Note: This is a guest post from Denaye Barahona of Simple Families and the Simple Families Podcast.
As a child, I had the type of closet that you opened at your own risk. Because when you opened that door, only God knew what barrage of toys, clothes, and “stuff” would come barreling forth. I didn’t know it then, but as a kid–I needed minimalism.
I always said, “I am just messy, period.” Like it was some kind of personality trait: Messy. Cluttered. Overwhelmed. Anxious.
As a kid 30 years ago, I needed minimalism. But today…for my kids? Minimalism is essential.
I grew up in the time before Amazon and one-click ordering. This was the time before snack-catchers existed for children to carry around snacks and mindlessly eat around the clock. The time before kids needed iPads hanging over their carseats to survive a trip. The time before you could get virtually anything on television at a moment’s notice.
The kids of today need minimalism more than ever.
Childhood of today is beyond messy and cluttered. It’s chaotic. Research shows us the way we are raising kids in America today causes stress and anxiety to overwhelm both children and parents alike. As parents, we have so much going on that we have resorted to “convenience parenting” to hold it all together. If your kids won’t sit down for a meal, there’s a device for that. If your kids won’t ride quietly in the car, there’s an app for that.
As parents, we just try to survive. We struggle to hold it all together. Because it’s consuming. It’s heavy.
Raising kids today is heavier than any parent can handle.
I know this because I have two young children. They inherited my eyes and my hair. But they didn’t inherit my messy, overwhelmed traits. That is because “overwhelmed” is not a life sentence. It’s a choice–and I have made intentional choices for my kids and my family.
I have chosen to trade chaos for calm.
Not only is calm possible, but it’s also good for our children and our families. In my uncluttered, calm grown-up life, I have a Ph.D. in Child Development. I specialize in Family Wellness. I know what a young child needs to grow, develop, and thrive. And I know a few things about what it takes to bring harmony and happiness to a family unit.
So what’s the secret? Minimalism.
Minimalism isn’t just about getting rid of all your stuff (although I have done some of that too–and it’s pretty amazing). It’s about focusing your family on what really matters in life.
Joshua defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” In raising my kids as minimalists, I am doing just that.
I am trading the status quo of American childhood by choosing a specific value set for my children:
I Choose Gratitude
I am trading an abundance of holiday gifts for gratitude. My kids don’t get much in the way of wrapped, tangible gifts. Birthdays are about celebrating life. Valentine’s Day is about love. Easter is about religion. Christmas is about family. Life, love, religion, family–those are the real gifts. Wrapped gifts can mask the importance of the real gifts.
I Choose Family
I am trading three nights per week of kid’s activities for family dinners. Kids who eat dinner with family have higher levels of academic achievement and improved psychological well-being. I am a huge fan of underscheduling. There is nothing I love more than an evening or weekend with nothing planned. Because “nothing” is not nothing. “Nothing” means more time to intimately connect with family.
I Choose Health
I am trading boxes of prepared food with animated characters for locally grown produce. Research shows that the eating habits we instill in our children from the earliest days makes a lasting impact on the years to come. I skip the Goldfish crackers and the Bunny Fruit Snacks. My kids don’t eat all day long. This means they don’t carry snacks around the house or munch in their car seats. They sit down at the table and eat real food.
I Choose the Outdoors
I am trading screen time for outdoor play. I refuse to let my kids be sedentary. Playing outdoors offers children ample opportunity to exercise, learn respect for the environment, and appreciate natural beauty. By dialing back the screen time for kids, I can create more opportunities for active play that challenges my children’s social and motor skills. Kids (and adults) need to get up and get outside.
I Choose Conscious Consumerism
I am trading Amazon’s one-click ordering for buying intentionally. We think before we buy. We choose to fill our home with things we love, things that are beautiful, and things that are necessary. Plastic toys from the most recent hit movie don’t make the cut. Instead we choose classic, sustainable toys that will last for years. Toys that can be used for open-ended play by children of all ages, genders, and interests. Children grow up too fast, let’s choose toys that will grow with them.
I Choose Calm
By choosing minimalism, I am trading chaos for calm. I am my children’s first teacher. I am my children’s biggest role model. It all starts with me. I am making choices for my children that will impact their childhood and entire life in the years to come.
What are you choosing for your family?
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Denaye Barahona is a Motherhood Coach. You can find her podcast and blog at Simple Families.
Tahnee says
I am so pleased to see you don’t give gifts for Christmas. My husband and I decided each child will receive 3 gifts because that’s how many Jesus was given. I had a co worker tell me that was cruel! I really like and agree so much with this article.
