I’m not sure who needs to hear this today, but in case it’s you who needs to be reminded:
There are no perfect people.
There are lots of people trying to better themselves and improve their lives, but none of them are perfect.
It’s important for us to remember that, because sometimes, from the outside looking in, it’s easy to think otherwise.
I was recently reading a magazine profile piece of a well-known family. It was in one of those magazines you’d find in a grocery store checkout—complete with beautiful photos of the family and their gorgeous home on the cover.
Based on the article, it would appear this family was picture-perfect. The home was immaculate. The marriage was honest, authentic, built on nothing but love. The children were impressive. Even the couples’ careers were taking off based on the author’s description.
It would be easy for someone reading the article to become quickly jealous and envious of the two in the article.
Because from everything written, it appeared, their lives were perfect.
But I know better. Oh, I don’t know the two in the article, but I know life and I know human beings well enough to know that their life isn’t nearly as perfect as it appears on the pages of this glossy magazine.
I know, when the journalist and photographer aren’t there, that the couple argues at times, the kids aren’t always behaved, and the kitchen isn’t always clean. Because I know people, I know each of them struggle with self-doubt, or pride, or selfish ambition, or fear of never measuring up to someone else featured in the same magazine.
That’s what life looks like—trials, temptations, mistakes, regrets, always falling a little bit short. That’s what life looks for me, for you, and everyone else.
Over the years, I’ve gotten to know quite a few well-known writers in the self-help field. They write fabulous books with wonderfully helpful ideas. But I think, at times, we can read these books and begin to incorrectly assume that each author has life entirely figured out.
Again, I can attest (firsthand this time), that is not the case. They struggle with the same issues as all of us—divorce, fear, addiction, pride, lack of discipline, just to name a few.
Now, that’s not to say their books aren’t helpful or true. It just means that nobody is perfect. Life never is.
Again, I don’t know who needs to hear this today. But I feel compelled to write it. It is too easy to get frustrated with our own life when we place others on a pedestal assuming they’ve got everything figured out.
Trust me, they don’t. Nobody is as successful as Instagram makes them look, nobody is as beautiful as filters make them seem, nobody is as disciplined as their writing describes them, and nobody is as put together as their social media portrays.
That being said…
I do know a whole lot of people who are working their tail off to become their best self.
They are working to declutter their possessions.
They are trying to become more intentional with their finances.
They are striving to be better parents, better spouses, or better mentors in their community.
They are working to overcome addiction or unhealthy habits.
They are studying in a field, developing a craft, reading books, or listening to podcasts in areas they desire improvement.
They are waking early or staying up late.
They are hitting the gym, changing their diet, or testing out the newest productivity hacks from the seminar they attended last month.
There are people in this world working hard to become better. They are not perfect, but they are striving to be better than the person they were yesterday.
And you should be one of them—no matter your current season of life.
You should strive for more.
Precisely because: There are no perfect people.
We all have room to grow.
About Joshua Becker
Josha, Thank you for your constructive words. We have a local magazine that puts a “perfect family” on the front cover. Inside is an article that tells how successful, well educated and smart the children are. Even a sweet love story on how the couple met. Why on earth is this even done?? If they would ask my husband I to be on the cover I would turn them down. It is just so pretencious. I think the cover would be best used to highlight a business in our community that needs customers. Anything else would be better.
I don’t think I am sour grapes. It is just so fake. We all know that family has issues just like the rest of us. Thanks again Josha, for helping us all to realize we a valueable people, just like the people next door. Oh, my new motto is, “I don’t do perfect.” I try my best. But I don’t do perfect. Thank you!
Thank you Joshua for wisdom.
Are a Mr. Rogers fan? You remind me a little of him …..”It’s you I like.”
I admired his calm, kind, non-judgmental ways …. and that closet!
This reminds me of a poem I liked in high school.
Richard Cory
BY EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Hello ! The French frog is there!
I love this article! It’s so true.
It’s so easy to envy someone when you see a great photo in a newspaper or on social media.
It’s so easy to forget what real life is.
Nobody is perfect. There is no such thing.
When we feel bad we can tell ourselves that life is really hard for us and not for others, but it is not.
Everyone has their weaknesses.
Maybe it’s easy to say it when you’re doing well, but ultimately: isn’t it the difficulty and the desire to improve that makes this life so rich?
I don’t know the answer but I have the weakness to believe so.
Thank you for your work.
Au revoir de France !
