“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.”
My son Salem recently graduated high school and is heading off to college next month.
It’s hard to believe this is the same young man who sat down with me during a Snow Day ten years ago to write this: An 8-Year Old’s Guide to Buying Good Toys.
But indeed, he has grown into a fine young man.
At the beginning of his Senior Year of high school, my wife sat down and wrote out 12 Life Skills that she wanted to make sure our son knew before leaving home. Some of the skills he had already picked up, but others we decided to intentionally teach over the last year.
I thought it might be helpful to share our list with you. So here it is:
12 Life Skills We Want For Our Kids Before They Leave Home
1. Cooking.
It isn’t particularly important that our son knows how to properly prepare Baked Alaska for his next dinner party (although it is my daughter’s favorite dessert). But we did want to make sure he knew how to cook, grill, and even bake some simple meals for himself. Man cannot live on fast food alone.
2. Cleaning.
Salem has had plenty of experience vacuuming, dusting, tidying, cleaning mirrors, and emptying trash over the years of growing up. But we also wanted to make sure he knew how to clean other areas of home that are less routine: toilets, stovetops, ceiling fans, as an example. Knowing that her son knew how to clean a bathroom from top to bottom was of special importance for Kim.
3. Yardwork.
Mowing, trimming, planting, pruning. Even making sure he knows to call the utility company hotline before digging.
4. Laundry.
Kim has always handled the laundry in our home—or at least for as long as I can remember. She’s been very intentional, especially this year, about showing Salem how to launder not just his own clothes, but the clothes of anyone in his future home.
5. Iron.
Ironing has always been my gig. Someone showed me how to properly iron in college and I’ve been hooked ever since. So we wanted to show the how (and why) of not living life in wrinkly clothes.
6. Emergency Car Repairs
Mechanics is not my thing. But emergency car repairs, those things that can happen on the side of the road away from help, are essential to know. How to jumpstart a dead battery, how to change a tire, how to read dashboard warning lights, and what to do in a collision. If we didn’t live in Phoenix, I’d also add how to drive in the snow/ice, and what to do if your car gets stuck.
7. Simple Home Repairs
Home repair is also not a skill in my repertoire—never in my life have I considered removing a wall to open up a room. But there are a few simple home repairs that I believe my son and daughter should be able to accomplish in their future home. This is not an exhaustive list, but among the specific repairs: how to unclog a drain, replace light fixtures, shut off water, replace a garbage disposal, reset breakers, hang decorations, fix a leaky sink.
8. Painting
There are very few things that refresh a home quicker and less expensively than painting the walls. And it’s one of the only home improvements we’ve made in every new home we’ve moved into. So we put it on the list to make sure our kids know how to do it well.
9. Personal Finance
There are technical skills to teach: how to write a check, how to balance a checkbook, how a credit card works, how compound interest works, etc. But there are also life skills and worldviews to consider when it comes to personal finance: opportunity cost, why to budget, living below your means, giving, saving, and the life-giving benefits of buying only what you need.
10. Shopping
Related to personal finance, how to shop wisely is an essential ingredient. It’s important to know not just what to buy, but how to buy. So Kim put this on the life skills list and I’m glad she thought to include it. How to shop for groceries, how to shop for clothes, and how to shop for essentials.
11. Dating
Thinking primarily of my son as he graduates high school, I want to know I’ve taught him how to be a gentleman in both courtship and a dating relationship. I also want him to know what relational qualities are important to develop and what qualities to look for in a spouse.
12. Faith
I don’t write much about my faith here on this blog, but my Christian faith has and will continue to be important to me. And I want it to be important to my kids. So we were sure to add to our list, not just an understanding of our faith, but also the life skills for them to pursue it on their own.
I don’t necessarily publish this list because I think it’s the exact list you need for your own family. But I do think it’s important that we are intentional as parents—not just in providing a loving home for our children but also in preparing them for life on their own. Our goal is to launch him into adulthood prepared and an asset to society.
This is the list of 12 life skills we’ve been working off of the last year as our son prepares to leave home. And I encourage you to create your own (or steal ours).
