“I am not concerned that you have fallen. I am concerned that you arise.” —Abraham Lincoln
Life is never, always a comedy. At times, it is tragedy.
Life is experienced as a constant, never-ending shift between successes and failures—sometimes occurring within moments of one another. To be human is to fail. We know this to be true from personal experience.
We experience hardship both because of our faults and because of the faults of others.
We fail in the small things: staying on a diet, running a 5k, keeping a New Year’s resolution, or controlling clutter in our homes. We fail in the larger things: overcoming an addiction, finding employment, or holding on to an important relationship. And sometimes our failures negatively impact the rest of our lives: keeping a marriage together, persuading a child to make better choices, or overcoming a lifetime of debt.
But in each setback—whether small or large—we find opportunity for growth. And as long as a glimmer of hope remains, so do we.
Some of the most influential people in my life have cemented their legacy through their failures. This should come as no surprise. After all, some of the most inspirational stories ever written (or lived) center on personal triumph over weakness or loss. As one screen writer once told me, “If the hero in your story does not experience tragedy, the audience will never relate to him or her.”
Failure is a necessary part of life. We would be wise to allow it to change us and shape us. How then, can each of us redeem failure for good?
An Encouraging Guide to Overcoming Failure
1. We admit that we experience it. Despite the universality of failure, our world goes to great lengths to hide it. People always have and people always will. Our default position too often is to downplay our weaknesses, but those who find growth in failure begin by simply admitting its existence in their lives.
2. We recognize failure is common. And because we know all experience it, we find comfort knowing we are not alone in it.
3. We look for personal responsibility. Our initial tendency is often to blame others or uncontrollable, external factors. After all, to admit defeat is to admit defeat. But rarely are the failures in our lives entirely the responsibility of someone else. And until we take personal responsibility in some capacity, we can never move on to the next step.
4. We process our weakness. Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This holds true in both success and failure. When failure occurs, which it always will, the wisest of us journey inward to determine the cause and intentional steps we can take to learn from the experience. And in time, we learn to champion humility.
5. We let go of the factors outside our control. One of the most hope-filled moments in life is when we find the courage to let go of what we cannot change.
6. We grow through pain. We live in a society passionately committed to avoiding pain. But there is benefit to be found in discomfort. While I would never encourage anybody to intentionally seek pain through failure, it will arise. And when it does, it will be okay. In fact, it will teach us things we could never learn elsewhere: patience and perseverance for example.
7. We forgive. If our pain is partly a result of someone else’s failures, we find freedom in forgiveness.
8. We turn to others. Nobody successfully navigates life alone. When the hope inside us begins to fade, we look for it in others. We turn to family. If family is not available, we turn to friends. And if friends are not available, we look for intentional communities around us to find support.
9. And then, we share our stories. It may not happen right away—some failures take longer to process than others. But eventually, we find opportunity to share our story. When we do, we share it with honesty and humility. Through it, we discover opportunity to provide hope, strength, and encouragement to others. We find influence for good. And we begin to make sense of our failings.
Failure is never the end. It is instead, a necessary part of the journey. May we keep hope alive. And find redemption through it.
Tom Jones says
I have failed in my career as a public school teacher. It has taken me 5 full years of negative thoughts and overwhelming stress to realize this. My father is a very controlling and intimidating, yet kind and loving person who mentally and emotionally forced me into this career. I have only recently acknowledged that I am in control of my destiny and have made the decision to quit this career in pursuit of something better suited to my personality. It is a difficult time because my wife and i wish to have a child and as we all know, money is necessary. She has a stable job which she loves, but it doesnt pay enough for the two of us, let alone with a child. I am confident in my abilities and my personality to overcome this failure, however. We are intending and have taken small steps to move toward a minimalist lifestyle and I have a former job that I loved in a daycare center that my old boss said i can return to. Your blog is very inspiring as are all the comments here. Thank you.
Mina Derafshzan says
Thank you so much for the tips ! I’ve had disappointment since I can remember! Whenever I fail i get stopped and make more failures ! but i wanna read this txt every single day so it sticks in my mind that failure is not an odd thing! but it’s something that necessarily happens to every living person
Ravindra Kumar Srivastava says
Yesterday evening I attended an interview which has gone so so., Some of the answer I knew, I could not answer properly. Since then I have a feeling of failure. Generally I am a positive attitude person, but I don’t know why I am depressed. I have gone through the article, It will help me yo overcome . Thank you
Amit says
Nicely written stuff to accept the failure and keep on trying to overcome it. Thanks Joshua!!!
Maria says
Absolutely amazing reading with wonderful comments from wonderful people.
Robin jane says
thank you so much,so inspiring,
now I know that I am not alone in this world facing failures in life.
when I read this article I cant help it,but my tears falling and it ease what I feel. I felt like some one comfort me.
Thank so very very much!
Robin
Elias says
Now I’m motivated.
Olá, estou muito motivado depois de ler esse artigo.
Obrigado.
Doug says
Refreshing and inspiring…
Adrian says
very good advice to follow thanks
Joy says
everybody in my class passed their final exams except me now I have to write it again next year…feel like ending my life
Tom Jones says
Your life is worth so much more than exams. I know tjat I dont know you, but we are all beings living on this Earth together. Unfortunately we live in a society that places unreasonable expectations on people and usually only values production, and not intuition or ideas. But realizing this and knowing we are not alone in not accepting the status quo can help everyone who shares these feelings to move forward together. You are not a failure. Let yourself be and you will find your passion in life. If you have already found it, pursue it with all your energy. I too have felt the way you feel now, it will pass and you will be stronger.