Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Yuko Henden of Clutterless.
Decluttering seems to be all the rage. On the news, in social media, and during casual conversation, we hear more and more about people downsizing, KonMari-ing, and simplifying their lives.
The idea is a good one. So you decide to get on the bandwagon.
You borrow a couple of how-to-declutter books from the local library and scan through them, then buy a package of heavy-duty garbage bags and start attacking your clutter on Saturday at 9:00 am.
By the afternoon, you have garbage bags, donation bags, and even pieces of furniture lined up by your front entrance ready to leave the house for good.
You’re exhausted, but in a good way. You feel lighter and uplifted.
…
Fast-forward several months into the future. The afterglow of decluttering has faded. You still maintain that getting rid of the clutter was an excellent idea, but can’t cite a reason other than, “My right pinky toe is injury-free since I got rid of that ugly coffee table.”
Maybe you are even beginning to feel a bit uneasy living in a home with empty spaces. You feel a bit empty inside as well.
Your thoughts may be followed with even more questions, “What’s wrong with me? I thought this was going to feel only wonderful. Why do I feel this way? Was getting rid of my clutter a bad idea?”
Take heart. You are not alone. The decluttering process can be difficult at times. Let’s consider the reasons why:
Change is Unsettling
We like the familiar, and changes often produce stress. You have not moved, but your clutter-free home is a new environment. You will feel uneasy until you adjust to it.
Don’t give in to the urge to buy new things to make your place cozy. Any non-essential items you buy right now are likely to end up as tomorrow’s clutter. If you want to stop the vicious circle of decluttering, fight the urge to shop.
The Guilt
As you decluttered, did you feel a bit of guilt letting some of the stuff go? I sure felt it when I hauled a bag full of clothes that my mother sent me, which I didn’t feel like wearing, to the closest consignment store.
High-quality accessories, expensive tools, gifts from your loved ones—it’s sad to let go of things that you have some attachment to. It’s also not pleasant to think about how much they all cost.
Dusty textbooks and study material you never used—did you hear a voice inside your head say, “I’m so disappointed in you,” as you tossed them on the donations pile? Was that your voice, or your parent’s?
It’s inevitable to feel some degree of guilt when you declutter. When you do, remember that you cannot change the past, but you can learn from it.
After awhile the guilt will begin to fade. Until it does, use it as motivation to remind you when a change in your environment was so important.
Feeling exposed
You felt great when you slipped into the pair of five-inch, black stilettos. But they wrecked your back and knees, so you wisely got rid of them.
But now, perhaps, you don’t know how to feel confident and sexy without them. You feel so incomplete. You don’t feel good about yourself.
Fight the urge to go out and buy physical products that were substituting for your self-confidence. Learn how to be more confident without buying more.
Things can’t heal you and they can’t soothe you in the long run. Get to the root of the issue. Find confidence in who you are and choose happiness. That contentment is longer-lasting… and leads to much lower credit card payments.
Decluttering didn’t solve your problems
Some people are reporting incredibly positive outcomes from decluttering, such as losing weight and finding their true calling (actually, that was me). Certainly you hoped it would change your life too.
But that epiphany never came, and now you feel duped.
Hang in there. I can’t tell you how or how fast, but the change will come if don’t give in to a yo-yo diet style of decluttering—i.e., endlessly alternating between purging and shopping.
It takes some time, but you will begin to realize that your clutter was acting as a security blanket. And without it, you may feel uncomfortable… and when you are uncomfortable, you will start questioning.
Questioning takes time, but it is good. Focused self-reflection leads to new ideas, self-discoveries, and changes in attitudes and perspectives. It won’t happen overnight. But remain hopeful and stay positive.
Decluttering physical clutter is the first step towards a simpler life, and it’s often a gateway to a further personal transformation. Ultimately, decluttering is about knowing yourself better so you can make the most of your life.
After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.
These changes take time and effort.
Please remember that you started decluttering to improve your life. Remember to enjoy the results of your hard labor, such as easier cleaning and organizing, reduced maintenance, more space to do whatever your heart desires, and more time for fun.
Eventually, you’ll learn to love your clutter-free space and all the rewards that come with it.
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Yuko Henden blogs at Clutterless where she helps people tidy up your workspace and work processes so they can focus on the most important things in life.
