“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.” —Mandy Hale
There are two pursuits common to humanity: the pursuit of self and the pursuit of happiness.
The pursuit of self comes quite natural for us. We don’t need to be reminded to pursue our own self-interests. It seems we are hard-wired for it. We pursue self-survival, self-promotion, self-actualization, and self-exaltation.
Similarly, the pursuit of happiness is not foreign to our thinking. In fact, it has become an entire industry all to itself. Books, websites, conferences, scientific studies, blog posts… you can find them all.
Now, just to be clear, I am not against the pursuit of self-interests and I am not against the pursuit of happiness.
There is value in self-pursuit—survival at the very least. And the pursuit of happiness is not an unhealthy pursuit. It can even be found in the founding documents of our nation.
But we make a mistake when we combine and confuse the two.
When we try to satisfy our pursuit of happiness in the pursuit of self, we always fall short of the truest, most-lasting forms of happiness.
The pursuit of self and the pursuit of happiness are not the same. In fact, at times, they run completely opposite routes.
The best efficient pathway to lasting happiness and fulfillment is not to look only at your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
When we begin living our lives for the sake of others, our lives immediately take on greater value. We no longer live for the benefit of one. We begin living for the benefit of more than one.
When we shift our focus off of ourselves, we live lives of greater meaning and greater contribution. When we serve others without concern over what we might receive in return, we experience the beauty of selfless love.
And when we direct our resources of time and money toward others, we begin to discover pursuits more valuable than material possessions.
This is an important change in our worldview. Not just because the potential for contribution increases, but because our personal experience of happiness begins to grow.
Routinely asking the question, “How does this action benefit someone else?” can serve as an important catalyst to change our view on almost everything we do. It immediately invites a new level of happiness into our lives.
Labor takes on new meaning when it is not seen through a self-serving lens. Rather than worrying exclusively about accolades and paychecks, we begin to see our work as a benefit to society. Most work, viewed correctly, improves the lives of others. Remembering how our labor benefits others is one of the best ways to find more fulfillment in it.
Our daily chores and errands begin to take on new meaning when viewed through the contribution we are providing for our family. When my concern is solely on me and my self-interests, housework is met with frustration and feelings of unfairness. But when I start to consider how my work around the home benefits my family, even mundane tasks can be seen as an opportunity to show love.
Even in my pursuit of personal development, I can recognize how these changes will benefit others. For example, choosing to exercise or eat well lays the foundation for a healthier, physical body. Even our decision to rest prepares our minds for more productivity or creativity to benefit others.
Let’s pursue self. And let’s pursue happiness. But let’s be increasingly mindful of our society’s tendency to equate the two. (tweet that)
Gladys (The Pinay Mom) says
For me,my pursuit of happiness is finding joy even on small things that I used to overlook before and it’s true when you give impact to others even in the smallest way,it makes your being worthwhile.
Chuck Freeman says
You comment just made me more happy Gladys!
Beau Storch says
I’ve just become interested in the Minimalist lifestyle. Your writings have given me courage to branch out. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Keep up the good work – I mean passion.
Beth says
I have been thinking about this lately. No one lives in a bubble. All of our actions and choices whether good or bad, impact someone else. It is a great reminder to be cognizant of this fact and purpose within our hearts to choose those things that are good and beneficial. As a parent, one of the greatest things I can do for my children is to be a healthy adult, spirit, soul, and body.
Curtis St. John says
I’m reminded of the story about the stone cutters:
“A man came across three masons who were working at chipping chunks of granite from large blocks. The first seemed unhappy at his job, chipping away and frequently looking at his watch. When the man asked what it was that he was doing, the first mason responded, rather curtly, “I’m hammering this stupid rock, and I can’t wait ’til 5 when I can go home.”
”A second mason, seemingly more interested in his work, was hammering diligently and when asked what it was that he was doing, answered, “Well, I’m molding this block of rock so that it can be used with others to construct a wall. It’s not bad work, but I’ll sure be glad when it’s done.”
”A third mason was hammering at his block fervently, taking time to stand back and admire his work. He chipped off small pieces until he was satisfied that it was the best he could do. When he was questioned about his work he stopped, gazed skyward and proudly proclaimed,
“I…am building a cathedral!”
Frank Richards says
Awesome article Joshua. Thank you for helping my enormously frustrating morning take a complete U-turn. You have benefitted me and my family through your work today.
Laurie Crews says
One of your previous blogs introduced me to the idea that my job, as a waitress, was adding something to other people’s lives.
I knew I enjoyed what I did, I’m good at it, and it’s financially lucrative. The turning point for me, the real blessing, was appreciating the value of offering hospitality to others.
Thank you for your encouraging words. You continue to add value to my life.
Nancy says
Laurie – I am a former restaurant owner. I hope you know you have one of the most important jobs in the world! Your caring attitude and concern for others makes you the perfect person for the job. You also have the daily opportunity to be the happiest person in the room. This shows on your face – makes me want to start another restaurant! I am now retired and using my caring in other ways. Keep up the good work. There is nothing more satisfying than showing care to others.
Lilibeth says
There was a time that I was just doing more for others and rather forget myself. ..I waa always happy about it..until the day I know that everything wasn’t just good enough for most people.i tried to justify my deeds of retreating and just ignoring from then on..where I used to lend a helping hand..but my heart says different..its feel more complete doing and continuing being there for others even when it wasn’t valued as it should be..because all that matters …now I also know it more after reading this article…
is that it makes me happy..and more complete.
I really learned more on your page.
BrownVagabonder says
I love the idea of asking the question ‘How can that benefit someone else?’ Far too often, I am caught up in the routine of only asking how will this benefit me, and only me. Not that I don’t care about others, but I am cocooned in this little shell that I have created for myself, and this causes me to stop thinking about others.
If I can bring that question into everything that I do, I know that I will be able to create a better world for the people that surround me. Thanks for the post.
Judy says
So true, Joshua. Thank you for being here for us. :)
Your blog is my “morning go-to” . I sit with my cup of coffee and just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Love it!
Linda@Creekside says
When all is said and done, life is truly worth living when we begin to grasp the truth that it’s not all about us.
Heather says
Linda,
your statement sums it up perfectly. You’re so right – it’s not all about us.
Marc says
I’ve liked your article, but I have one question: On the last paragraph you say that every action can be positive for ourselves, and I think thats write if we have a positive mindset. But I can say: I not going to do anything and eat fat but pleasurable because i have to put pleasure in my life. How to combine in a great way all the actions (productive, healthy and the others) in our lifes and having a great mindset? Thanks, you’ve really introduced me in this world of minimalism!
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comment Marc and the opportunity to clarify. What I meant to say is that even the most seemingly personal pursuits can be seen through a lens of how they benefit others. I should be quick to clarify that some decisions are not healthy and do not benefit us. And in those cases, I would argue that a decision to look out for the interests of others would compel us to make wiser, more beneficial decisions.