About Joshua Becker
Love all of these but I especially agree with #9 Finances. I tell people how my son saves for expensive items, researches them and then buys with his own money and they marvel at the idea. Even at a young age, he found ways to earn money and saved birthday and Christmas money. I also charge $12 for every lost water bottle too. After declaring the price, he lost very very few of them. And expensive items he has purchased on his own are now very well cared for. No lost AirPods. We routinely talk about how we budget our money, so that he hears the example being set. We taught him to “spend money on paper first” before actually spending it and this exercise influenced him to not buy a gaming PC but instead chose another device that was more economical. We also taught him to tithe his 10% to church. But no matter where he gives his money, I wanted to help him establish it as a habit early on. So far, so good. Excellent list.
Great list and intentionality! We taught our boys some of these before college, but not all, and I did receive some panicked calls about laundry and baking. But that hasn’t been all bad; it’s nice to still be needed to impart skills and wisdom as a parent!
We are all lifelong learners. Even though I theoretically know how to change a tire or shut off the water, I haven’t been in a position to have to do it myself. I should probably step up to the plate more often, even when someone with more experience offers to do it!
Read clothing labels. Don’t buy clothes that say ‘dry clean or hand wash only’ if you want to be able to throw everything in the wash and iron via dryer.
I’ve never seen “compound interest” on a list but that is a GREAT inclusion. The concept allows one to understand the importance of starting young with retirement savings (I’m 65, newly retired, and grateful to a pastor colleague who explained that to me, and dollar cost averaging). Every high school senior would do well to know that. I would add (in a similar vein) to understand an amortization table, and how putting even just a bit extra money each month toward the principal of your mortgage, (especially at the very beginning of a loan), can eliminate years of mortgage payments. I paid off a 30 year mortgage in 14 years that way! Early payment and a lifetime living below my means, has allowed me to now enjoy financial peace of mind (not because I have a ton of money but because I don’t need much). Now I can be generous with charitable organizations I support and with friends (I love to cook for friends, and am looking forward to the conclusion of this pandemic to get back to that). The habit has allowed me to easily live on my social security and a small annuity (because I want to, not because I have to) and to be generous with people and organizations I support. Growing up, I never went to bed hungry, but we did live on the “lean” side (though I didn’t realize it til I became an adult.) It turned out to be a blessing. I feel so grateful.
Great list! I have a thirteen-year-old son who thinks he knows all of these things already (LOL). We’ve taught him how to cook his own dinner and the basics of saving, investing, and giving. We will add laundry to the list soon. I remember how proud we were when he could finally tie his own shoes years ago. They grow up too fast and I’m afraid I am missing some life lessons to pass on!
Yes. These are all good life skills to know. I’ve met someone before who knew how to drive, but didn’t know how to properly inflate their tires. Number 12 is definitely the most important though.
Great article! They had a course called ‘Consumers Education’ when I was in high school. It taught many of these skills. Especially important was developing good credit and balancing a checking account. I had my first charge card when I was 16 (co-signed by my dad).
Thank you, Joshua, for this article. I have shared it with several in my family as a reminder. I taught my four children almost from the time they could walk how to do things to help out and learn for their future as an adult. A 2 year old can pick up their toys and empty small waste baskets and is happy to receive a “Yea, you did it!”. Now they are all teaching their kids and I have helped continue their learning when they visit me, their Grandma.
I liked a lot of the replies with other suggestions and I wrote them down to share with my kids as well.
One very important skill I don’t see here is to learn how to “parallel park”. This is no longer taught in Driver’s Ed and many wait until they are 18 to drive, so then they are not required to take the Course. There are still many cities where this skill is necessary. We would certainly have less scrapes, dents, and worse damages to other’s cars, not to mention the frustration of them not having this skill.
Thanks again, Joshua. Make your day Great!
How to find your way without the use of your smart phone!
I loved the article and all the additional suggestions in the comments. I posted this article to the Facebook page of our church women’s ministry.
