First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Luci says
When my husband and I decided to have children we struggled with how to care for our sons and still keep our careers in science. We both worked part time in the same office and shared a job. We split the job by working alternate days. We did not work on the same projects we did not write with the same pencil but we both kept our credentials and contributed to the mission of the agency, we also each had time with the kids and could face their problems together as parents who really knew them. They didn’t have a Mr. Mom, they had a Mom and a Dad who had time for them, days at a time. We didn’t wait to retire to get to know them, we didn’t sacrifice years of college and graduate school. We didn’t have to retrain or lose years of seniority. We will work into our mid seventies, but we have lived life while we are alive. It is worth it.
Luci says
Sorry for the duplicate post. I’m not experienced at this. I rarely comment on others posts.
Luci says
When Mm husband and I decided to have children, we struggled with how to not lose the careers both of us loved and were very successful in. We decided to each work part-time, with one of us home one day with the kids and one the next. Total of 10 days every two weeks split into 2 parts. We had supportive bosses and raised 3 beautiful boys. It wasnt easy living on one paycheck (half each) but both of us kept our credentials current and our skill intact while still giving our kids Mommy and Daddy days. This went on thru their high school years.We will work until our mid-seventies now, but neither of us are burned out in our careers and we had time with our children when they were young and had time for us. OUr kids talk to us when they hurt and when they are happy. I am not waiting till I retire so I can play with my kids.
Suzanne Pontius says
Josh–This is a good post. When our kids were young, I was a stay-at-home mom. It was great for the kids. My husband made 1/3 more than he does now. I have worked part time for 13 years and would like to “retire” and concentrate on things that are important to me, including a part time home business. But my income is necessary to pay our bills. The home business is not a steady income. We need to get out of debt and stop spending money. Difficult. Where to start?
Betty Winslow says
My husband and I raised four kids and put them all through private school, on a blue collar salary, with some odd jobs that I did from time to time that fit into the school schedule. It took a lot of budgetting, thrift shopping, cooking from scratch, and doing without, but it was so worth it.
Lisa says
We are a two income family and live a life full of stress. We have about thirty thousand dollars of credit card debt. Where do we even start? We live paycheck to paycheck. It’s horrible!
kathryn_dayle says
First of all, you are seeking help, and that is the first step :)
Google frugal living and you will find lots of amazing tips.
Keep a diary of everything that is spent by the family.
This will show you very quickly where you are overspending.Sometimes people think, well “it” is only $5. However, these small purchases very quickly add up.
Take your lunch to work and a thermos. You may feel weird at first, but just think of the money you are saving. Chances are your lunch tastes better, and is healthier.
Cut back on your groceries and entertainment (cigs,alcohol,restaurants/fast food).
Consider what you are putting in your grocery cart. Are you paying $2.00 + for a loaf of bread? Buy a second hand bread maker, and make it for pennies. Buy a jar of yeast, and not packets.Are you buying expensive cuts of meat, and each person is getting a huge portion? The trouble is many people don’t know what a serving of meat is. It is the size of the palm of the person eating it.
You like yogurt? Buy a large container and put them in reusable single serve containers. Same with juice and water. Samdwich meat can be expensive. Consider buying a roast, cook and slice that, and use that instead.
Pay as much as you can on credit cards each month.Doesn’t matter if it is you highest balance or highest interest rate.Just do it.
Give yourself 1-2 years to work really hard on paying off debt.Cut back on everything your can.Tell family you cannot afford to spend as much on presents. Take cheap vacations, if you need to take one.(camping vs hotels)
Laurie says
I guess one aspect I wanted to add to this conversation is around earning an income from home. 4 years ago, with two little girls (1 and 3), we were looking to simplify our lives. At the time we didn’t think of it as minimalism, but that is where our true joy is found now.
We began with a goal to have me(mom) be home full time, dedicated to raising our children. It grew into a desire to spend more time as a family. I feel so grateful we were able to find a way to work from home earning a great income. Going minimal for us is also about quality of life. We choose to have less stuff, more security and more focus on the time we are able to spend together, instead of the time maintaining our “stuff.”
3 months ago, we got rid of lots of things we didn’t need, put everything else in storage and decided to simply focus on, our business we do together, working with other families who want the same thing. We focus on time as a family, activities and fun as well as savings.
I am in love with YNAB money software and IPhone ap. make it effortless to plan and track our money.
I find the less stuff we have and the clearer we are about what is important to us, the more joy we experience. I used to think that people who had less, we’re less happy. I used to think that if I had less, I would surely be even more unhappy than I wise while pursuing stuff.
Now I feel, like less is definitely more. I am filled with Joy.
GoddessMel says
The concept of living on one income before you ‘need’ to is a good one. My husband and I have essentially been doing this for the past 2 years while he a) got settled back into work after being made redundant and b) paid of debts from his small business using the income he was now earning. We have lived off my income – which is a median public sector salary with no extra benefits – for a little over 12 months now. The business debts and husband’s credit card are now fully paid. We will continue to live on my income and save his to put towards our first home. After 2 decades together it will nice to finally feel we can reach this goal after years of struggling, conflicting priorities and no plan :)
Sherri says
Great post! I have been a stay at home mom for 3 years now. It has not been easy financially, but it has worked. I would not change a thing!!
Joanne says
I’m struggling with this. I need more ideas on how to save off living off one income. Stay home and not go anywhere? I feel like that’s what it’s coming down to. We pay for more than average costs. High utilities, private preschool, student loan, life insurance are the biggies. And living in the country so driving further into town.
kathryn_dayle says
Is private schooling really necessary? I went to public school and think I turned out ok (actually better than ok).
Are you still shopping at the same stores you always did, or are you willing to buy less, or different brands?
Why do you have high utlities?Can you reduce the use of a/c or heating?
Really, it isn’t all that hard to reduce expenses, but you need to have a positive attitude.
For groceries, find out when your stores have their reduced sales.Our local store reduces their produce at 2 pm everyday. This week we got some amazing deals.A cooked chicken for $3.15(reg $10.50) 4 pizza slabs @ 70 cents each (reg $7.99 each) large tub coleslaw $1.79 (reg $7.99)and lots more. Some we used within a couple of days, and the rest we froze for later.
We also housesit when we want to travel. In exchange for looking after pets, we get free accommodation.
Sydney says
Our family life has changed since going from two incomes (total of 160K income per year) to one income (70K income per year). I’m the stay-at-home mom now, I used to be an engineer with a great job and great coworkers. Now I’m lonely oftentimes and feel judged by others. We live in a rental house that is far less nice than what I’d imagined we would live in. But I have embraced the minimalist lifestyle over the last couple of years and that helps with finances. Our home life is significantly less stressful, and I do cherish the fact that I’m getting to know my three kids really well. I like that we are less busy, but I do miss the income, friendship, and accomplishments that accompanied my career.