First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Mujahid says
“the bottom line is, the other income usually buys the excess, and actually doesn’t buy any progress.”
– thanks Joesph, and thanks Joshua for a great post.
AlexM says
My job will be going part-time in the near future so we have been trying to bank my earnings. What I will miss is the tremendous amount we save for retirement each pay period. However, I rationalize it by thinking that by saving more now, I compensate for saving less in the future.
But the hard part is the human tendency to cling to the familiar — being familiar with a job, the income level, the benefits. And that clinging is part fear which makes it hard to envision the one-income future without some sort of anxiety. So, I am working on that. But that mindset is by far the *hardest* part for me in facing the consideration of going to a reduced or one-income lifestyle.
What is so wrong about what I am feeling is that we’ve made conscious and successful steps to move in that direction. But letting go is hard!
Dan Garner says
“Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings”
This is my goal – to live off of one income and invest the other. Neither my wife nor I plan on quitting our jobs anytime soon. My work I seasonal and I’m fine with that. I would to use the second income to give to charity and save for the future.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Dan @ ZenPresence.com
Holly says
My husband and I also decided to live on one income when we got married. He stays home with our two young children while I go to work. We followed your blueprint: always banked his income, one modest car (I commute by train), no mortgage (we are renters still). We find it completely worthwhile to have him at home.
Julie says
Great post. For a variety of reasons we were a two-income family when our kids were at home (some related to my husband’s health problems), but we have become a one-income family in the past few years when my husband was forced to retire for health reasons. This was a pro-active decision on our part — because he is not fully disabled, he does not qualify for disability. And he still has several years to go before qualifying for SS early retirement. However, we decided to become a single-income family rather than compromise his quality of life. When he retired nearly five years ago he was facing yet another major surgery. We’ve managed to postpone that surgery by simply modifying his daily lifestyle. This change has also given him the time to focus on physical therapy, which helps his health problems. He is active in our church and in our community. It’s not a choice for everyone, as you point out, but being a single-income family does not have to mean the end of a happy, sustainable lifestyle. And I too work in the non-profit world.
Daniel says
Hi Joshua, thanks for this great post. This is something I’m trying to show my wife the benefits for a long time and your experience gave me more than what I was looking for.
Thanks a lot!
TB at BlueCollarWorkman says
My wife and I decided before we married to be one-income while raising our girls. I make very little as a blue collar guy, but we make it work. My wife budgets like a wiz and I stick to her budget. It’s amazing how creative you can get with budgeting and finding freebies when you put your mind to it. It can be done! Accepting not having mutliple cars and toys helps, too. A lot.
Cullen Carter says
BlueCollarWokman,
Single car families are a rarity nowadays. I ‘m curious how you make it work. Do you ride your bike as transportation? Walk?
Christopher Storer says
Your neighborhood can have a strong influence on whether or not you can truly pull off the one-car scenario. I’m fortunate enough to live along a bike path AND a bus route, but when it comes to living normal life, the streets can handle bikes perfectly well. My 8.5 mile bike commute can be done in 45 minutes (I’m not in great shape, so I cruise along) on ordinary roads. There are bike trailers to hold children and/or groceries; really, if you’re creative, you can find anything in a bike-friendly format. I have an engineer friend in Connecticut who picked up a MATTRESS using a bike and a custom trailer!
If you force yourself to find creative solutions to not having the car for a day, a week, etc., the creative solutions start to just sound logical. I let myself keep the car as a crutch, and experimented with the bus, the bike, traveling in cold weather, keeping the car to give me the option, if I ran out of ideas. But after about three months, I found my family could manage the single car as a resource, some days you have it, some days you don’t, and when you don’t, you bike to the park or to work. And then one day I sold it to a friend because I never used it.
It’s a good model for experimental minimalism, if there is such a thing. Explore what life would be like without that thing you think you need, and perhaps you’ll find that the world continues to spin without it :)
Sarah T. says
We are a 1-van family of 6. Our 2nd vehicle broke down on a cross-country move, got sold for parts, and hasn’t been replaced. Well, it was replaced with a bike. We bought our house a mile from work/school. Most days the hubs bikes to work. We haven’t hit the cold and snow yet, so we’ll see how that works, but with a short commute, a winter walk or extra 2 trips down the road isn’t the end of the world. Still cheaper than buying another vehicle, paying for tags, registration, and insurance.
I like the perspective of not thinking/worrying/coveting what you don’t have. Just accept it for what it is. Same for not having an iPhone or other “needs” some people have.
Karen T. says
My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and for all but the first four (before kids) we’ve lived on one income. He uses a bike to commute to work (used to be 7 miles each way, but we moved this year and now it’s a bit less than 5 miles each way) — on rainy days if I need to have the car that day I drive him to work and pick him up. I try to keep errands, doctor appointments, etc. to two particular days a week so I don’t HAVE to have the car other days. If I make plans to meet a friend for lunch or to do something else out of the ordinary, he rides. It’s worked out very well, as long as we remember to cooperate and communicate as a team (and isn’t that part of what marriage is about?).
It’s true we have a smaller house than other members of our family and most of his colleagues (he’s a 6th grade teacher), but we don’t have debt and we’ve lived the way we wanted to. I homeschooled our kids all the way through high school (the last started college this fall), and we’ve created a “family culture” that we have loved. I wouldn’t trade what we’ve had just to have a few more toys. And BTW, I think I’ve personally had a lot less stress NOT trying to juggle a job and a husband and kids and a house and church and friends and whatever. I know some women prefer that constant feeling of . . . well, I’ll call it “challenge,” and many women just don’t have the choice not to work, but I’m thankful Jon and I made that choice when we were first married.
