“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.”
My son Salem recently graduated high school and is now in college.
It’s hard to believe this is the same young man who sat down with me during a Snow Day years ago to write this: An 8-Year Old’s Guide to Buying Good Toys.
But indeed, he has grown into a fine young man.
My daughter has just one year left of high school and will be attending college soon as well.
At the beginning of my son’s Senior Year of high school, my wife sat down and wrote out 12 Life Skills that she wanted to make sure our son knew before leaving home. Some of the skills he had already picked up, but others we decided to intentionally teach over the last year.
I thought it might be helpful to share our list with you. So here it is:
12 Life Skills We Want For Our Kids Before They Leave Home
1. Cooking.
It isn’t particularly important that our son knows how to properly prepare Baked Alaska for his next dinner party (although it is my daughter’s favorite dessert). But we did want to make sure he knew how to cook, grill, and even bake some simple meals for himself. Man cannot live on fast food alone.
2. Cleaning.
Salem has had plenty of experience vacuuming, dusting, tidying, cleaning mirrors, and emptying trash over the years of growing up. But we also wanted to make sure he knew how to clean other areas of home that are less routine: toilets, stovetops, ceiling fans, as an example. Knowing that her son knew how to clean a bathroom from top to bottom was of special importance for Kim.
3. Yardwork.
Mowing, trimming, planting, pruning. Even making sure he knows to call the utility company hotline before digging.
4. Laundry.
Kim has always handled the laundry in our home—or at least for as long as I can remember. She’s been very intentional, especially this year, about showing Salem how to launder not just his own clothes, but the clothes of anyone in his future home.
5. Iron.
Ironing has always been my gig. Someone showed me how to properly iron in college and I’ve been hooked ever since. So we wanted to show the how (and why) of not living life in wrinkly clothes.
6. Emergency Car Repairs
Mechanics is not my thing. But emergency car repairs, those things that can happen on the side of the road away from help, are essential to know. How to jumpstart a dead battery, how to change a tire, how to read dashboard warning lights, and what to do in a collision. If we didn’t live in Phoenix, I’d also add how to drive in the snow/ice, and what to do if your car gets stuck.
7. Simple Home Repairs
Home repair is also not a skill in my repertoire—never in my life have I considered removing a wall to open up a room. But there are a few simple home repairs that I believe my son and daughter should be able to accomplish in their future home. This is not an exhaustive list, but among the specific repairs: how to unclog a drain, replace light fixtures, shut off water, replace a garbage disposal, reset breakers, hang decorations, fix a leaky sink.
8. Painting
There are very few things that refresh a home quicker and less expensively than painting the walls. And it’s one of the only home improvements we’ve made in every new home we’ve moved into. So we put it on the list to make sure our kids know how to do it well.
9. Personal Finance
There are technical skills to teach: how to write a check, how to balance a checkbook, how a credit card works, how compound interest works, etc. But there are also life skills and worldviews to consider when it comes to personal finance: opportunity cost, why to budget, living below your means, giving, saving, and the life-giving benefits of buying only what you need.
10. Shopping
Related to personal finance, how to shop wisely is an essential ingredient. It’s important to know not just what to buy, but how to buy. So Kim put this on the life skills list and I’m glad she thought to include it. How to shop for groceries, how to shop for clothes, and how to shop for essentials.
11. Dating
Thinking primarily of my son as he graduates high school, I want to know I’ve taught him how to be a gentleman in both courtship and a dating relationship. I also want him to know what relational qualities are important to develop and what qualities to look for in a spouse.
12. Faith
I don’t write much about my faith here on this blog, but my Christian faith has and will continue to be important to me. And I want it to be important to my kids. So we were sure to add to our list, not just an understanding of our faith, but also the life skills for them to pursue it on their own.
I don’t necessarily publish this list because I think it’s the exact list you need for your own family. But I do think it’s important that we are intentional as parents—not just in providing a loving home for our children but also in preparing them for life on their own. Our goal is to launch him into adulthood prepared and an asset to society.
This is the list of 12 life skills we’ve been working off of the last year as our son prepares to leave home. And I encourage you to create your own (or steal ours).
