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” The last rule for navigating the Internet effectively is to take time away and do more things that make you forget to check your phone. The Internet is not life—and that’s coming from somebody who makes their living on it.
Those are my 12 rules for navigating the Internet intentionally. I think you will find them increase your enjoyment of the Internet considerably.
What would you add?
Luanne NdC says
I’d like to add something I once read in Esquire Magazine:
Unsubscribe, unsubscribe unsubscribe.
Melissa says
Thank you so much Josh! I have really enjoyed receiving your emails and this one is so true. I appreciate your wisdom and insight. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us and inviting us to something more.
Amy says
Thank you for sharing this. In the last couple of months I have become more focused on using the internet to create rather than consume.
Very much encouraged and inspired by your website.
Success Triangles says
Great post!
I think this is a key point:
The Internet has sped up the pace of comparison considerably. We compare the size of our homes, the model of our car, the beauty of our family, the vacations we take… even the food we eat nowadays.
It used to be you had to visit the Joneses down the street in order to admire their new toys and get jealous, but now the Joneses can be anywhere in the world and that makes the results of ‘comparison’ much more pronounced.
We have been very careful during COVID and not traveled at all over the last year. When we see pics on Facebook of other families taking vacation trips and having a great time, it’s tough – I call it ‘COVID Envy’. But at the end of the day, we don’t think the risk is worth the reward at this point.
We are trying to teach our teenager to express gratitude for everything he has instead of comparing it to what is friends have. If you get caught in that endless cycle of comparing and upgrading, pretty soon you will be broke and miserable with a lot of toys you know longer care about laying around.
Juliet Wood says
Another great post, thank you Joshua Becker – I am becoming such a fan. I love how this one began as a discussion at a dinner party, people eating together and talking! I really miss that since Covid began. Wonderful advice and I am going to use it.
Rebecca says
Great article, as always! I completely agree the internet is an amazing resource when used properly.
I think many of your rules fit under a bigger umbrella of ‘consume mindfully.’ I find it helpful to think about how I feel after being online for a time. Is it “Wow, I spent 2 hours here?! I really needed to get something else done…” or, “That was really fascinating. I’m glad I read/watched that.” or, “The first 3 or 4 videos/articles/posts were great, but maybe I didn’t need to keep going.” This has helped me identify sites, activities, and content creators that are worth my time, and those that aren’t.
In the same vein, a question I find useful is, “Does this move me toward being whom I want to be?”
A couple other random thoughts:
– Turn off auto-play to better control your consumption.
– Figure out whether you are an Abstainer (all-or-none) or Moderator (able to stop after a little) when it comes to each type of content. (I’m not sure who coined this categorization, but I learned about it from Gretchen Rubin.) For example, would you be better off deleting the Facebook app from your phone, or are you happy enough to go in and only read 3 posts?
It’s applying your definition of minimalism to spending time online – promoting (doing) what you value most and removing (avoiding) what distracts you from that.
Paul Jones says
This is one outstanding, thought-provoking post. THANK YOU
Amy says
This is great advice. The only thing I’d add is set a timer. It’s too easier to taker a longer dip in the stream than you intend.
Dawn Dooley says
Excellent article!! Very good things to remember.
Colleen Mariotti says
I love the “stream and river” analogy. That is powerful visual imagery for me. I always talk to our kids about “likes, loves, friends, followers, relationship status,” and how these words mean something profound in our personal lives. It is so important not to let social media cheapen these relationships. The internet is one tool in our toolbox. Using only the internet as a tool is like using only a hammer to build a house. The hammer isn’t very effective without wood and nails, etc. It is one tool and I keep “hammering” that point home to remind my kids and myself.
Karen Trefzger says
Colleen, I loved the “stream” and “river” analogy too, but your extension that equates the internet as one tool – and not the only one we need – was also very valuable. Thank you for sharing your comment.
Joshua, this was an excellent, thoughtful post, well worth my time to read and share with others. Thank you.
Karen Trefzger says
Hi Colleen. I also loved the “stream and river” analogy, but found your additional thoughts about the internet being one tool – and not the only one we need – to be very useful. Thanks for sharing.
Joshua, this insightful, thought-provoking post was definitely worth my time to read and share. Thank you!
Amara says
This post is worthy of consumption.
I would add that social media can also be a choice, not just to use it in a positive way, but to use it at all. I am not on it, not at all, because (1) I am a private person, and (2) I dislike it as an entity. I have no more interest in any of it than I do in wrestling or car racing. So even if I was willing to sacrifice my privacy for the sake of Pinterest, Instagram, FB and all the others, I am simply not interested.