Yes, I agree and I have helped my kids and my adult grandkids see the value in paper maps. I get my maps at AAA with my membership and one time in particular having one with me may have saved my life and my granddaughter’s who had recently turned 18. We got lost, after dark, because her Cell Phone directions took us the wrong direction. She could not read the map and there was no safe place for me to stop. We even crossed over a bridge in the middle of nowhere. I could not even find a place to turn around. There were no signs! I admit we were scared. But I prayed out loud for our safety. We ended up in a dangerous area after driving for about an hour with no well lite places to even stop. I pulled into the first place we did see because we needed to use their facilities. I explained to her: “We go in, stay close together, find their restroom, do not make eye contact, don’t touch anything, don’t look around, and we leave quickly.” Before we got out of the car, we prayed again for our safety. Finally, I was able to look at my paper map when we got back in the car. I could see we were less than a mile from the main Highway to get us home! We were so relieved and so thankful! When I know any of my “kids” are traveling, I provide them with paper maps. It never hurts to have a back up plan to all of this technology because it does not work every time!
Even in this day, I think it’s not a bad idea to learn to drive a manual transmission car. We might find ourselves in a position where we need to know, and that’s not the time to have to figure it out.
I echo basic first aid, and would add a few simple lifesaving skills: reaching and throwing a floatable object to someone in trouble in the water. Might even add a basic ability to swim, too. Nice to learn before we have children!
Wow! You consider fixing a leaking sink a basic skill! And another thing is about a dead battery. You are awesome.
I envy your family that they have such a handy househusband.
Great idea to develop a “life skills” list! I love what you have here and will create a list for my own daughter — she is only 12 years old but never too early to start learning these skills. I would add the skill of becoming an educated and engaged voter as well. Take the time to learn about the issues and candidates so you can make an informed choice. But it’s also okay to skip over issues/elections that you don’t feel you know enough about to make an informed choice! And don’t be afraid to ask questions about anything you don’t understand!
Where’s the like button. Yes!
I came to say ‘basic sewing skills’ as well, but I see others have beaten me to it.
The other thing that I think is worthwhile for ‘adulting’, as the kids say, is basic first aid & CPR. Especially once you have children, as kids are always having little (or sometimes not so little) accidents. Some first aid knowledge goes a long way to being able to stay calm in the situation and take the right action – even if that’s just knowing that the issue is beyond your skill level and the best option is just to call an ambulance.
Absolutely wonderful! Great list for all ages, in case parents forgot/weren’t there/or someone needs a refresher.
Kudos to you and your wife!
Thanks very much for sharing this excellent list. All very good points, you both sound like very good, thoughtful, responsible parents who, I have no doubt, have done a great job in raising your children. Thank you.
Excellent list! If more of our young people had these skills under their belts, I believe they would be healthier and happier! I’m sure your son will do wonderfully well after his graduation.
Great List. I am 41 and still don’t know how to change a tire, I should learn it as it can happen. Looking back, I feel like I have learned about financing through trial and error over the last 20-years. I am so pro teaching kids personal finance age-appropriate from a young age and up. What an amazing skill to have to set them up for the better.
We base our children’s chore charts off of the book “The Parenting Breakthrough” by Merrilee Browne Boyack. She is a Christian (Latter Day Saint) and wrote the book for other parents of her faith, but the chores-by-age chart is great for all families. My 3-year-old can make his bed, put away clothes, fold washcloths, help empty the dishwasher, etc. Addionally, 5-year-olds can dust, scrub toilets, pull weeds, make basic foods (like toast), etc. My third grader is learning basic cooking with a recipe, journaling, letter writing, sweeping and vacuuming.
Now an 18-year-old can probably do these things better than an 8-year-old, but the point is to let them learn. And in case you’re wondering, I don’t just sit around while they clean. Any parent knows it’s a lot more work to teach kids to do chores than to do them yourself.