Jack Scarr says
My fiancé and I purchased our first house last year. When we moved into our house we also brought 3 years worth of stuff from the 4 apartments/3 cities we lived in prior. The past two months we have been decluttering and prioritizing our possessions as we embark on some house renovations this coming summer. What worked best for me was 1) pick a day and literally just go through garbage. Receipts you don’t need, birthday cards from 10 years ago, broken things you never actually plan on fixing. This alone felt great. The house looked the same since I run a rather clean ship, but I knew there was less unnecessary stuff everywhere. A few weeks later I decided to go through my clothes and our outdoor gear collection. Every few weeks I would gravitate to getting rid of just a few bags at a time. I found doing this gradually and being able to adjust to the empty spaces and only having what I truly need/want around was easy. As far as personal effects/mementos, I have a dark cherry chest I store my “treasures” in and because they are housed in a functional way I don’t feel bad keeping everything special from my family. Anything I was unsure of whether I truly should get rid of, I put in a bag in the spare room for a few weeks and if I open the bag and realize I didn’t miss/think of anything that was in the bag it was gone. Minimalism doesn’t mean getting rid of everything you own so I hope people who get on board with this “lifestyle”, I prefer to call it perspective, don’t feel pressured to get rid of everything they own just to say they are a Minimalist.
Naomi Alexander says
I have a tip for those who have decluttered but then feel their home/wardrobe is a bit sparce, or simply miss buying stuff (clothes, ornaments etc) – Get things from charity shops.
I do this a lot with clothes: I buy something, wear it a couple of times (unless it turns out to be a real favourite) and then donate back to a different charity shop.
I’m not really one for too many nick-nacks but if you’re someone who likes to decorate and change around your pictures, ornaments or even furniture – get it from charity (not new) as this helps raise funds and also stops the mass consumerism, and the guilt of how-much-it-cost-it-to-buy in the first place.
Rick Pau says
After all, the first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don’t.
This is going on the fridge right now!
Alexis says
I am in the process of de-cluttering. I am good about getting rid of things but our lives have changed quite a bit in the past five years. My youngest child is in high school and we have changed our interests and hobbies so it was time for a thorough cleaning and organizing and purging. The main reason I wanted to de-clutter was stress. I am so tired of taking so much time to clean and feel like I am getting nowhere. I want a clean house and I want to spend my time with my family and the activities I love. On the first day of cleaning I found three baby blankets on a shelf in my laundry room and I worried over these blankets for two days. I didn’t need them so I should just get rid of them, right? After two days I went back to my main goal. Less stress, more time to do the things I really love and I realized that the baby blankets weren’t getting in the way of that. There are hundreds (thousands?) of items that are keeping me from that goal but the blankets were not part of that. The baby blankets stayed in the box in the laundry room and I got rid of eight, 13 gallon trash sacks of bedding, towels, etc. and gave it to our animal shelter along with a car load of household items to the charity shop.
Lisa says
I have read and re-read this blog post a few times. It speaks to my heart. I’ve spent the past year and a half going through my own stuff, via the Kon Mari process. In the middle of it, I had tons of my late mom’s to sort through and well, she never sorted most of her parents’, my late grandparents’ stuff. Ugh! So, triple whammy of grief! As I finish up sentimental with my own stuff doing the Kon Mari process, I’m having a hard time. I feel like I’ve made so many mistakes in my life and now, I feel I have to suffer in order to pay for them. Isn’t that wild? I have a history of abuse, being shamed and blamed for stuff. So…I get to heal that too. How fun. I’m getting counseling, but all of this has been overwhelming. At times, I feel like my life is just going to get worse and I don’t deserve for it to get better or to live my callings.
Sapana V says
Actually, de-cluttering is miserable. Thanks for sharing such useful tips.
Ludvig Hallberg says
People who feel bad often try to find ways to feel better. Minimalism is a great way to live but it is not the solution to everything. Often getting rid of things is prioritized over getting rid of obligations. To limit the number of commitments you are involved in are vital. Learn how to say no at work at chose one thing outside work that you want to involve yourself in. It is hard to say no but in the long run it will benefit you much more.
Allison says
Guilt of de-cluttering is definitely my biggest issue. Sometimes I just feel too guilty throwing something away or donating it, because it used to belong to someone in my family (even if I know I will have no use for it ever again). So recently I’ve taken to refurbishing some of the furniture that was just sitting in my basement so I can actually use it and at least organizing all my little trinkets so I know what I have.
Great post!
Cheryl@Uncluttered Simplicity says
For years I yo-yo decluttered. Eventually, I found my “groove” and never looked back. I have never been uncomfortable with the empty space created by my purging. My husband on the other hand…It freaked him out at first! Maybe he was worried I would just spend more money and replace everything I got rid of. In the wake of decluttering 80% of my stuff, my brain is clearer than ever AND I’ve rediscovered my love of writing!
Cally says
I LOVE this post! It’s EXCELLENT ! I have so emotions swirling around me and start the process to declutter, I then stop! I fear that perhaps I’ll need it one day or it’s too sentimental!
I can get rid of the obvious such as outdated clothes, expired products, but my process comes to a halt then!
Feel frustrated and such a failure.