Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families and the Simple Families Podcast.
As a child, I had the type of closet that you opened at your own risk. Because when you opened that door, only God knew what barrage of toys, clothes, and “stuff” would come barreling forth. I didn’t know it then, but as a kid–I needed minimalism.
I always said, “I am just messy, period.” Like it was some kind of personality trait: Messy. Cluttered. Overwhelmed. Anxious.
As a kid 30 years ago, I needed minimalism. But today…for my kids? Minimalism is essential.
I grew up in the time before Amazon and one-click ordering. This was the time before snack-catchers existed for children to carry around snacks and mindlessly eat around the clock. The time before kids needed iPads hanging over their carseats to survive a trip. The time before you could get virtually anything on television at a moment’s notice.
The kids of today need minimalism more than ever.
Childhood of today is beyond messy and cluttered. It’s chaotic. Research shows us the way we are raising kids in America today causes stress and anxiety to overwhelm both children and parents alike. As parents, we have so much going on that we have resorted to “convenience parenting” to hold it all together. If your kids won’t sit down for a meal, there’s a device for that. If your kids won’t ride quietly in the car, there’s an app for that.
As parents, we just try to survive. We struggle to hold it all together. Because it’s consuming. It’s heavy.
Raising kids today is heavier than any parent can handle.
I know this because I have two young children. They inherited my eyes and my hair. But they didn’t inherit my messy, overwhelmed traits. That is because “overwhelmed” is not a life sentence. It’s a choice–and I have made intentional choices for my kids and my family.
I have chosen to trade chaos for calm.
Not only is calm possible, but it’s also good for our children and our families. In my uncluttered, calm grown-up life, I have a Ph.D. in Child Development. I specialize in Family Wellness. I know what a young child needs to grow, develop, and thrive. And I know a few things about what it takes to bring harmony and happiness to a family unit.
So what’s the secret? Minimalism.
Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of all your stuff (although I have done some of that too–and it’s pretty amazing). It’s about focusing your family on what really matters in life.
Joshua defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” In raising my kids as minimalists, I am doing just that.
I am trading the status quo of American childhood by choosing a specific value set for my children:
I Choose Gratitude
I am trading an abundance of holiday gifts for gratitude. My kids don’t get much in the way of wrapped, tangible gifts. Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts. Wrapped gifts can mask the importance of the real gifts.
I Choose Family
I am trading three nights per week of kid’s activities for family dinners. Kids who eat dinner with family have higher levels of academic achievement and improved psychological well-being. I am a huge fan of underscheduling. There is nothing I love more than an evening or weekend with nothing planned. Because “nothing” is not nothing. “Nothing” means more time to intimately connect with family.
I Choose Health
I am trading boxes of prepared food with animated characters for locally grown produce. Research shows that the eating habits we instill in our children from the earliest days makes a lasting impact on the years to come. I skip the Goldfish crackers and the Bunny Fruit Snacks. My kids don’t eat all day long. This means they don’t carry snacks around the house or munch in their car seats. They sit down at the table and eat real food.
I Choose the Outdoors
I am trading screen time for outdoor play. I refuse to let my kids be sedentary. Playing outdoors offers children ample opportunity to exercise, learn respect for the environment, and appreciate natural beauty. By dialing back the screen time for kids, I can create more opportunities for active play that challenges my children’s social and motor skills. Kids (and adults) need to get up and get outside.
I Choose Conscious Consumerism
I am trading Amazon’s one-click ordering for buying intentionally. We think before we buy. We choose to fill our home with things we love, things that are beautiful, and things that are necessary. Plastic toys from the most recent hit movie don’t make the cut. Instead we choose classic, sustainable toys that will last for years. Toys that can be used for open-ended play by children of all ages, genders, and interests. Children grow up too fast, let’s choose toys that will grow with them.
I Choose Calm
By choosing minimalism, I am trading chaos for calm. I am my children’s first teacher. I am my children’s biggest role model. It all starts with me. I am making choices for my children that will impact their childhood and entire life in the years to come.
What are you choosing for your family?
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Denaye Barahona is a Motherhood Coach. You can find her podcast and blog at Simple Families.
Genevieve White says
I struggle with this for me and for my kids. And it is hard for me to get rid of their things. They love playing with their babies and barbies – how many do we keep? How many do we give away? They love their kitchen – do i get rid of all the food stuff or keep for kitchen play? Do we keep the blocks? The farm house and animals they love? The puzzles, the crayons, the paints they use? And suddenly we have far too much but I don’t know what to grt rid of.
Geranda says
I have to be honest: being the only care giver to 3 year old twins I never get to enjoy a moment for myself (which I despirately need, being highly sensitive). I often use devices and an overload of toys to gain some me-time…. but I do hate all the clutter. What to do?
S says
Set aside a daily “quiet time” where you tell the 3 year olds this is a time to do what you each like to do quietly. It is a time to be “alone” even if you’re all in one room. They can color, listen to quiet music/audio books, look at books, play with quiet toys reserved just for this time, etc. You do what you want to do-read, flip through a magazine, put on a face mask, do your nails, listen to quiet music…something just for you. This ends up being a refreshing time for everyone! As they grow older and can be left alone, each person can have quiet time in a different space.
Lynne Flakemore says
So agree with everything you have written. My girls were lucky enough to spend their Early Childhood phase growing up in a remote, coastal town where the pressures of consumerism are non-existent so we could keep toys and fad snacks minimal. We grew our own food, nurtured and harvested by the girls which they gained much delight and enjoyment from particularly in preparing the food to be eaten at the table. They have only ever had a few, mostly wooden blocks, puzzles etc and this encouraged them to be outdoors instead, creating tunnels, stick homes, nests and bowers in the garden. We are now living an inner city urban lifestyle but have a park where they still spend hours exploring and take as many opportunities as we can to go bushwalking and beachwalking. It is a constant challenge to remain minimal though but my girls are grateful for everything they do have and still love to play with dolls or puzzles they have had for years. Limiting screen time is a must in our home and mealtimes are sacred and essential for discussion… thank you!!!