Narissa says
I was born at a time when TV, cellphones, iPads and computers didn’t exist. Being outdoors was the most exciting adventure – being one with nature – swimming in the river, stealing honey from bees, catching chameleons and iguanas to keep as pets. I was foolishly fearless, but what fun…
I had 2 children who I grew with a firm hand and a Bible Story Book. Spare the rod, and you spoil the child the good Book says. As a result, they had good manners and were a pleasure for friends and family to have around at visiting times… I believed in tough love to train them up for what they would face ahead. Made some mistakes along the way, but don’t we all.
I saw the silliness of buying hordes of dolls and cars that end up broken and cast aside within an hour of purchasing them. I bought educational toys for my kids…. they inwardly resented me for that and did a total turn-around in the way they raise their own.
Now I am a grandmother of 7 and watch disapprovingly as their parents heap unnecessary expensive toys on their kids to keep them occupied for the most part.
In the world today, more often than not, and especially in homes of the higher income bracket, we see children who appreciate very little. Their interest in things are short-lived. Concentration and focus is an increasing difficulty among most. And obedience is a word alien to so many. Their teachers and experiences are the television, Playstation games, iPads and their own cellphones.
Most parents today dislike having their children scolded by even their own parents. This was a common occurrence in my day which was why kids behaved in the presence of any adult. Today kids are pushed to compete to win. Fun? To heck with that… the pressure mounts and our kids bear the brunt. If they don’t measure up, they feel as though they’ve let their parents down.
What to do though…. you can’t change the changing world, but you can change the way you mould your child for the future.
Donna says
Excellent article!! The electronic devices now were not an option when we were growing up. However, going to church and prayer were more prevalent than in today’s world. As a grandparent, I see young parents today not instilling this important necessity in today’s world when it’s needed more than ever, if that’s possible.
Vince says
It’s best just to be gracious and give a warm thank you.
Bonnie says
I have a two month old child and plan on having more children. My philosophies align with yours and are very important to me and my family.
I’d like to know how you express your wishes to others when it comes to gift giving. For birthdays and holidays I intend to inform family and friends that we don’t want a bunch of toys etc. And I will provide alternative options and/or specific things they can gift our children/do with/for them. However I expect still that people will likely be upset by being told not to give us something they may want to and/or will give us whatever they feel like anyway.
Have you found this to be a problem?
When I have brought this up with others I’m told that people will likely still celebrate in the ways that they want to.
I know I can and will donate items (we already have) but I’d rather folks not spend their time and money on things that we do not need/want and then become offended when I don’t accept them or get rid of them.
Do you have any advice that may be helpful to us?
Judy says
Yes—just graciously say “Thank you” and realize that you are beyond blessed in the first place to even be in a situation of over- abundance…also to have loved ones in your life and the lives of your children. It is not up to others to be on-board with your lifestyle … it’s what you choose to do with your life…and stuff. To refuse a gift is beyond rude. Donate it later if you wish.
Ivanka says
As a professional Organizer and elementary school teacher, I’ve been saying this for years! Thank you for writing this article! I’d love to chat for a collab project! http://www.tidymoose.com – I’m currently creating a program for children in home and the classroom focusing on mimmalism for personal and educational growth. Your article spoke to every single point of my program!!!
Brian says
Great post. I agree that minimalist kids may have a tough time in our current culture – but I would argue the values they learn will help them overcome these challenges, and they’ll grow stronger from it. Parenting is difficult, and there’s no doubt TVs and iPads are an easy fix. I applaud those that try to live by these minimalistic values. Thank you for this article – it’s motivation for us struggling to parent is today’s society.
Deb says
Very interesting article. As a baby boomer, now nana, I can see the importance of this. I grew up poor, but didn’t realize it, because we had what we needed, and a little more at times. We played outside, ran around the neighborhood, and ate fresh food. I’m afraid that when I became a parent, I over did it on toys and activities and fast food. Trying to keep up with the Joneses -so to speak. We never had much family time. As a result, I think that’s why my marriage ended in divorce, and we are not that close as a family now.
I think my daughters will do better at decluttering the childhood of their children. Focusing on what’s important. God and family.
Kathryn Ross says
I really wish that this author had spoken to their child’s relationship with the world outside of home ie contact with other children or adults known to the parents. My best friend as a four year was a neighbour lady.We remained in contact until I was about thirty five and she passed.Children have cousins etc. Children are not going to live in isolation of others hopefully,after all we parents all intend to die at some point.
Jeanne says
We love minimalism @twoodietoys and this article explained why! Thankyou ????