THANK YOU! Being a 72 year old female, it has been a life long pursuit of not trying to look like the cover of Vogue, or for that matter any other magazine. I have always walked to the beat of a different drum. I don’t believe that anyone in this life gets out unscathed or alive. It is simply, LIFE. You touched on so many wonderful points and really summed it up nicely. It’s so important to know that those articles in magazines are merely ways to make people want more, more, more. Keeping up with the Jones has never been fashionable to me…..and you sent a great message.
True. I know my life isn’t perfect, but it might seem really good to others, especially when I only put the fun stuff and good pictures on social media. I have a friend whom I admire.. she is petite and naturally thin and even stayed thin during her two pregnancies. She eats healthily. She has gorgeous, long, thick, wavy blonde hair, naturally super long lashes, has a boy and a girl and a sexy, loyal husband. They own a 60-acre ranch and have tons of friends. She has a PhD. So, in my eyes, she is as pretty as can be and as educated as can be and has a wonderful family and farm and manages a family business. Yet, I see pins on her Pinterest board about not giving up when you are not where you want to be yet, and I think, “what more does she want?” It’s human nature to not be satisfied, to compare, and to always want the next thing. We make ourselves unhappy.
Thank you Joshua, for highlighting perfect and perfection.
I have enjoyed your articles over the past ten years because you are Brilliant, and you make us Shine. Shine on to all that have commented; you too are Brilliant for following these articles.
Gratitude is all we need. To simply be able to have a new day to enjoy should be enough for us all.
Life is a gift. Enjoy it.
This is a great article. Takes me back to reality of the real world instead of my imagination. Everything is a illusion. All about IMAGE. Perfectionism is a issue in my life. Always been a issue all my life. So I struggle with it today. I grew up in a family that was very opinionated, critical, Judgmental, and “Perfect.” Furthermore, I became Anorexic, etc. Still struggle with Anorexia today. Can’t eat. If you think about it…. what is “Perfect”? Perfect may mean something different to another person then what you think it means. Everyone has their version of “perfect”, etc. We need to get the word perfect out if our vacabury. This society in this fake world is only going to get worse with time. Again, great positive article. We need more of that. Thank you.
Megan, I am sad for you that you have this struggle in your life. I pray that you recover. God bless you.
Estimado Joshua, de verdad me encantan tus palabras. Becoming minimalist me ayuda un montón.
Gracias, desde la Patagonia Argentina
Manuela
My daughter married a lovely man a few years ago.
A few weeks later she said to me, in front of him.’Mum, you don’t get everything you want in a man do you?’. I should add, her husband is a lovely man, very patient and gentle. I did tell her that that works both ways of course.
My son got married more recently, I told my daughter in law, if she was looking for perfect she would be disappointed.
I’ve never been seduced by glossy mags etc. You just never know what’s going on in peoples lives.
Great article Joshua
Thanks so much for this article. I have found, that during this isolation, it’s easy to turn inward and see all the flaws and faults within ourselves. But I think this unusual time also gives us time to figure out what we really want and work towards some of those goals, one day at a time. Because each day is so much like the rest, it’s good to change one small thing at a time, and over the long haul, and it’s been a VERY long haul, we can do better.
I’m sitting here in the salon getting my hair colored and I’m reading this with tears in my eyes!
It’s beautiful, it’s so meaningful and I am so guilty of these things! I’m always comparing! It’s not healthy. I need to change.
Thank you Joshua
Thank you Norma, you said it perfectly! And Rosa, I am with you.
I turn 66 in a few months, I have battle scars from cats, surgery, varicose veins. They are a road map of my life.
Luckily growing up we didn’t have teen magazines in the house, and plastic surgery was almost unheard of. When I see a young teen/woman going under the knife I shudder, and feel for that person because they may sadly be on the road where they will never be satisfied with the beauty they were born with.
Some days, periods, maybe now, one doesn’t need to try each day to be/do better, closer to perfection. At that moment, day, situation my/you’re imperfect self and fine, pretty good actually. I’m not in a panic. Am moving, if at a crawl…
Thank you so much for this great essay!! With everyone in social media trying to portray their best self, it’s easy to forget that they also have a worse side. And if we can’t manage to achieve all that they seem to, perhaps it is because we are expending energy in other ways— raising children, helping our husbands, or whatever. I really enjoyed your Q &A video with your wife. Even though you were giving answers, it was very relatable to see how you had to work through some issues to come up with the answers. You are beautiful people, but it was good to see that you are still growing, too! 🤗 As we all are.