Kylie Anderson says
Yes!! This is exactly the way we need to go for the future of our children. I watched the Minimilisn documentary on Netflix and have slowly started the process of minimilising our life. Birthday gifts will be experiences and not things, because we remember holidays, trips and things we have gone and done, but we don’t remember what present we got given 5 years ago.
Cody says
There is so much wisdom in this post. Very timely for our family. Thank you.
Sarah @ Our Innovative Life says
Denaye,
What a great post! Our family is also embracing the minimalist way of life. We are currently moving our family to St. Croix, USVI in order to try something a little less harried than the life we currently lead. A little slower pace of life. Some may it’s a little extreme but we are focusing on how we can grow closer as a family.
I loved your use of CHOICE! I absolutely agree! All of these things are a choice. We so often just ALLOW life to happen to us instead of being intentional.
Thanks for some great content and for adding value to the world!
Carol says
I think this is true for grandparenting as well. I love to watch my grandkids play in the sand and in the back yard. But I often feel I am in “competition” with the their other grandparents who buy them “stuff” take them to the movies, and always on the go.
When they visit me I like to just sit and relax and spend time watching them, making cookies for them and painting rocks, etc.
Your article made me feel less guilty for being a minimalist Grandma.
Heather says
As s 41 year old granddaughter who had one set who lived far away and sent stuff all the time as that was how they showed love and one set who lived next door and did the bake cookies, dried my tears thing, I loved them both equally. I have awesome memories of just BEING with my grandparents who lived next door…watching wheel of fortune, watching grandma cook or grandpa putter in his garage. I remember very little of the stuff I was sent. Rest assured, you’re doing fine. Just love on them and be there.
Clare says
Thank you for posting. So many great ideas.
The biggest revelation I have had as a parent of 3 for the last 19 years is all the choices we have. If we make good choices as parents, our children will, too.
In our home, we have found a balance between being on and off the grid. I’m a big reader and always have a book with me. When my kids were young, they always grabbed a book if we went somewhere they might have to wait.
My kids got phones much later than their peers and survived. I have always made a very conscious effort to have dinner together regardless of the activities. No phones at the table – just real conversation.
The bottom line is that we all have choices. Just because the world is a certain way doesn’t meant we all have to follow suit.
Judy says
I love this post! What a great reminder. Thank you :)
Nicola L says
I love this – resonates with what I am trying to work towards with my young family (two children under age 10). We do try to get the balance right – we have tablets, PS4 games, etc but plenty of board games, books, time spent together as a family enjoying nature. But when you work full time at an office-based job, it’s really hard to manage it all. I particularly like your thoughts on mealtimes and downtime spent simply enjoying each other’s company.
Thanks so much for such an inspiring post :-)
Alexis Smith says
I am a mother of adult twin girls and grandmother of 4 children ages eight months to five years. I’ve read this on my daughter’s post on Facebook. I concur 100%. You have beautifully stated my heartfelt, core beliefs. I completed my degree in elementary education by the age of 21. Taught school for many years and have been a piano instructor for even longer. The things you described is how I raised my daughters. Though they are Unique Individuals and certainly not carbon copies of me nor would I want them to be, they have developed the same core values. Thank you for stating the above so eloquently
Mary Kay says
I agree! I felt really guilty reading. Yikes! I buy goldfish for the kids to take to school for snack time. Am I not supposed to do that? Am I supposed to make homemade goodies? Fruits and veg are in the lunches but I provide something potable that they can eat during snack time at recess.
I have two kids (ages 6 and 9) and work full-time. It is hard to manage it all. Although I thought that the article presented a nice case for minimalism and kids, but it also perpetuates the unrealistic expectations placed on parents (moms, in particular).
I aspire to be a minimalist, and it works for me. My kids are less enthusiastic. I try to strike a balance as well.
Karen T. says
I don’t think the thrust of the article is about avoiding Goldfish crackers, I think the point is to generally eat three meals in a healthy manner and not snack all day. As you say, it’s about balance.
Mary Kay says
Yeah, I get that. I just found the tone of the article to be very judgmental. “I’m doing this.” “I’m doing that.” “What are you doing?” It’s almost like a challenge. Seriously, I would like to know how the author handles things like kids snacks at school. My kids wake up at 6:30 am and eat breakfast shortly after. School lunch isn’t scheduled until about noon. That’s a LONG time for a 6 year old to go without eating. How about family dinner? We can’t do family dinners because I get home from work late (6:30) and the youngest goes to bed early (7:30). My work is important to our family–I’ve been the sole income provider for eight years. Any suggestions for making family dinners work??? I’d hate to think that my children are going to be academically impaired because of our lack of family dinners. I guess I just can’t live up to her standards. Maybe I should just let it go but I’m so tired of these high expectations placed on parents these days…
Maria says
I strongly suspect that the relationship between family dinner and school performance is correlation, not causation.
Family dinners are more likely to happen with 1. parents who are involved in their kids’ lives, and 2. kids being home most evenings (so they can focus on homework). I think those are what actually cause the better academics.
And anyway, it can still be a family dinner with only part of the family there! The kids can eat with the one parent/caregiver who is home earlier, and that’s way different from eating in front of the TV.
P.s. Eating snacks is healthy