Jxm says
We’re a homeschooling family of four, soon to be five, and since the first three months after our marriage we’ve been single income, one car. Its not as hard as it seems. On days I need the car, we get up and drive my husband to work. He only works 15 minutes away, so that helps. Other days, we just deal wit staying home. I do grocery runs n the evenings or while the kids are at activities. I’m so used to it now, I probably wouldn’t use another car if we had one!
Joseph Ratliff says
Joshua,
As someone who has lived on “both sides of the fence,” I can say for certain that for me and my family… one income is the way to go.
Without writing 300 pages on the subject… the bottom line is, the other income usually buys the excess, and actually doesn’t buy any progress.
Yeah, being married for 20 years, we’ve had our “rough patches.” Sure, we’ve had times where a LITTLE bit more money would have helped.
But overall, we’ve survived those tough times together as a family, and have become a stronger family as a result. Also, overall, once you cut out the excess, it is quite possible to live one much less than you think.
Scary at first, but worth it for us… I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
joshua becker says
Thanks Joseph. I appreciate what you add to this conversation.
I didn’t write this post to argue for one side or the other – there are just too many variables that need to be considered in each unique family. I wrote it as encouragement that it’s possible for those desiring to pursue it. That being said, your thoughts on the second income “buying the excess, and not progress” can be a helpful distinction for those still debating.
Joseph Ratliff says
Oh, I totally agree with that Joshua.
I’m certainly not trying to “convince” anyone one way or the other myself. I just wanted to add some perspective from someone who has been in both places.
When we had a double income, we found that our second income was mostly drained paying expenses needed to generate that income (e.g. daycare, transportation, etc…). But, with that said, we did end up with extra income… and that was helpful at times.
I suppose anyone debating will want to consider their investment of time and energy required to generate that income… and their return on that.
You’re right, there are a number of variables to consider Joshua… and it took us quite awhile to consider them. :)
ChubblyWubbly says
I agree with you completly in that the other income actually buys excess and not necessarily any progress.
My husband and I have been married 3 years and we have always been a single income unit despite the fact that we do not have kids yet. It works extremely well for us but other people are suprisingly critical.
Shannon says
I really what you said, Joshua! What a great point about the other income only buying the excess! I believe many of us get to a point of just spoiling ourselves and I feel that’s what my family has done over the years. There have been other occasions where we have asked ourselves how we would afford something (new home/first child’s daycare expenses) and have always managed. We have decided that I will begin staying at home and I know we will adjust to not having my income. I needed to hear, well, rather…read that others have felt scared at first like we do but that it has made your family stronger and been a good decision. I appreciate your honesty and will remember that most of the “stuff” we will miss is just that. Stuff. :)
kathryn_dayle says
Returning to work for a year after our first child was born was difficult, as we both worked factory shift work.At that point we decided to have me stay home.During this time I did work part time as a cashier, which revolved around my husband’s schedule. By the time the other children were born, I didn’t work outside the home, but I did provide childcare for neighbours.
As much as this income did help, if I had to do this over, and the knowledge I have now, I would not have provided child care for others. I would have concentrated on just our family, and reduced our expenses in other ways. It is very stressful, caring for other children.
If possible, I would suggest paying off your home as quickly as possible, before you have children.We took advantage of all the overtime we could.
Every Saturday, we made it a family affair to go yardsaling. The kids each received a small amount of money and they got amazing bargains for toys.We used this to reduce our home expenses, on clothes and other ‘finds’.
Don’t think of cutting back as denying yourself. Whatever you want, find a way to get it cheaply or free. Sometimes just waiting for it, makes it all that much better.
If you have the option of a smaller house, in exchange for a larger peice of property, consider it. This gives the kids more space to play outside, grow a garden and possibly raise chickens, for eggs.
Brian Knoblauch says
I’m all for going to one income, but my wife doesn’t agree… She wants to work as she gets very bored at home. Unfortunately, her income is very low and job situation quite unstable. My job’s fairly stable and pays better, but I’ve got a zillion things I could be doing if I wasn’t at work all the time… So, we’re sort of stuck for the moment. Maybe later on in life as we continue to downsize our possessions and commitments. :-)
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comment Brian. The decision certainly needs to be mutual and made in cooperation with both spouses.
Stacy says
I was full in wanting to be a stay at home of my twin boys. My boys were about 1.5yrs when i realized I really needed to do something more and get myself out of the house. I have started up my own Consultant business and it has been incredible. I work very minimal hours and only when I want to- usually around my hubbies schedule. Would your wife consider something like this? I am now bringing in as much as I was working a very fulltime job in sales and working only about 10-15 hrs a week- alot of those hours still able to be home. So I am still home full time with my boys and get to get out a couple of nights a week and am connected to an amazing group of women online. Something to think about and I would be happy to provide more information… always looking to grow my team ;)
stephanie says
I work in sales right now as a personal banker and i am looking to eventually settle down and have a family as well. what kind of consulting do you do??
Shannon Fonseca says
Hi Stacy,
My husband and I have recently decided that it is best for our family for me to stay at home. I have a four-year-old daughter and 2 month old son. :) I have put the numbers in black and white and I know we can do it but for obvious reasons, it such a scary decision as the unknown is quite intimidating. I am sure you and your family probably experienced similar feelings when deciding this. I would love to have information regarding your business! I feel that I am an independent enough woman who would like to still contribute something to our family’s income yet follow our dream of caring for our children. I do hope my email address shows up for you but just in case, it is sunflouwer@kc.surewest.net
Thank you! I look forward to hearing from you! ~Shannon
Samantha says
Great post. Although I am a single I fully believe being a stay at home mum can be done and is a job worth doing
Joanne says
I struggle very hard with this right now. Especially with increase in medical costs, paying for preschool, life insurance ,etc. I don’t know how a family of 4 lives off one income. It makes me feel unhappy.