Loved your list! I often do something similar with my son. When he was a boy, I used to tell him: “Learn how to do this, because when you’ll be studying in New Zealand, you’ll need to do this by yourself”. One day, after having listened to these words many times, he picked his globe and checked where New Zealand was. He was surprised to see it’s on the other side of the world (we live in Brazil). He said: “But it’s very far from here!”. And I replied: “It doesn’t matter if you’re going to study in New Zealand, or in Canada or in São Paulo, the fact is that I won’t be there to do things for you. You have to learn so you won’t be in trouble and your life will be easier. “
Great list! In addition to adding basic sewing skills (hemming pants, repairing a seam and sewing on a button) I would add Social Behavior for Adults. Dealing with invitations (you don’t cancel BC something better comes along, you always rsvp), thank you letters for gifts, hospitality and job interviews, handling awkward situations and conversations etc. Also proper table manners.
Oh dear … I agree with this list as well as reader suggestions to add basic sewing skills. But I wasn’t taught half of these (including Financial skills which I learned far too late in life – but better late than never.) I need to catch up on learning how to do: car repairs, home repairs, & I don’t think I was very good at dating ;).
Bravo!
Love this list, your intentionality, and the sharing of what is important to you.
Good list! If I were writing this, I would go more into details on the religion/spiritual area, as, to be truthful, without God, who are we?
I, too, had a similar list for my children. Tell Kim that my daughter in law thanks me often for teaching my son household tasks, specifically cleaning bathrooms and loading and unloading the dishwasher.
I just love reading your emails. They are inspiring and filled with things that inspire me to get rid of the things I do not need but I am somewhere in the middle of where both my parents were. One was very neat and tidy to the extent she could be bc my Dad was a pack rat and saver of anything you might have a need for in the distant future. LOL I have many things I do not need but it is so hard to start.
I love this list of the things for your son to know before going out on his own to college.
Excellent list and I wouldn’t take off any item but I would squeeze in how to do small sewing repairs- like sewing on a button . I have often seen very professional younger people who use a safety pin for a button because they don’t know how to (or maybe don’t want to) replace the lost button.
sewing – handsewing to be able to neatly repair, adjust or remodel things made of fabric.
Bravo! Thank you so much.
Great list. Not sure about the ironing though. As a kid, one of my household tasks was to iron my dad’s white dress shirts for work. Collar, back placket, long sleeves, front panels, back panel. Hang and button top button. After years of this, as an adult, I hate ironing.
Now it’s squirt it with the water bottle I keep on top of the dryer, throw in for a few minutes, pull out still warm, hang up. I don’t buy anything that can’t be thrown into the dryer for a few minutes.
I would maybe hate it to if I spent my childhood ironing all of my dad’s shirts. But my mom irons all of her father’s shirts now that he’s older and seems to really enjoy helping him in that way.
Honestly there are many adults out there who can’t do half of these things! Congratulations to you and Kim for giving him these tools for living. A good number of them should be taught in school as not all parents are equipped to provide this type of instruction.
You are so right. I lost my husband in February and some of the things on that list were things he took care of for us. These are skills we all need. Whatever stage you’re at in life, if you don’t know how to do these, please learn.
Great point Eve.
Thank you for this wonderful list. What a gift. I love the intentionality and I will be adopting/adapting your list for my parenting for my son in his next two years of high school.
This is a great list! I’m a professional organizer and life skills have always been incredibly important to me. Our kids are young adults now and I can tell you that having these life skills in their back pocket made for a smooth transition into adulthood. Keep up the great work!
Loved this article! Very practical and well thought through! Thank you! We tried to prepare both of our kids for college as well in their last couple of high school years. During this pandemic, they both are back home and have gotten an opportunity to do a lot more of these things and develop them further that I’m confident they’ll be able to manage a household on their own very soon! Keep these good articles coming!!
I love this list!
What a great idea to use that last year of high school to live more intentionally for adulthood. No matter what age our kids are, there’s always skills we can be working on with them to prepare them for the next stage. Sounds like he’ll be all prepared to enter into the next season of life.
My husband’s parents taught him all these plus how to sew for which I am eternally grateful. That first year when he needed insignia sewn onto his uniforms and I was messing it up, he took over and did it well.
This is a great list, thank you for sharing it. Our son is in 10th grade, and this year of pandemic, he has learned how to cook, bake, clean (especially the bathrooms) and do yard work. We will work on the remaining skills.
I will have to give this a lot of thought—and action! Love your idea!
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