Michele says
Great article! They had a course called ‘Consumers Education’ when I was in high school. It taught many of these skills. Especially important was developing good credit and balancing a checking account. I had my first charge card when I was 16 (co-signed by my dad).
Linda Faye Deneau says
Thank you, Joshua, for this article. I have shared it with several in my family as a reminder. I taught my four children almost from the time they could walk how to do things to help out and learn for their future as an adult. A 2 year old can pick up their toys and empty small waste baskets and is happy to receive a “Yea, you did it!”. Now they are all teaching their kids and I have helped continue their learning when they visit me, their Grandma.
I liked a lot of the replies with other suggestions and I wrote them down to share with my kids as well.
One very important skill I don’t see here is to learn how to “parallel park”. This is no longer taught in Driver’s Ed and many wait until they are 18 to drive, so then they are not required to take the Course. There are still many cities where this skill is necessary. We would certainly have less scrapes, dents, and worse damages to other’s cars, not to mention the frustration of them not having this skill.
Thanks again, Joshua. Make your day Great!
Diane Quijano says
How to find your way without the use of your smart phone!
I loved the article and all the additional suggestions in the comments. I posted this article to the Facebook page of our church women’s ministry.
Linda Faye Deneau says
Yes, I agree and I have helped my kids and my adult grandkids see the value in paper maps. I get my maps at AAA with my membership and one time in particular having one with me may have saved my life and my granddaughter’s who had recently turned 18. We got lost, after dark, because her Cell Phone directions took us the wrong direction. She could not read the map and there was no safe place for me to stop. We even crossed over a bridge in the middle of nowhere. I could not even find a place to turn around. There were no signs! I admit we were scared. But I prayed out loud for our safety. We ended up in a dangerous area after driving for about an hour with no well lite places to even stop. I pulled into the first place we did see because we needed to use their facilities. I explained to her: “We go in, stay close together, find their restroom, do not make eye contact, don’t touch anything, don’t look around, and we leave quickly.” Before we got out of the car, we prayed again for our safety. Finally, I was able to look at my paper map when we got back in the car. I could see we were less than a mile from the main Highway to get us home! We were so relieved and so thankful! When I know any of my “kids” are traveling, I provide them with paper maps. It never hurts to have a back up plan to all of this technology because it does not work every time!
revbarbs says
Even in this day, I think it’s not a bad idea to learn to drive a manual transmission car. We might find ourselves in a position where we need to know, and that’s not the time to have to figure it out.
I echo basic first aid, and would add a few simple lifesaving skills: reaching and throwing a floatable object to someone in trouble in the water. Might even add a basic ability to swim, too. Nice to learn before we have children!
Lil says
Wow! You consider fixing a leaking sink a basic skill! And another thing is about a dead battery. You are awesome.
I envy your family that they have such a handy househusband.
Amy says
Great idea to develop a “life skills” list! I love what you have here and will create a list for my own daughter — she is only 12 years old but never too early to start learning these skills. I would add the skill of becoming an educated and engaged voter as well. Take the time to learn about the issues and candidates so you can make an informed choice. But it’s also okay to skip over issues/elections that you don’t feel you know enough about to make an informed choice! And don’t be afraid to ask questions about anything you don’t understand!
Stacy says
Where’s the like button. Yes!
Nicola says
I came to say ‘basic sewing skills’ as well, but I see others have beaten me to it.
The other thing that I think is worthwhile for ‘adulting’, as the kids say, is basic first aid & CPR. Especially once you have children, as kids are always having little (or sometimes not so little) accidents. Some first aid knowledge goes a long way to being able to stay calm in the situation and take the right action – even if that’s just knowing that the issue is beyond your skill level and the best option is just to call an ambulance.
Jo says
Absolutely wonderful! Great list for all ages, in case parents forgot/weren’t there/or someone needs a refresher.
Kudos to you and your wife!
Heather says
Thanks very much for sharing this excellent list. All very good points, you both sound like very good, thoughtful, responsible parents who, I have no doubt, have done a great job in raising your children. Thank you.
Cheryl says
Excellent list! If more of our young people had these skills under their belts, I believe they would be healthier and happier! I’m sure your son will do wonderfully well after his graduation.