First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Kevin McGrane says
Yes; very do-able. Not easy, but do-able. My wife and I went to one income with our first child, who had medical issues and required very specific care for quite a while. (She’s fine now.) My wife stayed home and I worked for a paycheck. Our other two children got the same attention, though they were healthy: one parent stayed home for a couple of years while the other brought home a check. It was a bit countercultural then, like now, but we thought it a saner lifestyle. We were right. Blessings to all families considering this step! ;-)
Melanie says
A great post Joshua. I would also encourage mums/mums-to-be to consider ways of earning at home – for example I am a childminder in the UK. We moved areas when I was pregnant so I didn’t have a job to go back to and my friend suggested childminding. A bit like providing daycare at home, or being a nanny/au pair in your own house. I have two additional children each day (my daughter’s friends) so I have three two year olds to look after most days. It has brought in around £10,000 per year ($14-15,000) and has allowed me to spend all day every day with my daughter. Some friends have supplemented their part-time income by doing things similar to Avon sales too. I get annoyed when people make out that I’m lucky that I get to spend my time with my daughter. We all have choices to make, and I’ve chosen to take a significant pay cut in order to be there for my daughter. I hope to reduce the days I have other children here, and the minimalist approach is going to help enormously with that. Thanks Joshua!
Andrea says
how about encouraging one of the parents to “consider ways of earning at home” not necessarily the mum. Bit sexist to be telling mums to stay home and not dads, actually very sexist.
Christine Schmeer says
I agree! So completely sexist to assume that only the mother is able to provide good care at home and only the father can earn an income elsewhere. Not to mention it completely disregards same sex relationships.
Vanessa says
Any advice for a working mom that desires to be at home even though her kids are grown? Some folks view it as crazy to want to stay at home to be a Housewife.
Andrea says
Here’s the best advice you’re gonna get: Don’t. Yes it is crazy to want to stay at home to be a housewife what is this the 15th century? You shouldn’t waste your talents and gifts locked up in a house playing slave. Live your own life, don’t leave a life through your husband’s life you will regret it. There’s nothing like being useful both in the house and outside the house contributing to the world making and spending your own money going out with the girls to watch the game and knowing that you spent the money you earned not some allowance your husband gives you like you’re his kid.
Erin says
If she desires to be a housewife, who are we to assume she wouldn’t be fulfilled or using her talents? Perhaps she is a fantastic cook or gardener. Or a myriad of other things. Working for a paycheck is not the only way to use one’s talents or be useful to the world.
Please do whatever makes you happy and works for your marriage. And ignore what anyone else thinks.
Amanda says
Hi, thanks for the article! Any ideas on types of part time jobs for moms?
Karen says
We did the exact same thing. Early into my relationship even before we were married we lived on one income despite having two so the transition to one income when children came along was easier to cope with. We didn’t really know any different. We still have the same seven year old car we bought when our first child is born and I have since started my own business as a part time thing but we are still mainly living off one income and so glad that we did.
Laura says
We’re a one-income household, and our income is only about $15,000/year. It’s do-able, like you said, if you make it a decision. But MAN! I wish I would’ve had the advice of living off of one income while we were still kid-less. We could’ve seen how drastically we needed to alter our spending, and it would have cushioned the financial blow when our little gremlin got here :) Thanks for the post. It’s always nice to read your blog!
Amber says
GREAT post! We, too, lived off one income from the beginning of our marriage. We thought we would have children shortly thereafter but because of infertility, we had that second income much longer than expected. We continued saving it though and now, many years later, we are still reaping the benefits. Now that we have three small children, our goal has become to remain a one-income family, but split between two people so we both enjoy the best of both worlds. Here’s to making it happen!
Karen says
That is our next aim too, splitting the one income between the two of us :) Good luck!
Marilyn says
One thing to think about if you are considering going to one income is that we often tend to spend as much (or 10% more) as we earn. What I mean by this is that people will have financial struggles no matter what. I wish I had stayed at home longer with my little ones who are all grown up now. Really, that is the only true regret I have. It’s all turned out just fine, but I really cheated myself!
Heidi M says
We’ve been 1 income for just over 13 years too and we now have 3 children ages 5, 10, and 12! Nothing has been better for us. We are grounded, frugal, and we live in a small home but it is full of love. Our income was less than 18K a year when we had our first child! I cannot believe we survived on what we did but we made it and had everything we needed plus things we wanted. It is not so hard. Now we have a much larger income but we still live simply.
Heidi M says
PS for our fam of 5 I spend $50 a week on food! Coupons and a great knowledge of cooking helps. I learned to can and grow a big garden too!
Victoria Brauer says
Thank you for posting this! My husband and I live on one income, so that I can raise our daughter full-time. It’s definitely worth it and living simply has made it so much easier to do. We were a little nervous in the beginning, but once we discovered minimalism, we realized we didn’t need so much.
Caroline says
I would love to work part time (I still have a career I am pursuing and I enjoy a schedule) but we look at the finances and don’t know how we could pull it off. I swear we are pretty darn good with our finances. We have a lot invested in retirement and we budget ( first year and still a work in progress). Our biggest expenses are my education loans, mortgage, and daycare. My husband makes 36,000.
Anita says
I have just recently become a SAHM. I feel we are better off already no day care bills is a big saving. I am studying at the moment and have more time to spend with my children after school, my partner has been fantastic and we pay small amounts into our monthly bills each week which helps alot, and only spend $100 per week on groceries and we are a family of six. If you want to be a SAHM it is truly posssible you just need to be vigilent with spending and everything else will fall into place.
Daphne says
I need your tricks on lowering grocery bills! We are a family of four and spend nearly $1000 a month on food. Average weekly spending is $200. We eat nearly all organic, and don’t spend time in the middle aisles. I always shop the perimeter. I’m not a coupon clipper, but maybe I should be? It’s tough because I want to continue to feed my family healthy foods, and not crap.