Thank you for the reminder! It can be painful and humiliating to acknowledge the full breadth of my shortcomings, but being honest about these things enables me to seek out the best ways to respond to this truth.
Thanks for sharing this. I remember a family in my neighbor I always envied because they seemed so perfect: the children, the home, the couple, they had so many friends. Then one day the husband hung himself in the garage. It shattered my image of this family I envied.
So now when I start to go down this road of envy, I remember this family and the pain they have endured.
Joshua,
I needed this article today. At 57 sometimes all I see are my mistakes that I’ve made over my lifetime. God’s grace is all that is perfect, and I need it every day.
AMEN!! 💗
Carla, I do the same thing as well. I know looking back and having regrets is not really productive. It is hard to stop. I have a good life, but I do have regrets. I think we need to be thankful for everything we have. Good health, a roof over our head, a job, our husband and _____ etc. You can fill in the blanks. I should not preach, like I said I have regrets too. In fact I have made so many stupid mistakes in my life I wonder how I am still alive. But yet I have a good life. My biggest regret is that I married late and have no children. I really don’t like the holidays. I do try my best to enjoy my nieces and nephews and their children. But it is hard not to think. “This is what my sister has it isn’t mine.” I think we need to look forward and know we did the best we could and made the decision we made at that time in our lives. Think of the best things you did and the best experiences you had. Age doesn’t keep us from making mistakes, we do the best we can. I am 66 and I have got to look forward not back. It’s hard to not reflect on the past. I am still struggling with this myself. “Count my blessings.” I heard someone say once. “Sometimes it is good to have a bad memory.” (In other words forget the past hurts and mistakes.)
Perfectly stated. I hope a lot of younger individuals read this …. I’m 60. By the time you hit this age, you are well aware people are far from perfect including oneself. It is sad what social media, television, etc has done to younger people, especially the very young; setting them up for unrealistic goals from images that are false.
Good article, Joshua. Perfection is an illusion, and the more some people constantly strive for it I feel the more unhappy they are. I feel it stems from low self esteem of your body image, of how big or nice your house and car are. The need to have everything just perfect can be a constant feeling of frustration and lack of self worth.
It is one thing to want to improve oneself but very unhealthy to feel that you never look good enough, your work doesn’t stack up,
your relationships don’t meet your rigid criteria.
I enjoy the little imperfections in my own body (which is unique), even my cat’s ear was snipped at the top because he was to be returned to the wild after being neutered, but I was lucky to be able to adopt and love his little special ear along with the rest of him.
This is what makes us unique and to embrace this philosophy is very freeing.
Beautiful
Thanks so much for the reminder. For some reason like salt is in the seasoning, we all know this but we don’t let it sink down within our souls that others aren’t perfect, we aren’t the only ones struggling with XYZ. I am an instagram user and sometimes just log off because I find myself unconsciously comparing (They are my magazine glossy of today). Then the feeling of I can’t get it right, nothing is good enough, my photos stink etc harms me from crafting a skill, picking up a hobby because unintentionally I believe the lie. They have thier good days and bad days like every other human on earth, no matter their status, wealth or lack of it. Thanks for the Perspective lens reminder to change the forecast to, no one is perfect lens for when I log on. I needed to reread it and say it out loud :) God bless you and your family:)
I am with you Melissa. I find myself taking a break from Instagram every now and then (that’s the only social media I have/use), because like you I find myself wondering why I don’t do this, that or be like this or that, etc. It can be very exhausting. Taking a break from that is good though, whenever I do go back I find myself not doing the mindless scrolling and realize that I can be without constantly trying to connect with people that I know very little about, except for their “perfect” pictures.
You are speaking to me, Joshua. I often feel others have it together a lot more than I do. I know where I struggle—- and I am striving to do better. Your blog helps me tremendously. Bottom line—- it’s about less. Less junk in my house so I can keep up with daily living. Less online nonsense so I have more time to be productive. The year is winding down and I plan to make the best of it. Really, no more excuses.
I love this reminder. It’s so true and so easy to look at others and imagine they have a perfect life. I like to think that we all burp, fart, pee and poop. We are so much more alike than different regardless of how perfect a magazine or social media picture looks. There is always room for improvement but we should also enjoy the journey of being alive.
Thank you. I did need to hear this today.
I’ve been googling perfectionism since 5am. Figuring out the why and how to stop it. It’s causing a massive amount of damage in my life right now.
Thank you.
Kelli—- please know that you are created by God… in His image. You were perfectly knitted in your mother’s womb.